Dear toomanymasks:

I would like to understand more. You wrote: “all the things I thought I was getting thru (self hatred, lack of confidence, worry about wasting my life away, and fear/shame of sharing my feelings) have come back double fold.”

Regarding: “self hatred” and “fear/shame of sharing my feelings”- do you mean with your ex girlfriend and/ or before? Please elaborate on what these means to you.

And what are the Masks in your user name about? Whose masks?

anita

Dear toomanymasks:

I see: you believed you are Nothing before meeting her, she told you that you are Something. That felt good. Then you found out she lied to you about things, and you figured she lied to you about you being a Something.

We, people, do get our sense of worth- or lack of- from our caretaker/s. When they fail us, we look for it in other people, often in romantic partners. Often, this fails. People who believe they are unworthy, even if they have loving romantic partners, the moment the partner says or does something that is not all-loving, the person is back to feeling worthless.

And there are plenty of people who are not loving.

For me, the only experience that made me, eventually, feel worthy started with my first competent therapy over five years ago, because my therapist was empathetic, attentive, and gave all that he had for my benefit.

I found out that (it was a mind blowing realization), that the reason I was so very distressed over all these years, believing I was a Nothing, is because it was not true. If it was true, I wouldn’t have been distressed about it.

Please do post more of your thoughts and feelings.

anita