Tiny Buddha

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  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Elizabeth Garbee

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Elizabeth Garbee

    elizabeth-garbee

    This month we’re celebrating the upcoming launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Throughout September, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Elizabeth Garbee, a college student and regular Tiny Buddha reader who plays the violin.

    Her contribution for the book urges us to stop clinging to people as a means of feeling we are loved.

    A little more about Elizabeth…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I’m a work in progress.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I’m 21 years old, and have never been in even a casual “relationship.” Not for lack of interest, or even lack of trying. It just hasn’t felt right yet.

    I used to let that really bother me that no one ever asked me out. And whenever I’ve asked someone or tried to gauge their interest, I’ve always received a “no,” “never,” or “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” With a track record like that, it’s hard not to think there might actually be something wrong with you, something that just turns people off.

    My perception is still evolving. But what helps me the most when that feeling resurfaces is to remember that those thoughts are just part of a worn out story my brain wants to tell me.

    And when I separate myself from the thoughts, the words, and just let my brain chatter away to itself, the volume goes down. Without a captive audience, those thoughts just fade away.

    3. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistakes have always resulted from not believing people when they try to tell/show me who they are.

    I instead will continue to see them as the person I would like them to be, ignoring the signs and signals they’re sending—resulting in me trusting them with a secret they aren’t able to bear, or giving them responsibilities they can’t shoulder.

    In those cases, the responsibility for the relationship falling apart is mine, because I mistook the person in front of me for the version I had created in my head.

    Forgiveness has always come in hindsight, and often because I’m able to connect the dots that led to the mistake to see that I had to learn that lesson before I could close that door and open the next one.

    When you know better, you do better—and until you know better, you’ll continue to make the same mistake. Forgiveness is giving yourself permission to get back on your feet after you fall, knowing full well that you may land right back on the ground.

    4. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …let them. My responsibility is to be authentic to myself and put my best face forward. What other people do with that is up to them, and completely out of my hands.

    5. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    In high school, I struggled with something I now recognize as a mild eating disorder: suffice it to say that I had a very adversarial relationship with food.

    I won’t pretend that I don’t still compare my body to that of other women, because I do. It’s something I wrestle with every day. But I make those comparisons less and less because I realized at some point that I don’t actually want what those women seem to have—my body is strong, my body is patient, and has withstood all the crazy I’ve thrown at it.

    I’ve earned this body, and wouldn’t trade it for one that’s taller or has narrower thighs.

    6. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    It’s gonna happen—inevitably, you’ll find yourself trying to fill the hole in your heart with people you think are the right shape. But don’t punish yourself when those relationships fall apart.

    Rather, take a good look at what qualities made you think that person was the right shape in the first place: chances are, you were drawn to them because they reflected parts of yourself that you have been neglecting. Nourish them and the hole might start to shrink, until you wonder why you ever thought it was there to begin with.

    7. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Oh, every day. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable that some days I would much rather wear a mask and keep myself under the surface. My “real” self changes day by day, and it’s so hard to continue to get to know yourself while simultaneously presenting that self to other people.

    I was, like a lot of people, always afraid that if I truly “showed up,” no one would like what they saw. Or perhaps even worse, that no one would see me at all.

    I think at some point I just got tired of carefully editing and monitoring my behavior. It’s exhausting!

    Just recently, I went through a really rough few weeks and was trying to put on a brave face to avoid having to answer a lot of questions. But I totally lost my composure one night, and rather than back away and leave the room, a good friend sat next to me on my bed and just held me.

    Few people have seen me cry like that, and letting my true feelings out didn’t even faze him. If you let the “real you” come to the surface, baggage and all, the people who truly matter will stick around, I promise.

    8. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good care of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Drink plenty of water (and tea)
    • Get a good night’s sleep
    • Make time every day to practice my violin. It’s one of the few times when I can check in with myself and reflect with no pretense and no filters. Some people meditate—I play Bach.

    9. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    I don’t ever really think about the “difference I’m making in the world.” It always struck me as a bit presumptuous to claim to know how you’re changing the big picture.

    I simply try every day to have a net positive impact on the lives of those I’m with. No grand design or lofty purpose: just a quiet practice of empathy and gratitude. That, and a steady stream of home baked goods.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jennifer Chrisman

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jennifer Chrisman

    jenn-chrisman

    This month we’re celebrating the upcoming launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Throughout September, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Jennifer Chrisman, a psychologist, wife, and mother of two, who believes wholeheartedly in the healing power of compassion, tolerance, and human connection.

