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Anxiety Issues About Past Loves

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  • July 7, 2017 at 11:11 am #156860
    sparkle00
    Participant
    1. Hi everyone, recently I discovered two ex girlfriends numbers on my partner’s phone.  He said they were old but then he deleted them and then said he did not. After that I found a recent email from a woman who he loved five years ago. He deleted this also. In his email trash were numerous old emails that he sent to this woman and he has kept them for five years. And again he deleted them. I felt uncomfortable that he had lied about deleting the phone numbers and the emails, like he was hiding something. Since then I’m afraid that she will contact him again and I won’t know. This woman did not love him enough to move her life for him but they must be still close as he told her when we started dating. I feel anxious that they will start connecting again and we will be over. I feel like some trust has been lost. I want to control my anxiety but how ? She is opposite to me at least ten years younger and can have children. I feel threatened by this.

     

     

    July 7, 2017 at 3:26 pm #156944
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Flossy73,

    I can understand being concerned, but I don’t think you should be too anxious, as you say these are “old” e-mails that past loves has sent him. He did not return their e-mails or call them (or did you see evidence of this on his phone). If you ever want to check who he has been talking to you can go to instant checkmark for com and type in the phone number to see who he he has been talking to.

    These ex’s might now be married, have boyfriends, etc. Maybe he just considers them friends now. I have ex’s that I am still friends with, but I no longer feel any chemistry with. I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions. It is very difficult to rekindle old flames, especially with the woman from 5 years ago. However, I do feel trust is a major key to a healthy relationship, and I can see where that trust has been broken. He should have not lied to you. Maybe he didn’t want you jumping to conclusions, if he wishes to be friends with these women, or why he chooses to keep old e-mails. I would come straight out and ask him, in a non-accusing way, if he misses them, or why he keeps their e-mails. And that it makes you feel unsure of his true feelings toward you. I’m sure it is probably nothing, but I do agree he should have been honest, but be prepared when he asks why you went through his phone. Keep us posted.

    July 8, 2017 at 9:06 am #157034
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Flossy73:

    If I am correct in my understanding that your partner is not currently communicating with ex girlfriends and hasn’t in the longest time, then I don’t see a realistic cause for you to worry, not from what you shared.

    The fact, as I understand,  that he did not delete old phone numbers and old emails until recently, does not indicate to me anything more than the unwillingness of many men to throw away anything, really. Lots of men keep old clothes from long ago that they do not intend to wear again, old toys, old momentums, trophies, photos, letter (when such were written, before email), and so on.

    anita

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