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The friendship is draining me.

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • March 29, 2016 at 9:40 am #100389
    Teslalova
    Participant

    Hi all,
    I was wondering if you could help me gain some clarity on a situation I find myself in. My childhood friend and I have become close post college and we have done everything together. She is currently seeing a guy, that does not treat her well and she knows it, yet he’s still around. However she only tells me the negative things about him and when pressed for where she sees the relationship going with him, she’s just “going with the flow” and leaving all the decisions of their relationship to this confused guy. Where my need of help comes in is I am emotionally drained listening to the same thing over and over with no inkling of things that things are changing. I am trying my hardest not to snap and say “I don’t want to hear it” but it’s getting harder and harder. She knows her worth yet does questionable things with guys who could give two craps about her and is patient to a fault to the point where guys walk all over her. Anyways I know this shouldn’t come between our friendship but I think it’s driving us apart. Any light you can shed on how I should approach her about it would be most helpful! Thank you!

    March 29, 2016 at 10:01 am #100393
    Claire
    Participant

    Firstly I have just been through the exact same thing. I had to take a step back. You need to pr protect yourself and your own well being. I would make a decision to take a step back yourself and not get involved. You may want to protect your friend but at the end of the day she she has her own mind. Divert conversation anand stop making her relationship the focus of attention. I know you care but you need to not be so involved, for your own sanity.

    March 29, 2016 at 10:43 am #100396
    Anna
    Participant

    I think everyone has had this friend. It is a really hard thing to listen to the same ol’ thing over and over. Is she asking for you advice? Is she just wanting to vent? Sometimes silence can speak the loudest..perhaps your lack of engaging and response will send a message that you don’t care to continue playing the same old record over and over. Maybe if she brings it up, you change the subject or suddenly have someplace to be. After awhile, she may gain some self awareness. I know from my own personal experience, back when I was younger and thought my lovelife was the end all, be all, I drove many a good friend away with my self absorption about rather unhealthy things. Part of this is due to simply being young but we must all teach people how to treat us..and if she gets the memo that you’re OVER it, perhaps this is a catalyst for change in HER. Best of luck!

    March 29, 2016 at 2:19 pm #100412
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jholidda12:

    I would tell your friend just that, that you don’t want to listen to the same old same old about her boyfriend, that you already gave her your feedback and unless she has something new to share with you, to stop.

    Listening to a person who repeats herself with no indication she heard a single word you said in return, is a form of torture, for the listener, so assert yourself against it.

    anita

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