    Her contribution for the book explores how we can stay connected to the belief that we deserve a life of love, instead of feeding our fears and insecurities.

    A little more about Jennifer…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I feel like I started this process at a very young age, always questioning my purpose, and trying to find the “solution” so that I could finally feel good about myself.

    I went into the helping profession because I wanted to be an advocate and a role model for other young women, who may have been struggling with the same insecurities, fears, and addictions that I was, but deeper than that I think I was hoping that with enough therapy and education I would be able to heal myself.

    My journey is an ever-evolving process. I tend to view myself as a recovering perfectionist, and for me that means allowing space in my life for all of myself, all of my experiences, the ups and the downs.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I can remember as early as elementary school always feeling different from my peers. I was painfully shy and for me, to feel different meant to feel less than.

    When I was 10 years old my father committed suicide, and while I think there was already groundwork being laid, that event solidified in my mind the evidence that I really wasn’t special or loved.

    I spent the next two decades of my life trying to fix all of my flaws. I truly believed that if only I lost a little bit more weight, was just a little prettier, made a certain amount of money, earned the affection of certain people, then I would  feel worthy of love.

    Along the road, I lost the weight, I earned the degrees, I made the money, everything “looked” the way it was supposed to, but I still couldn’t tolerate being in my own skin because I still didn’t have any concept of self-love.

    I didn’t know what it meant when people told me, “it’s an inside job.”

    I think we all come to a point in our lives where we realize that something’s got to give, and for me that was the year my son was born. On the outside, my life looked perfect to everyone around me but on the inside I came to what would be considered my “bottom.” I felt like a secret and I felt like a fraud.

    Today I believe that we are always provided with exactly what we need, when we need it, and that things change when we are ready to make change, and not a moment sooner!

    A series of events led me to finding a spiritual solution, one that I was aware of and familiar with, but unwilling, up until that point to open myself up to. That is when I began to critically examine my faulty belief systems, to challenge my old ideas of how I thought things needed to be done, and how they should look, and to simply LET GO.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    I used to think that to need anything from someone else was a flaw. I thought that any form of dependency was a weakness and I defended against it for most of life.

    Unfortunately, there is no one among us that doesn’t have needs or can walk this path entirely on their own. When I began to get truly humble and ask others for help, it’s amazing how much love and support showed up in my life.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    I genuinely do not believe there are any mistakes in my life, only opportunities. It has taken me a long time to come to this belief because I used to spend most of my time hiding in shame and believing, “if only I’d done things differently.”

    Every single experience I have had in my life has led me to this exact moment, and right now I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I look at the darkest moments in my life, each of the “bad choices” as my sacred wounds. They needed to happen because there was something I needed to learn.

    Finding forgiveness for those I believe harmed me and taking responsibility for my part in each of those experiences helps set me free from living with the bondage of having made “mistakes.”

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …often times revert back to old thinking and obsess about what’s wrong with me, or what’s wrong with them, and what do I need to do to “fix” the situation.

    I don’t think anyone ever really gets comfortable with the notion of not being liked. However, today, I’m able to, most of the time, bring myself back fairly quickly from the catastrophe I’ve spun in my head, to recognize that while it’s often times uncomfortable to not be liked, I don’t have to defend myself or change anyone’s opinion of me.

    I’ve spent a lot of time on my self-love journey coming into recognition of, and acceptance of, those things that are within my power to change and those that are not.

    Other people’s opinions of me are not within my power to change, and as is commonly said, are not even really any of my business.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    It can be very easy for me to play what I call, “The Compare and Despair” game because often what happens is I am comparing my internal experience to someone else’s external appearance, and those two will never measure up equally.

    This shows up in almost all aspects of my life: motherhood, my career, my marriage, my body, etc. What I’ve come to realize for myself is that I just need to be willing to be honest and aware of myself when I’m doing it because it’s really just providing me with information.

    I spend a lot of time and focus on creating space between myself and my thoughts, realizing that just because I have a thought, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true, and within this space I get to make adjustments when need be.

