Tag: weight

How Obsessing About Your Body Gets in the Way of What Matters

“Focus on what you want your life to look like—not just your body.” ~Sarah Failla

Growing up I never had much concern for the shape or size of my body. Perhaps once in a while the idea of losing weight or beginning an exercise routine crossed my mind, but it was always fleeting and I was quickly back to gossiping with my best friend or writing a note to my boyfriend.

Once I entered college I gained some weight, what with the unlimited access to Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch (something that never, ever crossed the threshold of my childhood home) and no fewer than five local pizza joints that delivered to the dorms.

Still, though, I didn’t spend much time worrying about my health or what was going on with my body.

In my last year or two at school, I began going to the gym along with my roommates, and by the time graduation rolled around I decided I should try to go on a diet and lose the weight I’d gained in the last few years.

My attempt at slimming down worked, as a combination of restricting calories and increasing exercise will do, and soon I was off on my next set of adventures, which included working at a ski lodge in Vermont, traveling cross country, living for a summer in Montana, and traveling around the southern US, often living in a tent.

During that time thoughts about my body didn’t occupy much space in my mind, though at times there was a fear of weight gain. For the most part, though, I was living my life and enjoying my travels.

A few years down the line, though, things had taken a turn. I was uncertain about the future of both my romantic relationship and my career, and focusing on the health, size, and shape of my body became a very time-consuming diversion.

I began waking at 5:30 most mornings in order to fit in a workout, sometimes completing another when I got home from work. I began feeling a bit uncertain and afraid around certain foods, and felt the need to cut back on the amount I ate. I felt consumed with losing weight and changing the shape of my body.

Though many praised me for what they assumed was my healthy lifestyle, I was increasingly miserable. It didn’t matter that I was losing weight, I still thought my body looked wrong.

I spent more and more of my time, energy, and attention thinking about my body. I was never, ever in the present moment with myself. I felt paralyzed when it came to many life decisions.

When I look back now, I see clearly what was going on. I see that I was afraid, and that obsessing about the way my body looked gave me an outlet, gave me something else to focus on. I was trying to avoid my fear.

I wanted to do something big and bold and amazing with my life, but I was afraid I never would. I was unsatisfied in my relationship, but afraid of being alone. I wanted to do and be so much more, but the thought of change and fear of failure were too much.

Focusing on the food I put on my mouth, the size on the tag in my jeans, and the number on the scale made it possible to avoiding facing up to my deepest uncertainties.

Eventually, with much time spent in self-reflection, coaching, and counseling, I was able to move past my body woes. I was able to stop letting worries about my body stand in the way of taking big, important steps toward living a life I could be proud of and present in.

Today my life and focus is very different. I am very happily married, a mother, and a business owner. I am proud of myself for getting here.

I can’t wish away the years I spent dieting and overly worrying about my physical appearance, because doing so actually helped me cope with things I wasn’t yet ready to face. I wouldn’t have wanted to live that way long term, but at the time it provided me with a valuable escape.

The experience also gave me something I never expected: the ability to help others struggling with the same thing. For that, I am so thankful, because I have found a passion I didn’t know existed, one that wouldn’t even exist, had I not been through all of that.

If you find that you are putting excessive energy into worrying about your weight, size, or other aspects of your body, to the point where you are unable to live life in such a way that is satisfying to you, here are my suggestions for getting back to a place of balance:

Acknowledge that your worries have gotten out of hand.

Sometimes just realizing that something bigger is going on can be the key to getting back to a centered place.

Realize they’re just thoughts, and you can, with practice, make them kinder or even ignore them.

Just because the thought “I’m need to lose weight” crosses your mind doesn’t mean you need to believe it. You can shift it to “I would prefer to focus on what I like about my body” or even let the thought float by and not attach to it.

Learn to value, appreciate, and respect your body for what it is.

Your body does amazing things no matter what your size, shape, or weight. For instance, if you can see these words, it means your eyes work, and finding more positive things about your body is easy once you get started thinking about it.

Practice something that brings you to the present moment.

Being in the present helps you remove yourself from too much worry about your body and focus on what matters most to you. Maybe meditation isn’t your thing, but perhaps stretching, practicing yoga, journaling, praying, or even watching the leaves sway in the breeze will work for you.

Check in to see what you’re trying to avoid.

As I said, I used my body focus as a way to avoid what I was afraid of, so if you’re doing the same, try taking a peak at what’s scaring you in small, incremental sessions. You don’t have to solve everything right now, just begin to open your awareness.

Get professional help if necessary.

