Tag: worrying

5 Things to Remember When You Start Worrying

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~Benjamin Franklin

Have you every worried yourself to the point of emotional, even physical exhaustion?

Do you often feel stuck, anxious, or mistrustful of the world around you?

I know what it’s like to feel trapped by worry—in fact, I have always been a chronic worrier.

I worried and obsessed mostly about the hypothetical, the imaginary, the infinite variety of “what-if” scenarios. Eventually, I convinced myself that if I worried about every conceivable thing that could go wrong in my life, I would either avoid them altogether or numb myself of their effects.

As time went on and responsibilities increased, the worries intensified. I became anxious about raising my children well. I worried about money, career, and what people thought of me.

Then one day, I experienced a mild panic attack. Feeling overwhelmed with all I needed to get done that day, I began to experience dizziness and intense feelings of fear.

For a moment, I felt like I was living in an altered reality as my legs wobbled beneath me, and my heart pounded in my chest. I quickly found a private place to sit until the feelings passed.

I knew this was a wake-up call. I needed to find ways to manage my worry and anxiety before it got worse.

Over the years, I’ve found that embracing the following five truths stops worry from spiraling out of control:

1. You are not your worry.

For a long time, I did what most people who worry do—I tried to make it stop. I quickly learned that trying to block thoughts of worry was like trying to stop a river from flowing.

I eventually learned a simple but profound truth that changed everything for me:

You are not your emotions.

This is the power of detachment. Not the detachment that tries to be stoic but the one that allows you to feel your emotions without identifying with them.

I began to apply this by observing myself non-judgmentally as I worried. As I continued to observe myself, I learned to be at peace with my inability to stop worrisome thoughts. But I also learned that I could change my response to those worrying thoughts for the better. The same can be true for you.

2. Worry cannot exist in the present.

We rarely worry about problems we presently face. Worrying is a future-oriented activity fueled by uncertainty and anticipation.

The truth of this realization was another game changer for me. As I reflected, I could see that all of my worries were about a future I could not control. What about the past? The only past events I worried about were the ones I feared would adversely affect my future.

Want to avoid worry altogether? Stay in the now. I learned to do this through mindfulness meditation. A simple mindfulness technique is to focus on your breath when you begin to drift away from the present. Let each inhalation and exhalation ground you right where you are.

3. Worry can be confined.

If you’ve ever struggled with worry, you know that it can easily consume your entire day. This happened to me regularly. Once I learned to accept my worry, I decided to confine it rather than allow it free reign over my life. I would set aside a limited amount of time to allow my mind to worry intensely on its latest subject. At the end of that period, I would let it go.

Want to confine your worry? Try scheduling ten to thirty minutes a day for worry. Use this time to visualize your anxious feelings, write them down, and come up with an action plan for dealing with the root causes of your worry. If the worry reappears outside this scheduled time, postpone it until the next worry period.

4. You can give away your worry.

Have you ever noticed that your worry intensifies the more you focus on yourself? In the past, I used my worry to draw myself inward. I focused on my own needs and ignored the needs of others. It rarely helped to reduce my worry.

One of the things I learned by observing myself was my tendency to forget about my worries when I worried about other people and helped them with their needs. I let the onset of worry be a signal to call a lonely friend or spend time with a loved one. I learned to give my worry away.

5. You are human.

The greatest source of my worry was my attempt to be superhuman. I was trying to be all things to all people. I worried incessantly about what they thought of me. Instead of beating myself up for not living up to everyone’s expectations, I decided to embrace my limitedness. I cannot please everyone, and I am at peace with this truth.

It’s Time to Take a Stand

I know it might seem hard for you to integrate these tips, especially if, like most of us, you’ve struggled with a long-standing habit of coddling worry rather than openly challenging it.

But you can break down this habit one step at a time. Imagine a life without the controlling effects of worry. A life where worry itself is controlled and confined. Imagine no longer being emotionally drained by worry so that you can be truly present to those you love.

Stand up to worry. Today.

Separate yourself from it. Confine it. And let it go.

January 28, 2015
How To Calm Your Worries by Admitting What You Don’t Know

“Most things I worry about never happen anyway.” ~Tom Petty

There was once a wise farmer who had tended his farm for many years. One day his horse unexpectedly ran away into the mountains. Upon hearing the news, the farmer’s neighbors came to visit.

“How terrible,” they told him.

“We’ll see,” the wise farmer replied.