    So, when I become aware that I’m playing the Compare and Despair game, it’s just information that there’s some part of my life that’s needing a little bit more “work,” often in the form of nurturing and loving attention.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    Doesn’t really matter because I probably wouldn’t have listened! I needed to go through the experiences I did, to feel the pain and discomfort of those unhealthy dependencies, until I was ready to let them go.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    I spent most of my life afraid of showing people the “real” me and I believe it’s because I didn’t know the real me. I was so consumed with being who I thought I was supposed to be that I never actually took the time to find me.

    Accepting that I am powerless over other people and their opinions of me has given me the freedom to begin to explore and find myself and to stand by who that is.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    My journey is a one-day-at-a-time process and it’s important for me to consistently remain active in my self-care practices; I can’t rely on what I did yesterday to take me through today.

    Therefore, I start every morning with prayer and meditation, where I get centered and set an intention for myself and how I want to show up in my life. And then I need to get and stay connected.

    I think community is really important and so I make it a point to surround myself with like-minded individuals that are encouraging and supportive. And finally, I need to move my body.

    I’m dedicated to my yoga and Pilates practices and really value making conscious contact with my body through breath and movement.

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    Today, I consistently show up for my life. I’m no longer a secret, hiding behind my fears and insecurities. I believe that I walk with grace and dignity, right in the middle, where I’m supposed to be, no better than, or less than any other person trying to figure this life out.

    I’m blessed to work with amazing clients and to be the mother to the two most incredible babies, and there is no doubt in my mind that the woman I am today, and the journey I am trudging, will make a difference in their lives, and countless other lives.

    How exactly that is, I don’t really know, and so I’ll keep moving forward acting with integrity and smile on my face.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jeanine Nicole Cerundolo

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jeanine Nicole Cerundolo

    jeanine-nicole-cerundolo

    This is second week of a month-long promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them contributors through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Jeanine Nicole Cerundolo, a yoga instructor and bliss coach who’s on a mission to nurture a world in which we are each more self-affirming through an abundance of self-love, more confident in the power of our dreams, and more fulfilled in the process of reaching them.

    Her contribution for the book explores the benefits of embracing both positive and negative emotions instead of assuming we need to always be happy.

    A little more about Jeanine…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    As a sensitive soul and highly emotional being, I have been very attuned to both the delights and the darkness of life, simply in feeling each deeply.

    My self-love journey has been a path to first, knowing myself; second, accepting myself; and third, letting myself be and allowing the richness of life to flow, without trying to control it with pre-conceived notions, concepts, or desires.

    As I continue to delve into transformational work and immerse myself in such communities, I’m gaining traction in terms of my growing self-confidence, self-assurance, and self-actualization. I’m becoming all that I dreamed of by simply owning that I have always been what I’ve been seeking.

    It is the recognition of my gifts and gratitude for them that make up the embodiment of self-love. Through this, I know that my life is a gift not through what I do, but in who and how I am in the world.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I don’t often feel there is “something wrong with me,” but I definitely am very hard on myself and tend to put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to achieve, succeed, and blossom.

    I am often impatient with my “flaws” or my “shadow side,” and the resistance to these parts of myself only magnifies their power.

    Tools that help me shift from self-doubt and self-loathing to self-love include breath work (just breathe!), writing a gratitude journal, reminding myself that this too will pass and is simply part of the process, and reaching out for help when necessary.

    As the saying goes: “Joy shared is doubled, and grief shared is halved.”

    I also collect nice things people share about what they value in me and read it when I’m feeling blue, for a little pick-me-up.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    I am often very self-expressed and can feel that this is a flaw when I share in an over-the-top way, talk too fast in my excitement, or come on too strong.

    I think that this exuberance does have its drawbacks when expressed in excess, but that my enthusiasm for life and the topics that get me jazzed can actually become contagious, and are even admirable.

    I think the key here is to reign myself in a bit by exercising a balanced approach, thinking before speaking, and sharing for the sake of contributing to others, not just because I feel like it.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistakes are always when I think that the “truth” or my “happiness” resides outside myself.

    When I admire another to the point of being jealous or insecure, or when I want something (an opportunity or a relationship) so badly that I miss out on the joy and wholeness of the present moment, that is when I am robbing myself of the truth that I am already complete.

    There is a spiritual teaching that says, “Everything hurt shall be healed again, everything lost shall be found again.”

