Tiny Buddha

Tag: work

  • When You’ve Lost Your Job: How to Start Moving Forward

    When You’ve Lost Your Job: How to Start Moving Forward

    “If you can’t fly then run. If you can’t run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

    For five years, I worked for an incredible little company that makes creative products for creative people.

    I first joined the company as the marketing director and over time, moved into a top executive role. It was a wonderful adventure with passionate people and incredible learnings, challenges, and joys. And then it wasn’t. I was laid off.

    Suddenly I, among other top executives, managers, and team members, found myself out of work. The reason? Budget cuts. But that didn’t really matter.

    What mattered was that my “second home,” the place where I had made close friendships, where I had mentored and worked side by side to build teams, where I had laughed, cried, and come to work after too many sleepless nights of worry and planning, had let me go.

    I had lost my daily connection with my tribe.

    My mind flooded with thoughts, questions and emotions. I was pissed, and heartbroken and frightened, all at the same time. How could this have happened? What was I going to do? It was paralyzing.

    And then I paused and took a deep breath.

    I reminded myself of a phrase a friend had told me long ago, “Eat your elephant one bite at a time.” It had helped me through other seemingly impossible projects and life changes, so why not now?

    I asked myself what one thing I could do that day to move me forward. I knew that even one small step would be better than nothing.

    The pause brought me a moment of clarity. In that moment, I knew there was only one thing I needed to do.

    I took a deep breath and cried.

    I mourned not only a job that I loved, but also the loss of my friends and co-workers whom I’d grown to love. There would be no more daily hummus sharing, or yoga mat brainstorming meetings, or late night planning sessions, or morning burrito walks.

    I needed to allow myself to mourn this loss and to experience these painful emotions. Until I owned these feelings, I knew I wouldn’t be able to move on.

    The next day, I found myself staring at my outdated resume. I had trouble remembering anything of importance that I had done in my career the past five years. What were the highlights? What are my strengths and how did I use them to the company’s benefit? I was at a loss.

    Again, I paused and asked myself what one thing I could do that day to move me forward. I reminded myself that even a small step would mean progress.

    The best thing I could think to do was to find a mirror. How did other people see me? What value did they think I brought to the teams I worked on and to the company overall? I asked several colleagues to write recommendations for me on LinkedIn and was overwhelmed with the responses that I received.

    It was a great way for me to see common themes of how and where I really add value. Many of them also wrote specific examples of successful projects or goals and noted how I had been integral to the success. Having these recommendations helped me to start thinking about who I am when I’m at my best.

    Like many people, when I’m at my best, I’m motivated, happy, and highly functioning. As I became clear about this, it was easier for me to see what kind of work I wanted to do moving forward, which in turn helped me create a resume that really spoke to my strengths and passions.

    I won’t lie; it was difficult at times. Finding a support system of friends and colleagues was so important. Being a support system for someone else was also very rewarding and helped to put my situation into perspective.

    In the difficult times, I reminded myself of my strong connection with my family, my loving circle of friends, and my supportive partner. Life wasn’t so bad.

    In the end, I found myself working with a lovely group of women at a local consulting company. I’ve been blessed to once again be working with an incredible group of motivating, intelligent, and supportive people, all while doing work where I can use my gifts and talents in a way that I’m proud of.

    If you have been laid off and are facing similar challenges, here are some things that helped me move forward:

    Pause.

    You don’t have to have it all figured out right now, so take a moment to breathe and clear your mind. If you’re overwhelmed, this can be a great way to help get you unstuck. Just think about one thing you can do to move you forward (which leads to the second item on my list).

    Keep moving forward.

    Try not to stress if things seem slow going, or worry about things not working out. Sometimes it seems like things aren’t coming together, but every small effort pushes you a little closer to your goal. As long as you’re moving forward, even just one little teeny tiny step, you’re making progress!

    Allow yourself to feel your emotions, but don’t let them overwhelm you.

    It’s natural to be scared, worried, and anxious, but you don’t have to let these feelings control you. You can create peace and foster patience by taking care of your mental and emotional well-being with deep breathing, yoga, meditation, exercise, and other self-care practices.

    You might think you should spend all your time job searching, but making time for self-care will make you far more present, peaceful, and effective.

    Find a mirror.

    Ask colleagues to write recommendations for you, or ask a trusted relative or friend to tell you what they see as your strengths, or maybe what sort of work they could picture you doing. Understanding your worth through other people’s eyes is truly inspiring, and it can help give you direction.

    Be good to yourself and find a support.

    Don’t be too proud to reach out to friends or relatives, or even search for an online career resource. (There are a ton of these kinds of companies now and they are great about offering all kinds of helpful content and community in addition to regular job postings.)

    One thing I’ve learned in this process is that we’ve all got things in our life that make us feel “less than.” Once I started sharing my story with people, I actually felt powerful!

    —

    You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can work on how you respond. It’s been profoundly helpful to claim the control I do have—inside of myself as well as in the external world.

    Treat yourself like you matter… because you do.

  • How to Find the Courage to Quit Your Unfulfilling Job

    How to Find the Courage to Quit Your Unfulfilling Job

    Quitting

    “Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake.” ~Francis Bacon Sr.

    Isn’t it a shame?

    You’ve studied and worked hard to get to where you are.

    You’ve succeeded.

    And you got that job.

    But now, it just doesn’t feel right.

    Well, I understand exactly what you’re going through.

    Once upon a time, I thought I had it all too.

    A great position, a great salary with generous bonuses, and I was working in the heart of the city of love: Paris. My life and career might have looked perfect on the outside, but on the inside, I was desperately yearning for something else.

    As the months went by, my sadness skyrocketed. And the voice inside telling me to change grew ever stronger. So did my concerns, worries, and fears about the future. What if things didn’t work out? What if I couldn’t make enough money? What if I would come to regret my decision?

    Sound familiar?

    When I evaluated my life, though, I found that the idea of staying was scarier than anything that may happen if I quit. So, I finally found the courage to leave the safety of a corporate job to find my true calling in life.

    If you’re yearning for change but too scared of the what-ifs, the following tips will help you evaluate your life and finally find your courage as well.

    1. Choose to live by design instead of by default.

    Take a step back and look at what kind of life you truly want to live. Does it look like the one you’re living today? A while back, I asked myself that question. One of the things that came back to me was that I wanted my life to revolve more around yoga. So, now I’m training to become a yoga teacher.

    Don’t settle for mediocrity or life by default. Instead, decide to make active choices to create the life you desire—that’s the only way you’ll get there.

    2. Fear regret rather than failure.

    Failing means you tried and learned something. Regret, on the other hand, comes as a response to what hasn’t happened. It’s an ugly emotion that usually doesn’t show up until it’s already too late.

    Failing at something is scary, but regret is even scarier. Wouldn’t you rather try and fail now instead of one day regretting you never tried at all?

    3. Imagine the worst-case scenario.

    What’s the worst thing that can happen if you quit your unfulfilling job? Maybe you’d have to find another full-time job? Maybe you’d be standing without a safety net, unable to care for the people that depend on you?

    By clearly defining a realistic worst-case scenario, you can prepare yourself not to end up there and to cushion the impact if it occurs. That could mean making sure you have enough savings, someone to fall back on, or a job lined up if things don’t work out.

    4. Listen to your gut.

    I had a nagging feeling inside of me for years before I acted on it. I had tried to push it away, and when that didn’t work, I changed tactics and chose to allow the feelings in. Only then did I understand the message behind it and what I needed to do.

    Now I know that the discomfort I was feeling was a good thing. It meant that my inner guidance system was working correctly, giving me direction in life. What are your feelings telling you? What are you being guided toward?

    5. Know that you’ll be better doing what you love.

    “If I could be good at something I was fairly interested in, what would happen if I did something I truly love?” This was a question I simply had to find the answer to.

    I believe outstanding work can only come from a place of loving what you do. This is when you utilize your unique skills, talents, and natural gifts. Imagine for a second how great you could become at something you love doing?

    6. Let happiness be the key to success.

    Studies prove (and people like billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson confirm) that happiness fuels success and performance, not the other way around. Now, isn’t that nice to know?

    Creating a life around what makes you happy is the key to living a truly successful life.

    7. Become an example.

    Imagine that someone you care deeply for, such as a little sister or a friend, is observing your actions. He or she will copy everything you do. A bit scary, huh?

    Now, would you want this person to stay in a place that left them feeling unfulfilled? Or would you want them to find the courage to pursue what they truly desire?

    8. Come back to the present moment.

    Worrying about the future doesn’t change anything; instead, it hinders you from making the best of this moment. Here and now is all we ever have. It’s the only place where we have control.

    So, focus on what you can do right now to go in the direction you want.

    9. Know that everyone feels the same.

    Realizing that I wasn’t alone with my thoughts and fears gave me a surprisingly comforting feeling. I wasn’t weak or fragile for being scared—I was simply human.

    Understand that what you feel is normal, but whether to act or not is your choice.

    10. Define your why.

    I left my job because I wanted to work with something I cared deeply for, where I could express myself fully and make a positive impact in the world.

    If you’re clear on why you’re leaving a job, you’ll see the value in taking the risk. It will help you stay motivated and keep you focused in the right direction.

    11. Trust that you have a gift to offer.

    All seven billion of us have a unique set of skills, talents, and personality traits. I once met a woman whose great passion in life was the connective tissues in our bodies. Pretty unique passion, right? We’re all different, and that’s the beauty.

    You have something special only you can offer this world, and we’re longing to take part of it. So, trust yourself, and show us what you’ve got.

    12. Connect with like-minded people.

    Connect with people that are on a similar journey to yours. Build a support network, in person and online.

    To have people around you that support, motivate, and inspire you is priceless. They’ll help you through the most difficult days.

    13. Take risks for what you will gain long-term.

    Sometimes we need to take risks and make short-term sacrifices for what will serve us long-term. Basically, we must be willing to bet in order to win.

    Just think about this. Staying in an unfulfilling job means taking a greater risk since you already know it’s not what you want. So, you risk more by not taking risks.

    14. Aim to put a smile on your older, future self.

    Imagine yourself being ninety years old and at your deathbed. Looking back at your life, how would you want the story to unfold?

    You’ll want to die with a big smile on your face, knowing that you made the best of your time here. And that you lived a life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you.

    15. Know that the timing is never right.

    Maybe you’re young without any proper experience. Maybe you’re older and take longer to learn new things. Or maybe you just got promoted and want to give this opportunity a chance.

    The time will never come when all the conditions are right. When I accepted this, I understood that everything is as perfect as I perceive them to be.

    16. Trust that the path will unfold.

    What’s scary in following your dream is that the path is unclear. Stepping off the beaten path means that you can’t see a straight road in sight.

    But, we don’t need to know the whole path. We just need to know the next step in front of us.

    17. Make uncomfortable the new comfortable.

    When we want something we don’t have, we must do things we haven’t done before. And that means becoming uncomfortable.

    When I accepted this as a natural part of the journey, I decided to make uncomfortable my new comfortable.

    18. Nurture faith, not fear.

    Fear is uncertainty about what doesn’t exist yet. Faith is the same, but trusting that it will turn out for the best. So, instead of imagining scenarios of what you don’t want, choose to focus on what you do want.

    Give your energy to faith, not fear.

    Live by Choice Instead of Chance

    It’s not easy feeling frustrated and restless in an unsatisfying job. It’s not easy knowing that leaving might be a big mistake. But, staying might be an even bigger one.

    You don’t know how things will turn out if you quit. We never do. But here’s what you do know—staying where you are most likely won’t get you where you want to be.

    Wouldn’t you rather live life by choice instead of chance? Wouldn’t you rather look back and know that you did everything you could to create the life you desire instead of wishing you’d had? Wouldn’t you rather take a chance on faith instead of fear?

    Who knows, you just might get everything you wished for.

    Quitting image via Shutterstock

  • Losing Your Job Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Yourself

    Losing Your Job Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Yourself

    “I believe one of the greatest achievements in life is the choice to be empowered, not paralyzed, by a disappointment.” ~Lori Deschene

    I was recently fired from my dream job, and this was devastating to me.

    Anyone who has ever lost their livelihood should be able to relate to this experience. Vulnerability, shock, confusion, and anger dominated my feelings in the aftermath of suddenly losing a job that I loved.

    What happened? My company created a fantastic referral program, and I saw a business opportunity to take advantage of it.

    I reached out to multiple senior members of the staff in order to get approval for my business plan, and then I set it in motion. Two weeks later I was fired, without warning, for the very thing that I had openly sought and received approval for.

    Upon hearing the news, my mind was reeling. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry.

    How could they do this to me, particularly after being told the day before that I could soon expect a promotion? How could they be so cruel? Why couldn’t they work with me to resolve the issue in an amicable way?

    Thoughts of revenge swirled around in my head. I wanted to burn bridges. Oh lord, how I wanted to burn bridges!