The next morning, to the farmer’s surprise, the horse returned, bringing with it three wild horses.

“How wonderful. You are very lucky,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“We’ll see,” replied the farmer.

The following day, the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses. The horse was untamed and the boy was thrown and fell hard, breaking his leg.

“How sad,” the neighbors said, offering sympathy for the farmer’s misfortune.

“We’ll see,” answered the farmer.

The next day, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“We’ll see,” the farmer said.

This Zen story demonstrates the wisdom of not jumping to conclusions. Have you ever worried about something, only to later discover that your worry was unfounded and untrue? The ego is afraid of the unknown, so it jumps to conclusions in order to feel a sense of certainty.

In our ego’s need for certainty, we make assumptions. And when we make assumptions, we make mistakes.

We can never know how the future will unfold. Yet fear convinces us to believe in present circumstances and future outcomes that are totally untrue. This is the origin of worry. Worry is the ego’s way of satisfying itself with an answer—any answer, no matter how irrational it is.

I worry about many things, big and small. I worry about getting stuck in my career, being rejected in my relationships, not having enough money, and whether or not I will miss the next subway into Manhattan.

But worry is dangerous. When we worry, we make mistakes. For example, I might make an assumption about you, such as thinking you are angry with me. Then I act on this assumption.

The false premise of my actions causes me to become defensive. My actions then cause you to make an assumption about me. Since you are unable to see that I am trying to protect myself, you assume I am angry with you.

Soon we are engaged in mutual anger based on a false assumption caused by worry.

The truth is, I will never know fully what is in your head, and you will never know fully what is in mine. Therefore, acting under the ignorance of assumption creates a ripple effect of mistakes.

Imagination + Fear = Worry

It is common in our society to believe that more thinking is always better. This is not always so. Intelligence is an incredible tool, but over-thinking can be just as harmful as under-thinking. Over-thinking is a sickness that creates paranoia and worry.

When we over-think, we make up scenarios in our mind and convince ourselves that these scenarios are true.

Without enough data to make a proper assessment of a situation, our ego hijacks our imagination and jumps to fear-based assumptions. Imagination is usually a powerful creative force, but when imagination is applied with fear, it becomes worry.

The Universe works in mysterious ways. Embracing the mystery of life gives us a calm within the storm of uncertainty.

Instead of over-thinking and jumping to false conclusions, learn to relax your thoughts and say, “I don’t know.”

Trusting uncertainty gives us peace and confidence; and when we wait in stillness without the need for an answer, the truth will reveal itself. The end of fearing the unknown is the end of worry.

Worry is wishing for what you don’t want.

Thoughts are magnets that attract our reality. Peaceful thoughts create a peaceful reality. Fearful thoughts create a fearful reality.

A thought repeated on a regular basis becomes a habit. When a thought becomes a habit, it forms a belief. When a thought forms a belief, it attracts external events that align with your internal state.

Energy flows where attention goes. When you focus on what you want, it is more likely to come to pass. When you focus on what you do not want, it is more likely to come to pass. When you worry, you send a signal into the Universe that attracts your worry. Your focus over time forms your future.

Will a single thought of worry cause your worry to come true? Probably not. Will sustaining your worry with attention and focus over a long period of time attract the worry into your life? The more you focus, the more likely it becomes.

Because focus forms your future, it is important to only concentrate on thoughts you want to actualize.

Your reality grows from the seeds you plant. The seeds of your beliefs grow into your thoughts. The seeds of your thoughts grow into your actions. The seeds of your actions grow into your karma.

You are responsible for the seeds you plant, not the results. When you place your attention on the present moment, without attachment to the past or worry about the future, and plant seeds according to your highest intentions, the results will fall into place.

Worry is an irrational attachment to, or fear of, a specific result. While it sounds counterintuitive, the only way you can achieve a desired result is by not focusing on the result; you must focus on your effort—here and now.

You cannot change what is already growing. Instead, start planting different seeds.

We’ll see.

I still worry. But now, whenever my ego gives me something to worry about, I take a deep breath and meditate in silence for a moment.

I sit in stillness and reassure myself. “I don’t have enough data to understand how this event will impact my future,” I say. “Perhaps there is a plan in place that I cannot see. I don’t know what will happen next and that is perfectly okay. I will not jump to conclusions. Let’s wait and see what happens.”

Woman and the sky image via Shutterstock

January 25, 2015
Do You Think You Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted?

