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In shock – Literally

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  • May 22, 2017 at 8:30 am #150276
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kennisha:

    You brought up multiple issues: severe depression, PTSD, anxiety and the help you are getting for these things, a boyfriend who is currently withdrawn from you, a desire you have to explore potential relationships with other men, loving others more than yourself, being disconnected from a sense of yourself outside your current relationship.

    You asked a few questions (which I am not able to suggest any answer at this point). Following the questions you stated that all you ever wanted was to be okay.

    I have a couple of questions for you that I hope you are able to answer (maybe following I will have a suggestion regarding your questions):

    What did you mean by “loving others more than myself” and by “I’ve become very narcissistic”?

    anita

     

    May 22, 2017 at 10:31 am #150286
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    What I meant by loving others more than myself is that I tend to put others before me. I don’t practice self love and self care because I find it hard to believe there’s any worth there at all. The little worth that I have found, I put mostly into my looks and attitude which is why I say I’ve become narcissistic. It wasn’t my intention to become vain but I wanted to feel good about myself and I guess I overdid it. It’s not fun, I’m constantly reminding myself that not everything is about me but sometimes I slip up.

    May 22, 2017 at 11:24 am #150290
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kennisha:

    You wrote that you invest in your looks and find some worth in it, in your looks, as well as in your attitude, but not otherwise.

    You asked:

    “What do I have to offer myself?”- empathy for yourself.

    Place yourself before others and then see to it that your interactions with others are of the Win-Win type.

    I didn’t understand the title of your thread: “In shock- Literally”- if it is about your boyfriend withdrawing from you, he has withdrawn before, as a pattern, I understand. What is the shock about?

    anita

    May 22, 2017 at 11:33 am #150292
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I titled the thread “In shock – literally” because at the moment I did go into shock. My boyfriend withdrawing does happen often but I sat down and spoke with my sisters on the issue and they opened my eyes to some things. I enable his disrespectful  behavior because I’m so tolerant and I also didn’t question him withdrawing since I wanted a break for quite some time… It had me thinking about the boundaries I don’t have in my current relationship and for myself and that’s when I realized that I’d built an identity out of my relationship. Without him I am still someone, I’m just very disconnected to her. I was shocked at how far I’d thought I’d come in my journey just to find out I was “growing” on all the wrong pretenses. I tried to find my worth in a man, I tried to find confidence in appearances alone, I tried to basically create a foundation for my life that had nothing to do with me. I was extremely upset with myself, so much so I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve never felt this unbalanced before and I’m not sure how to bounce back.

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