Hi guys,
Thank you for taking the time to help, I appreciate it & I will keep it short.
5 years ago I met a guy while i was in high school. I felt attraction to him, although gradually I started to feel used of sex.
We would only hook up late at night. He never invited me out, never communicated about anything other than sex.
This went on for years then one day he asked me to be his gf…but 3 months from the day he was asking.
I knew something was up..found out he had a girlfriend the entire time we were hooking up and he was asking me to be his girlfriend the day he was moving away for college, thus, breaking up with her.
First real heartbreak, cried for ages. I decide to move on and focus on myself.
Years later, we are still connected via social media and we start again with the sexual attraction.
Still no intimacy or friendship. We hook up if we happen to be in the same city, etc.
He is like the pinnacle example of the guy I want to marry. ( physically, his background, seems like he has big heart). I feel inspired around him and I’ve never been SO attracted to a guy. His energy, looks, presence. I have never been able to get over this guy.
Some months ago, I decide to fly to see him. I figure ok I feel this insane heart connection to him it must be something.
The entire trip I expected more romance but it’s like he didnt even care that I was there. Was always gone with his friends, we had no intimate hangouts, it was all with his friends.
I leave, feeling unsatisfied. Feeling unwanted.
I tell him this and he says “I miss you. I don’t only see you as a sexual buddy, i let you stay with me the entire week”
Day after he likes his ex IG photo of her in lingerie and comments googly eyes.
So I think ok theres my sign, you are just his sexual buddy and he’s still interested in other women.
He constantly likes girls in sexually suggestive photos.
I block him. I take him off all my social media. I try to move on.

Some days ago, I started to feel a deep heart connection again to him(lets call him A). Like we have a chord of energy between us. I try to speak to A energetically, calling him back into my life to try again. The next day, I meet someone who looks exactly like him and I am attracted to him (it can’t go anywhere this man is married) . The next day, A refollows me on instagram. I follow him back. The next day, this guy who has been in love with me for 5 years asks me to hangout. I finally say yes. This guy is absolutely everything i’d want in a guy(as far as being emotionally expressive, all about me, easy flow conversation, actually takes me out to dinner), aside from his appearance. I just don’t feel attracted to him. I want to feel the strength of attraction I feel for A.

Today, I see A like a girls photo who is obsessed with him and they have history together. I see he’s been liking most of her photos. I get pissed. I am insecure in general and have fear that i’m being used, that people will leave, that im not good enough(why has he never wanted to dat me), and that i’ll be hurt. I text him in anger asking what he wanst from me. He’s vague as he always is and says “I just want to talk to you. If we were in the same state i’d date you, but were not and I just want to keep up”

So back to instagram. I see him like all these photos of other women. Due to my insecurity, it cripples my day to see this and I think things like “I can be that beautiful too!” “Is she more of his type” “Should I take more photos like this” It’s not a healthy thought process and I know its not his fault, he is just triggering my insecurities.

Anyway, I feel like he’s also being selfish wanting to “keep up” yet not pursue a relationship. The other guy who has been in love with me for 5 years, was willing to fly me out to see him. He shows genuine effort, something A has never shown(I wonder if they jus have different personalities). If A just wants to keep me on the sidelines I would rather block him again and just live my life. And if we happen to live in the same area, then we can pursue something. But wanting to “keep up” with me requires a little more intimacy like a “hey how have you been” not a like on a photo of my a*s.

I want a man who knows what he wants and its me. With conviction. Who expresses his feelings. Who pursues me with passion. A is the complete opposite. He is a college frat boy, and i’ve always been way more mature than my peers.

Should I block him and forget about him and believe if we’re meant to be, we will be brought together at the right time?

I don’t want my days being plagued by insecurity of seeing his photos/him liking other girls

Please help, and thanks