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Anger, anger, anger!!

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  • July 11, 2016 at 3:38 pm #109424
    keine
    Participant

    Hello lovely people…

    Presently I find myself at a point in my life where I am reflecting on past choices and events…for the most part I am content with the choices I’ve made..at least I feel that I have done the best I could with the hand I was dealt. I have had some wonderful times in my life, and felt joyful and passionate…but there has also been deep hurt.

    That is true with any life…we accept the good and the bad as part of our experience and life lessons…but for the past year or so I have felt so much anger and hostility towards people in my past, mainly those I had relationship with that didn’t work out. I won’t lay blame on any party; I take responsibility for my feelings. But I have forgotten the joy and peace and am focusing on the anger and pain.

    Most of the events which are triggering my anger happened years and years ago…the people involved have long since gone from my life and pose no threat to me. It’s over. It’s done. I’ve continued with my life. Why am I revisiting these people and events and making myself angry? How do I stop it and move on?

    July 11, 2016 at 4:00 pm #109428
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Elizabeth:

    You wrote: “It’s over. It’s done”- well, obviously not. You are revisiting past hurts because you are still hurt. Would you like to share more about the nature of your hurt and the anger?

    anita

    July 11, 2016 at 4:54 pm #109430
    keine
    Participant

    Thanks for replying. 🙂

    Without going into a long involved story, I survived an abusive relationship. That is the source of a lot of the anger.

    But that isn’t the one that is troubling me so much….it is a relationship that I left about 10 years ago. This person said some rather cruel things to me–I think it some ways it did more damage to me than the first relationship.

    I am coming to terms with the fact that I was abused (emotionally) in that relationship as well.

    Yes, I am still hurting. I probably always will be. But I want to move on and not let the past poison the present and future.

    July 11, 2016 at 6:07 pm #109431
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Elizabeth:

    In my case, having been abused by my mother, I wasn’t able to move on, to leave the past in the past until I stopped believing I deserved the abuse, that I caused it, that I should have prevented it. I had to go to the past and rescue the innocent me, the victim that I was, still waiting to be rescued.

    All along I believed I was responsible and so, I wasn’t able to move on. I was stuck.

    When that person said the cruel things to you, the words that hurt so much, did you believe those words, did a part of you believe and still believes those words? I wonder if that is what still hurts…?

    anita

    July 11, 2016 at 6:16 pm #109434
    keine
    Participant

    Yes Anita, I believed them. I still do.

    I hear his voice in my head whenever I make a mistake (or more often, just behaving in a way that he wouldn’t approve). Logically I know that I am not an inferior person for making mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with being myself…but it’s still painful to remember those words.

    I think what still hurts the most is that at the time I couldn’t stand up for myself….for fear of being abandoned. I believed that I was at fault because I was a bad person, and he was right to point out these faults. I can’t blame myself for behaving as I did.

    I am trying to approach memories of him from a place of compassion. He was (still is) a troubled and unhappy person. I hope that he has been able to get help for his problems and grow as a person.

    I am sorry that you were abused by your mother. I’m glad you realize now that you did nothing to deserve the abuse and that little girl knows she is safe now.

    July 11, 2016 at 7:38 pm #109441
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Elizabeth:

    Thank you for your empathy. There was a point to my sharing you may have missed: that when we believe what the abuser said about us, we can’t move on. Temporarily maybe, have a good stretch of time, but the painful words will haunt us as long as we believe them.

    The thing is part of you doesn’t believe those words and part of you does. If you completely believed them, they wouldn’t bother you and if you didn’t believe- you wouldn’t be bothered either. It is like if he said to you: You are human! You know it’s true, what’s the deal? No bother. If he said: you are a deer! You know it’s not true, maybe he is crazy, but no bother. Problem with what he said is that you are conflicted about it: part of you believes, part of you doesn’t and you struggle.

    Would you like to look more into what he said and figure out if it is true or not, so to put it on one side or the other (of your conflict about it)?

    anita

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