Hi Simone,

Maybe I might be misinterpreting your post, but it said that thing started off as both of you “starting out as friends”, and he quickly became the center of your universe, and things got very “intense”..however, you did not describe any kind of commited relationship with him. It sounded more like you were very infatuated with him, and that you “made him the center of your universe” which comes across as co-depency, because we can only love ourselves and our ourselves and love ourselves first. Putting someone “as your life” and “world” smothers that person.

Men like women who are their own person, happy, so not need a man to complete them or “make them happy” they don’t like intensity or neediness/clingyness. They want a woman who has outside interests, such as hobbies, male and female friends, goals, dreams, passions, maybe volunteer work, church, a book club, etc. They don’t want to be your “everything”.

It sounded like things went a little too quickly and intensely for him, which may have been the reason why he started seeing the other woman. You talked about “should you forgive him” but did you have a commited relationship in the first place?

Dear Simone:

For a few months he was in -between, reads to me, in between his infatuation for you and his new relationship.

You had three periods of time when during the relationship with him:

1. You told him you are friends only because you had a serious boyfriend.

2. You tried to communicate to him that you are interested to explore a more-than-friends relationship but from your share, I think your communication was not clear and he may not have known at all that you changed your attitude.

3. You finally told him your feelings and he told you that he is involved with the other woman.

Question: I understand that you are no longer in relationship with the serious boyfriend you had. Did that relationship end before #2 above and did you tell this man that you were no  longer involved in that relationship?

anita