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narcissistic parent

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  • October 7, 2016 at 7:14 am #117415
    Learning
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    Dear aaishah,
    My heart breaks while reading your post I’m sorry you are going threw this. I have been in a similar position as you and I feel for you because you have got some tough decisions to make. No one deserves to be treated the way your spouse has treated you. And now because you have a baby and another on the way you have to think about your safety and and your baby first. I would say your spouse is only using your baby as bait to hold on to the power of controlling you. Please dont give into his threats and nasty remarks stay strong and do what is best for you and your baby not him. If he cared so much about you and your child he would have never disrespected you by kicking you out. Please see this as an opportunity to save yourself. I know it’s hard to cut ties in the beginning but trust me when I say it is worth it. You have to leave him by himself for him to realize that he needs to change his behavior. Your baby especially since she’s a girl does not need to grow up seeing her daddy abuse her mommy, she needs to see a daddy that loves and supports you. If your are worried about her drifting from you when she grows the only thing I can say is be honest and open with her from the start as soon as she starts asking questions let her know. She will respect you more for telling her the truth. Keep her close. Speaking from experience its Something I wish my mom did with me. Stay strong and don’t give in you deserve the best. God bless.

    October 7, 2016 at 8:46 am #117420
    Anonymous
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    Dear aaishah,

    You wrote: ” i fear if I cut ties with him my kids will grow with a void and they will blame me” and you asked: “… Has anyone else had to make a decision like this?”

    I never had children so I was not in your situation and didn’t have to make such a decision. On the other hand, my mother who divorced my father when I was five or six told me over the years that she kept contact with him so that he will visit me and so I will have a father and will not grow up “with a void” as you wrote.

    He did visit through the years but I grew up with a big void nonetheless because my relationship with him was not meaningful. I was a hurt, scared, lonely child because of a very bad relationship with my mother and my father didn’t attend to me.

    I would say: if the father of your two children is abusive to you in front of your children and/ or is abusive to them, then the void-of-abuse is a good thing. Do prevent your children from witnessing and experiencing abuse.

    If they blame you in the future, because they will not know the reason you prevented them from seeing their father (protecting them from abuse), explain it to them then- or before. But protecting them is your number one responsibility.

    anita

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