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AT A LOSS FOR HELPING A FRIEND

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  • July 29, 2017 at 5:53 am #160886
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Pearce:

    I would tell the friend to not marry her and to end the relationship, that her my-way-or-the-highway relationship MO is incongruent with a healthy, loving relationship.

    If he chooses to continue the relationship and even to marry her, he will be losing the right- as far as I can see- to complain to you about her MO.

    I hope he does the right thing for himself.

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 7:00 am #160898
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Anita thank you for your advice. After searching every corner of my mind to find something helpful for my long time friend, I am going to offer your advice. Her her my-way-or-the-highway way of “managing”their relationship has gotten worse not only trough the years, but just about on a every 3 month basis. I recalled, very recently, telling him that her personality is dominated by a controlling, manipulative behavior. It wasn’t this way in the beginning, at least that anyone could see. Perhaps it was some demon that had been caged waiting to be released. She has gone so far as to tell him to see his friends, myself included, when it is convenient for her, such as a day of shopping. I shall talk with him today and hopefully light that candle in that dark room of which he lives. I’ll let you know what happens. If you wish to know.

    Enjoy a day of happiness

    Pearce

     

    July 29, 2017 at 7:37 am #160910
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Pearce:

    I doubt it’s been a caged demon. Maybe she presented a bit of her-way and he submitted to that bit of her-way, then she presented more of her-way and he submitted yet again. Feeling more comfortable, she presented more and more of her-way and he gave in.  I can see how it is working for her, her payoff: she gets her way.

    Question is, how is it working for him? For any behavior that seems self defeating, there is a payoff to the person doing it. Somehow, your friend finds… comfort (?) in submitting to her.

    Yes, I do wish to know what happens.

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 8:25 am #160920
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Anita,

    Update…hot off the press. WE INTERRUPT TINY BUDDHA TO BRING YOU THIS IS BREAKING NEWS… I called my buddy, Ian. He picked up the phone and said “hello.” I said “Ian, it’s Pearce.” The first things out of his mouth were, “Pearce I broke up with her and I feel so happy!” I felt like saying, “Thank Anita.” but I didn’t 🙂

    He said he should have done it a long time ago but didn’t know why he didn’t. I offered to into just keep looking forward, that is where you see good things coming. It was hard for me to watch my buddy of many years put up with that. But I couldn’t say anything until now. Thank you for your help Anita. Much gratitude to you as always.

    Pearce

    July 29, 2017 at 8:36 am #160926
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Pearce:

    You are welcome, although I doubt I had anything to do with your friend’s good decision. Now it is time to be there for him more than before, to offer him to talk to you anytime he needs to. He made a good choice, but he will have to maintain it, the ending of the relationship. Following his initial happiness, he may yet experience a down time, a longing… depending on the payoff I mentioned and how lonely he may feel without a relationship.

    As I wrote to you a few moments ago on the other thread, it is delightful to get a feel of excited and elated Pearce!

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 8:40 am #160930
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Anita..it is true..Life Is Good

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