Hello Xx,

I do not know how this came about in my email and I do not normally participate in forums. But I am going to share with you that you are not unlovable and you are not alone in thinking this way. Please take a pause and consider this thought before you go any further.

I am 62. I have felt un-loveable most of my my life, until it was pointed out to me that perhaps my family loved me, I had some friends that loved me, my dog loved me and in fact I was not unlovable. Like you are probably feeling right now, at the time this did little to comfort me as my parents actually did not love and neither did my brothers and sisters. It does not get much worse than that does it?
You can perhaps be in a better position to decide if you need to change a pattern and how.

One of the things I have always pushed hard against is other people’s insight on my behavior. I see that as a pattern I need to change. Perhaps they are right if even a little bit right. I of course do not have to let them know I am right, but I will give it some thought.

Here is a piece of myself; I have raised 4 sons. They do not call me, nor remember me when it is important to me. Why? Are they ungrateful and selfish,..a little. But I realize that I have to take the “mother smother” off of them for them to feel comfortable around me. I know this will take years for them to recognize and they will test me. But I want a relationship with them and taking a pause has given me time to think this over.

Do this for yourself. BTW, I am confident that anyone reading your email felt some love for you.

Fond regards,

Maureen

I understand how you feel. I am much the same I know and love who I am, but I’m quirky and different and it seems almost never truly accepted by people. I’ve only truly been in love twice and have spent most of the past 12 years in 2 long term relationships. One was a love, and one wasn’t. The love was the first time I ever felt someone completely accepted me. She kinda renewed my hope. My best advice would be moderation: Don’t try too hard at finding someone as this leads to the negative feelings about yourself/relationships, but also don’t give up or avoid social situations and dates, as that really lowers your chances of finding what you are looking for. Keep your head up and be who you are even if it’s not the easiest path. Best of luck to both of us! (excuse my horrible grammar I felt like putting things the way I feel supersedes proper diction) X)

No. I mean you need to take a pause, like a pause button ⏸
During this time you take the pressure off of yourself to find a mate. That is stop looking for now. When you pause, you reflect on your patterns in life. Identify them. Then see how they are working for you. During the pause you think about if you need to make a change in your life patterns. Pausing is the best time to make decisions. You can also think back to being unlovable and being lovable. For example; when did you feel lovable?

I read the book “Love Languages”, it is not just a female book. It is a philosophy that has some merit. Maybe you should read this during your ⏸.

Regardless of your language; Google this: Pause Button Therapy. I did and it helped me. Is helping me right now.

Hi, I feel that often my husband left me nearly a year ago and I’ve just stated to look around possibly dating , I feel unlovable people say I’m attractive and a lovely person but I still feel unworthy. I followe Buddhist boot camp on face book and I absolutely loved this , I hope it resonates with you

It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, the following is always important to remember in life: After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean possession, and company doesn’t mean security. You begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts, and gifts aren’t promises. You begin to accept defeats with your head high and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. So you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure.. that you really are strong.. and that you really do have worth. And you learn.. and you learn… with every goodbye, you learn — Veronica Shoffstall

Hi Stine

Where are you meeting these guys? Maybe the places you’re finding them aren’t the right places for you.

What else is important in your life to you, besides finding a guy?