“What you resist, persists.” ~C.G. Jung

There it is: Perfection, Eureka!—the holy grail of achievement, like an elusive mirage in the middle of a desert or that pesky little pot of gold we are always hunting for at the end of the rainbow, purring with all of its possibilities, protection, and promise.

Yet, despite its charm and the value we tend to assign to the trait, as well as on those who possess it, perfectionism ultimately leads to the same destination. In striving for perfection, we may soon find ourselves disappointed, dissatisfied, and even sometimes, knee-deep in suffering and denial, like I did.

What does it really mean to be perfect? To do things perfectly? To be a perfectionist?

For me, perfectionism is best described as a constant striving—the sense that you or the circumstances in your life are unacceptable as they are. This also goes far beyond a healthy desire for excellence or improvement.

The chance to do more and to be more consumed me. And ultimately, the chance to become the living, breathing, endlessly disciplined and carefully retouched image of my actual self was just too tantalizing.

It seemed to offer me the ability to control the circumstances as well as the people around me, shaping them all and living life according to my own terms and conditions.

We are often taught that along with perfectionism, and its corresponding high level of accomplishment, comes an automatic sense of admiration, security, certainty, and predictability—all acting as some sort of insurance or safeguard against the painful, frustrating, and seemingly unavoidable irritations and nuances of our day-to-day lives.

What I realize now is this: I longed to be admired by all, yet truly seen and known by none. For me, perfectionism became a way to mask all those less-than perfect, too different or undesirable aspects of my self.

Growing up, I felt fundamentally different from my peers, which at the time, translated to feeling inferior and never quite fitting or blending in. I had decided I stood out like a sore thumb.

Being biracial and heavily influenced by my Peruvian culture growing up, I remember longing to fit in or to be more like those around me—to watch American television shows, to listen to American music and radio in the car, and to eat American food every night for dinner.

At school, I desperately hoped to fit in and be accepted, but despite my best efforts, oftentimes, I felt like I was on the outside looking in.

I did not understand then that what made me different actually gave me insight, depth, openness, compassion, and the ability to empathize with others.

I longed to push my differences deep down, far enough that I could just about convince myself that they had actually vanished, and that I was victorious.

Later on, my obsession with perfectionism and its illusion of control took up most of my time, consumed my mind, yet left me riddled with feelings of anxiety, depression, unworthiness, shame, guilt, and several increasingly unbalanced and unhealthy relationships in its wake.

It was never enough. The harder I tried, the more I felt sure I was failing, and the pain inside grew stronger. I came to better hide my true self, feeling ashamed of the parts that did not measure up.

I had already decided I was unworthy, because I was simply too bossy, too sensitive, too shy, too fearful, too quiet, too reactive, too emotional, too unfocused, too messy, too raw, and entirely too quirky. I was too imperfect as I was.

In being so judgmental of myself, it is no wonder that this critical perspective began to spread and apply to everything and everyone around me.

Once I am perfect, or closer to perfect, we find ourselves thinking, I will finally be that much closer to being able to truly and wholly accept and love myself. At last, I thought, I can be safe, decidedly removed from all judgment and ridicule—no longer vulnerable or ashamed.

I was no longer forced to see and accept things as they were—the good and the bad, all braided together into one and, always already beyond the span of my control.

The incessant worrying, people pleasing, and the constant search for external validation through the approval of others all culminated in the implosion of a four-year romantic relationship that I had been doing just about everything in my power and beyond to maintain—even at the expense of my overall well being.

This was my misguided attempt to ensure everything appeared seamlessly and seemingly picture perfect for everyone around me.

Nights spent crying and mornings where I could not bring myself to get out of bed, I knew I was drained and broken down. I could not keep pushing forward and denying myself, and I could no longer disguise or deny the chaos lurking only inches below the perfectly polished façade.

I had been denying my true self, my needs, my wants, and my feelings to the point where they became unintelligible to me. In fact, I am still working to decode, understand, and listen to them.

But I do know this much: What I was craving more than anything was to be seen and accepted for who I was—without all that extra effort and perfectionism piled on top.

I wanted to belong, to be desired, and to be loved for who I am already. And I was looking for that stamp of approval outside of myself and from others.

When I looked around me, all I could see were my unrealistically high expectations mirrored back at me. The seeds of expectation and subsequent suffering had now firmly taken root.

