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  • July 31, 2017 at 10:32 am #161328
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi guys! A small, light thing I would like your advice on!

    How can I tell if I am forcing a friendship with people?

    I have in the past done that. So now, i try not to come on too strong.

    At the same time, I have also in the past missed signals from people I was intimidated by who wanted to spend time with me, because I did not feel good enough to be friends with them. So now I also try to actively express interest in people I like.

    How much is enough, how much is too much?

    What do you guys think?

     

    July 31, 2017 at 11:31 am #161348
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    I think that what is not enough for one may be enough for another; what is too much for one is … not enough for another. In other words, watch for the responses of an individual, ask if you think you may get an honest answer, ask in a way that is likely to get an honest answer. It is all about the interaction between two individuals and the meeting of their two, individual minds.

    anita

    July 31, 2017 at 11:47 am #161354
    Free Moon
    Participant

    Hi, @greenshade!

    How did you come on too strong in the past? Was it a personal realization or was someone honest with you about it?

    It might be difficult to gauge what is enough and what is too much, which might also depend on what kind of people you’re trying to have genuine relationships with. There have been times where I think to myself, “Do my friends actually like me or are they just tolerating me?” Eventually, I came to realize how I acted when I’m with them and how they are with me. We’re happy in each other’s presence and we find ourselves missing each other’s company. We love each other because we love how unique each of us are and we grow together.

    As cliché as it sounds, just be yourself, but also, be aware with how you present yourself to other people. It’s just like slowly stepping into water; you want to adjust yourself with the water’s temperature until you’re comfortable swimming in it.

    Best regards,

    Free Moon

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Free Moon.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Free Moon.
    August 2, 2017 at 6:40 am #161690
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi Anita and Free Moon! Thanks for your replies.

    ” In other words, watch for the responses of an individual..” I do struggle with this, because I interpret a lot of signals as negative that are neutral.

    “ask if you think you may get an honest answer, ask in a way that is likely to get an honest answer ask if you think you may get an honest answer, ask in a way that is likely to get an honest answer” I do think an honest answer is likely in this case, so I will try asking.

    “How did you come on too strong in the past? Was it a personal realization or was someone honest with you about it?”

    It was a bit of both. People I thought were my friends were just tolerating me, and let me know at first subtly and then so clearly it couldn’t be missed (being mean, making plans not inviting me and making sure I knew)

    “It’s just like slowly stepping into water; you want to adjust yourself with the water’s temperature until you’re comfortable swimming in it.”

    That’s such a beautiful analogy Free Moon!

    I don’t know. Social interactions can be so confusing and overwhelming. I guess the thing to do is keep at it and be mindful.

    Lov,

    m

    August 2, 2017 at 7:02 am #161694
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    I don’t think I am good at interpreting signals either, this is why I ask for words, and when words are vague, I ask for the meaning in what a person said, ask if I understood correctly.

    “keep at it and be mindful”- I like that.

    anita

    August 3, 2017 at 12:06 pm #161942
    Free Moon
    Participant

    @greenshade,

    Have you communicated your observation to those “friends”? If you have and they continued to purposely leave you out in their plans, then you know those are the kind of people you don’t want to associate yourself with. The fact that they’re making sure to let you know you’re not invited in their every rendezvous is a form of bullying, I would say.

    I have no doubt that you are likeable, and you are attracting / will attract people who have the same energy as you do. You’re already working hard at making genuine friendships with these people, so that’s definitely admirable.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Free Moon.
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