I was married for 29 years; we have two amazing children in their 20’s. We’ve been apart for 3 years and the year before that things were on and off while he tried to “make up his mind” whether to stay. His asking for a separation came out of the blue right after my mother’s death. I was devastated all through that time! I finally realized things weren’t going to change after my father died and he eventually found a place to live and left. I guess what I must feel is shame. Shame that the family I so proudly built could disintegrate like that. Shame that my kids have to deal with this situation and no longer have a two parent family. I’ve stayed friendly with my ex for the sake of the kids even though there are certainly reasons to be angry at him. We do everything together together when the kids come home. We’ve been on one family trip abroad and getting ready to go on another one in a few weeks. My current dilemma is that I saw him with someone else recently and it really hurt. I think when he realized I was at the same venue that they left. He also failed to acknowledge he knew me when a friend of mine was talking to his “date”. My friend didn’t know he was my ex and when she told them she was going to find me, he said nothing and his date said something about knowing me a long time ago. My friend was shocked when I told her that she she had just been talking to my ex. The woman he was with is someone he dated very briefly before he met me and that he often put down if we saw her or the subject of his dating her came up. Since I am going on a long plane ride with him and a family vacation in close quarters, I am feeling anxious about this “secret” between us. He won’t bring it up I am sure and will pretend they didn’t see me. He avoids emotion at all costs – maybe he thinks he is protecting me. I am upset, I can’t seem to completely let go of all we had together, so it hurts. I feel like I should let him know that I saw him so it’s not a secret! Ugg! I can’t believe I am hurt… We are officially divorced now and he gets a portion of my retirement to live on as part of the agreement. I was the breadwinner in this marriage and he was an artist. So many hurts still regarding all that! Should I acknowledge what I know? Stay silent? I hope I can enjoy my sons in his presence! I’ve been able to do it before! I know I’m unrealistic and avoiding the inevitable which is that he will probably have a serious relationship eventually and our little family get togethers will have to end…