Home→Forums→Relationships→Guy says he likes me but wont see me!
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March 11, 2017 at 7:47 pm #139041
NewlifestartsnowParticipantSo i wrote here before a week ago i believe…anyways im dating this guy or dated, we have only been on ONE date only. We are texting each other.
We had a date scheduled this friday but i had to cancel because i have a mandatory meeting at work around that time. so i let him know and i asked if saturday was ok, since i do not work saturday.
Well he agreed and then he said that our date would HAVE to be around noon because he was busy at 5 pm. This is the second time he does this, as our first date he had to go somewhere at 5 too.
So i told him that i could not go around noon but only after 6 because honestly i dont like the fact that he can only fit me in during a certain hour, and i dont wanna ask what it is he is doing at 5.
So we agreed to the next saturday after this one and then he says he will go out of state with some friends because its his birthday weekend! so we will “see” each other in 3 weeks!
now i know we are all busy (im a premed student) i get it, school, work, social life, me time, what have you…but he lives in hollywood and i live in long beach! its not that far! I’ve had boyfriends live further coming to see me in the middle of the week for one hour just because they really wanted to see me..this guys says he really likes me and he texts me all the time…i just dont see why i should invest my time texting someone who cannot even invest one hour on me …like he really wants to wait 3 weeks to see me? he gets out of work at 3 and i get out of university at 3 mon-fri so we could definitely do something after but why wont he ask?
i dont get it! is it me or whats going on?
March 11, 2017 at 11:12 pm #139043
Ness CParticipantI hope you don’t take what I’m about to type offensive; however, I’m just going to put it out there.
We had a date scheduled this friday but i had to cancel because i have a mandatory meeting at work around that time. so i let him know and i asked if saturday was ok, since i do not work saturday.
Well he agreed and then he said that our date would HAVE to be around noon because he was busy at 5 pm. This is the second time he does this, as our first date he had to go somewhere at 5 too.
So i told him that i could not go around noon but only after 6 because honestly i dont like the fact that he can only fit me in during a certain hour, and i dont wanna ask what it is he is doing at 5.
Understandable with your mandatory meeting; however, who’s to say he didn’t have anything to do around the evenings. He did accommodate your changed plans, but you’re not meeting him halfway. If it really does bother you, discuss it with him. Because honestly, a relationship should be comfortable and full of open/comfortable communication; otherwise what would be the point?
Now I’ll admit, the three week thing does suck and I agree with you, why wait three weeks. However, it seems you two aren’t official so if I were you, I wouldn’t get so deep into this until you two do decide to become official or just keep things cordial
March 11, 2017 at 11:27 pm #139045NewlifestartsnowParticipantI mean yes i get it we aren “official” but to me its almost like …why am i investing my time texting you when you cannot manage to see me even for one hour…
there are other days in the week not just saturdays and sundays, and we both get out of work/school by 3pm so if he really wanted to see me he could say “hey wanna meet up for a bite to eat on monday” you know?
i just feel like if he were REALLY intersted he would be afraid someone else would grab my attention during those 3 weeks, i have tons of guys messaging me on match.com but to be honest i dont like to date more than one person at a time..
if i were him and i really liked this girl i would be scared that she would go out with other guys…he is not putting in as much effort into this and i feel like not even trying..
March 12, 2017 at 9:39 am #139059
AnonymousGuestDear Penelope Jones:
Three comments and suggestions:
1. Having lived in So Cal for many years, I know that not only the distance is great between Hollywood and Long Beach, but the traffic is horrendous, on the 10 and the 405 freeways, especially on weekdays, and especially at rush hours. To “grab a bite to eat” after work, as you suggested, if he was to drive to Long Beach, means driving, stop-and-go (lots of stops) for hours and hours.
2. It is probably better that you do set dates with other candidates from match. com. Notice I wrote “candidates”- so you are not having multiple relationships when you meet multiple men- you are only meeting them, in daytime, in a casual place like a coffee shop, to … sort of interview them for the position of a boyfriend. You can even take notes as you study the candidates, eventually to choose one for a close relationship.
3. Regarding the Hollywood man you wrote about- you can stop the texting after you text him the following: “when you are willing and able to see me, text me. Not before that. Best to you”- something like that.
anita
March 12, 2017 at 11:11 am #139061NewlifestartsnowParticipantAnita, if i really liked a guy i would drive 2 hours to see them! or more! if he really wanted to see me or was interested in me he would too. i mean he knew where i lived it was no surprise. he even asked me about it and he said the drive would totally be worth it.
another thing is most of the guys that message me on match live cities away..the way i see it is why message me if you know where i live and aren’t willing to drive out here?
i had a long distance relationship and this guy drove from san fran to see me or fresno every week!
and yes not all guys are the same but come on 45 min drive? i drive to school for one hour on a daily basis with traffic as well.
im just so confused, i like him and want to try this with him, but whats the point if we will see each other once a month..and he is very proud i feel like, if i were to text him what you are saying he would get all defensive and probably end things or suggest to be friends like he did before.
March 12, 2017 at 12:11 pm #139065AnonymousGuestDear Penelope Jones:
I usually re-read previous threads a member started before replying to a new thread but I didn’t think of doing it today. When I replied above I didn’t connect you to the previous thread: so it is the same guy of the previous thread…
I would like, still, to understand the situation better, and you can help me with it.
How old are you? And him? Are you a pre-med student at this point .. how long before you can get to medical school (how many years from now do you see yourself being an MD?)
Is he a student or employed?
You communicated with him online for two weeks before having one date with him. What was the nature of the emotional chemistry you experienced during those two weeks?