    My life was suddenly thrown into turmoil. The plans that my girlfriend and I had made for our next year or so were thrown into disarray.

    Would I have to move away from her, and how would that impact our relationship? How am I going to explain this to my friends and family? How was I going to pay my rent? How can I ever feel secure in a future job? Am I “falling behind” my friends?

    What it largely boils down to is feeling a loss of my identity. Despite only working at this company for a few months, its mission is something that I felt (and continue to feel) incredibly passionate about.

    I don’t just mean that I lost my identity in the sense that “I am what I do.” Of course not—I’m so much more than just my job.

    But this job allowed me to act authentically; not only did I enjoy my work, but I actually felt as though I was living my life, rather than just working in order to live my life. I was doing good things, and promoting something that I loved.

    As Homer Simpson once said, “If I’m not a nuclear safety whatchamajigger, I’m nothing!”

    Losing my job meant that I was no longer “cutting-edge tech industry guy who is revolutionizing the world and helping the poor and downtrodden.” Or at least that’s what it felt like.

    But in reality, personal identity is far more complex than this. Whatever you think you are is at best only a vague approximation of who you really are.

    My former job was in customer service. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, I really wasn’t using my skills to the best of my ability. There are other lines of work, even within the same industry, that would allow me to express my identity more authentically—and perhaps more profitably as well!

    I had gone through something similar before, and learned a similar lesson then. Career setbacks have allowed me to “fail up” in the past, and they can do so again.

    Even though it feels as though the rug has been pulled out from under my feet, past experience has proven to me that these situations can be among the most valuable.

    Real life requires embracing the uncertainty of who you are and accepting the vulnerability that comes along with this fact.

    My identity isn’t some fixed quality that is only expressed via a particular job. My identity comes from my values, and I have to trust that these values can be expressed in some even greater, more authentic way. In other words, I am more than what I think I am at any given moment.

    Getting fired is difficult, but it need not be emotionally devastating. It helps to talk about it with trusted people who love you. It helps to write things down. And it helps to look at being fired as something to evolve through rather than something you “get over.”

    So what’s next for me, then? I don’t know specifically, but I’m sure it will be something bigger, better, and more authentically me than what I have lost.

    And in the meantime, I need to “let go” and forgive those who I believe have wronged me. Luckily, I have been reading my copy of Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges, and just came across several exercises that are helping me to do this (April 9th and April 27th, for those keeping score at home).

    First, I’m visualizing my former manager and the HR representative “as a young child who is doing his or her best, making mistakes, and hoping for [my] understanding and forgiveness.”

    The fact is, I was working for a startup, and chances are they were just doing their best and didn’t really know how to handle the situation properly. It’s quite possible that they are beating themselves up over it.

    I’m certainly not happy about what happened, but perhaps they aren’t either. Everyone makes mistakes, and I forgive them for it.

    The second exercise, which perfectly sums up the message I am trying to convey in this essay, is to “imagine that you are the hero in a movie, and all the pain you’ve experienced has helped you grow, and will eventually help you thrive in life… you are the hero of the story, not the victim.”

    While I’m deeply saddened to have lost my job, this pain will be invaluable in fostering future growth.

    If you too have lost your job recently, or a role that feels like a part of your identity, try not to see it as losing yourself. You are so much more than any one job or role. And consider that maybe this happened for you, not to you. This chapter may be over, but the next one may be even better.

    Being fired image via Shutterstock

  • 10 Ways to Seize the Day and Achieve Greater Work-Life Balance

    10 Ways to Seize the Day and Achieve Greater Work-Life Balance

    Seize the Day

    “Seize the day, trusting little in the future.” ~Horace

    Don’t you hate it when you think of the perfect comeback to someone’s comment way too late? One that really sticks out for me happened a couple years ago.

    I was midway through a cross-Canada speaking tour, sharing about my journey with cancer and what it taught me about work-life balance and embracing life’s simple pleasures.

    After giving my talk to a Rotary Club in Alberta, one of the audience members approached me.

    “You know what balance is?” he gruffly demanded, jabbing a finger at me. “Working hard the first half of your life so you can enjoy the second half. That’s balance!”

    Taken aback, my mind went blank. It wouldn’t have mattered. He was out the door before I had a chance to speak.

    Strictly speaking, the man wasn’t wrong. In the left-side-equals-right-side sense of things, spending the first half of your life focused on work and the latter half focused on leisure is a form of balance.

    It was only some time later, on the long, lonely road to Regina, Saskatchewan that I thought of what I should have said. Sure, the man’s definition of balance might technically be accurate. But it’s also quite a gamble.

    Life’s Curveballs

    As I drove along the Trans-Canada Highway through the prairies, my thoughts turned to a conversation I had with my dying uncle a few months earlier. I was on my way to visit my dad, who had been diagnosed with early onset dementia, and the hospital my uncle was being treated at was on the way. So I stopped in to say hello.

    It was a short visit, but a good one. Though the cancer had ravaged my uncle’s body, his mind was as sharp as ever.

    “This isn’t how your dad or I planned on spending our retirement,” he said.

    If my uncle’s death, dad’s diagnosis, and my experience with cancer at age twenty-seven have taught me anything, it’s that life is full of curveballs. And while there’s nothing wrong with planning for the future and having goals, pinning all your hopes for happiness on something “down the road” is risky.

    Because whether it’s a drunk driver, bolt of lightning, collapsed roof, or massive heart attack, life can change in the blink of an eye.

    Carpe Diem

    Memento mori: Remember that you will die. It’s a Latin expression that some might consider morbid and depressing; one that makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry. I don’t.

    Instead, I see it as an empowering reminder of the short time we have in life and an awesome motivation to make the most of it. This video by spoken word artist Prince Ea communicates this idea beautifully.

    But sure, you’re thinking, that all sounds well and good, but how exactly do I go about grabbing life by the horns? I barely have time to grab it by the tail and hang on for dear life as it goes charging past me.

    Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Every situation and everybody is different. But to get your creative juices flowing, here are ten ideas for how to seize the day and enjoy greater work-life balance:

    1. Remember what’s important.

    Keep yourself grounded and aware of your priorities with tangible reminders.

    That might mean a picture of your kids on your desk to remind you to be home for dinner. Or an inspirational quote you hang on your wall.

    For example, next to my bedroom door, I have a quote by Henry David Thoreau that says, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”

    2. Take your vacation.

    There’s an alarming trend in Western culture (particularly in North America) where an increasing number of employees don’t use all their vacation days. I get it. Sometimes taking time off can feel like it adds more stress and work to life.

    But holidays are important opportunities to recharge and spend quality time with loved ones. Check out Forbes’ “How to Take a Stress-Free Vacation From Your Stress Job” for some helpful tips.

    3. Mind your “mibs” (the “moments in between”).

    Whether it’s stressing about an urgent deadline or brooding about an argument you had with a friend last week, it’s easy to live in your head instead of being present in the moment.

    Take time every couple hours to focus on your breathing or to make a mental note of five things you can hear, smell, or see in your immediate surroundings. Ground yourself in the moment to appreciate the little things around you.

    4. Set boundaries.

    In the age of emails and smartphones, the line between work and home life is a blurry one.

    It takes strictly enforced rules and discipline to keep your boss’ texts away from the dinner table or your upcoming presentation from encroaching on Monopoly night. Carve out regular gadget-free times and stick to them.

    5. Switch off the TV.

    Balance isn’t always a tension between work and home. It’s also about how we spend our leisure time.

    Don’t let the world pass you by as you watch re-runs of The Big Bang Theory. Enforce screen-free nights and get outside. Nobody on their deathbed ever wished they spent more time in front of the boob tube.

    6. Choose fear over regret.

    This one may seem odd, but bear with me. For as long as I can remember, I had a personal policy: when confronted with a choice between fear and regret, always choose fear.

    Yes, that white water rafting trip seems terrifying. But if I don’t go, will I regret it? Yes? Then hand me that paddle. Will I kick myself for not asking that woman out on a date? Yes? Time to steel those nerves and take a chance.

    Fear is fleeting. Regret is sticky. Choose to face fear.

    7. Let go of grudges.

    Life’s too short to hang onto old hurts. As Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

    Many people live with the regret of not mending fences with a loved one while they had the chance. Extend an olive branch with an email or coffee date invitation.

    8. Find time for hobbies.

    Always wanted to write a book or do more camping? Don’t wait until retirement. Start now.

    Find an activity that you do just for you and nurture it. No agenda. No purpose beyond having fun. Give yourself permission to engage in a fulfilling pastime.

    9. Be clear.

    Spend more time with my family. Have a healthier lifestyle. Achieve better work-life balance.

    Don’t be satisfied with vague goals. Get down to the nuts and bolts of your ambitions with clear, actionable plans.

    Thursday—movie night with the kids; Monday, Wednesday, Friday—go for a run; June 5-12—vacation. Be specific. Make a list of activities and add them to your calendar.

    10. Start an “I’ve Never” Club.

    As the late great Dr. Seuss penned, “If you never have, you should. These things are fun and fun is good.”

    One way to seize the day is to formalize it. Start a mini social club with a few friends where you try something new every week. Send out a list of ideas, vote on a favourite, get together, and do it!

    Take a cooking class, geocache, hike a new trail, try a new board game, go to a karaoke bar—the possibilities are endless.

    By all means plan and hope for a bright and awesome future. But don’t forget to embrace life along the way.

    As my experience with cancer showed me—and the road to Regina reminded me—life is full of unexpected twists and turns. So memento mordi, carpe diem. Remember you will die, so seize the day.

    Seize the day image via Shutterstock

  • How to Rekindle Your Passion for What You Do

    How to Rekindle Your Passion for What You Do

    “I would rather die of passion than of boredom.” ~Vincent van Gogh

    I rolled my eyes when a new set of emails popped up in my inbox. Will the messages ever stop? I remember the early days of the Internet, when it was actually a thrill to receive a new message.

    What used to be exciting had become not only boring, but downright annoying.

    That’s when I realized that what I considered my “treasures” had become burdens over time.

    And while it wasn’t a big deal to see my old favorite pair of jeans in the donation pile, I became terrified when one day I woke up and, instead of feeling energized by what I do, I felt dread.

    There were more than thirty items on my to-do list.

    My passion had turned into an endless stream of tasks. My inspiration was at peril, and I couldn’t let that happen.

    Here are the five steps I followed to rekindle the passion for what I do. This process worked for me, and it might work for you, too.

    1. Take a break.

    Although it may seem that your busy schedule doesn’t leave room for a break, it is possible to fit in a few hours, days, or even a couple of weeks off if you really want to.

    Think about past situations when you had to take time off because of illness or a family emergency. Somehow you were able to manage. Treat your break as a top priority so you can make it happen.

    Your break shouldn’t be an escape from your dreadful day-to-day activities, but the opportunity to get a fresh perspective of where you are and where you want to be.

    Now, I make sure to schedule twenty-minute breaks throughout the day, and I reserve one day a week for a day outing or a fun get-together with friends. My best ideas come to me right after taking time off!

    2. Go back in time.

    During your break, bring yourself back to the beginning of your current business or occupation.

    What used to excite you the most?

    What did you want to learn?

    What kind of future did you envision?

    What new experiences did you have and what did you learn from these experiences?

    When I answered the questions above, I realized that my busyness had taken me away from doing what I love most: inspiring others.

    3. Figure out what’s different now.

    Now it’s time to return to the present and compare your current situation to those first exhilarating days doing what you do.

    If you feel as though motivation has left you, it’s likely that you can relate to one of the following:

    • What used to be a new skill or a challenge has become something you could do in your sleep.
    • Your responsibilities have multiplied, and you find yourself overwhelmed with endless tasks.
    • You did a reality check, and concluded that you’re not likely to attain your previous, ambitious goals.
    • You’re not learning anymore, just doing the same thing over and over again.
    • Your interests or values have changed, and what you’re doing isn’t a good match anymore.

    Doing this exercise helped me realize that feeling overwhelmed was killing my inspiration.

    When you determine what is different now, you’ll have the clarity you need to move on to the next step in the process.

    4. Introduce changes.

    Complaining, feeling sorry for yourself, hoping to someday get rid of your business, or counting the days until you retire so you can finally do something you love are not choices that will lead to a happy and fulfilled life.

    You know what you want.

    You know what is missing.

    Now you must take action.

    You could delegate mundane tasks so that you could fully utilize your strongest skills.

    You could learn a new skill to help you advance toward your highest, original goals.

    You could find a mentor who’s been where you are and who would provide expert guidance as you make changes.

    You could find a supportive community of like-minded colleagues to brainstorm exciting ideas and meet new people.

    You could add new products or services to your business or switch to a new occupation that matches your current values and interests.

    I decided to outsource a few of my time-consuming, menial tasks and set aside more time to write, a source of personal joy and my favorite way to inspire those around me.

