Dear dreaming715:

He is uncomfortable, just like he said he was. And I am sure there is a valid reason for his discomfort with saying I-love-you at random times and otherwise flirting and talking about past relationships, and so forth.

I don’t know the reason, but here is a wild guess to explain my point:

let’s say his mother was a bit emotionally incestuous with him, trying to make up for her loneliness, for the lack of intimacy with her husband by getting inappropriately close with her son (your boyfriend). Let’s say she told him I-love-you a whole lot and demanded that he tells her that he loves her too. Let’s say he forced himself to say it but felt great distress saying it. Let’s say she inappropriately flirted with him, in subtle ways. Let’s say she proceeded to tell him intimate details about her relationship with his father. And he hated it.

Then you come along and he has these strong neuropathways. He is definitely motivated- as do all animals- to avoid distress and so he doesn’t say I-love-you randomly, he doesn’t flirt, he doesn’t talk about past relationships.

Can’t blame him…

anita

Dear dreaming715:

There really should be a compromise on both sides, that is, some intimae communication that will be adequate for you and tolerable (not too distressing) for him.

Of course, if you want an emotionally expressive guy who will shower you with I-love-yous, he is not the one. But be prepared for the possibility that if you left him and found that expressive guy, that the expressive guy would be too expressive for you, smothering perhaps. A possibility.

anita