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Tough time for me

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • November 10, 2016 at 8:25 pm #120093
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Hello guys, today I need your opinion and advice for me.
    What should I do in this situations. Maybe… I just need a support from all of you.

    I live in “quite conservative” asian family, yeah you know that typical asian family.
    So I just found out that someone that I really cherished and love so much is pregnant.
    First, for sure, I think I’m dreaming, I couldn’t believe it at all. She is the person whom I think would never get involve in this situation, I trust her so much, I support her relationship, I know her really well.
    I burst in tears, I don’t wanna believe it, I don’t think IT’S REAL!
    She disappointed my trust for her. I know, I know…. that she is trying to honest with me.
    I need to support her in every-ways, I need to stand with her and courage her.
    But once again, I never encounter this situation, I don’t know what to do. Her parents is really acceptable, her mom is really strong, she didn’t cry at all and I know, in inside she is crying and asking for help too. Her father is angry, he is in rage, he is someone who never cry, but in this times he is crying, I know how they feel, they feel same like me, they daughter who they trusted so much….

    She and her partner already plan for their wedding in next year, but they faster their marriage in early 2017, since she already pregnant 8 weeks.

    I don’t know, I really don’t know what to do. Please help me…
    I always repeated “that incident” in my mind, and I always feel is so dreamy.
    I’m crying yet I laugh too. I’m in dazed….

    Thank you so much

    November 10, 2016 at 8:39 pm #120094
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anne:

    Your friend is 8 weeks pregnant and will be getting married in a few months when she is by then about five months pregnant? I am surprised the marriage is not happening sooner, if her parents are so concerned about her being pregnant before marriage.

    You wrote that you trusted your friend, to not engage in sexual activity with her boyfriend, I understand. Well, she did, but not so to hurt you- it had nothing to do with you. She didn’t betray your trust in her; she just didn’t share that part of her life.

    Hope you wake up from your daze and talk to her soon, learn how she is feeling, tell her how you feel about her and the latest development.

    anita

    November 10, 2016 at 8:59 pm #120096
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    She will have wedding ceremony by this month. And the wedding reception early 2017.
    When she told me about this, actually I already talk to her, crying with her and saw that she is really disappointed in her self to let this incident happen. I want to help her, but I still can’t get myself together. The fact she already have sexual activity with her BF, I dont really care, the things is she let her pregnant. I dont understand about this.. and let all the people trust her in vain….

    November 10, 2016 at 9:09 pm #120098
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anne:

    You don’t care that she had sexual activity, only that she got pregnant? You mean she broke your trust by not preventing pregnancy?

    All the people who trusted her in vain- trusted her how? How did she betray their trust?

    Will be back to the computer in 10 hours or so. Take care, Anne.

    anita

    November 11, 2016 at 1:10 am #120104
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Hmm what you are asking are a good question. Yeah I feel because she got pregnant and still dont know what to do with the baby.
    I feel like she is not ready yet and because in our environment pregnancy before marriage is taboo,
    Even though if she already gives us a reason behind that. If you ask if she broke their trust, well I must said yes.
    Cause her parents trust her that she wouldn’t have baby before marriage.
    But she did in quite shocking time.

    November 11, 2016 at 6:44 am #120112
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anne:

    She most likely did not intend to get pregnant- she didn’t use a birth control method, or she didn’t use one effectively, or there was a fault in the method that had nothing to do with her, not her fault. The only way for sure not to get pregnant is not to be involved in a sexual relationship. Other than this sure way, all other ways are not 100% successful.

    anita

    November 11, 2016 at 7:04 am #120115
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yeahh.. i think so too.
    But still I need a good advice what to do and what should I do in this kind of situation.

    Thanks Anita, you read it and you reply me. Thank you so much.

    November 11, 2016 at 7:15 am #120117
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anne:

    My advice is that you talk with her gently, ask her about her thoughts and feelings and share your own thoughts and feelings. Share with her all your feelings but do it respectfully. This is what friends do.

    anita

    November 12, 2016 at 5:07 am #120157
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Anne,

    I have a question: Is sex before marriage taboo like pregnancy before marriage is?

    I agree with Anita – with unplanned pregnancy being something so taboo, it was not intentional. I think keeping in mind that she didn’t do this to hurt you might help you to be able to face her. I’m sure she needs a friend right now considering… she probably feels alone, afraid, ashamed, aware that she’s not ready for a baby. But the baby is coming and she will do well with supportive friends and family. Try to see it from her perspective with the thought in mind that she didn’t mean to hurt you.

    November 19, 2016 at 11:26 am #120729
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Hi guys,

    Thank you for teeling me what to do, I really mean it. I dissappear about a week I guess. I feel so embarrassed that I dont act like an adult. I’m not mature enough. Now I already accepting her condition. And now I’m happy I will he/she in next year. I think last time I am in undenial position, so I couldn’t think clear. And a lot of things telling me, we are not the one who control the things up. So yeah….
    I talked to her and support her now. We cry together and I am happy she is rely on me too. I dont know what is this feeling is. But this is really warm and joyful. Thank you, thank you once again for your advice.

    With so much love!
    -Anne

    November 19, 2016 at 7:22 pm #120749
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Anne. Wishing you and your friendship well!
    anita

    November 19, 2016 at 10:41 pm #120758
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Here’s the thing about out-of-wedlock pregnancies. For many years in the US, and probably still in other countries, the child born out-of-wedlock was considered a “bastard,” and basically treated like some outcast. Getting married ASAP after pregnancy is a way of “legitimizing” the child.

    Depending on the religion, sex before marriage is roughly the equivalent of choosing which BBQ sauce you wish to be basted with while you are rotisseried for all eternity.

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