Hi everyone,

I need some advice. I’ve been at a firm for 5 years and i think i’ve had enough!

I’m currently covering a maternity leave with 2 months to go. I’m not sure if i should quit. From the time i started, i felt from one particular partner that he didn’t like me. This is ok, but at the time, my husband lost his job and i was nervous on making a great impression. They seemed to really need someone at the time and i needed a job so it worked. over time, i made friends with one hr/manager but then she went cold on me and started hanging out with my supervisor only. that hurt because she confided in me a lot and i just started resenting her so it continues to this day. i’m not sure what i did to deserve that but if i asked, she would only say i was too sensitive. i know i am sensitive but whatever.

this hr manager has very loose lips and spoke to me, when we hung out, about others and their performance which i thought was unprofessional. so now that we’re not speaking for a couple of years, i’m sure she’s said a lot of unflattering things about me which has poisoned a lot of people against me including my bosses. i can’t prove it, but i feel that certain people she speaks to view me as damaged and to approach with caution. i supervise 2 people and one girl is new and i trained and mentored her and essentially backed her into getting a new career (she came on as a temp), which she has done and they want to hire her after her contract ends. this is great except she has befriended the other person i supervise who hangs out with the hr manager i was talking about earlier. the other person i supervise, the one i don’t mentor, i don’t mentor for a reason. she has spoken about me to other staff members behind my back, does not have any respect for me. not sure why. she thinks i’m incompetent i believe. so, this girl and the one i mentor hang out regularly and when we’re in the office, i feel that the one girl influences the other girl that i mentor to not have respect for me. she does this by bulldozing her way into conversations and when i’m training, she has no respect for i train in the open so she disrupts with silly stories etc. anyways, the two persons i supervise have now started an alliance with this hr manager. i go to work everyday, staying strong and acting normal, getting work done. however, today i’m at home just fed up with the whole thing.

also, the girl i’m temporarily filling in for has a friend who sits right behind me. i feel bad vibes from her despite the fact she tries to befriend me. she is what i call an information gatherer. i believe that most of what i do at work or say gets back to the girl i’m filling in for. it’s ridiculous. i vented to her one time, about the situation above with the 2 girls i supervise and i feel she’s let the cat out of the bag. i feel betrayed. i haven’t said anything to anyone nor questioned their loyalty to me in keeping things quiet but you know when you can just feel that people are looking at you differently. i vented to her that i wanted this one girl, the one i don’t mentor, out of the firm, of course i didnt really mean it. but i think she’s actually told her! i play her game not letting her know that i believe she has betrayed my trust by telling this girl but it’s tough. i would never betray anyone’s trust. anything that is said to me is locked down. i do remember one thing this so called coworker said to me. Keep your friends close, it keep your enemies closer. when did i become an enemy???

anyways, then this week the one partner that doesn’t like me, well, we got into a little bit of a debate. he loves calf hunting and i’m an animal lover. i said in a non aggressive way that i wished they would abolish it and he took offenders and came up very close to me and asked in a very mean way, well where do you think your hamburgers come from? he tried to intimidate and belittle me in front of both of the girls that i supervise. the one girl, that i don’t mentor, she was enjoying it and actually included herself in the conversation. she takes every opportunity to see me get lambasted and wants to see me fail. i feel that from her. she would throw me under the bus in a second and if i do make a mistake she’d be right there saying, i told you so. she’s incompetent.

sorry for the petty story. it’s just that i feel i have no friends, no respect at work and it’s really affecting me. to the point i am taking anti depressants and other anti anxiety meds. i know i should just quit, but i’m not a quitter and esp. when there are those at work that want me to leave, quit, it makes me want to stay and fight all the more. i’ve been there the longest so i deserve some respect. i hate that people are so 2 faced and insincere. they smile and talk to you but behind the scenes they will tear you apart. what hurts the most is the girl that came in temporarily, i took under my wing to teach her all aspects of my job. she was out of work for a long while and she confided in me that she has some mental health issues. i’ve been there for her and consoled her when she cries that it’s too much. i’ve brought in gorgeous dresses for her to try on to see if they would fit for our xmas party as she can’t afford much. i’ve bought her lunch. i’ve tried to be a friend to her. what does she do? she sides with the other girls and gives them flowers and stupid notes on what great people they are. me? nothing… she did say thank you but it was like a thank you now get out of my way kind of thing.

i’m angry, fed up, and really disheartened. my faith in humanity is taking a dive bomb. i’ve always thought that good comes to those who do good. i believe i’ve done nothing but be nice and kind to those even those that despise me for whatever reason. i’m at the end of my rope. all this pettiness, backstabbing, is just manipulation to guard the reality that these women are nasty and use people to get what they want.

help.