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Regrets and repent on lost things

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  • June 21, 2016 at 12:10 am #107825
    sia
    Participant

    Also I am scared that God almighty granted me the love of my life after such an intense prayer, but i pushed it away in foolishness and I won’t get another chance ever in life. .
    I am scared that no one will ever shower this much of affection on me and i might carry this deficit ( i dont know the proper word here in place of deficit) for my life. My parents are searching for a groom for me but after realising that i love him, i don’t feel like seeing anyone else.
    I feel angry towards him for giving in to social pressure and getting married to the other girl, when he loved me.
    How could he stand beside another girl and participate in all marriage rituals if he really loved me?

    June 21, 2016 at 7:45 pm #107899
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sia:

    This man you wrote about, according to your sharing, is not a decent, trustworthy man. Every word he says would be suspect to me (if I was you). Your loneliness is so extreme that your natural need to love-and-be-loved drew you toward this man even though you knew inside he was not decent and not trustworthy. Good for you that you didn’t end up married to him, and I hope you stay away from him.

    Obviously, you need love in your life but be it a decent man, one you approve of, one you can trust.

    I am so sorry you are so lonely where you are. You wrote you are there because your parents want you there, is that correct? You are where you are because you are following your parents’ orders?

    anita

    June 21, 2016 at 9:45 pm #107909
    sia
    Participant

    Yes, anita i am where I am geographically and also in this place in life because i obey my parent’s orders.my parents fight a lot,my father is abusive physically and mentally. He has an affair,she keeps seeing her still, even when he is 60yrsold now,and fights with my mother whenever he comes back from there.my mother is struggling so much, she also has to go to work as he made her sign for bank loan worth a lot of money,which he gave to the other woman.so she juggles work, household work,she is searching for arranging alliance for me,and so at home she feels is not suitable for my stay.but she feels this city is safer for single women staying alone;also this is far away for anyone to know about our father. With so much on her plate, i feel guilty to go out with another outsider, but i was so lonely.at first i thought that it is normal to feel that way as i am in early 30s,due to some hormonal chNges..and now i feel like iam in love with him, i feel very very guilty to hurt him,i also hurt myself by not acknowledging my feelings.
    I want to come out of all this and be like before – happy to be alone.
    But my thoughts go to him every awake moment, now I see him in my dreams too.suddenly once he us gone,everything about him feels perfect, lovable.

    June 22, 2016 at 7:05 am #107925
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sia:

    Your last sentence above is: “suddenly once he us gone,everything about him feels perfect, lovable.”

    What was with that man was not “perfect, lovable”- it only feels this way.
    The home of your childhood, the home where your parents still live, nothing there was or is “perfect, lovable”

    What is “perfect, lovable” is the little girl sia, the child that you were. It is a great shame that you were not treated as the perfect and lovable child that you were. So you grew up to … not know that you are indeed okay, approved, lovable. And you are still attached to your mother, waiting for her to okay you, approve of you, allow you to live a good life for yourself.

    You obeyed your parents, particularly your mother, all your life and it is not working for you. If you made your own choices, you would be in a better place in life.

    Your mother has not managed her own life well, why trust her in managing your life well? She is working to pay off a debt incurred by the woman her husband is still having an affair with. Trusting her with managing your life…? Well, it is unreasonable.

    I know you care about your mother a whole lot. We are born that way, needing our mothers, doesn’t matter who the mother is. And I understand the cultural pressure to obey your parents into adulthood and old age, obey them until they die and beyond.

    But shouldn’t you evaluate if such obedience should be reserved for adult children of parents who manage their lives well; who have a reasonable record for managing their own lives?

    anita

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