Dear em-brokenheart:

Being needy (in the title of your thread) is human nature. Every person is needy, nothing abnormal or unnatural about it.

Let’s look at what you need and what he needs. From your share you need a man who will be affectionate toward you, a man who will be emotionally and physically involved only with you, and I am assuming, you need a man you can trust to be loyal that way to you.

What does he need? Maybe he needs attention from more than one woman, and this is why he texted his ex girlfriend, for “reassurance” (also in the title of your thread) that he is attractive and desirable.

You asked: “Is there anyway of saving this current relationship?”-

Yes, IF he and you are willing to communicate honestly about what each one of you needs. If he will share with you his true motivation for texting his ex (instead of the easy cop out of he making a mistake), then there is hope.

Do you think he is or would be willing to communicate with you this way?

anita

Dear em-brokenheart:

No, I don’t think you are or have been inviting men to cheat on you or otherwise leave you. And I don’t think you are pathetic for living on your own for the first time at 34.

When he told you that “he will fix this, that he wants it to work’- it is not for him to fix alone. In a relationship, the two people need to fix things together, the two talking about each person’s difficulty and challenges, listening to each other with empathy and letting each other know what each needs from the other.

Reads to me like you are taking responsibility to what you are not responsible for. You are not responsible for him texting his ex girlfriend. He is responsible for that.

anita

Dear em-brokenheart:

You feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach because you were kicked in the stomach when you discovered that text to his ex. He said it was a mistake. A mistaken action is one that a person does with a misunderstanding. For example: I read that taking vitamins is healthy so I swallow a whole bottle of vitamin A, mistakenly believing that the more- the better. I feel sick, go to a doctor, and learn I made a mistake- the more NOT the better. When he sent that text, there was no misunderstanding there. It was wrong action, a kick in your stomach.

Do talk to him, when both are as calm as can be. Ask him what would be best time for him to have a calm conversation. Ask him about that text, tell him you want to understand his motivation, that you don’t want to argue with him, to prove him wrong, to make him feel bad; that you only want to understand what honestly motivates him. You want to learn more about who he is. Listen to his answer. Is he open to discuss this; is he honest?

Let’s say he can’t handle this topic. Choose another- ask him for his thoughts, his feelings, his motivations. Tell him of your own. Be honest with him and pay attention: is he honest with you.

Without honest communication, you have nothing good with him.

anita