Dear Busygal:

I hope you will get a good night sleep soon enough, rest and feel refreshed.

This Facebook bully, he is aggressive. When we encounter aggressors and aggression in our lives, we get hurt. It is never a good thing. I don’t recommend being passive and being victimized, of course not. But unless there is a real benefit to confront an aggressor, better not. You “challenged him on some unacceptable behaviour he was engaged in which was affecting others.” and the result; he is still doing his thing and you are losing sleep.

What is done, is done, of course. But thing to note for future reference: sidestep aggressors and avoid unnecessary aggression in our life.

You wrote: “mutual acquaintances of ours keep messaging me with screenshots of things he has said and complaints about things he has done. It’s maddening. It’s stressing me out enormously”- tell those mutual acquaintances to no longer message you about him.

The bully expressed his aggression toward you, injected you with his poison, so to speak, you felt threatened, understandably, scared and responded with surges of adrenaline, preparing your body to Fight the aggressor.

If you could figure out what is the real danger to you, by this aggressor, it could tame your fear, adjust the intensity and duration of your fear to the realistic danger that exists to you.

What is the realistic danger to you, by this bully: an injury/ loss of life? A loss of employment/money? A loss of friends? Figure it out. Post about it next, if you’d like.

anita

Dear Busygal:

You are welcome. I suppose thinking about him is a habit  at this point, “a habit of the mind”, as my former therapist referred to such. You are in the habit of thinking about him and with the thoughts there is anger and distress. So “the tricky part” is how to weaken and stop this habit. If you could notice when you start thinking about him, then disengage, again and again, you will weaken this habit.

I think that this habit is fueled by the danger this man represents for you and your thinking brain trying to neutralize this danger by thinking and thinking of a solution. If you believe there is nothing you can do, at this point, about the situation, and so, there is no solution to be found, then there is no point for more thinking.

Only the thinking is a habit, and so, like any habit, disengage again and again, and be patient with the process because it does take practice through time.

anita