    Now, it’s your turn: Choose action steps that tackle whatever is bringing dissatisfaction into your life and killing your passion.

    Especially at the beginning, implementing any of these changes will feel uncomfortable, but the initial discomfort will be replaced with a sense of excitement and rekindled passion.

    5. Schedule your next break.

    Fuel the passion for what you do by scheduling regular checkpoints where you’ll take a step back and plan new changes if necessary.

    In time, you’ll experience a steady feeling of satisfaction and wellbeing. You’ll get out of bed every morning knowing you’re making a difference and following your passion!

    What changes are you planning to make so that you can rekindle the passion for what you do?

  • Our Proudest Accomplishments Are Often the Quiet Ones

    Our Proudest Accomplishments Are Often the Quiet Ones

    Your Success and Happiness Lie in You

    “…I kept trying to run away. And I almost did. But it seems that reality compels you to live properly when you live in the real world.” ~Kenzaburō Ōe, A Personal Matter

    Recently I listened to an interview with author Kenzaburō Ōe, who won the 1994 Nobel Prize for literature. Ōe, who is now eighty-one, is a major figure in Japanese contemporary literature as well as playing an active role in the Pacifist and anti-nuclear movements.

    When asked what accomplishment he was most proud of over his long and distinguished career, he answered, without hesitation, that for the past forty years he has been home every night to tuck his mentally disabled son into bed.

    His answer hit me like a physical blow. For a good part of my adult life I was driven by my career.

    Of course, I had a family to support. I had to work. But at times I was so focused that I put my own ambitions ahead of my family.

    My work was in academia, and for more than twenty years I pursued the elusive tenure-track position. Nearly every professional move I made was carefully calculated to bring me closer to fulltime job security.

    I attended conferences, wrote papers, taught overseas, and continually worked on my teaching methods. Then I found it—my dream job teaching English at a small community college in a small town.

    About the same time I achieved what for many in the university world is the crème de la crème: a Fulbright research scholarship.

    For six months I would live in northern India where I would research, write, and work on building a teaching exchange between the university in India and the college where I taught.

    If anything, I thought the Fulbright would help secure my employment.

    It didn’t. In a move I will probably never understand, three weeks before I was scheduled to fly home from India, the college ousted me.

    At an age when most people are starting to think about retiring with some security, my career and financial stability were swept out from under my feet.

    I felt betrayed, angry, devastated, and afraid. My spiritual practice of compassion and acceptance was put to the test. To this day, I have trouble forgiving colleagues who turned on me.

    We humans are amazingly resilient creatures, though, and life has a way of presenting us with the lessons we need to learn. In the process of rebuilding a new career, I learned that my most important accomplishments have nothing to do with my resume.

    What about you? Are your ambitions outside of yourself?

    Job security, a nicer home to live in, good schools for our children are all valid ambitions, but alone they’ll only bring superficial happiness.

    In a moment any one of them can disappear.

    Instead ask yourself:

    It’s not easy to redefine yourself outside of a career. Often the first thing we tell a new acquaintance is what we do. I’m a teacher, an artist, a scientist, an entrepreneur, or clerk at a grocery store. It’s almost as if just being human isn’t enough.

    Eventually, I was able to look back at the job I’d lost more dispassionately. I saw former colleagues burnt out before the semester started and a climate of vicious college politics. At least four different instructors came and went in three years as they tried to fill the position they’d kicked me out of.

    Then I quit paying attention.

    After a short stint with the local newspaper, I moved to a quiet, isolated place on the high desert away from town. An online teaching job at a different college gave me enough money to get by, and I began selling some articles and photographs.

    Sometimes I still struggle with the underlying feeling that I’m not living up to my potential. After all, I spent years and a lot of money to get a Masters degree. Teaching was my career.

    Had I really given it up to live in a dusty little town that looked like it had slipped off the side of the highway?

    Time and a meditation practice helps, and whenever those feelings that I should be doing more arise, I have to admit something else as well. I am far less stressed than I have been in years and creatively I’m flourishing.

    After listening to the interview with Kenzaburō Ōe one summer afternoon when it was too hot to go outside, I began to read some of his work.

    He writes about displacement, about the lies we tell others and the lies we tell ourselves to survive. And he writes about quiet triumphs and living well and with integrity. He writes about the way his mentally disabled son brings unimagined depth to his love.

    Today my accomplishments are quiet ones. I try to live as well as I can, practice forgiveness, especially when it’s hard, and to be there when others need me. I try to love well.

    My life is far from perfect and there are many things I would still like someday: a home by the ocean, a fireplace, a car with a working air conditioner, and a bottle of Shalimar perfume. But I don’t base my happiness on these things, and if I never get any of them, it won’t matter.

    Even though all my work is online, I still sometimes get tired from grading papers or finishing an article at the last minute, but it doesn’t stress me out in the same way it used to because I work on my own schedule.

    We probably all know the maxim it’s the journey, not the destination that matters, and this may be the most important lesson losing my dream job reinforced.

    The meaning of accomplishment has changed. I have less money but more control over my time. And the time I do have, I never feel is wasted even if I’m just sitting and staring out the window.

    There’s beauty in simplicity, and peace can be found when we’re happy with what we have instead of what we want.

    What do you want to accomplish most in life?

    Success and happiness image via Shutterstock

  • The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

    The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

    Love My Job

    “Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.” ~Sarah Bernhardt                      

    Ten years ago, when I first moved to China, I came as an English teacher at a university. I hadn’t the faintest clue as to how I would teach and I only had one year of experience as a teaching assistant in graduate school.

    At the beginning, I was completely out of my element. In fact, I woke up the following morning after arrival in my new apartment only to realize that I had no food, couldn’t say anything in Chinese, and had no idea where to get something to eat.

    For me, everything was uncharted territory, especially my new career.

    After settling in, I tried to do a good job of teaching, and I truly did care for my students. However, having hundreds of different students and seeing each group for less than an hour per week, I did not see how I could make much difference.

    Because of this, I lost my motivation and never really gave it my all. I could find no reason to excel at what I was doing because I couldn’t see how I could have any impact.

    I became apathetic about what could have been a wonderful occupation. I dreaded waking up in the morning and dragging myself to class. When making a lesson plan, I would just throw something together that I thought might be sufficient.

    In class, I just wanted to get it over with and move on with my day. I rarely stuck around to converse with my students and I often complained about my work.

    I did what was necessary just to get by. I gave very little of myself and got very little in return. My profession became a job to trudge through.

    You Get What You Give

    Years later I began to work on improving myself. Naturally, this included my own job and I began to search for a way to transform my work into something better, something more meaningful. And I found the answer.

    Fast-forward a few years, and everything changed. When preparing classes, I would construct course plans with meticulous care and would repeatedly practice how best to deliver them.

    I would wake up each morning at 5:00am to make sure that I was physically and mentally wide awake and ready to give it my all, every single day. Before each class, I would talk to myself and whip myself up into a state of excitement, determined to make every class a masterpiece.

    I started to feel genuinely excited on my way to class and felt great joy upon entering the classroom. I would stay afterward and speak with students, who were always full of questions for me.

    Increasingly, I was able to see through the eyes of the learner. And, by being able to put myself in their shoes, I knew what needed to be done and how to execute it.

    I improved as a person as well. I became more confident, learned how to hold the attention of a crowd, gained a much clearer understanding of the process of learning, and felt much more joy. I learned how to lead and to provoke curiosity.

    I was getting significant, measurable results and I realized how huge of an impact I could have on my students’ lives.

    It was true that I was devoting more time to my work, but what I soon learned was that I received much more in return. I could feel and see such love from my students. They were more cooperative than before, I gained their trust, and they showered me with kindness and friendship.

    I was greeted each morning with enthusiastic smiles, and at the end of the school year thoughtful gifts poured in that brought tears of joy to my eyes.

    I had completely transformed, and so too had the experience of my students. And it was all because of a shift that I chose to make.

    The Key to Creating Joy in Your Work

    What had happened? What did I do to create this incredibly positive change?

    I made a simple decision: I was going to give more than anyone else expected of me.

    This decision happened in an instant.

    Back when I was still trudging through my work, one afternoon, I was walking through the halls of the school. I was struck by the fact that every classroom was full of silent, bored student who were playing on their phones or sleeping. At the front of every single classroom was a teacher speaking monotonously or reading from a slide on the overhead.

    I felt pity for my students and was angry at the laziness that I saw. The system was a total sham and nobody was receiving anything of value. And in that moment I had a revelation: I was part of it.

    I too had become lazy and was contributing to this horrible state of affairs. I felt a conviction rise within me: I would no longer be a part of the sham anymore.

    Upon returning home, I did something that forever changed how I work: I thought very carefully about what my students needed.

    I was struck by inspiration and spent hours putting together a new lesson plan. When I delivered the plan, everyone in the classroom, including myself, was shocked. The students were completely inspired and the entire atmosphere of the room changed.

    Afterward, numerous students told me how much they had enjoyed the class. They requested more like it. Overwhelmed with excitement, I set to work constructing more lesson plans that would truly have an impact.

    From there, it blossomed into a virtuous circle: the more I gave to my students, the more joy I received in return. And this made me want to give even more. Happiness flowed to me in avalanches of joy.

    I never imagined the beautiful changes that would take place. My classrooms were utterly transformed.

    Watching the enormous impact I was having on hundreds of lives, I realized something: all of this happened because of a single decision that I had made.

    I created this change. And so can you.

    And it starts with a decision: to give more of yourself.

    How to Give More

    The giving of service is the master key that will unlock joy and success in any profession. So, if you are not a teacher like me, how can you apply this to your own work?

    What, for example, would it look like for someone with clients or customers? If you are a waiter or waitress, a secretary, a nurse or doctor, in sales, or customer service you would want to be attentive to your customers above all else.

    Listen for and focus in on understanding what they need and find a way to deliver it to them. There is no better way to ensure repeat business.

    If you are a cashier, be the cashier who everyone remembers. Make every person feel important by looking them in the eyes and greeting them with a smile. This will bring more joy to both of you than if you mindlessly wished you were somewhere else.

    If you are a laborer, cleaner, or prepare food and may not interact with many people, focus on excelling at your task. Know who you are serving, what they need, and do it in the best way you know how.

    And even if nobody appreciates or recognizes your work or you don’t get the results you expect, you will go to bed with much greater satisfaction and contentment knowing that you gave it your all.

    If you dislike your work, the key to making it more enjoyable is to give more of yourself. When you focus on giving, you stop thinking about yourself and what you don’t like.

    It is as simple as it is profound. In the end, the person this will help the most is you.

    If ever you are uncertain as to how you can excel at your work, you only need to find the answer to these four questions:

    1. Who am I serving?
    2. What do they need?
    3. How can I give them what they need?
    4. What can I do to exceed their expectations?

    Once you have the answers, you have developed a plan to excel at your work. And, by doing so, you have created the master key to making your job a labor of love and a source of joy for yourself and for those around you.

    Love my job image via Shutterstock

  • Why Hard Work Might Not Pay Off (and What Will)

    Why Hard Work Might Not Pay Off (and What Will)

    Hard Working Business Man

    “Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

    At a young age I was told, “Without hard work nothing grows but weeds.”

    I was also told, “With hard work it was possible to achieve the American Dream.”

    I was not sure what the American Dream was, but I did what everyone around me seemed to be doing. Working hard. I did well in school, helped my mother at home and my father at his place of business.

    The world looked incredible to me growing up, and I was so passionate about waking up every day and exploring. I wondered why my parents and the other adults around me didn’t seem to be passionately alive.

    Didn’t everyone see what an incredible world this was?

    There was a glimpse of this passion they once had in the boxes of photographs in our living room closet. I would look through them on Saturday afternoons while babysitting my siblings so my parents could take a nap and rest their weary, hard working bodies.

    In the photos, they were young and full of raw passion. My favorites were of my mother at around twenty years old, dressed up in a leopard velvet fitted suit, working at Oleg Cassini, a NYC fashion company. Smiling.

    My Dad’s photos were of him as a young twenty year old in full military uniform on a US Navy ship, somewhere far away, looking over the side rail in contemplative thought. Thinking. His favorite thing to do, an intellectual. Looking far off into the distance. Tall, slim, and handsome.

    “When did they let that go?” I used to wonder. “When and why did Mom stop dressing up and working, and Dad stop writing and thinking, taking quiet contemplative time for himself?”

    Mom resigned herself to working hard at home with lots of kids to raise on a dead end street in the suburbs, which she hated. Dad worked a series of jobs in the business world that he was completely unsuited for.

    Mom let us all know how miserable she was by her lethargy, and Dad’s anger and rage let us know just how discontent he was. I know they were doing their best to keep it all together.

    Yet passion was nowhere to be found.

