fbpx
Menu

Trust & Relationships

Home→Forums→Relationships→Trust & Relationships

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • May 24, 2016 at 8:18 am #105489
    Jordan L
    Participant

    Im having a hard time learning to trust ANYONE in my life, and i finally have an amazing man and feel myself questioning him and not trusting him, and he has never done anything for me NOT to trust him.

    How do i let go of my past enough to learn to trust my new boyfriend?

    May 24, 2016 at 8:31 am #105491
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jleigh046:

    To let go of your past, you have to be clear about what that past was. You learned to not trust anyone because of your past experience. Your past lead you to believing that nobody is trustworthy. As long as you believe this, the past is living in you and dictating a lot of your present. To change this belief will take examining and evaluating it.

    If you want to examine and evaluate this belief, please think about your past experience and post the evidence in your past that supports the belief that no one is trustworthy. Will you do that here?

    anita

    May 25, 2016 at 5:56 am #105593
    Jordan L
    Participant

    My past experience with trusting people has made me question everything, investigate everything. I would catch my ex talking to other woman on social media behind my back, or he would cancel plans with me to go hang out with friends. I get we each needed separate time apart, but he always made me feel that i was second best. I have such self esteem issues because i have never felt good enough because i was never #1 in any of my exes eyes. Theres things that my current b/f does that trigger those feelings. I know that he would never do those things to me, but it brings back horrible memories, and i want to learn how to deal with those memories and not bring them into my relationship now. I dont want the memories of my past to ruin what i have now, or to take me back. I obviously will always be reminded of that stuff, but i want to learn to cope with it, and not let it affect me any longer. My boyfriend is starting to see that. I find myself checking over his shoulder when hes on facebook. I have been with him for a little over 7 months and have NEVER caught him doing ANYTHING, EVER. i know deep down i wont ever find anything but i feel its in my nature to investigate because part of me is so afraid im going to find something, and then part of me feels like i will never find anything. I over think everything and am trying my hardest to stop but it just doesnt seem good enough.

    May 25, 2016 at 6:55 am #105596
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jleigh046:

    I think it will help if you share this very fear with your boyfriend, the fear of being disregarded, not being #1. Tell him how this behavior by other boyfriends lead to your fear now. When you share with him, as long as you don’t blame him for your feelings of fear and hurt, he is likely to feel empathy for you and comfort you, which is what you need in those moments of suspicion: comfort.

    This way, as he helps you, he is likely to seek your comfort in areas he needs it. He may be encouraged to share with you (like you did, share with him) what bothers him. Then you will comfort him.

    And this is what a good, loving relationship is about; each person sharing responsibly the troubles within and the other person listening with empathy and providing comfort in words, tone of voice, expression of eyes, face and acts.

    If you share responsibly at every time (not blaming him), he may do things to let you know you are his number #1. When he does, it may not “cure” your distrust. It will take time. Be patient with the process. Share but not too often or for too long, so not to burden him. Give it time.

    anita

    May 26, 2016 at 4:29 am #105663
    Harry lynch
    Participant

    I really need a helping hand, or some guidance day to day tips, because i feel like i am at crossroad, it may seem like nothing to some but for me it felt the opposite may e because i already have trust issues, but while i was working away my partner was in a group chat and on our first valentines we weren’t together, but she sent a pic of one of them apps on facebook to say who your valentine is or should be, they found it ammusing, but it wasn’t for me, then months later she was chatting to an old college friend, you know usual stuff how’s life etc. He then started saying explicit stuff and instead of blocking him she just ‘lol’ it and carried on chatting, she said she didn’t want to be rude by saying go away, but if it was the other way around obviously I would be in trouble. I love her so much, but i am also in so much pain i am begging for some help here

    May 26, 2016 at 7:13 am #105668
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear soldierboy: will you copy your above post and paste it in a new thread? (Click Forums, choose a Category (ex. Relationships), Click on it, go down the page to the empty box). On a new thread where you are the original poster, I will be able to comment.
    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.