- This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by
LifeInsideJack.
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July 12, 2017 at 2:09 pm #157774
apples333ParticipantHi,
I’ve been having this problem for a few years now. I loved my college town but I was ready to leave when I graduated. It was small with a lot of character and made me feel alive. After college, I moved home to my hometown and felt extremely boxed in and bored. The next step I took was to move to a far away to a big hipster city. It was amazing and felt great to be on a new adventure but I was lonely, missed my family and constantly worried about where I was going to be in three years. I’ve always had a hard time making friends and fully trusting people and I couldn’t get over the idea of loosing all of my close friends and becoming so out of touch with my family that I rushed back to my hometown area. I knew I was somewhat being a poser in that new city and didn’t really have a purpose to be there. I love my family to death but they are somewhat boring and stuck in their ways. Now I live about an hour away from my family with my best friends in a new place. It is somewhat of a new city but still feels like the same old same old. I just feel like I don’t have too many options. I’m young and my job doesn’t make me feel great all the time.
I need help getting over this constant battle I have of wishing I would have stayed in that far away hipster city and giving it a few years but also wishing I could just be happy surrounded by the people who love me. I think I worried too much of what I was going to loose and didn’t see myself replacing those people. Now, I’m far enough away from my family that I should feel free. I love visiting them and coming home to my parents and truly being myself but I also want independence and adventure. My sister and I both have this omnipresent feeling of “unsatisfaction” in our jobs, relationships and living places. We both need to work on it!
I feel like once I find my husband I will feel excited to move somewhere brand new with him because he will be all I need. My friends are very happy here and never want to move and I can’t help but feel a little bored, unsatisfied and like I’m wasting my life. But then when I moved on my own to a new interesting city, I also felt this way. I think it’s my mental game. I want to try and help myself before I get on the highway and drive off to some random city without a job or a friend. Yes, I want adventure and a new place (one day) but I also want to see my mom once a month and live close to my best friends.
Should I travel more to really see how lucky I am? Or just to feel a little bit of adventure? Please any advice you have on this subject is helpful! 🙂
July 12, 2017 at 9:55 pm #157848
Dawn RParticipantHi Apples,
It sounds like you’re feeling restless. As someone who moved around a lot my whole life, I understand what it feels like to feel more “at home” in some places than others (for instance, some people prefer city living vs. suburbs/country living or close to the mountains vs. close to the beach). It seems like you want a balance between the comforts of home and friends vs. a new adventure with a new place and people. It also seems like your job(s) have also been unfulfilling too. Sometimes it’s difficult to decide which is the most important thing to focus on: finding a new job, a new place to live, or being close to family and friends. Luckily, with social media, we’re able to contact (and even see via FaceTime, etc.) the people we care about on a more regular basis. You have to figure out which of those things are the most important to you. Where do you get your energy? Where do you feel like you can become a better version of yourself? Where can you fulfill some of your dreams? In what ways/areas of your life do you want to challenge yourself and grow?
Don’t wait to find a husband to find satisfaction in your life. Even if/when you do find a life partner, he will never be able to meet all of your needs. That’s why having friends, close family members, a fulfilling career, and interesting hobbies/passions in your life will make you a better partner. You have to learn to fill yourself up with the things that make you happy so that you can ADD to someone else’s life and make it more rich. And hopefully, he will be able to do the same for you. The more full and interesting your life is, the more someone else will be interested in you too. It’s not that 2 “halves” make a whole in a relationship. It’s that 2 whole people can create something even better and more magnificent.
No one can ever tell you what to do or where to go or what’s best for you. That’s something that only you can do for yourself by getting quiet and really listening to your intuition/heart/soul. It always speaks to you. You just have to be willing to listen. It will always point you to things that make you feel good. Things that bring you joy. You just have to have the courage to ignore your mind (and/or other people) that tells you what you “should” do and, instead, follow your heart that leads you to where you’re meant to go. And remember, even if you end up not liking a decision you make, you can always make a new one. By learning more about what you don’t want, you become more clear about what you do want. There are always lessons to learn along the way.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
Take Care!
Dawn
July 16, 2017 at 3:05 pm #158410
ElianaParticipantHi Apples333,
I too have felt the same way. I think it comes from my childhood. I was taken away by the courts from my Alcoholic Mother, and my Aunt and Uncle became my legal guardians. My Uncle worked for International Weyerhaeuser. He had to be transferred alot, by the time I was 10 years old I had lived in 4 countries, and six states. My first language was Spanish. My mother was somewhat of a gypsy. She constantly moved. She craved excitement. She was a model, and always has men taking her to glamorous places. I think I got alot of my need for moving around alot and being bored from her, and as a result, from my childhood.
In my twenties, I moved to Sarasota, Florida, to be with my real father. He too, worked for the paper industry, was a very successful Harvard Graduate and owned paper Mills in Jamaica, South Africa, Alicante, Spain, Costa Rica. He also had a beautiful apartment in Manhattan, and a ski Lodge/House in Lake Arrowhead, California. He was always sending me plane tickets so I could see him as we were very close.