    What did I do? I followed in their footsteps. I got engaged at eighteen and stayed in the suburbs, which bored me to tears. I worked a well-paying job in finance that I was ill suited for.

    I was living the American Dream they told me about, only it was more like the American Nightmare.

    I found myself crying on the way to work every day, with no joy to share with my child. I found myself longing to leave my marriage, which I’d entered to please my parents, and get to know myself and what would make me happy.

    No one had ever asked me what I was passionate about, and I’d never thought of asking myself.

    The realization of what former British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli said hit me. A great man or woman acts on their passion. I realized my greatness was in the one place no one told me about. In acting from my passion.

    For me that was writing. When I write I feel great. I feel passionate and alive. Just like a kid again. So that’s what I did. I moved to the city and studied writing as if my life depended on it, because it did.

    You may have some troublesome thoughts about the conflict of working hard vs. acting from passion. I know I did.

    If you’re not doing hard work, you may feel lazy or guilty. Or like it’s too good to be true. Following your passion seems like it’s easy, yet it can be hard work too. But it’s the kind of hard that’s fueled by pleasure and passion.

    Or maybe you want cold hard cash. You want stuff. You want to support yourself and your loved ones. So you take the work that you can get, or that makes the most money, or do what someone else wants you to do.

    Yet, what happens if you act from passion first? Get happy first? Before you decide on a career or take a job or get into a relationship. Or move to a city or countryside. What happens is that everything flows more easily from this place. Sure, you could work hard, just put passion first.

    How do you begin acting from your passions?

    Put passion first, even if it’s only in your thoughts at first.

    When you want to discover and act from your passion, you may have thoughts that challenge this new way of letting go of “hard” and gliding into joy and passion. So develop a mantra for yourself that you repeat, about giving yourself permission to put passion first.

    Hide from those that bring you down.

    Steer clear of the “hard work and little passion and play” people. Seek out those that understand how acting from passion first enhances your life and the life of everyone around you.

    Accept how hard your work and life really are and must be for now.

    Know that sometimes life is hard. And work is hard. World and life events and tragedies bring us down out of happiness and passion. Know that this is necessary so you can see the contrast of living from passion first to living from the work hard place.

    Remember, when you have passion about something you are more willing to take risks. Everyone can decide to work hard, but passion means something different to each person. Follow yours.

    You can have one leader that leads with hard work and another that leads with passion. Which one do you want to follow?

    Ask yourself some tough questions.

    What do you feel passionate about?

    If you have no idea, remember what you loved doing as a kid. What were your favorite toys and games?

    What activities do you partake in that, when you do them, you lose all sense of time?

    What do you really want to do but are afraid to say out loud?

    Close your eyes while contemplating this question. Feel the answers in your heart instead of thinking them with your head.

    Passion is not always strong and powerful. It can be calm and deep. Don’t worry about motivation. Once you feel the passion for something, the motivation comes with little effort.

    Queen Victoria invited Disraeli to become British Prime Minister, and they soon struck up a remarkable rapport thanks to Disraeli’s charm and skillful flattery.

    On finally achieving his long ambition, to become Britain’s Prime Minister, Disraeli declared, “I have climbed to the top of the greasy pole.”

    Find your own greasy pole, the one you are more than willing to climb, using passion as your inspiration and motivation. For whenever something great was accomplished in the world, it was done with passion.

    What are you doing to find yours?

    Hardworking man image via Shutterstock

  • How to Discover the Work That Will Bring You Joy and Purpose

    How to Discover the Work That Will Bring You Joy and Purpose

    “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” ~David Viscott

    You are a seeker. Searching for more of life. More joy. More depth. More connection. More happiness.

    Our generation is not willing to settle for meaningless existence. Just to get by, just to keep it all together. It doesn’t interest us any more.

    We want more freedom. Especially in the realm of our work.

    But it can seem like a long road between ‘here’ and ‘there.’ From this job, from this life into… the unknown.

    We know there is deeper purpose to fulfill, so we start to ask ourselves the question…

    What Would Make Me Happy?

    Four years ago I started asking myself this question. And I was coming up with nothing. Silence. Not good.

    I was working as a successful hospital pharmacist, moving up the ladder into management. I made great money and was well respected and efficient. But I was unhappy.

    My professional dissatisfaction had become physical, and my body was speaking to me with symptoms of severe nausea. Sugar consumption was at an all time high and I had to get out.

    But where to go? What would make me happy? What would I rather do?

    I had no idea.

    If you too are at career and life crossroads, you are likely asking yourself this question too. What would make you happy?

    And perhaps, like me, you won’t be able to answer the question at first. Or, if you do dream up a solution it involves distant countries, foreign adventures, and escape. And in your heart you know that’s not the answer.

    You desire a life that you don’t need a holiday to “escape from.”

    You desire a life that is the destination.

    When I first asked myself this question—what would make me happy?—the hospital pharmacist had no clue.

    I was going through the motions of life and finding pleasure in its various pursuits, but there was nothing that really lit me up. Nothing that really sang to my heart.

    And I was frustrated. How was I so numb to life that I couldn’t answer the simple question in a meaningful, not just fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of way?

    So I rephrased the question from “What would make me happy?” to something more achievable. “What am I curious about?”

    I removed the pressure for this next job to be “the thing that made me happy” and I created space for possibility.

    Every single possibility that sparked a trace of passion or happiness was followed, and it looked like:

    Could I sell antiques? Let me investigate… Perhaps organizing weddings? Or bake bliss balls?

    Maybe I could be a yoga teacher? The list goes on…

    And something remarkable began to happen. I found the more I explored, the more I got to know myself again.

    The more I discovered what didn’t make me happy, the closer to joy I felt.

    The more I became sensitized to what really lit me up, the clearer my direction felt.

    Create Space

    By this stage the desire for change was relentless. The pain of going on, in the current incarnation of my work, was greater than the fear of stepping into the unknown.

    And so I stepped. I reduced my pharmacy job hours and I created space for more possibility, more curiosity, and more purpose to flow into my life.

    When we are busy, the sheer inertia of our day often takes over. Our habits of keeping everything on track, worshiping the goddess of busy, and forgetting to prioritize our pleasure become the norm.

    And these are the same habits that we see to re-write.

    But re-calibration needs space to occur.

    Just like downloading new software to your computer, and waiting for the re-boot to happen, this upgrade takes time. And patience. And the screen will go black for a while.

    We have to be open and willing to sit in the black void while the download is received, while the new paradigm is created. We have to create the space for desire to arrive.

    And keeping busy doesn’t create space. It just creates more of the same.

    Essentially, if you keep on doing what you’re doing, you will keep on getting what you’re getting.

    Stop Reward-Consuming and Clear Your Debt

    At this point in my journey, and in the journey of so many others, money always comes up as ‘the thing.’

    I have expenses. I have a mortgage. I couldn’t possibly live on any less income. It feels risky.

    I hear you.

    But what price do you place on your joy?

    Consider this. The busy paradigm most us live in isn’t overflowing with joy or purpose. So we learn to compensate with treating ourselves to this restaurant, that holiday, this new wardrobe, and that green smoothie every time we are out.

    We find rewards to compensate for our unhappiness, because our consumption increases proportional to our dissatisfaction with life.

    These ‘rewards’ become just that. Rewards. To keep our heads above the surface in a career or life or relationship we don’t otherwise find joyful.

    What if, with the creation of space and the following of your curiosities, you could create more joy, with less stuff?

    I’m not saying that your new joy-filled job is going to pay less. In fact, I would argue that you will probably earn more (I do). But in the short term, your change of direction takes investment. Investment in yourself.

    During my own transition period of creating more space and following my curiosities there were two essential and practical outcomes:

    • I stopped mindlessly consuming. I started investing solely in myself and what nurtured me.
    • I cleared my debts so I felt free to follow my desires, wherever they led.

    And with time, space, and curiosity I felt ready to face the big question.

    What Is My Purpose?

    I started to feel into: What is this concept that we call purpose? How did she get it? And how can I get there?

    So many nights I sat with this question.

    During one of these soul-searching nights I read a quote from the Dali Lama where he said, “The purpose of life is to be happy,” and I realized the truth.

    No one job can define my purpose. No one choice, or label, or career can be my purpose.

    Purpose cannot be defined by one thing. Purpose is a choice that I make every day. A choice about how I show up in the world.

    When I show up with my heart open and I follow my desires, my truth, my passion, my happiness and I share that with the world, I am living my purpose.

    Purpose = sharing my passion with the world.

    This definition of purpose isn’t restricted to one career or one choice. It’s a simple choice every day.

    I can show up as pharmacist Jenna sharing my passion and live a life of purpose.

    I can show up as kinesiologist Jenna sharing my passion and live a life of purpose.

    Which means the more I open my heart, the more I follow my passion, the more I serve through that passion, the more purpose I find in life.

    But following your passion might not manifest as a career at first. Because purpose is more than a job.

    It’s a way of living.

    And often when seeking transformation, the change has to happen within before it manifests out in the world.

    Connecting with your deep passion, which knows how to answer the question “What would make me happy?” fills you up from within. And when that vessel is full, it overflows.

    Into the service of others and into jobs and careers and meaning in the world.

    Which is what we are seeking. More joy. More depth. More connection. More happiness.

    You are the only one who can make the choice, the space, the commitment.

    Choose yourself.

  • 8 Draining Habits to Let Go if You Want to Be Happy

    8 Draining Habits to Let Go if You Want to Be Happy

    “We first make our habits, then our habits make us.” ~John Dryden

    This may look good, sound good, and maybe even feel good at first, but it’s not serving you well in the end!

    I’d hear this thought in my head over and over and still not believe it. But it had persisted ever since I started questioning the status quo in my life. And I don’t mean a loud, in-your-face, obnoxious line of questioning, but rather, a gentle curious whisper that asks: Well, why does it have to be this way, if I may ask?

    Questioning the status quo is not a novelty in our modern society, but here’s the thing: I was questioning the good stuff, like great habits that I grew up with and ideals that are the foundation of my value system.

    In a sad way, the thought made sense. Every time I’d finish going through the motions of one of my “great habits,” I’d feel drained, in a funk, out of sorts, exhausted, but not in an accomplished kind of way.

    So I started adjusting my autopilot habits and I’m already feeling a shift toward serenity. I suppose this is the counter-intuitive inner work that makes self-discovery so much fun, right?

    So, ready to question some of your great habits too? Check to see if you fall in the trap of a great habit that may not be serving you.

    1. The habit of working hard at the exclusion of all else.

    For the first six years of my corporate job, I was a complete workaholic. Those first years were also the least rewarding, financially and emotionally, because I neglected the more essential aspects of building a career, such as creating relationships and building trust.

    Most of us are hard workers and we identify a sense of pride with it too. It’s how we were brought up; it’s what society expects and rewards.

    Just beware the trap of hard work, especially if you’re using it as a Band-Aid on something that hasn’t given you results, such as working even harder to get ahead at work or to please someone in a relationship.

    What to do instead: Pause long enough to examine the big picture and the situation at hand, and question your current approach. Is more work going really to give you the results you need?

    2. The habit of taking care of everyone and everything else first.

    I watched my mom make a lot of sacrifices for us over the years, but even as a kid I could see that a lot of them were at the expense of her own livelihood. I noticed that this made her bitter. While everyone around her was grateful, she did not need to go that far. She could be self-nurturing and caring to the rest of her family.

    You may be a loving mother (or father or sibling), caring and giving, but to a fault.

    You take care of everyone and everything else—even the laundry and the dishes!—before taking care of yourself. Sometimes at the expense of it. You’re sacrificing your own well-being because you don’t want to seem selfish.

    What to do instead: Know that sacrifice does not earn the respect or gratitude of others. Being a good role model does. Take care of yourself so you’re strong and healthy for the important people in your life. It’s not selfish. It’s self-nurturing, it’s necessary, and you’re allowed.

    3. The habit of listening to everyone’s problems without boundaries.

    As an immigrant to the US, I was so hungry for making friends that I was over the moon if someone confided in me.

    This habit grew into a habit of listening without any boundaries, and so I became the place my friends deposited all their problems. When I saw that it wasn’t helping them and it was wearing me down, I had to draw the line.

    Listening is a gift, and if a friend needs to be heard, if a parent needs to voice concerns, if a spouse needs to vent about work, if a co-worker needs to complain, who better than a great listener?

    Just watch out because being the bank where everyone deposits their complaints, outrage, sorrow, and pity can have its negative consequences and take its toll on you.

    What to do instead: Listen enough to hear the initial problem, then gently move the conversation toward finding solutions, being optimistic, and focusing on the positive. If they still need a professional therapist, remember: it’s not your job to be one!

    4. The habit of responding to every call to attention—email, phone, text—right away.

    It’s wonderful to be responsive. I love responsive people, and I do my absolute best to get back to people. But this constant distraction can ruin your focus, disrupt your routine, and cause problems when running a business.

