No not the film.However, after youve read this lot, it might not just your bums that numb!
12 years ago,we used to visit a bar in town.Every friday the same guys.After a while, you meet local girls.Thats the way it works right?
One pair of girls, were great fun.We would often have late drinks at one of their homes.It was nothing more, 4/5 guys maybe 3/4 girls.Drinks then home.I wasnt interested in relationships at this time anyway.I was recovering from an operation to cure a genetic cardiac condition.I was pretty much physically healed, but emotionally still a wreck(My surgeon warned me of this, so I wasnt overly concerned)i thought it prudent to keep woman at arms length, till my mood improved.
Anyway,one girl showed interest in me.She was bright and sassy.Three daughters and solvent.To cut it short,we went to hers for late drinks one night.I didnt go home.The classic friends becoming lovers scenario.I was 43, she was 40.
We were a couple for about a year.We were good to each other.When my heart played up, she took me to hospital.I helped her kids with homework.
Friends commented about us.One girl even asked me one night” “WTF is it with you two?.Its like you have some telepathic thing going on?”
Yup,thats how it felt to me.Anyway, one night we had some emotional texts between us.Things were misunderstood.She,by her own words, said she couldnt get over a flippant comment I made.A month or so later she called it quits.
At first,i WAS OK.I cut off contact.She invited me to her kids birthday party,I went.I didnt want to talk to her, and avoided her, even though we still both visited the same bar still.Her friends asked why I didnt want to remain friends.I didnt because it hurt.
After, taking her out for a drink on her birthday,to try for a failed reconciliation,I again ceased contact.
A year or so later, she hooked up with a new man.She tried hard to involve him with mutual friends, without much sucess.
She spent the next five years or so, with him in OUR bar every friday.Sometimes, it was hard to control myself.Fortunately,I drink very little.I was dating Tina at this time.A leggy girl, with a body like Jessica Rabbit.I distinctly remember looking at her over Tinas shoulder all night.I had no idea what Tina said all night.It was at this point,I knew whatever I had it was serious!
When we stopped drinking in the bar, we moved to various local pubs, that people of our age do.She would be there sometimes too.
Plus the fact she lives a 5 minute walk away,and I see her in town quite frequently.
3 years ago,I lost my father.Its always tough,and emortionally I was fragile.My friend and I were in the pub one saturday.Unusually, she was without her boyfriend.She was with her friend.Her friend, and mine had a history.They approached us.Her first words were “We have to geto ver this thing between us” I calmly replied.”There is no thing,everythings fine”
When were invited back for drinks.Whilst our mutual friends were “at it” She sat next to me, holding my hand and rubbing it quite forcefully,again asking for us to be friends”Again I said everythings fine.When I see you ill be polite and say hello,thats the best I can do” She again tried.”I enjoyed our time together” I replied “So did I, and I had big plans for us, but its long gone now babe”
I went outside for a smoke.She followed.Again the same request fro friendship.Again, I said passing “hellos” is the best I can do.
She became irritated, and gestured to my keys.I got the hint and left.
I saw her a week or so later in town.She didnt want to stop,I calmly held her wrist, and told her “Sure we can be friends”smiled and walked away.I wanted the last word.For once I didnt want her to end on a high.
I hit meltdown about a week later.Being alone with her, in her house with the three kids that thought the world of me was too much.It was like day one again ten years later.I sorted a physcotherapist.about 8 sessions.It didnt really help.
Ive not recovered,shes still there all the time.Ive tried to bury my feelings with younger, cuter women.All I do,is compare.No one “gets me” like she did.
I still see her in town.I did today.From a distance she will see me, and dive into a doorway.Anything to avoid me.Im fine with that.Indifference is worse.
Today,ive been in tears.More at the anger i feel, for not being able to deal with this.I used to be a decent boxer.Ive buried my family and freinds.Ive laid in CCU three times, whilst my chest was split open.Im accustomed to pain.Physical and emotional.All without complaint.Al these years later though.I miss her.I miss her all the time.I just dont know how not too……………

• This topic was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by paul coombs.
• This topic was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by paul coombs.