Food and body image issues are no joke, and if you’re suffering in a way that is negatively impacting your life, seek counseling from someone who is trained to provide the help you need.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with making an effort to eat healthfully and move your body in a way that feels good to you, it really all comes down to the energy behind your actions.

If you are choosing to exercise because it makes you feel strong and alive or helps you shake off the stresses of the day, that is very different from choosing to exercise because you are full of fear about your life or what would happen if you gained weight.

The same goes for your eating habits. If you are filling your body with healthy, whole foods because you enjoy them and love preparing them, that is very different from forcing yourself to eat a certain way because you are afraid of what will happen to your body if you do not.

Your body is a gift, and it deserves the best care. However, if your focus on it starts to get out of hand and prevents you from existing and inhabiting your life, or consumes your thoughts, it’s time to take a step back and shift your focus to what truly matters to you.

Woman exercising image via Shutterstock

July 28, 2015
3 Things You Need to Stop Telling Yourself If You Want to Lose Weight

“Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.” ~Unknown

Picture it: You’re out with friends having dinner, then one of them says, “I shouldn’t be eating this. I skipped the gym today.”

Another one replies, “I’m so bad. I’ve been eating out of control all week. I just can’t stop.”

And another one says, “I’m going to have to eat salad for the next couple days to make up for this.”

Does this type of conversation sound familiar to you?

It’s all too familiar to me. I used to be the leader in these conversations, until one day, in the middle of claiming myself the fattest, I actually heard the words coming out of my mouth. And then I listened to everyone else talking negatively about their bodies as if we were competing to see who is the most guilty for eating.

I get it. You want to lose weight. Heck, I want to lose weight. That’s not the problem.

The problem is how we treat ourselves when we decide we need to lose weight. If you’re anything like I used to be, you can be very nasty to yourself in the name of “motivating” yourself to lose weight.

Rather than giving you three tips on losing weight through diet and exercise—because I know you know what to do; you just don’t want to do it all the time—I’m going to share with you the three statements that are getting in your way of losing weight and loving yourself.

1. There is something wrong with me.

I always said this to myself when I could not stop reaching for sweets, even though my stomach was full or I knew I only wanted it because I was bored. There had to be something wrong with me since I didn’t have the willpower to just stop myself.

Are you wondering what’s wrong with you?

Nothing! Stop bad mouthing yourself when you are not able to work out or don’t possess enough fortitude to adhere to your restrictive diet plan.

In case you haven’t noticed, berating yourself never has and never will work to motivate you on your weight loss goals. And as the saying goes, “If you do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you already got.”

Instead of trash talking yourself to “motivate” you to lose weight, how about you take it easier on yourself?

Yes, you had a donut for breakfast instead of your wheatgrass smoothie or you didn’t get to the gym today. So what?

I now realize that when I “slip up” I can always start anew right where I am, and so can you. Because no matter how much you punish yourself, you can’t feel badly enough to change what happened in the past.

And let’s face it, it hasn’t worked so far, so what do you think is going to change if you continue to do that?

2. I need to wait until I lose the weight.

For a long time, I was waiting to buy new clothes until the scale reached a certain number. My life was on hold until I felt I deserved or earned the right to do all the things I wanted to do.

I recently chose to just accept the weight I am and I bought clothes that make me look and feel good. I was tired of shoving myself into clothes that didn’t fit or waiting to lose weight to fit back into them.

I know I was not alone in this thinking either. Friends, family members, and strangers say this to me all the time, that they are going to do something amazing but they have to lose weight first. Or they will be happy after they lose the weight.

Stop waiting! You don’t know how long it’ll take you to lose the weight, and keep it off. What if it takes you months or years? You don’t deserve to wait that long for nice things. That’s not what life is about.

Instead of waiting that long, celebrate the little wins along the way to encourage yourself to keep going. Take out the good dishes and eat on them, buy a new outfit and feel great in it now, go out on a date, LIVE!

3. They are so beautiful. I’ll never look like that.

While looking at Facebook and Instagram, it’s so easy for me to see celebrities or even strangers and wish I had the body they have.

I’m sure you find yourself comparing your body, and that’s not always a problem. The problem occurs when you start using someone else’s body as a standard for how your body should look. That’s not fair and is actually an insult to your body.

You don’t have the same physique as they do. You can’t make your body look like theirs if that’s not how your body frame is set up.

If you are comparing yourself to someone who has an hourglass figure and you have more of a pear shape, there is just no way you are going to have the shape they have. You are just setting yourself up for a huge disappointment.