With reality on one side and my demands and expectations on the other, I found myself bridging the chasm, clinging to both sides, exhausted, and using nearly every last bit of energy in my reserve to unsuccessfully close the gap between expectation and reality.

The solution: complete and total acceptance of what is—of your present set of circumstances: self, feelings, wants, and needs, for better or for worse.

Here is the key: you don’t have to be happy with or even have chosen your present set of circumstances in order to acknowledge them or to simply see them as they are in their unfiltered state.

Not you, nor your circumstances, nor the people in your life need to be perfect (or even any different than they are at this exact moment) in order for you to accept them.

You can accept uncertainty, and you can accept that sometimes, temporarily, you may not be feeling happy, and you might even be feeling pain inside. Allow it. Feel it. Listen to it.

The reason this is possible is because everything changes—all circumstances and feelings are constantly rearranging, changing, and forever in flux. Nothing is truly permanent, fixed, or secure. And perfectionism does nothing to change that.

To accept means to see and to acknowledge what is—with brutal and unflinching honesty. It means seeing without resistance and reserving the desire to control or to change what you see. No more hiding from or resisting reality.

Fortunately, this is the foundation for genuine and enduring self-love, self-compassion, and being truly grounded and in touch with your true self. This in turn, becomes the most natural way of authentically being able share boundless and replenishing love and compassion with others.

Hiding man image via Shutterstock

November 18, 2014
What Worrying Does

Source: Love of Life Quotes

September 8, 2014
Worrying Won’t Stop Bad Stuff from Happening

Source: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

August 29, 2014
What Worrying Does

Source: Chibird

February 13, 2014
6 Ways Your Mind Tries to Control Your Life

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Our mind is a funny thing. On the one hand, it’s awesome. But on the other, it can pulverize us more quickly and ruthlessly than anything else.

Our mind is inherently scared. That’s its job, to be cautious—to keep us alive, to have us cross roads safely and not get eaten by a lion. But left unchecked, it can become paralyzed with fear and meaner than a cornered crocodile.

And it’s incredibly bossy.

The mind’s tendency to want to control is so strong and so habitual that we often don’t realize when it tries to push our inner wisdom and natural sense of ease and love aside.

The bad news is there is no book or course that will change the nature of our mind. The good news? We don’t have to change it. The problem isn’t our mind but how we use it.

We feel anxious, fearful, sad, or resentful when we give our mind too much power, when we follow its dopey ideas against our better judgment.

Here’s how to spot when your mind is trying to take over.

1. When you ignore your natural inclination.

Your mind is smart. Not wise smart but computer smart.

Your mind isn’t into all that woolly intuition jazz. It wants facts. It likes making calculations. Running the odds.

Say you want to call a friend you haven’t thought of in years. But then your mind says, “Don’t be silly. He’s probably not home. He won’t remember me.”

So you don’t call.

But have you ever followed one of those inclinations and then looked back and seen, wow, look at everything that happened after?

And what about decisions like what to do with your life? The logical way is listen to experts or copy what works for other people. Your mind loves this.

This is why we ignore the little voice that says, “You should be a writer,” and choose instead to study statistics, because there are plenty of jobs for statisticians. Or we train to be a dancer because we’re “good at that.”

Except you aren’t “other people.” And experts aren’t as expert about you as you are. And just because you’re “good at something” doesn’t mean it’s what you want to do.

2. When you want to say no but you end up saying yes.

Do you have trouble saying no?

I used to. I didn’t even see it as a serious option until I was age twenty-three and so strung out from months of overdoing that I went for five nights without sleep in the middle of finals.

It was messy.

I thought there were rules more important than my deep desire not to do something. Rules like be a good friend, be a good student, go to lots of parties.

It took me months to recover.

This is, of course, a total mind thing. Your mind wants to be liked and it thinks everything is important.

Your mind doesn’t realize that saying “no” isn’t a big deal, or even a medium deal. Or that your intuition is where wisdom lies.

Not only is it your right to do as you genuinely desire, it benefits everyone when you do.

I was watching An Angel at My Table recently, based on the autobiography of Janet Frame, one of New Zealand’s favorite authors. Janet spent eight years in a psychiatric hospital, had two hundred electroshock treatments, and narrowly escaped a lobotomy only to learn years later that she wasn’t unwell; she just didn’t like being very social, and if she did what she felt like doing, she was fine.

3. When you constantly text or check your phone, email, or Facebook status.

I love the Internet and email and reading comments on my blog. Just love it. What an awesome world we live in.