    What to do instead: Be more stingy with your time and set aside dedicated slots to respond to texts, emails, and phone calls. Unless it’s an emergency, it can wait. Because this one’s deeply ingrained, train yourself little by little to master this one.

    5. The habit of offering your expertise, products, or services free or cheap to friends and family.

    My sister-in-law is a doctor and her generosity toward my family’s health questions knows no end. Sometimes, I feel that we abuse her medical expertise.

    Whatever side of the situation you may be on—giving or receiving the deed—going too far can have an adverse short- or long-term effect on the relationship.

    What to do instead: Set clear boundaries; give and ask for respect in this regard. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to offer your services or products at a discount or free just because people are related to you. It makes you a professional, that’s all.

    6. The habit of getting straight A’s in every class in your life.

    Ah, the A student dilemma! Every culture and society praises the A student and frowns on the C student. As a straight-A student my entire life, I can clearly see that it robbed so much happiness and fun out of my life.

    If I could go back, I’d settle for B- and more fresh air and yoga, thank you!

    What to do instead: Decide first if you even want to go to university or graduate school. Then define your own measure of success and stick to it. Learning and applying the knowledge is way more important than the final grade from your teacher so focus on that.

    7. The habit of doing everything for your kids or students or elderly parents.

    My mom has an aunt who still cooks and cleans for her thirty-five-year-old daughter, who’s a perfectly capable woman.

    Do you do everything for others instead of showing them how to do it? Sometimes people need help, but if you condition them to having you do it all the time, they never become self-sufficient. You do them and yourself a disservice.

    What to do instead: Before doing the next task for the person you’re helping, ask them if they’d like to learn how to do it. Start teaching and showing more and doing less.

    8. The habit of pleasing others at the expense of your own dreams and desires.

    The hardest part of quitting my job and starting my business was that I was going against my parents’ wishes for me. It was hard but absolutely and positively the only right path for me.

    We are conditioned to say “yes” to please our family and loved ones. This can be detrimental to your happiness if you happen to want something else.

    What to do instead: Be true to yourself. You can still be kind and gentle toward others, but you get one life, and your dreams and desires are your business, and they deserve your best shot.

    —

    Your turn now: Do any of these great habits make you pause and think? What other good habits have you found to get in the way of happy living?

  • How to KISS Your Way to A Less Stressful, Overwhelming Life

    How to KISS Your Way to A Less Stressful, Overwhelming Life

    Zen Woman

    “Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious and adding the meaningful.” ~John Maeda

    The past few months of my life were a myriad of things, to say the least: busy, chaotic, overwhelming, exhausting, frustrating, and stressful. I felt like my fuel tank was on zero, but I had to get up and do it all over again the next day.

    I wasn’t stopping to take it all in and check in with myself to see how I was doing. It took catching up with a friend in town on a whirlwind trip to give me a big, smack-bang wake-up call. I was filling her in on everything I was currently juggling (which looked like this):

    • Studying twenty hours per week
    • Working two part-time jobs
    • Running my little love bomb of a website
    • Packing our life into boxes as our rental was being sold (and dealing with open houses and constant intrusions to our physical space)
    • Being Mum to a four-year-old and six-year-old and everything that comes with running a family life (when the workweek entails solo parenting, as my hubby works long hours)
    • Having no family support to help with any of the above

    She looked at me like I was crazy, and asked with kindness, concern, and a little bit of disbelief, “How are you managing all that?”

    The fact of the matter was, I wasn’t. I wasn’t at all. And trying to answer her stumped me a little bit, because I hadn’t stopped to ask myself the same thing.

    I was so caught up in doing that I wasn’t being. I felt like I was constantly tired, stressed, and unhappy. And that’s not fun for me or anyone I love.

    I had to stop. Something had to give, and I needed to make the right kind of changes. I needed to start listening to my inner voice—because she was talking loud and clear, giving me all the signs and telling me how she was feeling, but I wasn’t listening.

    So I said “sorry” and poured as much loving compassion and self-kindness as I could into me.

    I started with resigning from the part-time job that I was struggling with the most. The days were long, my kids were finding it hard with a full day of school and daycare around my working hours, and I didn’t have weekends off to spend time with my family.

    I loved the people I worked with, but I knew that I wasn’t going to work a minimum wage job for the rest of my life, because I wanted to dedicate time to my dreams.

    It was scary to take that plunge from safety because I was comfortable. And I felt guilty and bad—like I should just be able to get on with it and make things work—but I had to shut down that mean girl voice stat and crank up the volume on the loving, kind, Oprah’s-got-your-back voice, pronto.

    Once I pressed send on my resignation email—sitting, eyes squeezed shut, and trepidation running through my veins—I checked in with my feelings.

    My authentic feelings, which I started to pluck from the weeds of guilt and doubt, began to surface. This felt good. This felt really good. I knew I was on a winning track and I wanted more.

    One by one, I started to make changes that were more in line with simplifying my life.

    I’d had a taste of authenticity and tuning in to my inner frequency, and it was amazing.

    Some things in life are non-negotiable, but it’s okay to work with the things that are flexible and be kind to ourselves with the things that aren’t as easy to maneuver.

    We have a choice, all the time, in everything we do. Was I choosing to do all of the crazy, hectic nonsense my life was filled with? I sure was. But I needed to make some different choices because they weren’t working out so well for me.

    So began my journey to getting a little extra loving in my life. I got busy KISSing. Anywhere and everywhere I could, I learned to K.I.S.S.

    How do you do that?

    Keep. It. Simple. Sweetheart.

    When things are getting too complicated for you, stop. And K.I.S.S.

    When things are getting out of control and you’re not sure where your head is at or what’s going on where and when and next and OH MY GOD! Just stop. Breathe. And then K.I.S.S.

    When you’re starting to feel like a rag doll being pulled in a million different directions and all your stitches are about to come undone, and your cute, mismatched buttons are ready to pop, just stop. Slow down. Give yourself the most loving, kindest gift of all. And that’s to K.I.S.S.

    We need to start checking in with ourselves more and listening to our inner voice. What is it saying? What does it want? What needs to give/stop/surrender/be put on pause in order to simplify and feel free?

    How are you coping with things, and what is in your power and in your choice to change?

    You have so much more strength and authority than you probably give yourself credit for to make choices that benefit you. And you’re allowed to make those choices.

    When I thought about leaving one of my jobs, I considered what my options were. I would have less income but the trade off for me was also less stress and more time with my family (and doing other things I enjoyed). That, for me, was priceless.

    I still had one job to help pay the bills and had to stick to a tighter budget, but my schedule became more manageable to do this. By far, the most important change was that I felt happier. That was how I really knew it was worth doing.

    It can be daunting at first, but learning how to simplify your life can start by simply being aware of the changes you want to make.

    Practice saying “no” when you feel you are overextending yourself. Start asking for help more often when you feel overwhelmed. Outsource anything someone else is capable of doing for you instead, and downsize or upgrade whatever it is that would make your life less complicated.

    As much as we love everyone in our lives and care about not letting others down, who is going to take care of you in the best way possible? You got it, sweetheart. You.

    You are the most qualified and most entitled to do just that, nobody else. And you can K.I.S.S. away anything you need, whether it’s in your relationships, work, or parenting.

    Where do you need a loving K.I.S.S. right now? Plant those babies everywhere and start feeling more aligned, more in tune, and way more freakin’ happy with what you’re doing in this lovely life of yours.

    Zen woman image via Shutterstock

  • 4 Things to Keep You Going When You’re Stressed at Work

    4 Things to Keep You Going When You’re Stressed at Work

    Man Meditating at Work

    “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll

    I remember working at a job where I absolutely could not do anything right.

    This was one of those jobs where it was extremely fast paced and you received 100 tons of work that must be completed by an unrealistic deadline. And here’s the kicker: your time at work was spent in meetings, all day. I’m talking about four to seven hours of your day. You get the picture.

    So you may ask when I had time to do the work. Unfortunately, after work hours, in the evenings at home or on the weekends, when I was supposed to be spending time with my family.

    Now don’t get me wrong, at times I was able to steal a half hour to an hour on the job to work on tasks that needed to be completed; however, I found it tough to consistently focus and devote my undivided attention when I was shifting gears all day, every day.

    It almost seemed impossible to win against an environment of nonstop “busyness” with no real progression in sight. I was losing fast.

    I did not perform well during my time there and did not have the impact I thought I would and wanted to have in my work, and within the organization. I failed (or so it seemed to me).

    One day, I finally decided it was time for me to leave. While I initially had mixed emotions about leaving, I knew I wasn’t helping myself by staying at the organization; I was totally out of balance!

    I needed to breathe, I was drowning at work, too busy doing the work at home, not fully paying attention to my daughter, and I became a stressed out monster, having emotional meltdowns far too often.

    Upon leaving, I received a card from my department staff and some people shared their reflections with me, which revealed that I had done so much more than what I knew. How could I have shared my light with others after falling short in my role?

    What I learned is, people are always watching how you respond and react in tough situations. Your character is revealed when going through darkness.

    I was able to reach out to others and bring out the best in them through in-depth conversations during supervision or in morning talks with colleagues. Even though I was dying inside, I always came to work with positive attitude, a smile, and people picked up on that energy.

    I provided guidance to some with their career goals, assisted with developing their voice and professionalism in the work environment. I had somehow helped others become acclimated to the job and feel like they were productive and contributed.

    When I reflected on what kept me going, I remembered the four things listed below were key:

    1. Shift gears with your thoughts.

    We can control our thoughts by monitoring them, and when we find ourselves having negative thoughts, change it to something positive. With self-talk we can be proactive and plant the thoughts we want.

    For example, there were times I would feel sick before heading into the office and I told myself how much I hated being there. But changing my thought from “I don’t want to be here” to “What can I do to help someone today?” allowed me to open myself up to the possibilities for each day.

    2. Meditation is key.

    Spend at least ten minutes in the morning quiet and doing nothing before starting your work; prepare your mind for the day. A prepared mind will help you to sustain the stresses that life will place on you. You will feel the pressure, but when you are mentally prepared it will be much easier to cope with them.

    3. Get pumped up.

    Before heading into the office listen to a song that motivates you, makes you feel good, and will push you. This can be your song of the day to play at your desk to keep you going. Two of my songs were “Happy” by Pharrell and “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves.

    4. It is what it is.

    When challenges are out of your control at work, don’t beat yourself up. Accept what it is. By accepting the things that you have no control over, you will have the energy to concentrate on the things that you can control. You will end up maintaining your happiness, and perhaps even your sanity.

    When you find yourself in a situation where there’s too much that you simply cannot accept, or that is unhealthy to accept, it is time to take responsibility for making a change. Instead of staying in a situation that will build bitterness and resentment, start looking for something new that will contribute more positively to your life.

    —

    In the end, through my unhappiness, I had somehow been encouraging, supportive, and motivating to others. I shared my sense of humor and brought out the humor in others. In what I deemed as a professional failing nightmare, I unknowingly had brought positive energy and a boost to others.

    How you respond in tough situations may unknowingly help others, as well.

    Man meditating at work image via Shutterstock

  • We Are More Than What We Do for Work

    We Are More Than What We Do for Work

    Workaholic

    “I’ve learned that making a living is not the same things as making a life.” ~Maya Angelou

    My friend Nick and I were talking one day about our plans for after graduation. We talked about marriage and whether our religious beliefs would factor into our weddings when the time came, or whether our mothers would just run the whole show. Then the question came that grounded me.

    “Do you think that you’ll be a workaholic?” Nick asked.

    I chuckled and said I could practically guarantee it, as workaholism has always been part of my identity—and a proud part, at that. Nick then followed my response by saying, “You know, it’s worse than alcoholism.”

    After laughing off the comment, he continued to make his point. He expressed how he had seen it destroy families and lives. He finished with how it can even be spirit crushing, as the individual loses their sense of passion and uses work to fuel their addiction.

    Although I firmly believe that Nick was misguided in the brevity of his statement, he did have a point.

    Being a workaholic is a problem. It can destroy relationships with those you care about, as well as your body through health issues that accompany stress and overuse, and even your spirit through soul crushing tasks and long hours.

    What seemed like an offhand comment really struck me, and at a good time too, as I was graduating from college and about to start my first adult job.

    I took a little time after Nick left that evening to reflect on my relationship with work and how it had almost become synonymous with my identity over the years.

    In the culture of the United States, it almost seems like what we do is actually who we are. After all, there are many jobs that you can’t turn off, such as being a doctor or a mother—jobs where you’re always on-call.

    And tied with that, so many people have a burning desire to be successful and good at what they do, which seems to involve throwing yourself into your occupation full force.

    When people strive for success in what they do and do not strive for balance, workaholics are created.