    The process of trusting myself and reminding myself to go within for the answers and the peace that I seek allows me to feel relief from the grasping or desperation that feeds the myth that I am “not enough.” Lately, prayer and meditation have really helped center me in that knowing.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …curl up in a ball and get sad.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    I compare myself to others in the area of doing-what-you-love. Because writing, yoga, coaching, and entrepreneurship are so important to me, those are the areas where I am hard on myself or become jealous of others.

    If someone is a nuclear physicist, I think, “Hey, more power to you.” It doesn’t trigger me because it is not in me by any means to by a nuclear physicist.

    But if someone is a “better” yoga teacher, published author, or seemingly experiencing more success than I am in the zones that I am working on, then that actually highlights the places where my potential is unrealized and itching to be fulfilled.

    I can become uncomfortable in those moments, but in the end, returning to the knowing that I am on the path, and then feeling grateful for these opportunities to see where I can still grow—and becoming inspired by those people who are already in the game—are ways I can shed the destructive comparisons and replace them with affirmations.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    I would tell my younger self that it is important to neither be dependent nor independent, but to be interdependent.

    It is vital to be and feel whole and complete for who you are and to love yourself, and it is also vital to feed that soulfulness through nourishing interactions with others and in a loving community.

    Not looking to others to complete you doesn’t mean to become an island, it just means not feeling like you are missing something or that your worth is contingent on what others think about you.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    I have to admit that I am rarely afraid to show my true colors. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and my work is actually to contain myself a bit more and practice restraint since I’m so eager to be open and vulnerable; but then sometimes feel like I spilled the beans too much and then worry about how my sharing will come across.

    Usually, it’s not as bad as I imagine, so it helps to remember that fear grows with the time and energy that you spend feeding it!

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    The top things I need to do to take good care of myself, both mentally and emotionally, are:

    • Daily morning practice of meditation, yoga, journaling, and reading inspirational texts
    • Breathwork and healthy habits regarding nutrition and exercise
    • Practicing gratitude, especially blessing food before eating
    • Being gentle with myself, treating myself as I would a good friend

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    When I engage in the pursuits I love most—working in yoga, life coaching, and writing—I become the highest version of myself and feel most generous, gracious, and giving.

    Agapi Stassinopoulos says, “Be a go-giver, not a go-getter” and I think these words are beyond wise! When you do what you love and you aim to serve, and for your work to be a contribution to others and to the world, that alignment is true bliss!

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Erin Lanahan

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Erin Lanahan

    erin-lanahan

    This is second week of a month-long promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them contributors through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Erin Lanahan, a holistic health coach who formerly struggled with her relationship with herself and her body, and finding purpose and meaning in her life.

    Her contribution for the book urges us to change our perception of rejection so we can learn, grow, and even benefit from it.

    A little more about Erin…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I have been on a path of releasing shame, low self-esteem, and low self-worth for the majority of my life. I became aware of these limitations and how they ruined my ability to be myself and speak my truth at a pretty young age.

    Ever since, I have been reaching past my comfort zones, expanding the ways in which I share my message and myself, with friends, family, clients, and students. I have been on an endless adventure, exploring my inner universe so I can best experience my outer universe.

    Self-love has been the cure to all my problems. The lack of it pushed me into drug and alcohol abuse, food obsession, unhealthy and toxic relationships, and all sorts of attempts to escape my current feelings and circumstances.

    Today I am a work in progress, but I am aware that as long as I do not abandon myself and as long as I love myself unconditionally, I will be okay and able to survive anything.

    In fact, I know that I will not only survive if I use self-love as my cure, but I will thrive.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    There was a time in my life when I would not have been able to give you list of things that were “right” or “good” about me. I lived in the land of self-judgment and conditional love. All I could see was what was wrong with me, and it was pretty much everything.

    I felt so much shame about certain things that happened to me along the way. I was afraid to let myself get too close to others, out of fear that they would leave me if they actually knew everything about me, saw me up close, and knew just how insane I truly am!

    Then, through working with others, working under mentors and coaches of my own, I realized that nothing happens to me, but rather life happens for me. At first, this was hard to swallow. It was a paradigm shift, and yet, it gave me an opportunity to reclaim my power.

    As I began to shift the way I saw the things that happened in my world, I began to experience life in a completely different way. This doesn’t mean life got easier all of the time, but it did get easier for some of the time, and it certainly got more interesting all of the time.

