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Zariah.
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October 22, 2016 at 8:53 am #118696
LearningParticipantThe other day I was listening to TD Jakes. So happy to have found his videos on YouTube. His passion for living a better life and being the best you that you can be is amazing. Watching one of his sermons the other day made me realize how limited my thinking can be sometimes, something I’m working on. Keeping an open mind is something I strive to maintain. Our world is so big and every country’s history and environment is different which influences the people and who they become. I count my blessing for what I have right now because I understand the struggle and how much harder my life could be. I also learned that everyone is entitled to their perspective and they shouldn’t be judged for it, when having a conversation with someone Its best for me to keep an open mind because there is always something to learn. I cannot listen to my fullest potential if I already feel I know more than the other person, what am I gaining from that. My son has taught me forgiveness, I recognize how quickly he moves on from feeling sad to being his happy self again. Forgivess is something that was already instilled in him, he didn’t learn that, he was born that way, we all are. Unforgivness is something that we learn as we get older, what a shame. Unconditional love it’s beautiful. If as adults we can tap into that and treat each other with unconditional love how different would our world be. I aspire to be more like my son more forgiving. What are your thoughts.
October 22, 2016 at 9:29 am #118699
AnonymousGuestDear Learning:
Glad you started a new thread.
My comment is on your sentences: “Unconditional love it’s beautiful. If as adults we can tap into that and treat each other with unconditional love how different would our world be”:
There is aggression in our world, it exists everywhere, from parents abusing their children, to a child throwing a temper tantrum in the supermarket, to leaders of nations starting wars to street gangs and so on and so on. We are born that way, like other mammals protecting their territory, fighting for a mate, etc. by displaying aggressive behavior.
When a person is confronted with aggressive behavior, displaying unconditional love for the aggressor may work at times, as to… melt the heart of the aggressor so he feels compassion for his intended victim. But often enough it doesn’t work like that. I know it because children feel unconditional love for their parents, and often enough, the parents act aggressively toward their loving, trusting children.
So, in adulthood, if I express in my behavior unconditional love for a person who is trying to hurt me, I make myself available to b hurt. This is not wise.
In a dry theoretical perspective, one can imagine a world where unconditional love is the norm. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of world we live in. And aggression is something humans are born with. So that has to be dealt with: how to behave when angry, how to make relationships Win-Win, and so on.
anita
October 22, 2016 at 10:03 am #118701
PeterParticipantI think we need to be careful when we talk about unconditional love as based on my observation many people interpret that as unconditional allowing.
In such a understanding unconditional love can become a hell of a condition to place on love.
For me I unconditional love means saying yes to the person as they while living my fate/truth as they must live theirs, respecting and when required defending boundaries theirs and mine. That doing so is an act of unconditional love even when the other does not experience it as love.
Very much recommend The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes
October 22, 2016 at 10:06 am #118702LearningParticipantThanks Anita for another response it reminded me of the movie inside out in a way. Anger or sadness is something we are born with for a reason. It can serve as a protector or even a motivator. In your response you said ” in a dry theoretical perspective, one can imagine a world where unconditional love is the norm. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of world we live in.” Our world has its ugliness which is there on purpose to help mold us into becoming our unique self. We hurt so we can learn to do things differently to change to improve. Everything can’t all be good.
October 22, 2016 at 10:17 am #118703LearningParticipantThank you Peter for your response. Thanks for the recommendation also.
October 22, 2016 at 10:34 am #118704PeterParticipantWe hurt so we can learn to do things differently to change to improve. Everything can’t all be good.
Unconditional love says yes to the reality it is all good even the bad. That is not a paradox
It is through the confrontation of the experience of the problem of opposites, such as the concept good and bad, that creates consciousness and so the possibility of awaking. In such a perspective all that we experience is and originates from Love.
When observed from different planes of experience judgments and labels such as good and bad are temporal and illusion. If one accepts/allows that Life is and of itself is Good then all experiences can be a experience of Unconditional Love.
