Dear pinkiepops:

Having had OCD since I was five or six, I may understand your predicament. It was interesting to me recently when I learned that OCDs are labeled by the nature of the obsession, and yours is ROCD, Relationship OCD. This is why being single you had a relief from ROCD.

People’s OCDs, that is the topic of obsession, changes. Sometimes OCD is .. gone and anxiety is expressed some other way. Anxiety, that is, excessive, ongoing fear is in the core of OCD as well as many diagnoses, probably most.

Your fear is nesting at the moment where it is. Have you been in therapy for OCD/ anxiety? Medication? Are you in the practice of relaxation techniques, such as breathing, meditation/ mindfulness, yoga, exercise…? Such practice before you leave to the U.S and during your stay there can help, as in the core of OCD, there is anxiety. Keep yourself calm, and the OCD will weaken.

The key is to not panic when you have a thought. The key in OCD is to disengage from the thought and observe it from a calm place. Once you have a thought, don’t drown in it. Instead, breathe deeply, in and out, imagine a calming scenery and watch the thought drift through your scenery like a cloud in the sky. Here it is and there it is gone. There are such guided meditations, observing thoughts pass by. You may want to download such and take those with you on your travel.

Does your boyfriend know about your ROCD? Your predicament about going to the U.S? If you explain it to him he may cooperate with you and break up just for the purpose of your travel. Then re-unite when you are back.

If you want to back up your explanation to him, about ROCD, you can google Psych Forums, there click OCD and you will see posts regarding ROCD. You can share some of these with him so he can understand that indeed (like other young people share there), you are not planning on dating anyone in the U.S. You are experiencing an “intrusive thought” about dating someone. Not different than this common obsession in OCD sufferers: thinking after driving that one ran over a person on the road even though it didn’t happen. Often the person drives back and checks, even though nothing happened. The thought of having driven over someone is an intrusive thought not based on reality just like your thought about dating someone in the U.S.

anita

Dear pinkiepops:

Maybe you have OCD and you are not ready for a relationship. In your first thread you clearly stated that you wish you could be in a relationship so to make him happy, because you felt so guilty imagining him sad.

It seems to me that you are not ready for a relationship and that you have things to work on in therapy first, before considering a relationship and while not dating at all.

Can you explain this to your on-again-off-again boyfriend? Just tell him you are … not well and you are very sorry for the trouble, that you very much regret your part in this on-again-off-again, but you can’t handle (no matter how intensely you want to make him happy!)- you just can not handle having a relationship.

End it and keep it ended so you can be free and he has the opportunity to move on. I think it is best for the two of you.

anita

Dear pinkiepops,

Just following up after your other post. Oddly enough, I’ve done this too.. I’ve taken back my boyfriend after a few days.. so be it.. because he too, said he missed me and just couldn’t take the break. I missed him too, I did. I bet like me, it was truly hard for you to follow through with this. Maybe like I responded to your previous post (just now) the problem was communication.. maybe it was something else. As long as it’s an issue that can be worked through. One of the hardest things is learning when to walk away. I hope you’re truly happy. It’s important to be honest with yourself. Relationships are hard work, and as much as some people like to say they aren’t they are. It takes a fair amount of balance and love between the two people to make everything work. Problems will arise, that’s natural. To clarify, I was also the type to have a very specific idea of a relationship and would give up easily when it wouldn’t go my way. Just in case you resonate with any of that. Anyway I recently read an article about relinquishing control. Often times, we do things like freak out, jump to conclusions, or even break up with someone, because we’re scared and that I totally get. But that’s what makes love and relationships so much better. It’s scary, but sometimes when we let go that’s when we can really feel love thrive. I hope what I’ve said has been somewhat helpful.

I really wish you all the love and happiness that life has to offer.

-S