- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
kyle barichello.
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February 10, 2017 at 11:33 am #127193
AmyParticipantEvening,
So I don’t really know how to put any of this but I’ll try.
I’m 28, rent a nice little house with my partner and have a job I love. I left teaching almost 2 years ago and the only thing I miss is the money.
I am obsessed with money, and, so it would seem, comparison.
I always feel like I don’t have enough (essentials are paid for comfortably but not a huge amount left for myself) and it’s starting to make me feel suffocated. I’m not used to having to watch every penny and it’s even got to the point where I’m looking for higher paid jobs despite loving my role working with children in care. It’s a million times more rewarding and flexible than teaching and is up there with one of the best choices I ever made, but I almost feel cheated: I worked so hard at school and both times at university and now I’m earning so much less.
I just feel very disillusioned: screens are everywhere and I can’t seem to escape them (deactivated Facebook but still use the Messenger app as it’s easier to keep in touch).
I am also in a flap about not particularly wanting kids. My partner can’t have children so we would have to take a more creative route, but this also costs money. I feel quite ambivalent about the whole thing (luckily so does he!) but there’s this constant nag at the back of my head about having kids and should I be thinking about it and a whole host of other things.
Creatively, I’m also struggling. I have ideas but no confidence or willpower to see them through.
I feel like I’m trapped.
Any ideas?
Thanks in advance and apologies for sounding like an ungrateful whinger.
February 10, 2017 at 12:24 pm #127201
AnonymousGuestDear beebop20:
You enjoy your job so much but you are bothered you don’t make as much money as other people, given your schooling investment and such. It makes more sense to some to work in a higher paying job they dislike than to work in a lower paying job they like. Looking only at the paycheck aspect and only at it, this does make sense. But let’s look at the bigger picture, still looking only at the monetary aspect:
a person in a distressing job, feeling trapped in it, is more likely to get sick and have accidents than a person in an enjoyable, non-distressing job. Getting sick, having accidents can be a very costly experience which will use up all that extra money made in the higher paying, distressing job. It would make monetary sense then, looking at this (very real) bigger picture, to choose the job you do have.
But then, you are distressed after all- comparing yourself to others making more money (the marketing, social convention of the importance of making more money so to spend more is a big part of this dynamic, isn’t it?)-
It doesn’t make financial sense for you to be distressed, does it?
Many people work their whole lives doing work they dislike so that one day they will retire and do what they like. Why not do what you like now? If you can cover basic expenses- why not?
As far as children: if in doubt, don’t, is my thinking.
anita
February 10, 2017 at 12:26 pm #127204
RamoneJosephParticipantHi Beebop,
Ah, to be 28 again… I imagine the things I would change and do better a second time around, but unfortunately that’s not the way it works. You’ve got a lot on your plate it would seem, but in actuality you only really have one thing to worry about. What makes you happy? What fulfills you and gives your life value?
Let’s break it down. You quit your old job for a new job. The old job paid better, but you enjoy the new job more. A new job might pay more, but it may not be as satisfying. So, ask yourself, what’s more important to you and your happiness, and that’s completely up to you. Sometimes life just isn’t fair and you don’t get to have both things you want i.e. fun job AND good pay, so it’s up to you to decide which is more important for the time being and roll with it. The main thing is that life is not static, so what ever you “settle” for right now can be absolutely okay while you continue along your path and wait for or create new opportunities for yourself.
Are money and material things really that important? Look at the society of consumers we’ve become, always spending and acquiring new stuff. Take a long hard look at all of your own stuff. How much of it do you really need? Does it make you happy? I’d say sort through your things once, really decide if these things are things you need to be happy. The stuff you need, you keep and treasure, the stuff you don’t, you sell and use the money for happiness, maybe it’ll add up to enough to get started on that baby you’re not all too sure about…
Speaking of that baby, again, will it make you happy and enrich your life, and are you and your partner prepared to meet the happiness and enrichment needs of a little one? If so, go for it, if not, pets are always a nice alternative to paying for college tuition…
Creativity? Are you an artist? I am. I paint and I write, and it’s the same for all of us. We like to call it a block or lack of inspiration, but do you know what it really is? Laziness! If you depended on your craft to feed you like you do your job, you’d be at it every day! Creativity is like a muscle, and if we neglect it, it gets weak, and it gets sore if we try to use it again. Make yourself paint or write, or whatever at least for a few minutes every day! You’ll notice it gets easier, and your art will get better, and it won’t feel nearly as tedious after awhile.