I too developed alot of friendships in Florida, I lived there for 12 years, the longest time I had ever lived lived anywhere. My Aunt and Uncle even moved there to be closer to me and my Dad. However, I started to get restless and bored. I went from job to job. Nothing have me purpose. I was always in pursuit of excitement, and it even sabatoge my relationships, when the romance fizzled.
I then moved all the way across the country hoping to find “happiness” in Seattle, Wa. I was happy there for the first two years when everything was new and exciting, but found myself, getting restless and bored again. I could not find anything to make me happy. I too missed my family in Florida.
Then one day, I realized, I was looking in the wrong places for happiness, and I would never find it by moving to different states. You won’t find happiness just be being married and moving to a different state. Being married, is difficult and will not being you happiness. Maybe temporary, but problems set in, and you will find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled again. You see, happiness comes from the inside. You can’t look to outside things for happiness. People who have nice homes or cars are not happy, even celebrities, most of them are not happy. The divorce rate in this country is 50percent. Marriage is not a guarantee for happiness. People who won the lottery have had their lives ruined. You can move and move, it will not being you happiness. You have to bring happiness into yourself, doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Doing things for others as well will provide you purpose and meaning.
July 16, 2017 at 7:29 pm #158440Dawn RParticipantApples333 & Eliana,
You’re right Eliana. Happiness can only come from within. Find your own sense of joy, peace, and happiness through your spirituality/connection to God/Source/The Universe, and your own sense of self-worth and self-love. People can never fill themselves up with possessions or substances or even other people. All of those things are fleeting and can disappear in an instance. Once you’re full on your own, it won’t matter where you live or what you do. You will discover your gifts/talents/purpose, share them with the world, and then everything else will make more sense.
Take Care!
Dawn
July 22, 2017 at 2:41 pm #159630ElianaParticipantHi Apples333,
I was seeing how you are doing? Are you feeling any better? Feel free to post anytime.
July 23, 2017 at 12:48 pm #159750apples333ParticipantHi Eliana,
It’s getting better. I think it mostly comes from me being so eager to figure out everything out in my life quickly. I have a lot of things that aren’t concrete. Yes, I want to travel. Yes, I want to try all these new things. But I need my friends and family right now and that’s more important than the town you live in. I think there will be a time when life naturally takes me to a new place or it will just feel so right that it makes sense. Right now, I’m just trying to create a life so different and exciting probably because I want to feel like I’m living it. When I continue living in the same place and doing the same kinds of things I get bored and frustrated. But I’ll still get into a routine in a new town and become bored with it too. Right now I’m planning a solo travel trip! I have some vacation days and want to go somewhere. It is so hard to work with everyone else’s work schedule and waiting to book the flight makes me anxious that its never going to happen! So I’ve decided that I’ll probably just have to go on my own and keep following whatever interests me.
Thanks for checking in.
July 23, 2017 at 5:22 pm #159774ElianaParticipantHi Apples333,
I’m so excited to hear about your solo trip! There is nothing like it. When I lived in Seattle, I went for a two week vacation to Maui by myself. I invited friends, but everyone has to work, or had boyfriends, or other obligations, so I went alone. I had the time of my life. I went on Blue Hawaiian Helicopters, which the pilot recorded, and I ended up going with a couple and their little girl, and afterward, they took me out to a nice lunch.
I went to this gorgeous hotel that was just built. I ended up meeting the bastketball player (I forgot his name), but he played for the Chicago Bulls, I want to say Rodney? He was somewhat of a goofball and clown, had tatoos and yellow hair, but in person, he’s actually, very sweet and he gave me his autograph. I met him at the Tsunami Nightclub. I went everywhere alone and had a blast. I even dined alone at a floating restaurant, and took a road trip to La Haina, and went to “Cheeseburgers in Paradise, and Hard Rock Cafe, and went snorkeling on a glass bottom boat. Best time of my life. I hope you have a wonderful time too.
July 23, 2017 at 10:23 pm #159804apples333ParticipantSounds like you had the time of your life! I’m excited. I just need to get all my plans together.
Thank you!!!
July 24, 2017 at 5:57 am #159808
MarieParticipantIt’s simply you didn’t get what you want to be but also learn to know that we don’t have a perfect life. what you are know is a result of who you are. Sometimes we need to learn the value of satisfaction.
July 30, 2017 at 10:56 am #161106
LifeInsideJackParticipantMy $0.02
As someone who has been a husband let me encourage you to not wait for one of us. We’re difficult, strange at times and rarely match your perceived plan of how we act, smell and relate to your mother. You be you. You will like that better and it will attract one of us faster. Also, minimize the make up.
Next I will say to you that we found our “home” in an RV that allows us to move about. This winter we will be in SoCal, next summer it will be Alaska. We have owned homes. We have lived near/far from family, we have worked stressful jobs, we have spent days on end wearing flip flops and shorts (I do not own a pair of pants). All of this to end up here with awesome part time jobs we do remotely and happily.
What I want to leave you with is this: no comparisons. Just be yourself. Don’t think of what Should I or What Do Others Expect and just embrace your desires as you find them.
Live. That’s the ticket right there. You sound spunky so maybe google Vanlife or check us out on Instagram, you may find your adventure is closer than you think.
Party On Garth,
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