Hi Helleia,

You’re not alone in your thought process about shared goals vs shared interests.

In my opinion, it’s probably more important being able to find those special, significant friends with shared goals. I think the relationship lasts longer, and I guess you use those shared goals to motivate you to reaching your goals. People can change interests easily.

Have you tried out any personality quizzes to identify the type of person you are like? I did those a few years back to identify with who I was, mainly because while I generally got on well with people and I have good friends, I don’t have the ‘special friend’ that you’ve questioned in your post. I’d like to find a friend like that too, and I guess the search may be like finding a diamond amidst the glass, so my focus right now is continuously working on improving myself. And your special friend could just be yourself.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your goals – we all want to be comfortable in our own skins, wanting to be accepted for who we are (you may notice this when friends say,”Don’t judge, but I did X.”). Finding your niche, to me, is like finding a job you love that isn’t considered work. (I’m trying to find my niche too.)

The people who stand out could be extroverts. You may be more introverted (?), and that’s okay too.

Hana

Its funny that personality tests came up because when I read the OP the first thing I thought was that those sound like very INTP problems. That is because I am an INTP personality type and I identify with everything said and have heard other INTPs online complain about the same things. That doesnt mean the OP is INTP of course but looking into personality types can be very valuable to help understand why you are the way you are and how different people see the world differently.