My celebrity standard was Beyonce. I wanted to have the flat stomach and curves in all the right places, but after a few months, I realized I don’t have the desire or dedication to do all the work it takes to look like that. That’s part of her job, and it’s certainly not my job to look like her.

Eventually, I realized that what I really wanted was to tone up what I already had. That is more attainable. And now, I compare myself to how I was a few months ago and celebrate the small and steady progress I am making.

If you still want to compare, then start with where you are right now and compare your eating now to how it was before you started eating healthier.

Don’t go back to ten/twenty years ago and ogle and get upset because you weren’t able to stay that size. You and your body have changed. It happens. Set a new barometer and watch your progress from now until you get to where you want to be.

Berating yourself, waiting to do nice things for yourself, and comparing yourself are not what you want to do when you want to lose weight and feel better about yourself.

Focusing on what you like about yourself, treating yourself to something special every now and then, and giving up comparisons is the way to a healthier and happier you.

May 27, 2015
Why Losing Weight Might Not Make You Happy (and What Will)

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” ~Kim McMillen

Sometimes people ask us questions that change our lives, questions that require us to dig down deep and think about what’s really important. Questions that push the envelope and show us that maybe the direction we’re going in isn’t the one we want.

My cousin, unknowingly, asked me one of those questions over ten years ago:

“Well, this is what you always wanted. Are you happy now?”

I was stunned. It had been such a long time since anyone had ever asked me that. But, much more than that, I was embarrassed that she recognized that “this” is what I always wanted.

How vain. How trite. How trivial when it came to life as a whole.

I answered, with a feeling of shame, “Um, yeah, I guess so.”

And then we walked back upstairs to join the rest of the dinner party.

I later recognized that, no, I was not happy now that I had “this.” “This” was my weight. I was the smallest I’d ever been.

I was at a healthy weight before, but it wasn’t enough for me to feel good enough.

I despised my thick thighs, longed for a leaner tummy, and wished my back fat would just disappear already.

And now here I was, where I thought I wanted to be, and I couldn’t be more miserable.

I was shocked. How could this be?

I’d envisioned feeling so much differently at this weight. Happy. Healthy. Vibrant.

I’d have a new kick to my step, be the life of the party, and radiate happiness.

Instead, I was lethargic, grumpy, constipated, and a sense of sadness kept me from ever feeling like me. And trust me, when you can’t feel like your true you, it’s impossible to reflect bounds of happiness and joy.

When I realized that I was now “here” and more miserable than ever, it was a turning point. Don’t get me wrong, it was a long slow turn I was going to need to make, but I knew it would be a game-changing one.

Part of making that turn was recognizing that the number on the scale was never my problem. My problem was that I never felt like I was good enough.

I thought if I looked a certain way and was thinner, I’d automatically be happier, have more friends, find a loving partner, and be liked more.

Bottom line: my struggles with body image, food rules, and my weight were symptoms of me not feeling like I was good enough—not actually food.

So, I started to address an issue that no diet, food program, meal plan, or fitness routine ever really does: self-love.

I wasn’t an overnight success story. It took time. And in all honesty, I didn’t even know if I was capable of doing it. (I was.)

All I knew was that I was ready for my pain to incite change and to grow into a healthier, happier human in body, mind, soul, and spirit.

Here are some things I learned along my self-love journey that may help you too.

Being kind to yourself may feel foreign at first.

Speaking kindly to yourself, appreciating the good in yourself, and treating yourself as you would treat a close friend may seem odd at first. Know that this is normal. Just keep it up and soon it won’t seem so foreign.

And in all honesty, when you start to do this (and realize how unkind you’ve been to yourself), it won’t be too surprising why you’ve been having a hard time making the next step.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you can’t move along in your journey when your star player is constantly doubting, bullying, and sabotaging him or herself. Be kind to yourself.

You have to forgive yourself.

If you’re a sensitive soul, like me, you don’t forgive yourself easily. If the same thing happened to a friend, you’d forgive them in a heartbeat, but yourself, no way.

When we’re living with blame or shame, we use food to soothe, stay in unhealthy relationships, and let go of all of our boundaries.

Forgive yourself, just as you would a friend, for the things you’ve been holding on to.

Let them go so you can move forward without that baggage and live in the light. Write a forgiveness letter to yourself and then burn it, mediate, use mantras, or journal—whatever helps you forgive and let go.

Until you accept yourself, you’ll keep searching for happiness elsewhere.

The simple realization that happiness is an inside job is transformative. It’s freeing, really.

