Tiny Buddha

Tag: values

  • How to Keep Your Strengths from Becoming Weaknesses

    How to Keep Your Strengths from Becoming Weaknesses

    “Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    In my youth, I strived to be “nice.” I tolerated a lot from others. I forgave easily and learned to “turn the other cheek.”

    I made myself constantly available to other people and asked nothing in return. I remained loyal even if people mistreated me. I helped friends even when my need for help was greater. When friends started calling me their “angel,” I was proud at first.

    But soon I became resentful of what that implied.

    If my purpose was solely to help them, then who would help me?

    I felt more like a doormat than an angel.

    In my twenties, the proverbial pendulum swung the other way. I became protective of my emotional resources and was rather “prickly” at times.

    The self-absorption that is typical of adolescence hit me a little later, as a reaction to feeling taken advantage of in previous years. I no longer wanted to be a helper because I no longer wanted to feel used.

    This former strength of mine—helping—now felt like a weakness.

    So for a time, I gave up something I truly valued, because I didn’t know how to use that strength without hurting myself.

    But after a while, I began to feel a disconnect. It was still important to me to help people— friends, family, and strangers alike. But how could I do it in a way that wouldn’t lead to my downfall?

    When a character strength becomes a weakness, how do we maintain what is important to us without harmful side effects?

    If we really examine what’s meaningful to us, we often find there are values underlying our character traits that can guide us.

    On the stage of life, values are the play directors and character traits are the performers. You don’t use the same performer for every role, so the director has to use the best performer for each role to drive the point home.  (more…)

  • How to Create the Life You Want Using Anchors

    How to Create the Life You Want Using Anchors

    “Put your future in good hands—your own.” ~Unknown

    They say that in life, we are never given more than we can handle.

    But sometimes it’s a matter of not accepting more than we can handle. Putting your foot down. Proclaiming, “That’s enough!”

    Recently, a number of stressors confronted me simultaneously. This jolted me out of my comfort zone and forced me to take action toward transforming my life.

    On one fateful Tuesday, I felt so much pressure from the culmination of professional demands, relational conflicts, parenting duties, and financial stressors that I found myself at a familiar crossroads. I felt pulled in a million different directions, with no clear idea of where to go next.

    I was tired of feeling like I was at the mercy of so many external influences.

    The familiar situation always presented me with the following options: find a temporary fix for all of these issues and continue reliving a veritable “Groundhog’s Day” of an existence, or commit to a plan of change and take action.

    This time, I chose action.

    I proclaimed, “That’s enough!”

    Thus commenced “The Anchor Project.”

    “The Anchor Project” is a way of clarifying the primary values for your life, and strengthening them by taking consistent, manageable steps to focus on the life you want and minimize the impact of external factors.

    I began to list the things I wanted in life. I removed all extraneous or superficial goals from this list, and decided to stick with the core values that I considered to be essential.

    I realized that many “goals” were distracting me from obtaining the things I really wanted out of life. So things like, “Run a 5K in under 27 minutes” did not make the cut.

    I didn’t need more on my “to-do” list. I needed transformation.

    I found that there were four primary focus areas that I wanted to improve. These are the non-negotiables in my life, the things that keep me grounded and fulfilled.

    I call them “anchors” because anchors provide stability and security, even in rough seas.

    Once I identified what my anchors were, I began to build on them and fortify them by listing all activities or experiences that might constitute each one. (more…)

  • The Surprisingly Simple Secret to High Self-Esteem

    The Surprisingly Simple Secret to High Self-Esteem

    “Concern yourself not with what is right and what is wrong but with what is important.” ~Unknown

    I personally do not know anyone who, after all is said and done, is not after high self-esteem.

    It may not be blatant or obvious to the eye, yet once you break down the motives and emotions surrounding the things people choose to do and why they choose to do them, you will find that what they really want is to feel good about themselves.

    They want to have high self-esteem. So the big question is: How do we raise our self-esteem and keep it at a high level?

    I know for me it has been and is still is a daily and almost constant battle to keep my self-esteem at a normal to high level. Some days I do better than others. What has changed over the past year or so is that I have realized what it is that triggers my self-esteem ups and downs.

    What Is Self-Esteem?

    According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, self-esteem is a confidence and satisfaction in oneself or self respect. So how do we gain confidence and satisfaction in ourselves? Why is it that some people have higher self-esteem and some have lower self-esteem?

    Why do some successful people have low self-esteem while at times people who have failed have a high level of self-esteem? Is it something that we gain from external sources such as praise or is it something internal?

    Here is what I’ve discovered: (more…)