Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Life question
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 7 months ago by norit.
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March 24, 2017 at 8:21 am #141483HarryParticipant
I am at a point where I just don’t want to live. I feel alone. I haven’t seen my family in a long time, and phone conversations don’t help. I have hearing loss, and feel I cannot connect with people. I can hardly hear people, and when I can, I cannot connect to them at a superficial level, it’s like I don’t know how make a conversation. I feel I don’t have the strength to live my life through these struggles. I am tired of life. I crave social connection, then I wonder what’s the point of it. I stay inside my head, a lot. People around me smile, and have a better life and experiences than me. I just hate the way life’s is. I just don’t even have the strength to improve it, I am mentally exhausted. I sometimes wish I was never born. Everything feels useless and mundane. I am tired of reading and hearing how to improve my life. I feel like I am caged in a body which can’t hear the world. The world goes on, but I just hate my life.
March 24, 2017 at 8:49 am #141489AnonymousGuestDear Harry:
Welcome back to the Forums. You wrote that you feel alone, that you haven’t seen your family for a long time and that phone conversations with them don’t make you feel less alone. This reminds me of the long car drive you had late last year, with your mother and was it a sister…? And how alone you felt in their presence. You wrote at the time that they gossip a lot. And there wasn’t meaningful conversation with you.
You wrote here, again, about your hearing loss and how troubled you are by it. My share, for a different perspective on hearing and distress: for many, many years (and still at times) I have been greatly troubled by my perfect hearing and wished I didn’t hear well. I was so troubled by too-much noise, loud undesirable sounds, neighbors, traffic… and still I am alarmed by loud noises.
No wonder living is exhausting for you, Harry, as you think and ruminate and live “in your head” so very much. Need to take the elevator (figuratively) down from your head to the body so to get a break from that ongoing, excessive rumination. Also, connecting with another is most important to you, not on a superficial way (like during that long car drive), but on a deep leve.
anita
March 26, 2017 at 2:58 pm #142221noritParticipantHi Harry,
I’m glad to see you posting again, although am sad to see you’re feeling so unhappy right now.
I struggle to have conversations in person as well, and don’t feel like I’m good at making conversation, due to anxiety. Please forgive my ignorance, but is this because you don’t know what to say, or do you know what you’d like to say but struggle purely because of your hearing?
I wondered if you talk to people online much, aside from here? Talking online has helped overcome some hurdles for me, and build friendships. I’ve made close friends through playing video games and social networking. Thankfully it doesn’t include talking, so I don’t need to worry about the verbal communication side of things. (While I don’t have trouble hearing, my mind goes blank and I can stammer and stuff like that. Typing online helps the conversation flow more naturally.) I wondered if that would benefit you too?
While I know it’ll never replace face-to-face communication, it might help a little.Again, sorry for my ignoranace about anything!
– norit
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