It makes you think about what’s really important to you, what makes you come alive, and what you want more of in your life. You’ll discover it’s not your weight, hair color, or how much money you make.

When you uncover these questions and discover that self-love and acceptance are the keys to living a life of love, you’ll be consumed with joy.

You see, a lot of us wait until we get “there” to start doing what we really want to do. But, what if you started doing things because you knew that’s what lit up your soul in the now? I bet you’d get “there” that much faster.

You can change your script.

Remember that at any point, you can change the script of your life. Your past doesn’t define you and neither does your undetermined future. The only thing that matters is now, so make your now one that empowers, strengthens, and fills you with love.

You have to give love to feel love.

Smile at others. Give compliments. Express gratitude. You want more love? Then show it. The Universe will throw back at us what we give out, so give good. Give love. And open your heart to the tiny miracles that happen daily around you with thanks.

When we’re filled with love and gratitude, we make more loving and gracious choices for our bodies, others, and ourselves—and that’s the real food for a journey of self-love.

Love yourself image via Shutterstock

April 6, 2015
You Deserve to Be Happy Now, Not Just When You Reach Your Goal

“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.” ~James R. Ball

I was a binge eater. At night. Every night. No one would ever have guessed it because I was at a healthy weight. But I believed that my weight was too high a number, so I would try to fix it.

Each morning I would start afresh and eat like a svelte, sexy mouse. I vowed that this time would be different. But each night, to fill the voids I didn’t know were there, I would eat. And eat. And eat.

What helped me get off that hungry, helpless cycle? A dress.

When I was swinging wildly between under and overeating I did not buy clothes. Why bother when I would be smaller in a couple of weeks? I would be better. No point wasting money on clothes that would be too big on my soon-to-be-lithe frame.

Years went by and my body shape was still no different. I still had a wardrobe filled with ill-fitting and ill-feeling clothing. I was still no better.

Hiding behind the seemingly practical idea of not wasting money was the belief that I was undeserving.

I did not deserve to clothe a figure I deemed too large. I did not deserve to move my body in ways that felt good (unless it was going to tone and tighten). I did not deserve to eat high quality food. I did not deserve my own love. And I definitely did not deserve to be loved by another.

After years of weight loss attempts and willing the binge eating to stop, I was tired of the struggle. I decided to stop focusing on the scale numbers and start focusing on learning to eat normally. To eat without the restriction, the rebellion, and the inevitable guilt. I wanted to be free.

The desire to feel sane around food trumped my desire to be thin. I put the pursuit of skinniness on hold. I realized that meant my body might not shrink. That the numbers on the labels of clothes I fit in may never decrease again.

My previous excuses for not buying clothes didn’t apply now. I would have to dress my figure as it was. So I went out and brought a dress that fit my current body.

That small act gave me some proof that maybe I didn’t have to wait until I was skinny to have nice clothing. Maybe all those things I had been putting off, I could do right then, at that weight, at any weight!

I slowly gathered more proof. That party I didn’t want to attend because I deduced from the guest list I might be the biggest one there—I went.

The walks I enjoyed but put off because I didn’t see the point when it wasn’t going to burn off enough calories—I walked anyway.

The perfect, but expensive foundation I wouldn’t buy until my cheeks lost some chub—I bought it.

I was dieting (and falling off the wagon via whole loaves of bread) to lose weight. And I was trying to lose weight so I could be confident and happy and could do the things I enjoyed. By doing those things and creating those feelings in spite of my weight, I cut out the middle steps.

I realized that, instead of going from diet to weight loss to happy, I could go straight to happy.

I showed myself that feeling confident and beautiful was not a luxury afforded only to those with bodies deemed perfect by our society. I realized that I deserved to feel good. No conditions. No weight restrictions. And that set me free.

Make your list.

Where do you hold back on what you deserve? Make a list of all the things you have been putting off until you lose weight (or achieve another goal). What would you do differently once you reach your goal? How would you live your life? What kind of things does that future person do each day?

Start small and take action.

Look at your list and pick at least one thing to do today. To get momentum going, start with whatever is easiest and fastest to implement. Do it immediately.

By doing something small and simple, you’ll begin expanding your beliefs of what is possible for you right now. Instead of just thinking you might be able to do those things, you’ll prove to yourself that you can do them, regardless of how close you are to your goal.

Some of the items on your list may seem too difficult or impossible. Break them down into smaller steps.

For example, if you are putting off swimming until you lose weight, maybe you could go sun hat shopping, or try on some swim suits, or walk barefoot on the beach and feel how lovely it is to have your feet in cool sand and salt water.