You’re not trapped, you’re just living, and sometimes it’s amazing, and sometimes it’s pure hell…
wishing you peace and health,
RamoneFebruary 10, 2017 at 12:30 pm #127205AmyParticipantI guess I just miss the freedom of disposable income and not having to worry about whether or not I could afford to go for that pint with a friend or that lunch with my mum.
I just feel like a bit of a failure: I got really quite unwell while teaching through stress and anxiety but I still feel like I should have been able to manage it. If I had, I would be on much better money by now. My partner doesn’t get it: he’s quite minimalist and sees work as a means to an end. He can cover his expenses and has about £30 left over per month for himself and he gets by just fine. I have about £100 left over and it doesn’t feel like enough.
The children thing isn’t as much of an issue but I sometimes feel suffocated when everyone around me seems to be having kids. I work in a female-heavy environment and most talk is about kids or grandkids.
Is it so wrong to not be that bothered?
I always feel like I’m on the cusp of some big realisation but it never ever happens.
February 10, 2017 at 12:35 pm #127207AmyParticipantRamone, thank you. I really enjoyed reading your post and I feel a little less heavy inside because of it.
I am a very restless person by nature but am also lazy – fear also plays a big part in me not writing and creating. My partner, on the other hand, is an artist and just rolls with it; I admire his ability to just be like ‘hey, I tried this but it’s not working, I’m going to try something else.’ He is 3 years older though so maybe that has something to do with it?
I would love to have a massive purge of stuff – but I do worry and get quite anxious about getting rid of too much and feeling ‘poor’ or like I’m denying myself things.Wishing you peace and happiness too!
February 10, 2017 at 1:47 pm #127213AnonymousGuestDear beebop20:
It reads to me like your partner is kinder to himself, gentle, and that you are harsh with yourself, that you negatively criticize yourself regularly, is that so? That Inner Critic takes after our parent/s, the primary caretaker. I wonder if your partner’s parents were less critical of him and yours were significantly more critical of you?
anita
February 10, 2017 at 11:06 pm #127226AmyParticipantI have to respectfully point out that on this occasion you are incorrect; my parents have never been critical of me and have only ever supported me, so the theory on the Inner Critic doesn’t apply to everyone.
You are right in saying he is kinder to himself, but he did have years when this wasn’t so and has undergone huge changes.
February 11, 2017 at 3:21 am #127230
kyle barichelloParticipantLike you, i struggled with this same thing. Im 26 years old and see my other friends around me “doing better” in terms of pay, but are they really doing better than me? The moment i changed my perspective about money, was the moment i realized that it is only a tool. It will only make what you are already doing better. The reason i wanted money was for selfish things. It made me realize that i needed to work on myself before i had the responsibility of handling more of it.
I did three things. I got real with exactly why it is that i desired money so bad. I used a strategy called 7-layers of fear where you essentially ask why 7 times to the answers you give the previous questions. (ex. why do you fear money? because of this.. Why because of this? because of that… etc..)
Second, i needed to evaluate my life. Was i actually doing well at work? Am i always fully present in the moment? Have I actively taken steps to control my anger? the answer to these questions were ones that i had been running from for a while. I lived through my excuses and blamed things on external factors. Things outside my circle of influence. I sought out the Power of Positive Thinking book by Norman Vincent Peale.
Third, all i really wanted was financial freedom. I wanted to be able to buy stuff and not ever have to worry about saying no to things so i can enjoy life better. Sounds familiar right? HOwever, my world shifted when i started looking into what it means to be a minimalist. I started treating everything in my life from a value-based perspective. Do i really need it? Does it bring me joy? In the end, i discovered my true self.
I pose to you three things to keep in mind in your journey.
1. Always be grateful – you could have it a lot worse. Practice it daily
2. The law of attraction – Look into and believe the law of attraction states. you attract everything you are focusing on. EVEN NEGATIVITY, DOUBT, ANGER
3. Love people and use things, because the opposite never works.Regards,
Kyle Barichello
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