Home→Forums→Tough Times→What to do when it feels like all the doors are shut???
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Eliana.
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July 18, 2017 at 9:27 am #158788
AnonymousInactiveHey all,
I haven’t written here for a while. But not much has changed, though.
For a recap, more than two years ago I was living with an ex-, lost the job, got another one back in my hometown, moved, relationship ended in bad terms with me mentally sick. Fast forward one year later, I meet a guy in a trip and we start a relationship. But he lives in another continent, literally.
In parallel, I’ve been working in a job in which my boss is abusive and the environment is far from healthy, I’ve been trying other jobs but nothing works out.
I have also been applying to PhD’s abroad because that was an old dream – and now especially to be close to my bf in Europe. But nothing worked out either.
So this is life right now. Everything I try, jobs, or application for PhDs, doesn’t work. I’m deeply in love with this guy who lives far away, we want to be together, but we are having a hard time picturing how we can do this. He doesn’t have a job right now and his health is in a bad situation. We want to be together but we are in so much pain that the future is not so bright.
I’ve been working really hard to try to accomplish all these things, but I’m stuck, nothing moves forward, no matter how positive I’m thinking, dreaming, writing down my dreams, etc.
I had been very upbeat so far, but now I’ve come to a point in which I’m very unhappy. And three weeks ago I had an amazing time with my bf, which made us even sadder with the lack of perspectives of being together.
I just need a change, something moving forward, I don’t know. If anyone can shed some light I’ll be grateful, cause I’m having a rough time trying to do something about my life.
C.
July 18, 2017 at 10:33 am #158814AnonymousGuestDear cath:
Welcome back! It’s been a long while. I am glad you had amazing time with your boyfriend recently and hope you will find a way to live together. Your PhD applications still being rejected? I wonder if it is wise perhaps to give up this dream. Sometimes it is the right time to give up certain dreams so to pursue better plans.
Are you still living with your father? I remember your parents were getting separated or divorced at the same time of your breakup with your ex. I remember the relationships with both your parents not being healthy for you. Any news on that front?
anita
July 18, 2017 at 1:02 pm #158828AnonymousInactiveHi Anita! Thank you for your reply.
My relationship with my parents has improved. It has its ups and downs, but I’ve set some boundaries and it’s been better.
July 18, 2017 at 2:58 pm #158866AnonymousInactiveAlso, another addition, I was prescribed clonazepam for a year due to anxiety/panic. I’m practically off it but I feel anxiety and panic are slowly coming back again 🙁
July 19, 2017 at 5:45 am #158932AnonymousGuestDear cath:
You are welcome. Setting boundaries with anyone is a good thing. Sometimes no contact with a person is the boundary required for one’s mental well-being.
I was on clonazepam too, for 17 years or so (about 4 mg per day). How much and how long have you been off it?
anita
July 19, 2017 at 6:53 am #158944
ElianaParticipantHi Cath,
I’m sorry to hear what you are going through, and can definitely relate. I too met a man from a different continent (Middle East). I fell head over heels for him. He said he wanted to move to United States as he has lost his job as a chef at a 5 star restaurant. I invested so much time with this man..but he kept saying “it’s just a dream, I will never get out of Iraq”. I kept trying to get him in Culinary schools, even offered to help with his resume, wrote to several restaurants here in U.S to try to get him a scholarship and a job. I think there was one resort that does hire people from different countries, but he never really tried, because he didn’t think He could speak English well enough. He even applied for immigration for Canada and got turned down.
I had to walk away in September, because he started to become very distant from me, and stopped trying and put no effort anymore into us. I still think about him to this day. I don’t know why. I wish I could stop.
I too am on Klonopin for anxiety and panic attacks, as well as Busphar. I know you can’t go off of it “cold turkey” as it can be dangerous, and have nasty withdrawal symptoms with severe “rebound” anxiety. I think you have to be tapered off of it slowly. But if you suffer from Chronic anxiety, and only take it as prescribed, I don’t see any problem with taking it long term. I have been on it for 8 years. Busphar for two years.
I went to the store and bought some “probiotic” yogurt..the one with live cultures and strains in it. Since, I have been eating it, I noticed a significant improvement in my anxiety. I don’t get anxious about that guy or other things, and I feel alot more relaxed, sleep better, and my mood has become better.
July 19, 2017 at 7:10 am #158956AnonymousInactiveHi Eliana,thank you for your reply!
I was tapering off Klonopin – it took me quite a few months to do so. Overall I need to try to manage these anxiety ”threats” with lots of yoga and meditation and exercising. Thanks for the heads up about probiotics as well, i’ll make sure I add that to my days.
Regarding your story with the middle eastern man, thank you for sharing! I think if I don’t try anything concrete to be with my guy, I’ll be regretting for a very long time. I’ve been thinking of every available alternative and I will tell him as soon as I have them more organized in my mind. So let’s see. Sometimes I don’t feel he is quite open because of his health situation, but I truly hope he opens his heart to this.
July 19, 2017 at 7:43 am #158970ElianaParticipantYou’re welcome, Cath, please post anytime..
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