This should be a list of things to make you feel good. If a step still feels too scary or hard, break it down further.

Keep going.

Keep your list handy. Whenever you have a “once I reach my goal” thought, add the action you are putting off to your list. Each day, pick another item from your list to carry out.

Doing things to make you feel good now doesn’t mean you will never reach your body or life goals. It just means you don’t have postpone your joy. And in these short and unpredictable lives we live, joy is too important to wait for.

March 22, 2015
Stop Crash Dieting: An Enjoyable Approach to Sustainable Weight Loss

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

You wouldn’t believe it now, but in my college days I did my fair share of crash diets.

The craziest was the one where I tried (and failed) to eat nothing but oranges for nine days. My roommate’s ex’s dad was a veterinarian, and after the good doctor lost fifteen pounds on the same high vitamin C, high fiber, non-sense diet, I decided to try it for myself.

It was based on a specific number of daily oranges to keep your metabolism and energy levels up. Orange juice was off limits, but I could season the slices with my favorite chili powder to mix it up a bit.

I was off to a good start and enjoying the attention from friends who couldn’t hide their disbelief or their laughter.

My resolve crumbled after sundown on the third day. No longer hungry, I had eight oranges to plow through before calling it a night. Instead, I ran to the cafeteria for chicken salad, and that was the end of the infamous orange diet.

Crash dieting on oranges did nothing for my waistline, but it satisfied a deeper need. It was never about my weight or the way I looked. Crash dieting was fun; it broke the routine and more importantly, it was a distraction.

My dad had just been diagnosed with an aggressive type of brain cancer, and these food fixations kept my thoughts on something that I could control. Instead of worrying about survival rates, I obsessed over the jeans I couldn’t fit into anymore, or how many hours I had to put in at the gym.

For years my weight yo-yoed, stabilizing only after Dad passed away. At that point I was no longer binge eating to silence my anxiety, or dieting to lose a few pounds before putting them on again. It took two years for the weight to come off but it never returned.

My relationship with food is still a work in progress, very much linked to my mental and emotional state of mind. Based on these experiences, I have opted for a more balanced approach to health and well-being.

It’s about being patient, mindful of our impulses, and compassionate in our self-talk. The word “diet” has no place in my vocabulary. Rather, I take the middle road, eating almost anything in moderation. A few thoughts to consider include:

1. Is it hunger you’re feeding, or something else?

Dieting is useless unless we deal with the emotional and psychological issues that lie beneath. Anxiety over my dad’s illness fuelled my crash diets and binge eating. Think about the need that is being filled.

Are you bored, stressed, or just looking for love in a chocolate bar? Is there a healthier way to satisfy that need? Knowing yourself is the first step; this is where a healthy dose of introspection will come in handy.

There is plenty of reading material on emotional eating. My favorite so far is Doreen Virtue’s book, Constant Craving.

2. Focus on maintenance instead of weight loss.

The weight came off when I began eating as if I were already at my goal weight. That slice of chocolate cake was no longer the enemy. I could treat myself in moderation, so long as I listened to my body and stopped when I was full.

This approach enabled me to make peace with my appetite. It also made exercise fun again, because I went to the gym when I wanted to, no guilt trips included.

Pushing ourselves at the gym may be a popular option, but finding an activity that we genuinely enjoy makes staying fit so much easier. Whether it’s kickboxing classes, jogging, or ballroom dancing, make sure you have fun and get those sessions in regularly!

3. Educate, love, and accept yourself fully.

Buddhist philosophy teaches that ignorance, attachment, and aversion are the three downfalls of human nature. All too often we fall victim to the illusions of the mind, especially where loving and accepting our physical body is concerned.

Taken to the extreme, wanting to lose weight because we dislike our current size can involve both attachment to an unattainable ideal and hatred of what is. It’s time we release the need to be perfect, love and accept ourselves for who we are, and make informed food and lifestyle choices.

4. Follow the middle road.

In my previous life as a crash dieter, my food choices were anything but moderate. Rich and creamy desserts may not have been my friends, but that didn’t keep me away. Trying to avoid that chocolate cake only made it so much harder.

Instead of avoiding certain foods because of their perceived sugar, fat, or carb contents, let’s think about the big picture. No single food choice is responsible for our health and well-being, rather it’s the combination of foods we eat, and how they are processed, that makes a difference over time.

This is where we can use knowledge and patience to our advantage, consulting with a qualified nutritionist to develop a healthy and satisfying nutrition plan that can last much longer than a simple New Year’s Resolution or a crash diet.

