Dear Liv:

It was wrong of you to take your anger out on him (“I took it out on him, saying maybe its best you don’t come over..”)-

It was okay for you to feel angry. It is always okay for you to feel whatever it is that you feel because our feelings are automatic mental events that just happen; we don’t choose our feelings. On the other hand, behaviors “just happen” only when we don’t pay attention and do not practice reasonable self control and our option to choose.

When you felt angry, you could have taken a moment to calm yourself, to think what to say or do- if anything. Then you could have asked him gently (not in an accusatory way), why did he not do the work earlier in the day. Maybe his explanation would have satisfied you and would have calmed your anger.

Seems like you didn’t ask and reacted aggressively toward him.

You wrote: “He is really upset so upset he keeps bringing up past things that make him mad and angry”- no wonder he brings up past things, after all, the last thing happened only three days ago. Because such behavior on your part happened repeatedly in the past, happened three days ago, it is likely to happen again and again. He doesn’t want to live like this, is my understanding.

Let me know what you think before I proceed.

anita

Huh, for once I don’t know what to tell you. Though I can tell you that on-and-off relationships in general, already have a bad ingredient >.>

It’s not wrong to take it out on him, but it is wrong that you didn’t look for an alternative of saying it. If you take it out on him all the time though that’s a big “NO” on your part however >.> losing your temper once is fine, but all the time nuh-uh. Though I also completely agree with Anita that taking your anger out on anyone at all in itself is already a wrong thing. Thing is, I’m a hothead irl so my opinion would differ slightly.

Seems Anita already deducted the on and off’s might be due to you scaring him away because of all the outbursts, following that train of thought if he saw someone else yet is still coming back to you it must mean he really sees a future in you two together too 🙂 and for that I’m happy for you <3

However..
You really got to work on keeping that anger down when you burst out with a comment that could hurt him, like Anita said .. well Anita said everything have to do then ;P

It would do you good to remember that anger ALWAYS has consequences, especially repeated anger.

And last but not least your daily rule of thumb: “A relationship is only as good as you make it.”

Hope this helps you