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Working a lot and tired…

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  • #101482
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’ve been working a lot and don’t have reliable wi-fi. By Sunday I’m really tired and just rest. I’m going through the healthy steps of the grieving process. I’m not angry or in depression about the sudden loss of my best friend because I knew since the day I met him in July of 2005 that he had a lot of health issues and spoke to him a few days before his passing about the surgery he was having on his heart. I cried a lot when I got the news of course and I shed some tears every now and again, knowing I won’t be able to call up my friend and gets his advice about important things. It’s not a walk in the park for sure because I have 11 years of so many wonderful memories. Mark respected me as a woman who’s a lesbian and also as my friend. He has been there for me through so many tears, losses and heartaches but mostly happy times. Out of all the friends I have, he was my number #1 friend and when he first moved to Arizona in 2005, I was the first friend and lesbian friend he made and had for awhile. He always respected women, which is why I remained friends and trusted him all these years. As I’m writing this, there are a lot of tears but I’m hopeful towards the future and if there is so many positive memories and talks Mark and I had, that I will always hold on to a cherish forever. So many laughs that I will never forget. I didn’t write this for pity or for any to feel sorry for me. I wrote this as a way to express my grief in a healthy way. Of course any positive input or questions are always welcomed. Today was my job’s annual party for us employees but I decided not to go, as I’m not comfortable with fraternizing with a lot of people I work with outside the workplace. I also, felt that it was important for me to take the time and grieve a little, as I was unable to do that on my days off last week. The good news is that the Russian girl finally moved out… Thank the heavens for that. The woman did not know how to be respectful towards others as far as being roommates and respecting the shared living space by allowing us to be/feel comfortable. Anyway, thanks for reading.

    Sending so much love, positivity and light your way!

    M.

    #107548
    Sann
    Participant

    Hi Elletinker,

    I just read your post now, even though it is from a while ago, and still wanted to reply something, but don’t really know what to say to your post.
    Just want to let you know that I have read it, and sympathise with you, for being so tired. It can be hard to find your balance again after some difficult happenings, when you are working so much.
    You write very clearly and neutral about the dear friend that you lost, and you probably knew it a while in advance. But in the meantime, there are probably a lot of emotions underneath that maybe need some more space to get out, than what is possible at the moment. I find it very hard, to keep all of this in, and not having the space.

    Myself, I have barely no friends because of difficulties with that, so when I read what you write about your friendship, my feeling is very double. Such a loss, of such a loving friend. At the other hand, how lucky you are to have had such a good and loving friend. He certainly made your life a lot richer and it is nice to read how grateful you are for that. I think that I would love to have a good friend like that. But, it must be hard to lose somebody like that. My condoleances.
    I hope that on the long term, when the grief has passed a little bit, that the gratitude and happiness you had with him, will take the upper hand. I think they will, they way you write about it.
    I am also wondering, this post is from 2 months ago, that is very recently about something like that, how are you doing now?

    Glad to hear that the Russian girl is moving out. I remember you writing about her a few months ago, and she was already driving you crazy then. So, good that you get some space again, hopefully somebody nicer moved in and you got rest back.
    I remember an other post where you wrote that you are very sensitive for other people’s energy, so I imagine she caused you a lot of stress with all her craziness? It might take some time for you to get back to a more peaceful state of mind, or was that easy, once she moved out?

    Anyway, I wish you well and hope you are having some balance.
    Take care.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Sann.
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