5. There’s no time like the present!

Start today! Don’t put your new life off to Monday, January 1^st, or any other mental milestone. And remember that you are not sacrificing anything. Think of this approach as spicing up your meals with a dash of conscious moderation.

Woman in the park image via Shutterstock

February 25, 2015
How to Get Lasting Results: The 4 Laws of Permanent Change
“Sometimes, it’s the smallest decisions that change your life forever.” ~Keri Russell

Seven years ago I was that athletic, hyperactive person you could look at and admire.

I was madly in love with cardio, and I could easily work out twice a day, six days a week, without a single complaint, not to mention jogging at 6:00AM five days each week.

In college I went through lots of rough times, especially in my senior year. I was always stressed, I procrastinated a lot, and I couldn’t care less about working out, until one day I woke up and realized that I had gained forty-six pounds in less than a year.

In just twelve months, I found myself transforming into a less attractive, obese young man who couldn’t breathe properly or even fit into an old pair of jeans. I also had stress problems and a non-stop bad temper.

I tried hard to get back on track and get my old self back again, but with so much stress in my life, it was only a matter of days until I gave up and went back to my bad eating habits.

I would plan my diet, stick to it for a couple of day or weeks, and then give up. Working out was no longer easy for me, the gym was boring, and healthy food was unbearable.

For seven consecutive years I faced lots of difficulties and tried to lose weight more than 100 times. All failed. I was desperate, I was helpless, and I felt stuck, until one day I asked myself:

Why don’t I start small?

Why don’t I forget about doing too many things at once, and change only one thing and see what happens next?

Why don’t I just go to the gym—without caring about how much I eat, how much weight I lift, how fast I run, and without even sticking myself to a specific schedule?

Why don’t I just put my shoes on and walk myself to the gym three days every week, and consider my daily goal done once I step into the gym. No more doubts and no more worries—I’ll just try to be someone who goes to the gym more often.

I did it, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

In a matter of three months, I have lost thirty-eight pounds, gained control over my life, and become more disciplined. And junk food has finally no control over me.

I did that by following a set of universal laws that most people neglect when trying to change their lives. I strongly believe that if you manage to follow these universal laws, changing your life is guaranteed.

I have summarized them in four simple rules that are applicable to almost all types of human behavior. Whether you’re trying to lose weight or build self-confidence, follow these four rules and you will see results.

Rule 1: Make it easy to start.

I asked myself: What are the obstacles that make me hate going to the gym?

The answer was:
- Feeling bad when I fail to reach the specific number of reps for each exercise, or when I don’t lift a lot of weight.
- Feeling bad when I can’t push myself to run on a treadmill.
- Feeling like I’m not disciplined enough and I lack control over my life whenever I miss a workout (even if I have a busy schedule).
So I decided to eliminate all the obstacles and make it easy to go to the gym consistently.

I knew that if I kept lifting weights and running even with 50% of my strength, my body would change and I would see progress. That’s why I decided to:
- Lift only what I could, especially when I wasn’t in the mood to lift a lot of weight.
- Do only what I could when it came to cardio. If the ideal intense cardio workout is made of four intervals, then I’d be satisfied if I did two or more.
- Be less strict with timing. I’d hit the gym any day at anytime, as long as I go there at least three times each week.
I did that and I realized something very strange. When I dropped the stress off my shoulders, I started to lift more weight, run faster, and go the extra mile in almost all of my workouts. And that made me stick to the habit more than ever because I made it easy for myself to progress.

If you want to see results, you must make it so easy to start that there is no place for thoughts of quitting or backing up. Life is already hard. Don’t make it harder.

Rule 2: It`s all about consistency.

No matter who you are, you will have some sort of resistance to change. This resistance is at its minimum when you introduce change into your life step by step until it becomes a part of who you are, or face any kind of emotional trauma or a situation when change is a must (like losing your job or getting a divorce).

Since you don’t want to put yourself in a traumatic situation, and because your reasons are sometimes not strong enough to weaken your inner resistance immediately, the best way to change your lifestyle is by starting small and being consistent.

Focus on one—and only one—thing to change at a time (so you don’t stir up your inner resistance) and take consistent actions toward this goal until you have a new way of life.

Take my dieting example:

It was hard for me to exercise regularly and introduce a healthy lifestyle to my daily routine, so I changed only one variable (going to the gym) and left the rest unchanged. Within a month I found myself changing my eating habits completely without feeling bad about it.

