fbpx
Menu

Having trouble getting over this breakup

Home→Forums→Relationships→Having trouble getting over this breakup

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • October 9, 2016 at 9:19 am #117597
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear floating:

    You kept writing that you are selfish and I don’t see it valid- doesn’t read to me like you are selfish.

    It seems to me that you and him were in love with each other, your interest in each other was Love. On the other hand each one of the families involved, their interest is Power. His parents, his father anyway, is interested in having power over his son (your ex boyfriend) and your parents are interested in having power over you.

    His parents were successful so far and he, your ex boyfriend, expressed to you clearly that he doesn’t see nor plan a future for the two of you. He maintains an acquaintance relationship with you, at best. This is his decision. He made his choice.

    You feel very much alone, understandably. You miss the connection you had with him. I guess he was your only closeness.

    We all need closeness with someone. So without such, I understand why you have “trouble getting over this breakup” (the title of your thread).

    Where to go from here…?

    anita

    October 9, 2016 at 9:31 am #117599
    Ellsworth Davis
    Participant

    How old are you?
    Why does your family object to you dating, having a boyfriend?
    Why does his family object to him dating, having a girlfriend?
    You both sound young but you are both University students, correct?

    The way he is treating you now is not right. Think twice about calling him your One True Love.
    Maybe he was just your Love 101 class. ??
    Love is complex and we can get stuck in it and stuck in obsessing on the object of our love.

    As for your state of mind, you are seeking all your value, self worth, pleasure, your moods, your thinking, on an external source – your ex-boyfriend who sounds like a boy to me. If he loved you he would tell his dad enough and find time to date you. The way he is behaving now in your social circle is unacceptable. You need someone More Mature. Don’t get caught up in the emotions of a first Love and bravely move on and discover the world waiting for you filled with love. But you must center yourself and go out and project yourself as centered and willing to love again. The centered part you cannot fake, that you must find within yourself and reshape your own internal emotional landscape.

    Sometimes we think we will never get over these romances. YOUWILL. Be brave and move along the down the path of your life and find out what is waiting for you around the next bend.

    October 9, 2016 at 9:40 am #117609
    IC
    Participant

    Anita: Yeah I see what you are saying about the power aspect. And you are right that he has made his choice. I just don’t think he made the right one. He has told me that if I am still single in the future and things a little bit better from his end, then he will try resuming the relationship at that point. But then he also does not want me to wait for him. Everything he is saying is reasonable, I just don’t know why I have so much trouble coming to terms with it. I’m scared of losing him I guess

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by IC.
    October 9, 2016 at 9:45 am #117613
    IC
    Participant

    Elisworth Davis: I am 21 years old. My family objects to me dating because they want my primary focus to be my studies. Thus they have never seen a need for me to maintain friendships or pursue extra-curriculars as well. His family objects to him dating because they want his focus to be on the family business, as he will have to take it over in the future. And yes we are bother university students.

    Part of me agrees with you, that he is not treating me right. But at the same time, I love him so much that I just overlook these things. I haven’t been a perfect girlfriend to him either. I try to be understanding and maybe that’s why I let this treatment slide. It is important to note that he is not keeping friends from me, it is just that they have known him for longer and thus gravitate towards him.

    I guess you’re right, I will get over this….it’s just difficult for me to keep that frame of mind

    October 9, 2016 at 10:22 am #117614
    IC
    Participant

    Upon rereading your reply again: how do I centre myself? I feel like I have never been centred my whole life, but that feeling may be because I do not truly understand what it means to centre oneself. Is there an article or post you can refer me to that may be able to explain this? I am quite new to this site. I found this site multiple times while searching for articles on various topics through google but I have not explored it much.

    October 9, 2016 at 10:38 am #117617
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear floating:

    He had a choice: you or his family/ you or his family business. He chose his family and his family business.

    Did he make the right choice? I suppose he thinks he did and that is why he is sticking with his decision.

    It is not because you were an imperfect girlfriend, that he made his choice- clearly, my logic asserts: it is his parents and the family business that have power over him. No matter how perfect of a girlfriend he had, it would still be the power of his attachment to his parents and his motivation to continue with the family business- that would have won.

    How to get over this? Post here anytime and I, for one, would reply. Try and have one friend in-person who is empathetic to you, and with whom you can freely and honestly express your feelings to.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.