My LDR gf of 2 years dumped exactly 4 months ago. Even viewing it completely soberly after 4 months, the relationship was the best I’ve had, I’ve never connected with a person in the same way before and the good almost always outweighed the bad, even if it meant waiting a couple months. Unlike other relationships I’ve had I was completely sure I was in the right place at the right time. Obviously she didn’t feel the same way though, whenever we saw eachother in person it was perfect but the distance and detachment of being limited to text / skype inevitably killed her feelings.

I’ve forgotten what being with her was like, I can clearly recall the memories we shared together but they just seem abstract. I don’t message her, don’t check her social media, etc, in fact day-to-day I barely even think of her. My identity as a single person rather than a couple seems relatively formed.
But ever since the split I’ve never experienced the same feeling of order in my life I once had. I’m not quite depersonalised, I still feel things below the neck but my spectrum of emotion is limited, I always feel numb and often go through life unconsciously. I carry this weight with me always, doing simple tasks often feels like a chore, I have people in my life that I love but the emotion always feels duller than it used to.

My sleep pattern is also wrecked, generally I sleep well but my sleep phase is delayed and always I struggle to get to bed before 5 AM (I’m seeing a doctor about this in a couple weeks). I feel like I’m carrying this burden with me and I don’t even realise it half the time because it’s only occasionally intrusive but my body seems to remember. It’s almost like I should be thinking about her more and not less.

Even when I achieve things or socialise with others, any elevation I feel is only very brief and then it ends and I’m left with a giant black hole in front of me representing my future.

I just wondered if people had any advice that I hadn’t thought of. Thanks for reading.