Dear journey85:

Healing is about unlearning the old ways and learning new ways. The old way you described is: “trying to bend myself to fit into the pretty boxes that I perceive as pleasing to the people around me.”- this is what needs to be unlearned. Notice the ways you do that, trying to fit into those boxes and pleasing the people around you, pay attention and learn the details of how you do that. Then when you notice that you started doing those things, stop. This is the unlearning part.

The learning part is learning new ways. First a new attitude: your focus and priority no longer being other people approving of you, but you operating according to what you think and feel, what you value and what you believe; acting in ways YOU approve of- this is authentic.

It is a process that I hope your new counselor will help you with. Please have faith, your goal to live authentically is doable. You can do this, with help, work and time, patience and gentleness with yourself.

anita