    I continue to ask myself: “If this is happening for me, then how can I take my power back?” This sends me on a treasure hunt, and as a result, I create the opportunity to uncover and discover the hidden treasures of my soul.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    Absolutely. I used to hate being vulnerable, showing people my insecurities, and letting them in on the secret that I was human. Turns out, my students, clients, friends, family, and partner all connect with me and relate to me on a much deeper level when I share this truth with them. It has become my greatest strength.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistake is how many people I hurt by hating myself so much, which was actually all ego.

    My ego-driven fears, such as the lack of belief in myself and shame around who I was, made it impossible for me to show up for life and for those who benefited from my services and presence.

    My shame sent me to a rock bottom, where I blamed everything for my pain. Not taking responsibility for my part in things burned many bridges between me and others.

    I have been able to forgive myself because I see now that I was doing the best I could all those years ago.

    I can feel good about myself for getting the help I needed to heal and to ultimately be living the life I live today, helping others do the same, showing up to life, and showing up for others and myself, no matter what kind of day I am having. Every day I correct my past by taking estimable actions in the now.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    I feel the hurt initially, and then I realize that it does not serve anyone to go into self-pity. It is important that I look at my part. Knowing that how they feel is “their stuff,” not mine, I still must look within myself for the place that is triggered by their stuff.

    Their stuff triggers mine. It may be my own lack of self-love, my low self-worth, my self-doubt, my ego and fear. Once I am aware of what they are helping me see and get for myself, I am able to take my power back from the situation and release my attachment to how they see and feel about me.

    Therefore, when people don’t like me I experience a loss of power initially, until I realize the opportunity and go within myself to reclaim my power.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    I have done this a lot in my life. I have compared my body to others, my skin, my hair, my finances, my car, my clothes, my success, my career, my partner, you name it! I have compared everything at some point.

    I still catch myself doing this sometimes. What helps me let go of these comparisons is the pain I feel when I do it. It causes so much suffering, and that’s because it does not come from love; it comes from fear.

    As soon as I feel the suffering, I am aware that I am seeing life from the eyes of fear, and as soon as I know this, I can shift from fear to love. I just keep my awareness of this until I begin to feel the relief that comes when I remember the truth—that I cannot compare myself to anyone, for we have totally different paths and purposes in our lives, and therefore they will look and unfold differently.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    It doesn’t work. Feeling complete is an inside job. Others will always mirror how complete you already feel inside yourself. Focus on wholeness within yourself, and as a result, those around you will remind you of your wholeness.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Yes. I thought they would lose respect for me and no longer be able to value my presence in their lives. I thought it would give them good reason not to love me.

    What’s helped me move beyond this is courage and vulnerability, which is the choice to share what’s in my heart, regardless of the outcome. As a result, I have learned that people truly love me, scars and all—and if they don’t, it’s their stuff, not mine, that makes them feel that way.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Speak my truth
    • Eat well
    • Exercise

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    I keep working on myself so that I can give even more of my gifts. Every day I go out into the world and I share what’s in my heart, regardless of the outcome. As a friend, a partner, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a coach, a client, and a writer, this allows me to release my attachment to what others get or do not get from my service or my presence in the world.

    When I release my expectations, everyone, including me, gets exactly what we are meant to get, which is exactly what we need.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Charlie Tranchemontagne

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Charlie Tranchemontagne

    charlie-tranchemontagne

    This is second week of a month-long promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is education technician Charlie Tranchemontagne.

    His contribution for the book focuses on taking off our masks so we can be more authentic in our relationships.

    A little more about Charlie…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    My self-love journey didn’t really start until age 25; it was then I chose to start loving myself by throwing myself out of an airplane (in flight, of course)! Skydiving was my way of letting go and trusting that if I jumped, a new way of living would open up to me.

    This experience was the first time ever that I felt truly at peace with myself. A deep inner pain from past misdeeds drove me to this threshold. I had tried for years to bury my emotional discomfort by wearing many masks; weightlifter, successful businessman, and being Mr. Perfect, but was unable to keep my “true self” from surfacing.

    After skydiving, I experienced a new feeling of self-love that set me on a path of personal self-discovery. Prior to my awakening, I had been caught in a world of self-deception that I was unable to break free from. It was by truly letting go that I was set free, and a whole new world of possibilities opened up to me.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    Yes, I have felt at times that maybe I am broken beyond repair. Early in my journeying, I beat myself up about mistakes I made in my past: juvenile delinquent behaviors, alcohol, and drug use.

