Dear yiewsrey:

The only possible, part solution I can see is, in the example of your exchange with your future sister in law: she asked if she can bring her boyfriend. Before answering with a yes or a no, you could have answered  something like this: good question, I don’t know. For me to answer I need your sincere input, as your feelings are important to me: how would you feel coming to the event with your boyfriend and how would you feel if you couldn’t bring your boyfriend?

Basically, before making choices that involve them, wherever possible, ask gently for their input.

Congratulations for your upcoming wedding. Good you and your future husband are both straight forward!

anita