Why? Because being a gym-goer had changed the image I had of myself, which made overeating seem less exciting.

I simply didn’t want to lose the calories I’d worked hard to burn in the gym on a can of soda or a cheeseburger.

Consider change as a snowball; all you need is to build a small ball, clear the path, and let the ball roll.

Start small now and build on it. It’s the tortoise that wins in real life, not the lazy rabbit.

Stop trying to revolutionize your life in a single shot. Small and consistent is what you need to explode.

Rule 3: You never start at the end line.

When playing a new video game, the best way to show fast progress is to start at the amateur mode and get used to it for sometime before you move to the pro level.

The same goes with real change; you start at the bottom in the amateur mode and keep progressing until you become a pro.

Your goal is to move from the beginner level to the pro one fast and safe, and to do so you must know that:
- When you demand too much too early, you lose.
- When you be over-judgmental and beat yourself up too often, you lose.
- And when you choose perfection over progress, you still lose.
Don’t look far and forget where you’re stepping. You have two eyes; keep one on the sky and the other one under your feet.

Rule 4: Regret is a complete waste of time.

I had my moments of relapsing. I have cheated many times but I haven’t allowed such mistakes to ruin my diet because I realized that regret is useless.

When changing your life, keep in mind that it’s immediate action that fixes a mistake, not crying over it. It is your reaction toward a mistake that counts, not the mistake itself.

Get over your mistakes fast, and you will be amazed by how far you will go with your life.
November 13, 2014
Stop Resisting: Surrender to Your Body to Transform It and Your Life

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Most people don’t realize that your relationship with your body affects your entire life. Why? Because if you are fighting with your body, you are fighting with yourself. And if you are fighting with yourself, you are resisting what you truly desire in life.

I know too well what it feels like to fight with your body. I had the same fear as most people…

If I love my body as it is today, it will get worse. I will gain more weight. If I keep my constant attention on it, remind myself hourly how much I don’t like it, it will transform.

Sure sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Has anyone ever “hated themselves skinny” and had healthy, long lasting results? Or how about the opposite? Has anyone ever “loved themselves fat”? And I am not talking about the love you think you are giving yourself by eating a package of Oreo cookies. I am talking true, authentic love causing the body to gain massive amounts of weight.

And yet this is our fear: that if we were to love ourselves, love our bodies as they are in this moment, we would get worse. But remember, what you fight you strengthen.

The more I fought with my body for gaining weight, the more weight I gained.

Then, one sunny day as I was driving, singing along to my favorite tunes, thinking about what new clothes I wanted to purchase at the mall, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

Before I could comprehend what this thing was, everything went black. To this day, I can’t be fully sure whether everything went black because my eyes were closed or because my airbag deployed, but either way I knew that I was no longer on my path to the mall.

In what felt like the most extreme game of bumper cars, I finally came to a stop as my Chevy truck flipped on to the side with me on the freeway and my passenger door above me.

Turns out I was hit by five cars, one car for each lane on the freeway. And although I was able to safely exit my vehicle the next morning, I quickly learned that I was not able to lift my own head and, therefore, couldn’t move freely on my own.

As I lay on the couch each day, unable to lift my own head, I no longer had the strength to fight against my body and, therefore, my body finally had the ability to let go. And after thirty days of only moving with help to get to and from the bathroom, my body released ten pounds.

It is safe to say that some people would have gained weight injured on the couch. There are very specific reasons that my body didn’t, one of which was my ability to simply be okay with where I was.

I wasn’t angry that I couldn’t move. I wasn’t upset that I could no longer work out. I certainly wasn’t fighting with the idea of a much-needed vacation from working. And I decided to treat it as just that—a vacation from my everyday life. The life that I had set up for myself that was so stressful and impossible to maintain.

I relaxed and enjoyed not needing to do anything but heal.

I realized that there are more important things in life then losing weight, like being able to lift my head again.

I allowed my body to rest and stopped punishing it for being the way it was.

And I finally allowed my body and myself a much-needed break from the stress of trying to lose weight.

I highly recommend surrendering to your body without being hit by five cars. Here are three tips to get you started:

1. Become present where you are.

The first step is to be honest with yourself and admit where you are to establish a starting point for your growth. Otherwise, this would be like trying to drive to New York without knowing if you are in California, Florida, or Mississippi.

It also follows along with the theme that what you fight, you strengthen. The longer you ignore where you are or pretend you are not where you are, the longer you’ll stay there.

When you let yourself be in your body without needing to have a different one, you release the resistance and have the ability to move forward toward a life you truly desire.