    My number one goal has always been to be successful, which I defined as having a steady, challenging, well-paying career. Although my family and friends are important to me, I often put them on the backburner, putting my career and goals ahead of them.

    Reflecting back on Nick’s comment, I have begun to realize how much work has hindered my close relationships. And it has slowly but surely crushed the spirit of those close to me that have workaholic traits. Sometimes they seem so worn down that they appear to have lost their identity and passion.

    I now know that I don’t want to be a shell of a person. I know that there are more important things and that I want to live a full and balanced life, with varied interests and strong relationships. This epiphany-inspired reflection could not have come at a better time in my life.

    As I get ready to start my first real job in the upcoming weeks, I will remember these four things, which I believe anyone can do to have a more fulfilling and balanced life.

    1. Know yourself and your limitations.

    I know myself and I know that work will be a large part of my life because it is a core part of who I am. However, I will remember that, although I want to be successful, I need to maintain balance my life. This means that I will go in and stay for my shift and work hard, but I will not burn myself out.

    I will understand that my health and wellness are an important part of who I am and that, without proper health and wellness, I cannot act as the best employee that I can be.

    2. Focus on overall healthy decisions, mentally and physically.

    In the upcoming weeks as I start my new position, I will focus on health and wellness outside of work. I’ll make overall healthy decisions, not solely working out, but taking the time to relax and re-energize at the end of a long day.

    I will also focus on my mental and relational health by making time for my family and friends and by sharing fun activities with them that help balance me out.

    3. Foster high priority relationships.

    As I get older and progress further in my career, I, like many others, will become constrained by time and resources. In order to maintain the delicate work-life balance that I am striving for, I will take time to foster relationships that matter to build a support system.

    When the time comes and you need a helping hand, your support network will be strong enough to get you through the tough times.

    4. Remember that who you are, not what you do, makes you special.

    Just being me makes me special, and a valuable asset to both my family and friends. Who I am also plays into my career, as it designates my goals and achievements, but I am a multidimensional person with thoughts, beliefs, and interests outside of my employment status, and so are you.

    —

    The key to making all of these four thoughts and reflections a reality is balance. I now know that I need to make time to not only work, but to play as well. I need to know myself, and how I handle relationships, and make them a priority.

    These tips will help guide my life and decisions, as I hope they will guide yours, as well.

    Workaholic image via Shutterstock

  • That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” ~Ralph Marston

    Before I started my business, I spent three years at an ad agency and a little over a year at an international furnishings retailer. I also waitressed, wrote freelance articles, designed and developed a church website, and worked in an incredibly boring mailroom.

    Some of those jobs (let’s be honest, most of those jobs) totally sucked.

    In the mailroom, my boss was a sexist jerk with a Napoleon Complex.

    In waitressing, I spent too much of my time being other people’s emotional punching bag.

    And at the ad agency—the most relevant, fun, and useful of my full-time jobs—I worked myself half to death, burning out around the three-year mark and seriously contemplating a simple life spent working at Starbucks and never taking my work home with me.

    Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I would walk around the block and cry my eyes out because I was so exhausted. So you won’t be surprised when I say that I don’t look back on any of those jobs and want to relive them. I don’t think back on them and feel nostalgic.

    And if you told me that you hated your job or even that you loved your job but you’d burned yourself completely out, I’d say, “I hear that, sister!” And then I’d help you come up with a practical plan for quitting and doing something truly spectacular.

    That said, it’s only now that I’m truly working toward what I want, doing the things that inspire me, that I can look back and realize that every single job I had, with every good, bad, and ugly thing about it, led me perfectly to the place I am today.

    Waitressing taught me patience. It taught me how to work with people (even entitled, difficult, or angry people). It taught me not to take everything so damn personally.

    At the furnishings retailer, I learned about account management, event planning, eStore management, and editing content across multiple countries and cultures.

    At the ad agency, I learned how to run my own business.

    I sat with the accountant while she explained how she balanced the books. I worked alongside the designers and developers and learned to speak their language and respect their work. I wrote and strategized content for every format you can imagine. I managed client projects. I flew across the country to present on social media in front of hundreds.

    I also learned the art of the short sentence, the closely edited article. I worked closely with the Creative Director on brand slogans and ad concepts for big brands. And I learned how to sell. Sell my ideas. Sell our services. Sell my expertise.

    I learned that when you’re constantly selling yourself, you start to believe in yourself more.

    In other words, all the tools that made my first business successful were things I learned on the job at jobs that weren’t my dream.

    All the skills I’m using now as a full-time travel writer—my long-time dream job—come from a history of difficult, sometimes heartbreaking work.

    Which is why today I wanted to offer up a little encouragement:

    If you’re in a totally sucky job you hate or even a job that you kinda love but that is zapping your energy and killing your creativity…

    It’s okay.

    Because you never know how those skills you’re developing now might just set you up for future success.

    So, while you’re in that not-so-ideal job, learn as much as you can. Hone your skills. Connect with your colleagues. Go for that award. Volunteer for a task you want to learn more about.

    And in the meantime start looking for or planning for the thing you really want. That job at a company you admire. That career as a freelance creative type. That business idea that’s been coming up over and over again.

    Make a change. Do what you love.

    But also take advantage of what you can now. And remember that you can’t know just how much that job is doing for you until you’ve left it in the dust. The things you do today can change everything…even if you can’t see it yet.

  • Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    “I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’” ~Maya Angelou

    When I started working toward a life of freedom a year ago and dared to set my sights on my dreams, I never imagined I’d be where I am today.

    However, if you took a snap shot of my life three years ago, you’d have seen a different person. I was a career woman, a high flyer, rising quickly from an office manager to the head of human resources for a fast growing, successful business, going from strength to strength.

    I was living the dream, earning more than enough money to make sure I could buy whatever, and I’d finally become a success at long last!

    Yet today, the story is the complete opposite. I am a cleaner. I work part-time seven days a week, cleaning and clearing up after other people. I work for minimum wage and I work physically hard every single day.

    Who I Thought I Was

    I thought I couldn’t get a better job, a better position in life, or a better chance to show the world that I had finally made it. I was earning substantial amounts of money, getting to travel the world, and buying whatever I wanted.

    I thought that if I could just make it somehow, and prove it to everyone because I was working in London fifty hours a week, that I’d get the respect I’d always deserved. I was completely and utterly defined by my career. Without the job, the status, and money I’d be nothing a nobody, and who wants to be that?

    So, what happened?

    I quit. One day I just decided that it wasn’t for me. It was too stressful; it was life-numbing work, killing me from the inside out. I knew I no longer wanted to work for someone else’s dreams. I was tired of working hard, on the verge of becoming mentally unstable and feeling utterly miserable.

    I realized that what I did as a job wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was the fact that I was happy, that my purpose went a lot deeper than sitting behind a desk, with my head in my hands wondering what the hell I was doing and why.

    The Journey Began

    Once I’d started on this journey, I knew there was no going back because I’d never be satisfied. So I began searching for what really made me happy, what I loved to do, and how I could use that to serve the world.

    I wanted to contribute, to make a difference, and inspire others to do the same. It was like a light had finally been switched on in my brain. I realized that life was what I made it and I didn’t have to do what everyone else was doing. I could try something new, step out of the ordinary, and live an extraordinary life.

    The thing was, however, I had no money. When I’d quit my job, I’d mounted up a lot of debt. My credit cards were maxed out, and the money I did have I had to use for bills, rental payments, and to pay off those debts.

    I became very scared and anxious, as I wanted to follow my dreams and search for what mattered; yet, I still needed to live. I wasn’t about to go backward, so I had to admit defeat; I had to get a job, a menial one, something that required little attention or time that would still paid the bills.

    So I became a cleaner.

    I won’t lie to you; it wasn’t easy. For so long I’d been a high flyer. I was proud of being known as a success and loved being able to afford anything I wanted. Then here I was, a failure, the type of person I felt sorry for and could never imagine being.

    I had become someone I never wanted to be. I was embarrassed to admit it to people, but at the same time I knew I had to do it. Financially, it took the pressure off. It also gave me the freedom to do what I loved during the day, and most of all, it allowed me to rediscover my dreams and work toward them.

    Your Work Doesn’t Have to Define You

    It took me a long time to realize that my work didn’t have to define me. All that mattered was that I could pay my bills, which was the only reason for doing this. The fact that everyone else saw me as just a cleaner didn’t mean a thing; they could think what they wanted.

    I was the only one who knew the truth. I didn’t have to justify myself to anyone anymore.

    It was so liberating.

    Of course, there are down sides. I have days where I get so exasperated, so frustrated that I have to do this job. I get a little down and disheartened, but each time those doubts pop into my head I instantly turn them into something positive.

    So how can you deal with these down times when you’re doing something that isn’t your dream?

    Realize it serves a purpose.

    Remind yourself why you are here, why you are doing this job, and what you are getting out of it. Remember there is a reason for it, and that reason is to pay the bills, the rent, or buy food, and that’s it.

    It’s not that you are a cleaner, or a garbage collector, or whatever you decide to do while you work on your dreams. You are a planner, an achiever, and you are courageous enough to do what has to be done to make sure your dreams happen.

    Be grateful.

    Seriously, this is the most important thing you can do. When I get down I remember that I am so lucky and grateful for the fact that I can do a job, get paid for it, and still work on my dreams.

    If I had a nine-to-five job, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today because I’d be too tired. I’d be too comfortable with the money, the work, and the easiness of it all, so I’d probably stay stuck.

    Sometimes it’s good to be doing this kind of work, as there’s something you really want to get out of. It will motivate you so much more in that way. So always be grateful for having this opportunity.

    Keep cheerful.

    Whenever I go into work, I see all the office staff looking down and depressed. I remember what it felt like to be stuck behind a desk all day doing work that did little for me. So I make sure I am cheerful.

    I spread a little bit of light around me because I feel so lucky to have gotten out of the rat race. If I can make other people see that cleaning isn’t who I am, it’s what I make of it that matters, then perhaps I can inspire others to do the same.

    I hope these will inspire you and keep you on the journey toward your dreams and purpose in life. It’s so important not to let what you do affect who you are. Some people will only see you for what you do, but those people don’t know what you know.

    Always feel blessed and honored to be able to follow your heart and have the courage to go after what makes you happy.

    If you are like me, you are very lucky indeed—and if you want to follow your dreams, begin today before it’s too late!

  • 4 Faulty Beliefs That Cause You to Push Yourself and Do Too Much

    4 Faulty Beliefs That Cause You to Push Yourself and Do Too Much

    Relaxing

    “Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola

    Do you ever work past the point where you know it’s time to stop? Where your body, heart, and soul are saying, “Ah, enough already,” only you can’t hear them because your mind is pushing you on?

    And have you ever pushed to such an extent you become physically and/or mentally sick?

    My hand is raised.

    Working hard and pushing the boundaries can be stimulating and rewarding; the problem comes when there’s an imbalance for extended periods.

    Meditation and silence are increasingly advocated as ways to find balance in today’s hyper-connected, “always on” world. But for those of us with a propensity to work till we drop, there’s more to it.

    These four common, though faulty beliefs get to the heart of why it can seem so hard to stop, rest, and rejuvenate.

    Faulty Belief # 1: I have to keep going.

    It’s easy to think you have to keep going, when usually, you don’t.

    “I have to finish my degree.”

    “I have to … ”

    “I have to …”

    The human mind loves to make plans and stick to them, no matter what. The problem is that our mind thinks these things will strengthen our identity and make us feel good.

    This is reinforced by a world focused on achievements, not one that values us for just being.

    It’s often easy to just stop or change course. But we don’t; we become rigid.

    Dogged determination can be useful, like when writing a book, or even this article; if I stopped every time it got difficult, I’d never finish anything. But sometimes the plan isn’t a good one. Sometimes such determination isn’t healthy or useful.

    I spent years thinking the road to “success,” and therefore happiness, was a college degree. But that’s all it was, a thought, a belief. A rule I’d made for myself that simply wasn’t true.

    Who knows if leaving college would have been a less painful route; I just wish I’d seen it as a viable option. Would it have been such a bad thing to get my Masters degree in six years instead of five? Or to not get it at all?

    If you’re feeling strung out, ask yourself, do I really want to do this—not just the assignment, but the degree; not just paying the mortgage, but the house?

    Take notice of what your gut is saying. Can you feel what the right thing for you is?

    And even when there are things you have to do—though really there are very few and they usually involve caring for dependants—they can often be modified so you can reduce your load.

    Keep an eye out for long held beliefs and notice how uncomfortable it feels to consider a new tack.

    It feels scary to go against what your mind says. Why? Because you don’t know what’s going to happen. But in truth, you never do.

    Faulty Belief #2: I’m essential.

    No, you’re not.

    Handsome, talented, and deeply lovable, yes. But essential? No.

    This is a bit embarrassing, but a few years ago if you’d said to me, “You have to come to my party because it won’t be as fun without you,” I would have believed you.

