Dear J:

My answer is: literally Poly-amorous (a numerical fact) and Slutty by traditional social convention for women. You broke the convention for now, and I would be curious to know if you keep it broken on the longer run. I think that a lot of women who do have multiple sexual partners do so because of impulsivity, dysfunction, un-wellness. But a woman who is well and chooses this lifestyle, feeling good about it, that is the exception, I think.

About how old are you? Your age is relevant to the topic, I believe. I wonder if you are fascinated by this PAL (Poly Amorous Lifestyle, an acronym I just made up) because it is still new for you, a rebel kind of fascination?

anita

hi there, your post intrigued me because i have wondered at times if polyamory is something i would ever be interested in. i like the idea of it…but maybe not ready yet to let go of my current cultural conditioning. but after getting out of a 5-year relationship/engagement…i am having a harder time imagining myself tied down in an exclusive relationship with one man again. your post is reminding me to keep an open mind.

anyways, i thought i could offer some thoughts here. you say you are “struggling with what this really is”. i interpret that as you are struggling to define what you are going through. my question for you is, what if you didn’t need to define it? to have an answer about yourself? if you are enjoying..experiencing..learning..growing and having positive, healthy experiences, then what is the need to figure it out? you may wake up tomorrow..next week…next year..change your mind. meet a man who makes you feel like you want to be monogamous again. so what? we are constantly evolving and changing beings. we often get so wrapped up in judgment, worrying what society thinks…how maybe we don’t fit in to how we think we should be..we don’t see the box for us to check. we are “this” or we are “that”. are you poly? are you slutty? maybe both. maybe neither. does it matter?? perhaps we like the comfort of being able to define ourselves and relate to others by our definitions, but we also must keep in mind how limiting it can be. do YOU. you don’t owe the world (or even yourself) explanations.

South is just a word demean women for being open about her sexuality, from what I can see your a woman who enjoys sex and exploring your boundaries, through multiple partners and trying a threesome is nothing wrong with that. The only shame would be if you denied what you enjoy and who you choose to enjoy it with. So live your life as you please some enjoy life not being tied to one person.

Hi J, I am in the same predicament. I am younger though and my friend feels when will I grow and be in a normal relationship with one man. after I left my 6 year relationship I was so closed off to anything and then I discovered a lot about myself. the lifestyle we chose sets us apart from society because it is looked at as slutty however I believe that I am free sexually, I have had multiple partners this year and I don’t feel guilty about them.

I am judged to a point where I close off emotionally to any of these men and I tell them before hand so basically its agreements that I come up with and whoever gets attached is cut off.

however I have taken a liking to one person and I am too afraid to mess up the sexual part of it because we both initiated the agreement and T’s & C’s.

Dear Jessi:

In my effort to attempt to understand your thread topic better I looked up your favorite guru online. In your first post on this website you mentioned Grant Cardone as your favorite guru. Your career is in finance and you are a top performer at your job. You have listened to a lot of audio by Cardone, a motivational speaker in Finance.

I found this website:lehttp: //knowstartup. com/2016/11/10 -success-lessons-from-grant-cardone-for-entrepreneurs/
His ten success lessons are:

“1. Cold calling is not dead…Grant has built a multimillion dollar company through cold calling and he shows that sales practices don’t have to be new and shiny…
2. You need to be known by your effort…become that guy that works harder than anyone else and you will be rewarded.
3. If they can’t help you then they will probably hurt you…Make a list of the people you spend time with and in the right column put an ‘x’ if they can’t or don’t help you.
4. Half of what your parents taught you is holding you back
5. Liking a person is NOT a reason to do business together…Some people are just meant to be friends, not partners.
6. 10(times) everything: Take whatever goal you have and multiply it times 10. Even if you come up short, you will achieve more than you originally planned to.”

There are more, but I will stop here. Do you see a connection between your sharing on this thread, your life experience with sex and relationships, and these 6 sales tactics?

anita

Dear Jessy:

You are welcome. I thought of “4. Half of what your parents taught you is holding you back” being connected to you sharing that your parents were conservative as is your ex husband, and you freeing yourself from what you were taught.

I thought “5. Liking a person is NOT a reason to do business together…Some people are just meant to be friends, not partners.” meaning that liking a man is not a reason to have an exclusive relationship with him, some men are just meant to be PALS (my acronym, above).

And, of course, “6. 10(times) everything: Take whatever goal you have and multiply it times 10. Even if you come up short, you will achieve more than you originally planned to.” is literally the Poly factor.

anita