When you are desperately clinging to a different body with all your might, convinced that this is what will bring you all the happiness, contentment, and love in the world, you will find that an alternate physical appearance simply doesn’t create the internal feelings you are after.

Therefore, even if you achieve this physical body that you desire, it will come with a sense of emptiness, as you still must learn how to simply be where you are with full presence and love, no matter what.

2. Feel your feelings.

In order for me to find acceptance for myself, I had to feel. I had gone so many months feeling completely numb to everything and then wondering, “Why can’t I just love myself?”

In order for me to love myself, I had to first admit that I wasn’t happy. In fact, I was out right pissed off. And after a celebratory pity party, followed by many tears, I could finally move forward.

When we ignore what we feel, we think we can make it go away. However, just the opposite is true. Not feeling our feelings isn’t a way to make sure we never have sadness; it’s a way to start an inner battle for however long it takes you to finally feel sad.

The minute you admit that you are in fact pissed off, frustrated, and down right suspicious of your body, you will release the resistance, call off the fight, and move toward an overall feeling of lightness.

3. Find peace and calm.

It’s no secret that a stressful environment is not conducive for lasting results in your life, yet so many people live each day in a stressed out body, wondering why they can’t release their weight and feel lighter.

Then to make matters worse, they obsess over their food and spend hours at the gym without even taking a moment to breathe.

In order to find acceptance for your body and release your weight, you first want to create the most peaceful environment in your body as you possibly can.

This doesn’t mean you have to lock yourself in a room with your Pure Zen CD for a month; it means you begin to find places in your life where you can introduce more peace and calm easily—for example, your own thoughts and beliefs. Why not zen those puppies out?

Instead of believing that weight loss is hard and your appetite is too big, why not believe that in the past weight loss has been challenging and now you are open and ready to receive an approach that feels easy and effortless? And your appetite isn’t too big, but maybe you need to learn how to better connect to your body and hear your hunger and fullness cues.

We tend to take on very stressful thoughts and beliefs about weight that will inhibit our bodies’ ability to release the weight easily and effortlessly. If you believe weight loss is hard, painful, and full of restriction, then it will be. If you believe that weight loss is intuitive, insightful, and transformative, then it will be.

You get to choose what your weight loss journey looks like. I suggest you choose a path that feels calm and peaceful in order to enjoy each step of the way without being so dependent on the end result to fill you up.

When you become present with exactly where you are, feel all your feelings, and find your peace and calm, you now have the ability to stop fighting. The battle that you have been facing with your body and weight will finally be done as you wave your white flag and admit that you are tired of the fight.

This doesn’t mean you aren’t giving up on your true desires. You are deeply aligning with them.

You are admitting that this whole weight loss thing isn’t something that you want to control anymore. That maybe there is a better way to release your weight that doesn’t suck. And you’re reminding yourself that when you desire something, the ability to have it has to be present.

Therefore, you have no reason to focus so intently on losing weight anymore. Instead, you get to focus on living your best life in this moment, wherever you are.

Remember this, you’re not weak or pathetic for surrendering. You are smart and powerful.

You have the ability to say that you have so much love for yourself that you are willing to do whatever it takes to feel good now, regardless of where you are. And this is the most powerful move you can make for lasting results in your body and your life.

Photo by Scott

February 17, 2014
How to Convince Your Brain to Change Your Habits and Your Life

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

Heroes inspire us all. They are strong, smart, and powerful. They manage to win against all odds. They will keep going no matter what.

They may feel fear but fear does not get them. And just when you thought that they were done, it was over, and that there was no way they could overturn the situation, they rise back out of the blue, strike, and win!

Then they cross the finish line. Glory awaits them. From now on everyone will remember them for the great people they were.

Oh, the path of glory.

We get addicted to this path. We want to be heroes so badly. And we fight, we do our best, we give our all, yet many of us are failing.

I didn’t recognize the reason behind our shortcomings until I realized that there are actually two types of heroes: the glory-focused type and the down-to-earth type.

Let’s take exercise and healthy eating as an example.

Many people decide to live healthier, especially in January with New Year’s Resolutions.

They believe that this time they will make it happen! Glory awaits them! And they march. Full-speed. They do very well—at least in the first few weeks.

Then they slowly start running out of steam. They cannot hold on to their diets as they did, and they skip more and more workouts. A large percentage of them will have quit by the second week of February.

No glory for the quitters, only blame and guilt. They didn’t try hard enough. They gave up too easily. They were lazy. Or, they just did not want to change badly enough. (more…)

February 19, 2013