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Is it an inner bully?

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  • June 28, 2016 at 11:42 am #108429
    dmierzw1
    Participant

    Here is what has happened since writing that (Like…25 min ago):
    My chest has opened up a bit, it feels lighter. My head doesn’t seem as dark. I can say, strongly, that those thoughts I wrote down in my book were in fact “real” beliefs/thoughts, and not me “making it up”, as my inner critic had warned. And in fact, after I got all of that out, a clear thought came to me: wow, my brain is really quick, and very flexible. I know this from all of the arguments it posed in my writing exercise. It’s able to change stances and argue from different angles, it can grasp at straws and create connections that may not actually be there. I then reminded myself that too much of anything isn’t good, and that my strong, flexible brain can get out of hand, too. Seeing those thoughts in red, and being able to clearly see them (as opposed to seeing them blur by in my brain, intimidating me with their lack of clarity) allows me to observe them while remembering that my thoughts are just thoughts; they aren’t always true, and they aren’t me. I’m happy to be able to see these bully-ish thoughts and instead of being afraid of them, feel grateful to have such a powerful mind. The same mind that helps me draw connections and move forward as a designer/artist.

    June 28, 2016 at 8:19 pm #108448
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dylan:

    Glad you started this thread. In your first post above you wrote: “I understand that being open and curious to our inner critic is the very way they lose their power”- I disagree.

    There are two different things here: one is the Superego, the one Freud came up with. It is a mental part we all need, have to have to survive. It is the part that makes us able to control ourselves, so when we are angry we don’t automatically act on it, but evaluate situations before acting. It is also the part that we need to not overeat, over drink and run in the streets naked just because we feel like it. We have to have an inner critic for our well being.

    Problem is so many of us has an inner critic with an extra layer of abuse attached to it. This extra layer of abuse is just that… abuse. It is not well intended. Just like an abuser from the outside, like a real life bully, this inner bully wants us harm.

    So when I write “inner bully” I am referring to that extra layer of the inner critic. We need to keep the inner critic and remove from it the abuse.

    I think that a real life bully was introduced into your life when you were a young child, a very young child when your brain was still forming, a mother or a father bullying you. Is that so?

    anita

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