    I could have just arrived back from a two-month trans-arctic trek and I’d still have hobbled in on frostbitten toes trying to be funny and charming. Aside from suffering from an extreme case of self-importance, I didn’t want to let people down.

    I thought I needed a reason to say no. A real reason. Not just, “I feel like writing poetry tonight.” Something big.

    “I have the mumps.”

    “I’ll be in Fiji.”

    But saying no and taking time out isn’t selfish. Putting other people’s needs ahead of your own, especially long-term, doesn’t help anyone. It’s dishonest, it makes you feel resentful, and you miss out on the wonderful things that happen when you rest.

    Consider that you’re not as essential as you think you are. Delegate. Get help where you need it.

    (This applies in the workplace too.)

    Your friends will understand. They want you to look after yourself. And the party/school reunion/church fete you don’t want to go to—everyone will get along just fine without you.

    The only thing you’re essential to is you.

    Faulty Belief #3: My mind is a wise guide.

    Most of us are brought up to believe our thoughts are the best guides for our life. And so we spend our days and weeks doing what seems logical.

    —If I go to the party, people will like me and be there for me when I need them.

    —If I get a bigger car/taller horse, I’ll get a prettier girlfriend.

    (You probably won’t, you know. You might just get one that cares more about your car/horse than you.)

    The problem is—as you may know—the mind is inherently insecure. It wants you to take the safest route, following others or repeating what you always do.

    If working without adequate rest has been modeled as the way to be successful, or if you habitually push yourself hard, then your mind will want you to continue doing this.

    Thankfully, there is another side to us that is often a better guide than our mind. Our heart. I’m not talking about the romantic heart—though this is part of it—but the bit of us that knows, deep down, what’s right for us.

    The challenge is our heart speaks more quietly than our intellectual side, often in the form of a hunch or deep knowing. And because the guidance doesn’t always appear logical, we can easily dismiss it.

    For instance, when you have the idea that you’d like to write songs, that is your heart. The thought you get immediately after, saying, “You can’t even play an instrument,” that’s your mind.

    When I get an inclination to rest, my mind almost always thinks it’s a bad idea.

    But the more I practice ignoring my mind’s taskmaster-like tendencies, the more I trust my inner wisdom. Not only do I feel more refreshed and enthused, I get ideas and see opportunities I miss when I’m in full swing.

    Faulty belief #4: There’s something wrong with me that keeps me going so hard.

    I used to wish I was the kind of person who naturally moved more slowly, and who didn’t wake in the morning with their “on” switch already dialed up.

    I don’t think this anymore. (Well, not often)

    I’ve come to believe there’s nothing wrong with emerging at the end of the day weary and happy. I love my energy and enthusiasm and good intentions. Finding balance isn’t about trying to stop that flow, but working with it.

    I have to factor in stops. Things like turning off my phone and laptop in the evening, going hiking in the weekend, or even something as simple as doing the laundry in a relaxed, pottering way.

    For those times when it’s harder to shift gears, try just sitting, staring into space. It’s a great way to reconnect. Looking at things like social media, does it recharge you or make you feel discharged?

    Celebrate your zestiness! But look after yourself too. You really will get more done and you’ll feel better while you’re doing it.

    And when you forget and overdo things—my hand is up again—don’t worry. It’s no big deal. Us over-workers also tend to overwork at being hard on ourselves!

    Photo by Gerry Thomasen

  • Stop Waiting on Your Dream: Take Tiny Steps to Make “Someday” Now

    Stop Waiting on Your Dream: Take Tiny Steps to Make “Someday” Now

    Watching the Sun

    “The beautiful things about setbacks is they introduce us to our strengths.” ~Robin Sharma

    It was morning, March 2009. My alarm announced another ho-hum weekday.

    On the outside, I had it pretty together. I was living the corporate NYC life with a great apartment, a steady relationship, and a solid paycheck. But in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t as happy as I made myself out to be.

    I didn’t know what I really wanted, and I constantly felt like I should just stop complaining in my head and make the best of things.

    So, with every workday, I went through the motions of convincing myself things were great.

    But something was different this particular day: my toe had swollen up like a sausage.

    Did I hit the gym too hard? Take a wrong step in my running shoes? The pain was intense and didn’t get better. So I headed to my doctor to see what was going on.

    His diagnosis shocked me: at thirty-nine, I had arthritis.

    For the next six months, every move I made was excruciating, even with the strong medication I was taking. Even just a few steps shot pain straight up my legs. Walking was almost impossible, and you can forget about high heels and dancing!

    I didn’t get it. I was a healthy, slim woman who’d just dropped forty pounds. I had a boyfriend and a career. But in that moment… I was someone’s grandmother.

    There’s one major upside to unexpected health crises: they wake you up to what’s important.

    Six months of mostly-immobility forces you to sit down and think about your life. And I realized a few things.

    My relationship wasn’t working.

    I really wanted to be happy. He wasn’t a terrible guy, and being a thirty-nine-year-old, single woman comes with its share of challenges. But he wasn’t able to make me a priority, and I knew the timing was all wrong.

    I hated my job.

    The constant go-go-go of my career path had completely worn me out. I didn’t get the same pleasure from it anymore. The only reason I still showed up every day was because of the paycheck (and NYC was just fabulous).

    I’d had the same wild, amazing dream for years.

    I wanted to live between my native New Zealand and New York City. But it seemed almost impossible. What kind of job would give me that kind of freedom, anyway?

    The bottom line was, I needed to stop pretending I was happy with my life.

    I always told myself “I can’t wait to____, as soon as _____.” I was constantly waiting for a catalyst—for my finances to be right, to be in in the right relationship, to have just the right job.

    Feeling chained to my inflamed foot and throbbing burning pain over those months made me realize that captivity was nothing new to me. I’d been a prisoner of self-doubt all my life.

    The only question was: what was I going to do about it?

    I was sick of thinking I would start my dream life someday. I knew if I was to live an awesome life, I had to take action.

    So, after devouring as many self-help books, articles, and blogs as I could find, I mapped out a path to follow.

    Part 1: For the first time, I started focusing on the things that brought me joy.

    When I was finally back on my feet, filled with fresh moxy and ready to tackle the world, I turned my attention to health.

    After my weight loss and six-month bout of sickness, wellness had become something near and dear to my heart. So I played the corporate game by day, moonlighted as a Group Fitness aerobics teacher, and took classes to get my Health Coach certification.

    Being a coach meant the location-independent life I’d always dreamed of on my own terms. It was more than passion to me. It was my key to my freedom.

    Part 2: I downsized and simplified my life.

    My relationship ended, I moved out of my NYC apartment and headed permanently to New Jersey, and eventually settled in a small place on the Jersey Shore.

    It was a cozy hideaway for me while I saved money and figured out what to do next. I studied, worked, and incubated my ideas while I geared up make the full leap.

    And leap I did, soon enough.

    Part 3: I just did it.

    When you’re stuck in bed for six months with no company but books and your laptop, you realize: There’s no perfect time. You’ve just gotta put one foot in front of the other and go.

    But I didn’t do it alone! I spoke with my family and friends of my plans to leave the corporate world and coach instead. While some of them weren’t so sure I could easily be a coach between New York and New Zealand, they gave me their support.

    Five months after starting my health coach training, I left my twenty-plus-year corporate I.T. sales role. Boom.

    Was it easy leaving a dependable income and starting a business from scratch? No! But it was easier than watching life fly by me while I pretended to be happy.

    Nowadays, I’ve got my dream of living between NYC and NZ. I’m in love with my life and my business. My arthritis is under control, and life has never been better.

    Now, it’s your turn to make it happen for yourself.

    It’s okay to be tired of waiting for happiness. But you have to step up and take responsibility for creating it.

    It starts with small shifts that lead to bigger and bigger ones:

    Instead of saying “someday, I’ll…” change your mindset to “I’ll do that.”

    Start writing about what you want—all those juicy little things you’re saving for when things are “just right.”

    Learn to ask yourself: “What’s stopping me?”

    Recognize negative self-talk and self-doubt for what they are: nonsense that keeps you playing small. Ignore!

    Break your goals into small steps, and actively add them to your calendar. Giving yourself real deadlines will help you stay on your path of action and see your goals through to the end.

    You just have to take the first step. Then keep going.

    So… what’s next for you?

    It’s time to catch yourself every time you say “someday,” “I’ll do it later,” or “maybe next week/month/year.”

    Next time that phrase comes out of your mouth: Stop. Think. And get out a pen. It’s time to slip that dream goal into your calendar.

    Even if it’s one small step—reaching out to a colleague, beginning your research—write it down, schedule it in, and make it happen. Do this with the next steps in your journey. Before you know it, you’ll turn “don’t have time” into “done”!

    Make the call. Take the step. Watch what happens.

    Photo by Chad Cooper

  • Knowing What to Do When the Path You’re On Feels Wrong

    Knowing What to Do When the Path You’re On Feels Wrong

    Man on a pier

    “Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” ~Cherokee Proverb

    Age is a funny thing, isn’t it? It’s both an internal and external measurement by which many of us, consciously or not, judge our successes and failures, and it’s how others often judge us: “She’s so young to be CEO.” “He’s too old to be a quarterback now.” “Those guys should have stopped touring years ago.” “How old is that woman he’s dating?”

    Measurement is part of our culture.

    Paradoxically, we initially choose our life paths when we are the least prepared to understand the significance of our decisions.

    It took me until I reached mid-life, while simultaneously hitting rock bottom, to finally change the course of my life and, most importantly, to learn how to let go of the “whys,” “what ifs,” and “if onlys” that had been my everyday mantras for as long as I could remember.

    It’s not easy to put your past in perspective and ignore cultural measurements, and it can be unnerving to allow yourself the time and space to evolve. But from my experience, the mistakes, bad choices, and seemingly insurmountable challenges you may now be facing are truly fixable.

    And once you decide you’re ready, you’ll find that it’s cathartic (and yes, a little frightening) to give yourself some time to find your true path, however you define that for yourself.

    My path appeared on March 5, 2010. I was president of my family’s company. Except for a few years out of college when I thought I would be a musician, I had always worked in the business.

    I knew very early on that joining the company was a mistake, but I had made a commitment to my father in my early twenties, worked my way up from intern to president, and had always done the “right thing.”

    In 2010, the world was still recovering from the financial meltdown, and many companies’ sins and weaknesses were exposed. On that Friday morning in March I realized exactly how far down our company had fallen.

    In the space of a few minutes, I discovered that people I trusted deeply had been lying to me for years, 300 employees could lose their jobs (including me), my savings were gone, and my house could go into foreclosure.

    Everything I had worked for and bet my life—and future—on was collapsing around me. I closed the door to my office and cried.

    But wait, it gets worse.

    I soon found I could do very little other than sit in my office and watch TV, occasionally crying for no apparent reason. I only talked to the people I had to. Things I loved to do like playing the guitar or riding my motorcycle were of no interest.

    Most days I closed the door to my office when I got there in the morning and opened the door nine hours later to go home. Some days, I didn’t even get out of bed.

    Having so much time to think, I only focused on my failures (especially as I was desperate to save the company).

    I obsessed about why I trusted so easily, where I thought I should have been by now, and why I made the choices I’d made. Regret, anger, fear, embarrassment, and blame encompassed my every moment.

    For those of you who have never seen a commercial for antidepressants, these are the classic signs of depression, and I was deep in the abyss before I sought professional help.

    Therapy was hugely valuable (and still is), but it was a conscious, meditative exercise an Eastern astrologer friend suggested several months later that gave me the freedom to breathe, gain clarity, and find the courage to change.

    My friend told me to take a break, get on my Harley, and disappear for a few days (which was far more difficult than it seems). He said the problems would certainly be there when I returned. While riding he wanted me to practice what he called ‘the simplest state of awareness.’

    This meant that any negative thoughts about anything—job, money, house, family, fear, failure, regret, crashing, etc.—were to be pushed away by focusing only on the simplest things around me such as the color of the sky, the smell of the flowers (or car exhaust), the sound of the motorcycle, a bird in flight, the weathered wood on a barn.

    If anything negative entered my mind, I was to immediately replace that thought with a simple thought.

    Oddly, I had always felt comfortable being unhappy, so to not allow anything negative in was against my nature back then.

    But when I replaced a stressful thought with a basic observation about the world around me—an observation where there was no judgment—I started to understand what it meant to “clear your mind.”

    This was not about focusing on what I wanted. When I tried to do that and skip the simplest state process, my mind always reverted to what “should” be. I wasn’t ready to start changing my life… yet.

    So, what happened? Even in my depression I had enough sense and commitment to do whatever was necessary to fix the company, and after some drastic and painful changes it was slowly stabilizing, but in my heart I knew that it was time for me to leave the family business.