    These types of early behaviors caused me to feel like I was a fraud as I entered into adulthood. I didn’t think I deserved to be given a second go at life. Practicing self-forgiveness helps me a lot; it is something I have to do constantly.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    Being a skinny kid growing up, I thought my body was flawed. As a youth, I got lots of attention for being “cute,” even nominated “best looking” in high school, but I never felt comfortable in my skin.

    It took me years of lifting weights and trying to be someone I wasn’t to realize that there was nothing wrong with my body.

    I realized through weightlifting that it wasn’t my outer appearance that gave me true confidence; because even after I transformed myself from a skinny kid to a weightlifter, I still lacked inner confidence.

    It was only when I started doing work on the “inside” that my self-esteem and confidence grew.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    Not asking for help as a child, when at age 9, I started traveling down a destructive path of juvenile delinquency. I was raised in a good home, with good parents, but I was misled by outside influences that pulled me away from the people that truly loved me.

    I was too scared to ask for help—not enough self-esteem, self-confidence, or simply courage to overcome such big obstacles for a child.

    Unfortunately, I stayed caught in this web of lies into my early adulthood. What helped me to forgive myself was my choice to face my past and want to move beyond it. Regardless of the work that I have put into forgiving myself, my path to self-discovery is ongoing. I still consider myself a work in progress!

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …don’t take it personally. I remind myself that if I am staying true to who I am, then I cannot control what others might think about me. I guess I have to be somewhat selfish, but in a healthy way.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    Body image; I’ve learned to focus on myself and love what I got. Success, the American Dream; I’ve decided to stop buying into it and simplify my life.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    It’s not true. Jerry Maguire’s famous line, “You complete me,” is Hollywood at it’s best! I would tell my younger self that before you can love another you must be able to love yourself and that love goes beyond looks and emotions.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Absolutely! After more than twenty years traveling the road of self-discovery, I wrote a post for Tiny Buddha about removing masks (which is featured in this book). For me, writing this post was my way of stepping outside of my comfort zone and sharing myself with others in a way that quite honestly scared

    I have been wanting to reach out to others for sometime, and thought that by sharing my writing, I may be able to help one person move further along their road to self-discovery.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Quiet time in the morning
    • Exercise and activity
    • Simplifying my life (holding on loosely) and carrying a light load

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    Connect with people of all ages. I work with children in an elementary school. My role is to support students who are struggling at school by mentoring them and helping them to stay connected to the school, despite the hardships they may be facing.

    Working with youth in a positive way is very meaningful for me because this is the age when I went astray. My hope would be that I could help kids to avoid the pitfalls that I fell into as a youth.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Amyra Mah

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Amyra Mah

    amyra-mah

    It’s day four in the pre-order promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Amyra Mah of unusualwisdom.com. Having formerly struggled with depression, addiction, and body image issues, she now works as a spiritual coach, addiction therapist, intuitive counselor, writer, and blogger.

    Her contribution for the book focuses on feeling our feelings instead of running away from them (and ourselves).

    A little more about Amyra…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey. 

    Loving myself was a perplexing concept, since I had spent most of my life believing that I was unworthy of anyone loving me. I saw myself as “damaged goods” and spent many years abusing myself through self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.

    When I first came across the idea of self-love, I really struggled to understand where this love was to come from. My entire journey of healing and spiritual growth has been about finding this source of love within myself.

    Through trials and tribulations, as well as unexpected miracles, I met different aspects of myself and discovered, bit by bit, my worthiness.

    Years ago, I reached a point where I wasn’t driven so intensely to sabotage myself anymore. Today, I’m still finding new aspects of myself in my ongoing journey of coming home to wholeness.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I remember as a child being very creative and expressive. I saw colors, energies, felt connected to nature, had an expanded understanding of life. At some point, I received the message that it was not okay to be myself, and I started to judge all that I was to be bad.

    One of the processes that really helped me in my recovery from depression and addictions is reconnecting to those qualities. In reclaiming them as part of my innate self, I learned to stop rejecting myself.

    I realized that in denying my natural traits, I had become someone I was not; that misalignment with my natural self had translated into feeling there was something wrong with me.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    When I was a teenager suffering from depression, I felt trapped in a world I couldn’t escape from. So I escaped into my mind, where I pretty much lived for the rest of my childhood. I developed an introspective, deep-thinking ability as I sought alternative ways to perceive the world.

