Dear Phxinphx:

What was it about the job in AZ that your husband couldn’t say No to? Not so much the pay, I understand.

What was it about your husband’s job for you that you were willing to quit your job and move away from the life by the beach that you liked so much?

anita

Hello,

I can feel your struggle, because we are in similar life position. I also relocated because of my partner, I faced isolation and different climate and culture, having to look for a job from scratch, and I have a new strange language to learn 🙂 It’s not easy, I have to say. Moving is one of the 10 biggest life stresses, so give yourself some permission to feel bit overwhelmed. Where I live, there are special practices that deal with people that need to re-adjust, so this says it all how serious issue it can be.

But I also would like to ask (to remind) yourself what were the strong reasons that made you relocate? And after the initial settling, will the financial situation get better (I know how much relocation costs)? It’s easier when you know why you did it, especially when the transition is not that smooth. Having a loving spouse by your side is strong enough reason… Everytime I’d present my problem to someone who understands this, they’d say that things are more difficult for the one that stays at home (10 hours loneliness per day in a city you absolutely don’t know anyone are very long hours). I am sure your partner (as mine) is aware about this.

Also people were telling me all the time I need to ‘make peace’ with my new life… 🙂 You have no idea how difficult was that for my ears a:) It still kind of is… So maybe I’d like to offer more of a sympathy than an advice… as a fellow that also goes through a transition 🙂

But I’ve talked to many other people that went through this. Things get better in time (they all said), you just need to ‘ground’ yourself again. My ‘cool’ general doctor even suggested doing meditation for my root chakra 😀 Take one day at a time. I know both me and you would like a magic wand that will give us a job, bunch of friends, the sense of stability we had in our old homes, right now.. How I crave for all of this :)All women want the stability of the home… But I know that these stuff were slowly acquired in my old environment, and they won’t come over night again here, too. We just need to have a patience, and persistence. That job will show up, new meaningful relationships will follow, finances will get better.. And don’t despair. I would never say ‘go back’ because that was the most hurtful advice I got from a ‘fake’ friend when I was in vulnerable state like you.. But I just wanna say that nothing in life is written in stone. Another friend of mine that also went through hard relocation, said that no one can tie you anywhere, if time goes and nothing good comes, we can look for options as long as we are alive and well. It helped her when she made a mental state that she just needs to give her new city a try. She is much better now 🙂

Are there at least charities and organisations where you can volunteer? Free courses? One of the advises I got is to establish a new routine. I go to aerobic classes where I don’t even understand a word, but feels good to go somewhere among people.

And if there is some free counseling regarding relocation issues,support groups, trust me, it’s worth giving it a try, cause as i said it’s not that naive problem as people might think. Even if it’s online.

Take your time, do one small step at a time, and never loose your hope. I believe everything happens for a reason, and being able to adapt to a new environment can make you much stronger, better and more secure person. I know we’ll get through this 🙂