    After convincing myself all my life that running the company was my destiny, I understood, and accepted, that it wasn’t. I resigned in February 2011.

    My decision did not help my relationship with my father, and I was now left without a job, yet still a mortgage, bills, and a family to support. But for the first time in my life I felt aware. The resentment, shame, and paralyzing fear of change were fading.

    I realized I needed to do what I loved and what I was good at—obvious, I know, but not at the time—which was being a creative entrepreneur and working with music in some way.

    I started a full-service, strategic creative consulting agency; we work with companies, brands, and top-level artists helping them engage differently with their audiences so they achieve their goals and grow.

    From the beginning we landed clients we never thought possible, considering we had no experience, and they’re all still happy today; our reputation has earned us more clients; I have more time to do things for me; apparently I “look” happier; and, financially, I am far better off now doing what I love to do than when I was doing what I had to do.

    I also decided to go back to graduate school part-time, which I was prevented from doing years ago; I start in the spring.

    The quote in the beginning says not to let yesterday take up too much of today, it doesn’t say “don’t ever look back.”

    I believe that while never looking back is a noble goal, it’s very difficult for many people to do, especially me, without the kind of awareness that comes only from distance. So I chose a quote that, for me, was accessible, allowing me the space to safely pause and reflect, and then inspiring me to act when I was ready. You, too, will find the right words for you, if you haven’t already.

    It took many years, a traumatic event, and depression for me to start my life over. And still it was difficult and I was afraid when I made that decision; change is scary regardless of it being “right.”

    The simplest state exercise helped me gain clarity and perspective, and then time gave me the confidence and courage to act. And remember cultural measurement? I measure myself differently now, and I actively learn from people of all ages.

    This is my story so far. I encourage you to find your inspiration and motivation to help you on your journey, and then perhaps you’ll share your story.

    Most importantly, you need to know—not just believe—there is a right time for you to change, no matter how hard, no matter your age, no matter the obstacles. If you feel in your heart that you are not where you want to be, it is never too late. Be your own light; the universe will wait for you.

  • Jump Off the Busy Train for a Simpler, More Passion-Filled Life

    Jump Off the Busy Train for a Simpler, More Passion-Filled Life

    Time concept

    “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

    A few years ago I was on the busy track. I was working a corporate nine-to-five job, studying at night, and trying to keep up a busy social life. I thought I was achieving it all by doing so many things at once, but really, I was just burning myself out.

    My life was a busy blur. I’d start my weeks feeling tired and end them completely exhausted. Time was a constant challenge. I was always rushing from one thing to the next, and in the little down time I gave myself off, I’d be so completely exhausted that all I could do was slump into the lounge chair and fall asleep in front of the television.

    Between working a high-pressure full-time job, studying my nights away, and maintaining a busy social life on the weekend, there was little time for me to just be. In the midst of the daily rush, there was no reflection or alone time. There was just busyness.

    Feeling this way, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was not what I wanted for myself. I was rarely happy or at ease, and I was feeling the strain big time. I pushed myself for answers and I realized that my pursuit of “doing it all” was in vain. I simply wasn’t happy.

    I wasn’t enjoying my job, and although it paid well and had some great career prospects, it drained every ounce of enthusiasm I had and left me dry.

    It would leave me feeling so dry that I’d throw myself into action during every ounce of time I had spare, to the point of exhaustion, as if to try and salvage those wasted forty-plus hours a week I’d spent at work.

    I was studying a design course three nights a week to make up for my lack of passion for my job and I was out all weekend drowning my sorrows, rewarding myself for just getting through another lackluster week.

    It was madness and something I couldn’t keep doing. Every day drained me and ate away at me just a little more, but still, time went on. The days became weeks and the weeks flowed into months.

    I wanted to jump off the busy train, but making a change was hard. Though I knew that my job wasn’t where my passions lied, I couldn’t just throw it all in and quit. I had bills to pay and my love of design was just that at the time—a love, not a moneymaker.

    I struggled for months with this decision, thinking of every possible way I could make things work. But none of them compelled me to action. The truth was, I was scared.

    Right when I was almost at breaking point, salvation came for me in the form of a company restructure. Cuts were being made and I was called up for retrenchment.

    My retrenchment was a blessing in disguise. While I was worried about how I would make it work, I knew it was the push I needed to live a simpler life, more in tune with my passions.

    With this in mind I was convinced I could make it happen. I decided, then and there, that I would pursue my studies full time to do what I loved and work whichever other jobs I needed to work to make it happen. I started looking for part-time office jobs, and to my surprise, there were some great ones.

    Within a month I’d found the perfect part-time job that would let me launch into my studies with full force while still making ends meet. I’d have to make some tough cuts to my spending to make it work, but I knew I could.

    The tradeoffs were tough at first, and living my newfound modest lifestyle wasn’t always easy, but it was more than worth it. What I soon realized was that for all the material things I’d lost, I’d gained the most valuable thing of all: the freedom of my own time.

    I now had time to breathe, think, and live.

    Today I’m living a simpler life, one of freedom and choices. I’m still actively doing things every day, but I’m doing things I truly love.

    With my design diploma in hand, I’m working as a fashion designer and writing about my creative journey on my very own website. I’m living with joy and I no longer feel busy and stressed. Instead, I am energized and passionate.

    We can get so caught up in the pursuit of busyness that we forget what we are losing. In busyness we lose our freedom, our options, and a little piece of ourselves.

    Time is freedom. It enables you pursue your dreams and go after what you love. How you spend it determines whether you experience happiness or not. And at the end of the day, it’s all you really have. 

    Jump Off the Busy Train and Reclaim Your Joy

    If you want to jump off the busy train to make a change to a simpler, more passion-filled life, here are three things you can do:

    1. Take the change step by step.

    Instead of launching right in and quitting your job without a solid plan, make sure you have everything in place to make it work.

    Look into your options for part-time work or more flexible working arrangements, like working different hours or from home. Weigh up your viable options to free yourself from busyness and determine how you can make it work financially.

    2. Accept a better outcome, even if it’s not the perfect one.

    We would all love to jump in and pursue our passions full time but often it’s not practical, at least not from the outset. Instead of striving for perfect, find a better outcome in the short term.

    It doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing approach. Right now, it might mean pursuing a passion on the side. In a years time, it might mean transitioning to a part-time working arrangement. Sometimes, good things take time.

    3. Scale back in other areas of your life.

    There is always give and take in life, and if you want to move toward a simpler, more passion filled life, there are going to be tradeoffs.

    Scaling back might involve selling your car, moving into a smaller house, and cutting back on meals out. These might all sound like big changes, but the reward you will receive every day from living in tune with what you love will far outweigh the sacrifice.

    If you’re feeling the weight of busyness in your life, challenge yourself to slow down. Don’t sell your life to the highest bidder, trading your time for dollars at the expense of your own happiness and joy. Reclaim your freedom and find a way to do what you love. Your happiness depends on it.

  • 4 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Unhappy with Your Work

    4 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Unhappy with Your Work

    “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

    In my working lifetime, I have been the poster child for seeking work-life balance. I have spent hundreds of hours curled into complex yoga asanas, breathing into the resistance and unexpected openness.

    I have meditated sincerely, flowering into a quieter mind. Add to that a happy, growing relationship, stable social connections, and purposefully cultivated hobbies, and you would think that I go humming and beaming to work each morning.

    The startling truth is that for every minute that I have spent meditating in my entire life, I have cried in my car coming to or from my job.

    When I first started working, it seemed normal—if you have a bad day, I reasoned, you let off a little emotional steam in the car on the way home.

    As a teacher, I often experience my most tumultuous classroom situations during the last part of the day, and the result is that as a new teacher, I often climbed into my car shell-shocked and fragile, barraged by a hailstorm of chaotic situations.

    My first year, the answer was mindfulness, and therefore I pursued yoga and meditation with the doggedness of a shipwrecked sailor swimming for shore. My mental image of stress reduction was that mindfulness techniques were a counterweight for stressful situations.

    In the process, I took responsibility for my tranquility, but not for the situations that were causing me so much angst.

    My second year, I switched jobs and kept doing yoga avidly, but I also gravitated towards the philosophy of “no”—that if I could protect my boundaries more skillfully, that I could weaken the thick net of sadness that I tangibly felt tightly wrapped around my job and schedule.

    Again, this was a wonderful, positive technique; by reducing my activities, I narrowed and strengthened my channel of energy. However, I continued to perform that defeating ritual of the occasional “afternoon cry,” and was adding morning weep sessions to my repertoire.

    No simple solutions, regardless of their wisdom or usefulness, warded off the constant worrying about work situations, and by the end of that year, I was understandably burned out and confused.

    Branching out into more hobbies, my final attempt to achieve that elusive “work-life balance,” had only succeeded in diluting my passion instead of re-awakening it, and I came to a skidding stop in the educational field. I quit my job.

    Now, I am thankful for this burnout—running out of quick answers and clever solutions dropped me onto the bedrock of humility with a resounding thud.

    I finally realized that work-life balance is elusive because it is always a shining horizon—if I see my work as something to “balance,” I run in the opposite direction as soon as I clock out for the day, and my energies are pulled in different directions.

    In the end, my many attempts to achieve that golden standard of “balance” resulted in a hollowness—an inability to “go deep” in any direction. As long as I made these techniques the locus of my attention, I was distracted from the core issues that resulted in my desperate frustration.

    Although at the time I thought that another career—any other career—was the answer, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t even asking the right questions. I am thankful now that I was serendipitously brought back into alignment with teaching, and that I have had an opportunity to heal my wounds as an educator in a beautiful way.

    In the process, these are the four questions that I have developed for use in times of career unhappiness, which provoke honest self-evaluation and authentic action. These questions open the heart of the matter.

    1. What are the separate issues?

    When I hit my bottom in my vocation of teaching, I forced myself, in an unlooked-for burst of clarity, to create a chart that outlined my distinct issues with my job.

    In my current position at the time, the problems ranged widely from my personal safety all the way to poor administration. I could do nothing about many of the issues, I realized, but one of my unmet needs, getting a masters degree, was entirely within my realm of control.

    By separating the issues, I was able to define the “deal-breakers” and bring distinctness to what was before an overwhelming amalgam of bad feelings.

    2. What can I do differently right now?

    Once you have separated the issues, you can then decide which of the problems within your control you can transform immediately.

    Some changes must wait—they are within your power, but they are necessarily time-bound. However, there are other issues that can be addressed right away, and change can bring immediate relief even if you plan on eventually leaving your job.

    Positive strategies such as asking for help and reaching out for healthy social connections at work can help make you happier right now, regardless of your ultimate employment decision. Sometimes you just need to clear the spiritual fog by mitigating acute stress before you can move in any direction.

    3. How can I disconnect my effort from my expectations?

    Possibly the most powerful agent of burnout in any profession is the lack of tangible results. For me, my heart was broken every time I couldn’t see a project through to completion, and once I broke that arrow that connected effort to results, my expectations were far more realistic.

    I am now able to plunge in—and back out—of projects with more abandon, understanding that sometimes trying is the same as doing. When you truly feel connected to the purpose of your work, the endeavor or effort is an end unto itself, and the results are secondary.

    This question makes the important assumption that you strongly believe in what you are doing, even if the outcomes are sometimes disappointing. However, if even the process is draining, you may not be living in alignment with your mission.

    4. What is my mission?

    Recognizing and celebrating your unique voice, which will never be spoken by any other human being, is an important part of the journey to peace with your work.

    Your mission is not intertwined with your job—your mission is completely internal. You are the archetypal hero, accomplishing your life’s work, and the job or the career is simply an outer manifestation of the spiritual odyssey.

    Your inner mission may be in alignment with your job, or your career may at least have the potential to exist in service of your calling.

    But because your mission is not something that you have to generate, it creates unrest when you ignore it. If you’re feeling stifled and limited by your current job, you need to do the gentle but courageous work of discerning your deepest purpose, and take the necessary actions to follow that expansion.

    —

    I still do yoga daily. Setting appropriate boundaries and saying “no” to people is truly a part of my spiritual practice.

    The hobbies that I have developed over the years are still integral to my routines and add color and joy to my life. However, until I could ask myself those four questions, I was only re-dressing the surface issues and leaving the core dilemmas unresolved—and I kept crying in the car.

    But ultimately, I found myself irresistibly pulled through my discontent to a deeper connection with my great work.

    There are no quick fixes. Work-life balance, if it is even possible, is certainly not achievable if you are turning a deaf ear to the call of your most urgent and aligned life’s work.

    Clarify those longings and answer them, and then make all the changes that you need to make, no matter how large or small. Go deep in that direction.

    When you are firmly grounded in the passion of creatively discovering your vocation one day at a time, you will absorb that energy. Then, instead of creating the storms in your life, you will have the deep, healthy roots to weather the challenges that will inevitably arrive when you are fully engaged with life.