But often I feel off balance because of it. Or rather, because of how I use it.

And it’s not like I don’t know why I get so hooked on it. I do. I’m looking for approval.

The need for approval goes deep. Not only is it a natural trait of the mind, it’s entrenched by our schooling system.

But it’s dangerous. It keeps you distracted from the present moment and trains you to worry when people disapprove. Which they will.

The modern hyper-connected world is addictive. To the mind it’s like candy.

So what’s the answer? Give it all up?

Personally, heck no. But setting limits and removing temptation keeps things in check.

4. When you think, “It’s all very well for them.”

Have you ever heard an inspirational story and thought, “It’s all very well for him, he came from a rowing family. It’s easy for him to row the Northwest Passage.”

You see it all the time and it’s a classic case of your mind resisting change, worried you’ll want to make some leap of your own.

Take Elizabeth Gilbert and her book, Eat, Pray, Love.

It wasn’t a story about traveling around the world. Not really. It was about survival and courage and how one woman used the resources she had to save herself.

Thinking, as a few did, that it’s all very well for her she could afford to travel around the world is missing the point.

We all have the ability to get up off our metaphorical bathroom floor. And we all have our own unique set of resources to help us. When your mind is quickly dismissive and judgmental, it’s trying to stop you from seeing this.

5. When you try and control someone else.

Have you ever thought you knew better than someone else and tried to get them to do things your way?

Just like dozens of times a day, right?

Your mind is certain you have to intervene. You don’t. Your mind thinks it knows best. It doesn’t.

Trying to control other people, in small and big matters, is not only annoying and disrespectful, it stops the flow of life. You miss out.

I don’t know how many times I’ve experienced a profound and unexpected pleasure after I’ve ignored the urge to butt in.

6. When you feel inadequate for being “too negative.”

We’re inundated with messages telling us we should be grateful and positive and the like. They’re well meaning, but ultimately unhelpful.

Because here’s the catch.

Your mind regards these ideas as rules and is critical when you fail, as you invariably will. Because seriously, who’s positive or grateful all the time?

A few years ago a friend told me I was a negative person.

My response: “Okay, so how do I change that?”

“You don’t,” he said. “You probably won’t always be this way. It’s just how you are right now.”

Whenever you feel inadequate, this is your mind pushing you to “follow the rules.” It’s well intentioned, but misguided.

Accepting how you are, no matter how you are, is the most loving and genuinely positive thing you can do.

And yes, this applies to when you’re being controlling.

It’s your mind’s nature to seek control. It’s neither a good or bad thing, it just is. Sometimes you’ll succumb, other times you won’t. And it’s all perfectly okay.

Photo by threephin

January 29, 2014
Worrying

Source

November 21, 2013
6 Simple Personal Commitments to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

You’re smart, funny, and genuinely good at heart.

You have ideas that could solve many of the problems you see around you. You could regale people with interesting stories that crack them up. You could be the perfect partner, parent, or friend.

But you don’t always live up to that potential.

Something holds you back.

Something tells you that your ideas are not worth announcing in public. Something keeps you from sharing your interesting stories. Something stops you from giving all you’ve got and taking all you need from your closest relationships.

Even though you know that you can be so much more, deep down you have a nagging feeling that you are not worthy of greatness, accolade, pure joy, and happiness.

Low self-esteem is keeping you from living your life to the fullest.

Who Suffers More from Low Self Esteem—a Shy Person or a Gregarious One?

I’ve always been gregarious, outspoken, and very extroverted. My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet and introverted.

When I met him, I used to think he was shy and maybe lacked the confidence to speak up, like I did. Fifteen years of being together has shown me how very wrong I was.

While I have always bounced back and forth between lack of confidence and overconfidence, my husband has been very even keeled, almost unnaturally so. He doesn’t get fazed by what people say. His decisions are not dependent on what others think. He has such a deep-seated sense of self-worth that nothing seems to affect him.

Slowly, I’ve come to realize that self-esteem has nothing to do with being gregarious/extroverted or shy/introverted. It comes from a place much deeper, from within yourself.

As a consequence, there are no quick fix solutions or magic pills that can improve self-esteem overnight.

On the other hand, if you consciously commit to conduct yourself right, no matter what the situation is, you can permanently increase your sense of self-worth.

I’ve been putting this theory to test over the past couple of years and have started noticing a much more deep-seated sense of calm within, from which a strong sense of self-worth has emerged.

