Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→Childhood/teenage sexual abuse???
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Anonymous.
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August 6, 2017 at 2:23 am #162456
SamuParticipantAT PRESENT, GOING THROUGH THIRD-DEGREE, SEVERE SELF-SABOTAGE.
I am 44. I don’t know.. at least I don’t remember, but I have ‘symptoms’ that I have read in newspaper and internet and ‘find’ them to be SAME to those which one has if he or she undergoes childhood sexual abuse/assault or childhood/early teenage trauma or shock. I suspect childhood sexual abuse or childhood sexual assault, but I have no proof.. may be it is escapism, too.. I don’t know. I have been on medication for 20 years. I am SUPER ESCAPIST and escaped my ‘life’. I am SUPER NEGATIVE, have feeling of HOPELESSNESS, CAN’T IMAGINE MYSELF TO BE HEALED/CURED AND REMAIN SO FOREVER, CAN’T IMAGINE ANYTHING GOOD FOR ME, CAN’T BE POSITIVE, THINK IT IMPOSSIBLE TO BE HEALED/CURED AND REMAIN SO FOREVER, may be fear reality, world, life..
I WAIT FOR PROBLEMS, TORTURE, SUFFERING, HELL FOR MYSELF. I GRAVITATE, ATTRACT, DRAW PROBLEMS, TORTURE, SUFFERING, HELL TOWARDS MYSELF.
August 6, 2017 at 5:23 am #162474
AnonymousGuestDear Samu:
You wrote that you suffer from symptoms that fit those listed online for sufferers of childhood sexual abuse or assault or early teenage trauma or shock. You escape your life, very negative, hopeless, can’t imagine yourself cured and remaining cured.
You expect problems and suffering. You wrote that you “attract, draw problems, torture, suffering, hell toward (yourself)” – how do you do that, attract and draw suffering toward yourself?
anita
August 6, 2017 at 9:02 am #162502SamuParticipantDear Anita,
I face almost non-stop (continuous) psychological problems. When one problem ends, I get disturbed by another (the NON-ISSUES or small problems). I create the UGLY out of even the BEST situation. I am in DISTRESS when there is NOTHING (as per my very supportive family). It could be anything – like if somebody tells me even something mild, I make it such a huge issue, start getting TORTURED and even think of HARMING THEM OR MYSELF. I also TORTURE my family by seeking their non-stop advice on the topic. So, I “CREATE” problems when there are NONE.. when everything is so fine. All this means I am sabotaging my and my family.
August 6, 2017 at 9:26 am #162506AnonymousGuestDear Samu:
There is an issue, a real issue that is trying to get your attention by placing itself in all those non-issues that bother you. There is something that inserts itself into what you think is nothing. There is a problem when everything seems so fine. I don’t think you are imagining an issue, a something, a problem.
It may not be in a childhood sexual abuse or assault that you don’t remember happening. A scared and alone child is a tortured child. We tend to think there must have been something in our childhood, something comparable to a horror film event, to explain our troubles, when in reality, it doesn’t take horror film events to trouble a child greatly, to create issues to greatly disturb the child way into adulthood. All it takes is being scared and alone for too long.
anita
August 6, 2017 at 11:38 am #162538SamuParticipantDear Anita,
JUST FOR INFORMATION – sexual abuse/sexual assault is different in case of boys.. male-male sexual abuse/sexual assault is entirely/totally different from male-female sexual abuse/sexual assault
August 6, 2017 at 11:03 pm #162606SamuParticipantBtw, m male
August 7, 2017 at 12:05 am #162610SamuParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you. I am delighted! You are right. Movies are on my mind. Others say this too. Please let me know the solution.. what should I do, how etc.
August 7, 2017 at 7:36 am #162650AnonymousGuestDear Samu:
In your original post you wrote: “I have ‘symptoms’”- would you like to share what these symptoms are?
You wrote that you are a super escapist- how did/ do you escape?
And if you’d like, you are welcome to share about your childhood experience and any past experience you think can be relevant to “the solution” (a quote from your last post) that you are looking for.
anita
August 7, 2017 at 11:31 pm #162778SamuParticipantDear Anita,
Symptoms like – SOMEHOW WANTING TO LIVE WITH PROBLEMS, PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE, HELL, SUFFERING – IN FACT, CREATING PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS FOR MYSELF EVEN WHEN THERE ARE NONE, Escapism, ESCAPING EVEN IF IT MEANS SELF-HARM OR ANYTHING WORSE – not able to face reality AT ANY COST, fear of facing reality or the world or life, fearful and nervous personality at all times, i used to stammer hugely earlier, i want to live in a ‘shell’ or safe or secure or free of problems, super negative, i have circular thinking, i do not want to be healed from somewhere deep inside, ABOVE ALL, IT IS NOT GOING EVEN AFTER DECADES, i can’t imagine or accept anything good such as even good luck!!!, i think it impossible to be healed, i think it impossible to remain healed in future, i cannot believe that i can be okay. i am always on the search for the root cause. i can’t believe in my own good luck!!
i think i have some hidden or deep-rooted or deep-seated problem, i can’t get to the root of the problem
how did/ do you escape
skipped career, social life, duties, responsibilities, life’s daily routine work and life’s other essential things for 20 years
childhood experience
none in my memory. family tells i lost my grandfather when i was may be 5-7 years old. i was hugely, immensely attached to him.. he was attached to me hugely as well.
lastly, i was bullied VERY BADLY for 2 years when in class 7 and 8 but no sex angle to it
August 7, 2017 at 11:40 pm #162784SamuParticipanthow can i heal the subconscious? btw, i am addicted to watching mmf bisex on the net (don’t know why and link it to some unknown thing in childhood or the past).
PLEASE HEAL ME NOW NOW NOW!!!…
August 8, 2017 at 8:10 am #162832AnonymousGuestDear Samu:
Regarding your last sentence: please heal me now..!-
I have no such power, no power whatsoever to heal you. Besides, you wrote: “i think it impossible to be healed”- as long as you believe it is impossible for you to heal, you are not likely to attempt healing yourself.
You expressed living fearfully, anxious for decades, avoiding life challenges like career and social life, and wanting to “live in a ‘shell’ or safe or secure or free of problems”-
I can relate to wanting to live in a shell, safe and secure, free from problems. The very thought of it brings a smile to my face. I wish that was possible.
You wrote that you “can’t get to the root of the problem”. That is so probably because you are in “fear of facing reality”. It will be helpful to you if you are able to face reality, just a bit at a time.
anita
August 8, 2017 at 8:11 am #162836AnonymousGuest* didn’t submit correctly…
August 8, 2017 at 10:58 am #162876SamuParticipantI AM SO HAPPY!
August 8, 2017 at 11:00 am #162878SamuParticipant.. happy with your reply.
August 8, 2017 at 11:01 am #162880SamuParticipantCouldn’t understand – “didn’t submit correctly…”
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