And… if you choose to further indulge me (for my understanding)- what was/ is your relationship with your parents like: your childhood with them, what was it like?
anita
March 12, 2017 at 1:30 pm #139077NewlifestartsnowParticipantI just want to say thanks Anita for always replying to my problems in life lol and of course i always want your honest opinions, sometimes others have to tell us we are in the wrong here..
i am 26 years old and he is 23. i will be applying to medical school next year and he is currently a grad student at UCLA. Medical school takes 4-6 years depending if you wish to specialize which i do.
He is currently employed so i think he works about 4 days a week and he gets out at 3pm. i go to shool mon-wed and friday but i get out by noon or 3pm. i do work once a week only so i always have a saturday or sunday free available for dates and such.
we did communicate for 2 weeks before, he is super sweet and intelligent, smart, mature (well he is book smart not sure relationship smart) and his personality won me over. now his physicallity not so much as i mentioned before, but i think i can move past that issue.
my relationship with my parents remains a very close relationship. They are the most loving, caring, adoring, understanding parents i could ever imagine, i would do everything for them and i know they would for me.
my parents have had their issues like any other parents or people in relationships but they have managed to still stay together after 27 years.
him on the other hand ( and i don’t judge him for this), never met his dad, so the only person in his life is his mom. he has no siblings and doesn’t communicate with any extended family (he has never met them).
They way i see it Anita, is when you like someone you will move the stars and the moon to be with them, if only for one hour. call me a hopeless romantic, but I’ve had that before, granted it did not work for other reasons, but it was there.
March 12, 2017 at 7:41 pm #139095AnonymousGuestDear Penelope Jones:
Thank you for answering my questions. After reading your last post, I am still not clear, but don’t feel comfortable coming up with more questions. So I’ll proceed without asking.
What is clear is that the two of you have busy schedules. And it is also clear that he does not feel the desire to “move the stars and the moon to be with (you)”, nor does he have the desire to drive to see you anytime soon. If he had that desire, he would have done it already.
What is puzzling to me is that you expect this of him after only two weeks of online communication, one date in which you were disappointed of his looks and followed with a rejection note to him. I asked about your relationship with your parents because I was trying to understand this puzzling dynamic on your part in regard to him.
If I was to try to understand, I will need to know about your previous relationships, as well as, maybe the issues you witnessed in the relationship between your parents- I am thinking there were significant issues there that affected you strongly.
anita
March 12, 2017 at 8:41 pm #139119NewlifestartsnowParticipanti guess what i am saying is just based on all my past relationships or dates, i would say most if not all guys wanted to see me soon after the first date and they would always drive to me. im not saying i never drove to them but i feel like at first during the dating period the guy should court you. perhaps i was raised with very traditional thinking, but i respects others views on this and this is just my view, my values, my traditions. I dont “expect” him to drop everything for me, i just expect him to show some interest…in 3 weeks a lot can happen. I am actually talking to 2 guys at the moment who i already made plans to see this week. im just confused as to why he is not thinking about this…and yes i rejected him at first but then we agreed to see each other and then he rejected me 2 times after that, so we are on friendly terms now. We still want to tray but this is just i dont know. why do you think something is wrong with me though???
March 12, 2017 at 8:48 pm #139125NewlifestartsnowParticipantaffected me in what way though???
March 12, 2017 at 8:53 pm #139127AnonymousGuestDear Penelope Jones:
I don’t understand what happened here, and what is happening. Two weeks online, one date- you don’t like him on the date, so your break up (the very short relationship), then you change your mind. He suggests to be friends, you agree, but then you expect him to act like a boyfriend. It is all very fast. A relationship, a breakup, a getting back together as friends, and next is … all so fast, and only one time that you saw him.
And there is a feel of obsession here, you being obsessed with a man… again, a man you only saw once and whom you didn’t like that one time you saw him.
anita
March 12, 2017 at 9:51 pm #139143NewlifestartsnowParticipantok i see what you are saying….and yes i guess it does go back to one specific relationship i had…the feeling that you are not good enough for someone, that you are not worth the fight…one ex boyfriend left me with this feeling. So when this guy ended things (hollywood date) i felt the same all over again. i felt like i wasnt good enough for him, like i was not worth it….i guess this part is right…im not obsessed with him even though it may seem. and i do want to take things slow, im just scared!
March 13, 2017 at 8:40 am #139225AnonymousGuestDear Penelope Jones:
I understand a bit better now. Being scared explains things to me. Let me know if I understand correctly: before you knew of the existence of the Hollywood man (call him that), you had the thought, that you are “not good enough… not worth the fight”- so when you rejected the Hollywood man and he withdrew as a result, his withdrawal triggered your anxiety over the thought that you are not good enough, not worth the fight. Next, you started the chase, trying to … make him fight for you, so to prove you wrong-
to prove to you that you are good enough and that you are worth the fight.
anita
March 14, 2017 at 10:33 am #139449NewlifestartsnowParticipantyes exactly! but over the course i have actually grown to really like his personality, and i have decided that personality is much much more important to me than looks, i rather have a sweet guy like him over a cute guy that lacks personality. I actually told him that i could go out this saturday at noon lol i know i have made plenty of mistakes along the way, and im still learning about all this dating but its hard to put yourself out there after getting hurt and carrying that with you .
March 14, 2017 at 12:57 pm #139481AnonymousGuestDear Penelope Jones:
You decided that a personality is more important than looks. Remember you only saw Hollywood man once and you know him otherwise for a few weeks only. You need more time to observe and learn about his personality- you don’t know it so well yet. Be open to learn who he is. I hope you do see him this coming Saturday at noon. Hope you post again.
anita
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