Here is a list of six simple commitments that have made the biggest difference to me:

1. Stop pretending in an attempt to please other people.

Have you heard the quote “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”? Knowing that someday you will be “found out” is what kills the self-esteem.

Hard as it is and vulnerable as you will feel, let go of your pretenses. Just be your authentic self. At first, the fear is crippling, but if you manage to get past the initial fear and take the plunge, it’s so liberating. And that freedom to be who you are, without excuses or pretenses, paves the way for a much healthier self-esteem.

2. Learn to say no. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Often we say yes because of the fear of authority, the fear of hurting someone’s feelings, or worries that we will let someone down. But every time you say a yes that you don’t mean, you’ll end up doing a half-hearted job. And then you are unhappy that you said what you didn’t want to say, and you are unhappy that you did such a lousy job of what you said you would do.

Break out of that habit. Instead, just say what you mean and mean what you say. You don’t have to be rude about it; just be firm and decisive. Developing the ability to speak your mind in a kind but firm manner, and to really deliver on your promises, will go a long way in building lasting self-esteem.

3. Grant yourself the permission to make mistakes, and see them as opportunities for growth.

You can beat yourself up over a failure, or you can give yourself the permission to make mistakes and vow to learn from them. Let’s face it, whichever route you take, you will still make some mistakes in your life. One approach chips away at your self-esteem; the other helps you become a better person. Which sounds like a better choice to you?

4. Take responsibility for your actions.

Again, at some point or the other in your life, intentionally or accidentally, you will let others down. When that happens, quit making excuses and accept them as a consequence of your choices. Quit the regret and focus on repair.

Always be prepared to say “I’m sorry” followed by “How can I fix it?” and make sure you put in genuine effort to fix things in a way that is acceptable to everyone involved. It takes a lot of effort, but a healthy self-esteem is rooted in knowing that you always do the right thing.

5. Help others.

No amount of fortune, fame, success, beauty, intelligence, or strength can give you the same sense of personal gratification or a sense of purpose as a genuine “thank you” from someone you help.

When you stop being so wrapped up in your own worries, sorrows, and melodrama and start being a part of the bigger picture, with a role to play in this universe, your sense of self-worth and self-esteem gets a whole new definition. Give freely. Help whenever you can. You will get more than what you thought you ever needed.

6. Immerse yourself in whatever you decide to do. Quit worrying about your choices.

Either do something or don’t. Stop second-guessing your choices.

For instance, if you want to make some tea, first learn how to make tea. Next gather all the ingredients you need. And then make tea.

Don’t worry about whether it will come out right. Don’t worry if anyone will like it. Don’t worry about whether you are worthy of making tea. Don’t worry about coffee drinkers. Don’t worry if you will ever get to make tea again. Don’t worry about what you will do after you make tea. Just. make. tea. And when you are done, move on.

Constantly worrying about your choice as you make the tea will not do any good to you, the tea, or anyone else around you. Immerse yourself in what you do.

Your self-esteem is a measure of how worthy you think you are. Don’t look outward for affirmations. Set your own expectations of who you should be and then do all you can to live up to those expectations. You have it in you to be the person you can be proud of.

Commit to it and go become that person!

July 30, 2013
7 Healthy Ways to Deal with Incessant Worrying

“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

When you think about the future, are you filled with hope or worry? If you are like most people, it’s probably anxiety. You have largely been experiencing worry. Your mind feels unsettled.

Worry arises because you realize that you cannot predict what is going to happen tomorrow and know that you cannot have full control over how events turn out. You are uncomfortable with not having absolute certainty.

Incessant worrying happens when you find it hard to let go. You fret over the same details repeatedly. A fertile imagination causes you to play out mental scenarios of doom, failure, and fatal consequences over and over again.

I Was a Worry Wart

Well, I used to worry incessantly over the smallest of things. Before learning meditation, I did not know how to relax. Worry was my psychological mantra.

When my children were born, my anxiety levels went into over-drive. Were they eating enough? Were they having a happy time with their friends? Were they faring well in school?

I soon realized that I was not the only one. In talking with one of my girlfriends, I realized she was excessively worrying over her children, too. I noticed how tense she was. She was not fun to be with.

Eventually I knew that I needed to reclaim my sanity. Not doing so would mean continued misery. I realized that it was only when I could lose my back load of worries could I be light and free. (more…)

May 15, 2011