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Very Down- Dumped, Bald, Depressed

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  • December 2, 2016 at 11:07 am #121749
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emma:

    You wrote above: “My last post was about breaking up with my ex, which all seems so trivial now.” I read your last post and at the time, you wrote about your ex: “He was my first love, my best friend, my first boyfriend- everything”- and now you feel it was trivial. I am thinking that the ending of your most recent relationship will be way, way less painful as time goes on. Maybe it too will seem trivial in retrospect.

    But now it is painful. I hope you eat small meals frequently enough so to avoid the bleeding you experienced!

    Regarding picking yourself back up (the line before last): can you share more about the stress that brought about your aggressive hair loss?

    Is your hair loss complete and permanent?

    How is your relationship with your parents…?

    anita

    December 2, 2016 at 11:23 am #121751
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Anita,

    Everyone keeps telling me that time will heal everything. I suppose I just feel a bit sick of waiting, it’s been a very long year and there’s been a lot of very upsetting moments. I’m fed up of waiting for things to get better again, does that sound horrible?

    I’m trying to make myself eat after yesterday’s experience. Family and friends have commented on my weight loss a lot this week. I never weigh myself, but I’m not very tall and I’ve always been slim. However I notice that my clothes are feeling looser.

    Summer 2015 I was in abroad with my friends when there was an accident whereby lots of young people my age died. It really scared me and my body went into shock, as a delayed response all of my hair fell out a few months later. I lost all the hair on my head within 3 weeks, then in the weeks that followed that I lost my eyebrows, eyelashes, etc. Only in the last 4 months has my hair started to grow back – a very slow process! I dont have a full head of hair yet but I’m doing a treatment for it. My eyelashes are nearly all back, and it’s beginning to re-grow everywhere else.

    I have a great relationship with them. My Mum knew about my ex, she’s been very concerned over the last two weeks. She tries her best to say the right things when I’m down or upset, but unfortunately she tends to make things worse! She doesn’t intend to but she’s also a worrier and I suppose she blurts out things when I’m upset that don’t help!

    Thanks Anita.

    Emma x

    December 2, 2016 at 11:58 am #121753
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear Emma,

    Indeed your friends and family are right about this one – time is the best healer and there is no alternative to it.

    The body is so oddly linked to our mental state and vice versa. I am really sorry about the way things didnt work out with this guy. He was probably in some rebound phase and happened to meet you at that point.

    Right now, though you probably don’t feel like eating, please eat sometimes and request a family member or friend to follow up with you sometimes. Your spirits will be worse if your body is languishing. I remember once when I lost about 12 pounds in a month after a break up (long relationship ended in an awful way) – gosh I was so depressed and didn’t even realise it…just used to eat once a day and work like a maniac, never cried once…then went back home and my mom was shocked. I just looked horrible and could barely eat – i have always been a happy eater all my life. Then I realised the damage I had done to my body and skin while trying to escape the bad feelings. It took a while though to get over things but it was worth it. Things do get better.

    Please reach out to your friends and family at this point. Sometimes they won’t say very helpful things but it would be good to just be with them, spend time with them – you have had way too much stress going on. It’s time you took it a bit easy on yourself.

    I know I haven’t been of great help, I don’t have any insights or advice to offer – just wanna say I understand how awful it’s been and anyone in your place would feel messed up inside. You are not alone in this.

    Please do post again.

    Regards,
    Nina

    December 2, 2016 at 12:44 pm #121754
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emma:

    My experience is that time will NOT heal everything, except for the most superficial of injuries, physical and mental. What I wrote to you in the last note is that your pain over this relationship is likely to lessen a whole lot over time. But pain of core injuries, that lasts for a lifetime, unless healing is done. That pain is connected to this issue at one point, then there is a relief, then a new difficulty comes along, and the pain is back.

    Regarding your note about your mother being very concerned for you and having best intentions- I have a comment: unfortunately, too many parents who are anxious themselves (a “worrier” you wrote), cannot provide the child (that you were) with the comfort and safety a child needs, because they don’t have it within them to give.

    And so, a child needs a strong parent, a confident parent. With best intentions and strongest loving feelings she has for you, it is her strength throughout life challenges that you needed most, I believe.

    anita

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