Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How Strong is the Desire for Happiness?
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Shipp.
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November 10, 2016 at 11:40 am #120072
NanParticipantQuestion:
* When is it acceptable to be selfish and want your own desire for happiness, regardless of whom it hurts and makes them extremely unhappy because of what you have done to pursue your own deep desire for happiness?* Is it possible to be happy, regardless of the ugly reality of “lack of money, lack of respect, distrust and general horror and words of “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME AND THIS FAMILY??!!!”.
* In those moments of doubt and fear late at night alone, what do I tell myself to survive the drama, noise and anger that will be unrelenting? What mantra or emotional shield can I develop to drop the bomb and find my happiness, regardless of what insults, begging and trauma thrown at me relentlessly?
November 10, 2016 at 7:38 pm #120089
AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
Good to read from you! For the purpose of this thread, I will define happiness as freedom from suffering, from emotional distress. (At this point distress and R-2 are synonymous).
Your questions (re-arranged, #3 is unclear) and my answers:
1. When is it acceptable to be selfish and want your own desire for happiness? -Always.
2. When is it acceptable to pursue happiness when it hurts or makes others unhappy?- Always. You should always pursue freedom from suffering. If another is unhappy that you are NOT suffering, and happy that you are suffering, that person should not be in your life!
3. Is it possible to be happy when another tells you: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME AND THIS FAMILY??!!!”? -Yes, but only if you do not have that person in your life!!
4. In those moments of doubt and fear late at night alone, what do I tell myself to survive the drama, noise and anger that will be unrelenting?- you should tell yourself: I am not going to hear the unrelenting drama, noise and anger of that person because this person is not in my life!!
5. What mantra or emotional shield can I develop to drop the bomb and find my happiness, regardless of what insults, begging and trauma thrown at me relentlessly?- Here is a mantra: I am not hearing any insults, begging and trauma because this person is not in my life!!! I have no contact with him: I am not communicating with him on the phone or online or in person. The only time I get together with him is in a lawyer or a mediator’s office and NOWHERE ELSE, EVER, NEVER!
(I do not like that R-2, I really, really… really don’t!)
anita
November 12, 2016 at 4:25 am #120154
ShippParticipantDear Nan,
Something that I very recently discovered for myself … and you are welcome to borrow it..is “this is MY life!”. I only get ONE.
There comes a point that you know that enough is enough. It’s over and done. The time to move on, and the chance for your own happiness, is Now. Don’t put off your own freedom and happiness.
There’s a difference between being selfish and doing what is right for yourself. If you were selfish, you wouldn’t be asking yourself these questions. You wouldn’t care. But you do care and are trying to live your life and be happy.
My ex husband was emotionally abusive and controlling. When I had enough and decided to divorce him, I was able to see his reaction as one of a child throwing a fit. He tried accusations, he tried crying, he screamed, then he tried to bully me into changing my mind. In my mind, I kept viewing all of this as a mother would a spoiled child. This gave me the strength to let it wash over me and still stay firm that I was divorcing him. Leaving him was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
This is your life. You only get one. Reach for the chance to be happy with both arms!
~Shipp
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