It is unfortunate that for many to live and stand up for there truths they generate the energy to do so from hate, rage, and ugliness. As you say emotions of anger, fear, even hate serve a purpose. I believe that purpose is to awaken us that something is not as our truths indicate they should be and that we must act however that does not mean that such action be ugly, anger, rage… But this failure to part of the whole and so Love
October 22, 2016 at 10:47 am #118706AnonymousGuestDear Learning:
You are welcome and thank you for bringing up the topic of unconditional love. It is a good thing to express acceptance of another person, to that person, to tell a person: you are okay with me just the way you are. The way you think, feel, is okay with me. I like you. It is a wonderful thing because people so often get the opposite message (you are not okay with me. I disapprove of you, of how you think and how you feel!)
What people feel, that is automatic, mental chemical events that just happen. Since we don’t choose our feelings, we are not responsible for them as they occur.
We are responsible for our behaviors, or should be. It is about healing and learning, to automatically react to our feelings less and less and instead, initiate behaviors that although take into consideration what we feel, are primarily guided by our values.
I value mental well being for the individual and I know that when an individual experiences such, he or she will promote other people’s well being. And so, promoting acceptance, tolerance of different opinions is a good thing, a loving thing to do, for as long as those opinions do not promote abuse of self and others.
anita
October 22, 2016 at 4:00 pm #118719LearningParticipantWaw thank you both Peter and Anita. I really enjoyed reading your responses. Both offered much insight.
Peter you said “It is unfortunate that for many to live and stand up for there truths they generate the energy to do so from hate, rage, and ugliness. As you say emotions of anger, fear, even hate serve a purpose. I believe that purpose is to awaken us that something is not as our truths indicate they should be and that we must act however that does not mean that such action be ugly, anger, rage… But this failure to part of the whole and so Love.” Thank you for sharing that, it makes sense To feel uncomfortable when our perception of truth gets rattled by someone elses. I love that you said its purpose is to awaken us and we shouldn’t react to in negatively. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Anita
Your way of putting things into perspective is a gift and talent. I love that you spoke about acceptance. You said “What people feel, that is automatic, mental chemical events that just happen. Since we don’t choose our feelings, we are not responsible for them as they occur. We are responsible for our behaviors, or should be. It is about healing and learning, to automatically react to our feelings less and less and instead, initiate behaviors that although take into consideration what we feel, are primarily guided by our values.” Thank you for sharing that, I especially like what you said because I was conflicted with how a person makes me feel, and choosing whether to feel that way. But you’re right we don’t choose our feelings as they occur it just happens. Your also right when you said we are responsible for our behaviors, I felt something in my heart with that sentence when I read it. What we value we hold near and dear, and when it’s questioned we react based on our feelings. It’s important to value someone else’s mental being, and that can be done with acceptance. What a beautiful way to put it. Thanks again Anita.October 22, 2016 at 7:31 pm #118728AnonymousGuestDear Learning:
You are welcome and thank you for your kind words!
True, what we feel at any time is an automatic mental event that we are not responsible for. So when I feel angry, and find myself feeling guilty about feeling angry, I “peel off” the guilt from the anger. When I feel envious at someone and find myself feeling shame for the feeling of envy, I “peel off” the shame from the envy, and so on and so on. Understanding the nature of feelings makes life way less complicated.
Again, you are very kind, and I still like your user name very much: learning. I value learning very much!
anita
November 7, 2016 at 12:15 pm #119868
ZariahParticipantDear Learning,
I like the positivity in your post. Unconditionally loving someone to me is forgiving them despite any flaw or trial they have put you through. At one point that was a really hard test for me and it still is. I think it only applies to certain people though. There are some people that you accept a lot more hurt from then others and that isn’t necessarily bad, it depends on the meaning or significance that person has in your life. Conceptually, uconditonal love is beautiful and that perception helps me to forgive and care about others.
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