Hi Plvillegas,

Thank you for sharing, and opening up. I can feel the hurt and pain in your words, but also your sense your heart is trying to tell you something. The summary you share, leads me to offer some words that may help….

Firstly, you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional state. I have also had a relationship where depression is present, and as much as you try, say, do or intend, you are not responsible for changing or fixing him. This means also that you are not responsible to put yourself on the line, stopping your own studies, uplifting your life, and committing to him with everything you have for his betterment, or mental state. You can support, listen, understand, talk, discuss, share thoughts and feelings, but you can not be responsible for what he feels. He must work on himself, as it is his journey. Considering that there is also a level of instability that already exists, you need to ensure that your cup is full, before being there for him.

Secondly, I would suggest that the greatest issue here is trust. Trust is a pillar of a relationship between people, without trust, it is near impossible to continue a relationship as it was. It can be done, but there is a lot of work to rebuild to where the relationship was. This needs to be recognised and accepted by both people, and a willingness to rebuild the trust. To build trust, you give it first and see if it returns back to you. You have done this from what I sense. Your mind now is confused as the trust is broken. You mind is unwilling to accept this at the moment, because your love is still strong for him. Trust and respect go hand in hand…… I sense that both have been tested already.

I also have experienced similar in a relationship (although I initiated the breakups), where something was just not aligned in the relationship, and after separating on numerous occasions, a strong desire to return back to what existed was constantly there. What needs to be addressed here are boundaries. No more instability, and each person must know what those boundaries are. If broken, you must have self integrity and walk away. Perhaps this has already happened, as lying and cheating are not frivolous acts. Boundaries are a guide, and can change upon agreement, and they grow as the trust and respect grows. this is also a pilar of a relationship as it builds.

Putting myself in your shoes, I would allow some distance in the relationship to occur and spend time with myself for a while, keep working at my goals, and allow myself to discover who I am now, after what has happened. Each relationship shapes us, redirects us, guides us, and changes us. For me, this would now become my utmost priority.

Sending a hug for your courage 🙂

Best

Evan