    I had a knowing that somehow we are limiting ourselves as people and that what we see isn’t the full picture. In other words, there must be more to life than what we’re putting up with.

    Mentally, I became very creative in exploring the philosophy of life, challenging what most people have accepted as the truth. It became my default throughout most of my adult life, as well.

    Since it was borne out of the bleakness of my depression, I associated this tendency with being dark, depressing, and too intense. I saw it as a flaw that needed to be eradicated.

    It wasn’t until I started being a writer and a therapist that I realized how much people appreciate that about me. It gave me the ability to write good material and create many innovative processes that have allowed me to help many people.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    In earlier years, I was so afraid of people getting close to me that I hurt a lot of people who cared about me. I remember a few of my colleagues organized a small party for me after I had resigned and was about to relocate to another country.

    I was so entrenched in my feelings of inadequacy that I couldn’t bring myself to go out and be around people. So I didn’t show up; I didn’t even tell them that I wasn’t coming.

    I felt so guilty that I couldn’t bear to talk to them again. Several years later, I was told that my friends were very hurt and disappointed. They’d even bought a cake for me.

    For a long time after that, I couldn’t get the image of my friends sitting around a cake waiting for me out of my mind. In time, I allowed myself to feel the full remorse of my actions, and heal myself from the guilt of this and many other events.

    I realized that in those days, I simply did not have the resources to act otherwise because I was crippled by pain. Learning to accept this fact helped me to forgive myself.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …no longer get angry. I used to feel so much rage in me whenever I perceived people to judge me and I would act out harshly toward them. But it only intensified my self-hatred and I ended up beating myself up over and over.

    I’ve learned to be calmer about what people think about me. I try to see everything from a spiritual perspective these days, which helps me to recognize the spirit in everyone, no matter how we’re operating in the physical world.

    Whenever I find myself reacting internally to others, I know it points to somewhere in me that needs more healing. So I use that as a “gateway” for more healing and transformation.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    I used to envy others who appeared to be relaxed, light-hearted, and free in expressing themselves in social situations, whereas I would battle constantly with self-berating thoughts, even as I put on a performance outwardly.

    The conflict between the anguish I felt inside and how I wanted to be made me perceive other people superficially.

    As I learned to accept myself, I began to relate to people on a deeper level and saw that everyone comes with their own pains and struggles. I learned to appreciate them for their “flaws” as much as their strengths, which in turn helped me to accept myself more.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    Looking to other people to complete you is dangerous. If you rely on others to validate you and make you feel good about yourself, the wounds in you are still there.

    They are begging to be healed and your soul will bring you opportunities to return to more wholeness. So if you’ve been covering up your inadequacy with external validations, you’ll come to a point where you’re stripped of the false, quick-fix cover-ups.

    It could come in the form of people abandoning, deceiving, or betraying you, which are ultimately a loving gift from your soul, but you can avoid ending up in that soul-directed “last resort” by addressing and healing your deep inadequacy before such painful events become necessary.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    In my mind, I was flawed, and didn’t fit in. It was a lonely place to be in. I wanted to fit in, yet didn’t want to fit in. It made me awkward, being pulled by two opposing forces.

    I didn’t know how to be in this world. I didn’t even know who the “real me” was.  Nothing felt authentic about me, so I covered up my insecurity with an image of perfection, decked up with materialism.

    For some time, I tried to convince myself that I was happy and secure living this way. But there was a strong drive in me to break out of this false self I had constructed.

    Within a relatively short period of time, I managed to deconstruct this life, and I began a journey of discovering who I really was. But what was underneath the façade was all the pain I’d been trying to cover up.

    So my “real self” then was really just a person in a lot of pain. It was challenging for me to show my vulnerability: that I am far from perfect, that I haven’t figured it all out yet, that I am still wounded and capable of behaving in stupid ways.

    I am still learning, and ironically, it is through this process that I’ve been able to connect with my true beauty and worth.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Taking time out, no matter how busy I am, to sit in silence, meditate, still my mind, connect with my emotions, bring in positive energies.
    • Getting together with friends.
    • Physical exercises.

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    I am constantly looking for new, creative ways to help people transform their experience in life and grow spiritually.

