One of my very best friends of 13 years hasn’t been acting the same around me for the past 3 months or so. We met in the fifth grade, and while I went off to a different college in my state, she stayed in our home town. We both majored in Communications and got jobs in advertising, and both were in long term relationships. My LTR ended about 8 months ago but we still remained close until recently.

We used to text all day at work at our agencies, but that has mostly stopped a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I think we should probably be texting less than we do. Her job position also changed, and I know she’s a lot busier than she used to be. However, there is still a large sense of dismissiveness that I get from her. This past year she went through a bout of depression and severe anxiety. One of the behaviors she displays is cutting things off and not allowing anyone in to her safe space until her feelings pass. On the other hand, my source of coping is reaching out for love and dependence. I’m quite a thinker, so usually if I don’t get my thoughts out to someone I tend to ruminate. I reach out for comfort, she tends to retract. So, I feel as if I’ve become a source of anxiety and stress for her because I’ve had a tough past few months myself with depression and family issues, and she can’t handle helping me. It’s hurtful though, because when I was going through a breakup from a 3.5 year relationship, I was still helping her through her issues.

I sensed her dismissiveness severely about a month ago and asked her about it, and we had a huge fight and she basically said she can’t handle it and that I’m always negative. I went through our texts, and I did notice that I was venting to her often. I apologized and completely agree that no one wants to constantly hear negativity. However, I also noticed that when I would just say regular things, positive things to chat about, share ideas or articles or anything random with her, she was also very dismissive. She ended up apologizing realizing she’s not being there for me as much as she should be. Things sort of got back to normal, although I don’t want to burden her so I’ve pulled away a bit.

Assuming that last week was slow for her at work, because she was chatting me up all week. However, things were a bit busy for me. I answered when I could and everything was fine. However, I think she is busy or stressed again (who knows) and is acting dismissive again. For example, I texted her about my trip today and all she said was “Travel safe!” — to someone who is older, this might seem perfectly normal and sweet. But to someone that you chat back and forth with all day, it comes off slightly dismissive to me. If she was in a mood to talk, I know she’d say “Oh yeah!? Are you excited?! when’s your flight?” or something of the like. By telling me to travel safe she’s cutting off any further conversation. It hurts. I feel like when she wants to talk or is in a good mood, it’s fine. But if I’m ever annoying her or burdening her, I can’t say a thing.

I’m just torn, because I also know all relationships have ebbs and flows. I don’t want to be taking things too personally or being too dependent, because I know I have a habit of doing that. I don’t want to think that the world revolves around me and that people should chat with me when I want them to chat. However, I feel like with other friends, when they’re busy they just wait to answer and when they do, we have a great conversation. I don’t sense that dismissive or annoyed energy that I get from her. Especially because we’ve had the conversation about it before, I know how she acts when she feels that way. Like I said, I don’t want to be selfish, but I also feel like she’s not treating me with the fairness or kindness I deserve. I think I’m going to stop reaching out, because lately it feels like a one way street.

What do I do?