    My passion to help liberate people from their suffering has come out of my own struggles. Thus, it’s usually easy for me to respond with compassion and empathy whenever I see people in need of some guidance. Being in a position to make a difference in someone else’s life is both humbling and moving for me.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: An Bourmanne

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: An Bourmanne

    an-bourmanne

    It’s day three in the pre-order promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is An Bourmanne of ownyourlifecoaching.com. Born in Belgium, she now lives in Brussels where she works as a consultant-coach in a financial services company and mentors people pleasing perfectionists so they can do their thing, unapologetically.

    Her contribution for the book explores how we often get stuck by stressing about everything we think we should be doing—and what we can do to both relieve that pressure and live up to our potential.

    A little more about An…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    Well, if I would describe the me I was about 15 years ago, I’d describe her as a chameleon, always adapting and blending in, striving for perfection and working hard to be a good girl, living the life she was supposed to live, doing the things she was supposed to do, forgetting what she wanted and needed, evaluating herself through the eyes of others, analyzing their every move for signs of approval or—oh, drama!—disapproval.

    And the interesting thing is, I didn’t realize that I was being a chameleon.

    It was only when lightning struck (as in being seriously ill), that I started to question the way I lived my life.

    And no, I didn’t turn my life upside down—on the outside, very little changed in those first few years, but on the inside, things started shifting.

    I read every self-development book I could get my hands on (after I managed to overcome my Everest-high resistance against anything that even remotely looked like self-help). I absorbed blogs.  And most of all, I started seeing things from a fresh perspective—an empowering, nurturing one instead of that exhausting people-pleasing-perfection-driven one.

    I allowed myself to do things that fascinated me (even though my mind screamed “silly!”). I allowed myself to do things that made me lose track of time (even though my mind screamed “waste of time!”). I allowed myself to do new things, make mistakes, and fail.  I allowed myself to not being liked by everyone. I allowed myself not getting approval from everyone.

    And gradually, things started shifting in my outside world too. I took photography classes, I reconnected with my long-lost love for writing, I took loads of personal development classes, I started mentoring and teaching.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    Oh my! I sure have! That’s what that sneaky voice of people-pleasing perfection tends to do with us—finding flaws everywhere.

    Don’t like the books they like? You are such a failure. Haven’t been to that hip restaurant yet? What’s wrong with you? Haven’t got those bigger-than-life stories to tell? You are so boring and ah, well, let’s just face it—there is something wrong with you.

    What changed my perception were the self-loving, compassionate, empowering perspectives I read in books and blogs.

    It was embracing some harsh, yet undeniable truths—you will fail, not everyone will like you, you will be judged.

    It was questioning my crappy thoughts—seeing how they were (most of the time) not true and (all of the time) not helpful. It was taking lots of teeny tiny actions that brought clarity, confidence, and the quiet trust that I got what it takes to do my thing.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    Ah, reconnecting with my writing has been a real struggle. I believed I was no good and that writing was just a waste of time and not something worthy and valuable. But I allowed myself to start playing with it nonetheless.

    The beginning of my writing journey looked a lot like a game of “attract and repel”! I’d start writing a thousand times, I’d stop a thousand times, only to be pulled toward the writing again so much that I’d pick it up time and again.

    And gradually, I started uncovering my voice (if you’d have asked me upfront, I never ever would have thought I’d be writing poem-styled perfection busters—that is the magic of allowing yourself play!) and owning that I am a writer. And that feels so good.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    Did you know I am an engineer? No? Well, I am, even though engineering is not my thing.  Yet, engineering felt like logical thing to do. I was good at math (and you need a lot of that!), got good grades, and sailed smoothly through the one week of entry exams. So what’s a girl gotta do? Right!

    Am I angry with myself or anyone else for having done these five year-long intense studies only to find out it was not my thing? No, I am not.

    Do I forgive myself for making that choice so many years ago? Well, the funny thing is that I don’t tend to argue with the past, but rather focus on creating what lies ahead of me.

    And so I actually don’t feel any need to forgive as I feel there’s nothing that needs to be forgiven. It was part of my journey and I fully accept and honor that. And there’s so much I gained—a bunch of good friends, loads of skills, and a ton of maturity and persistence.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …accept that they don’t.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    Oooh, I used to be in comparing mode quite often, even though I didn’t realize it back then.  I was always looking at others, and, most importantly, falling short in comparison. Not fast enough, not good enough, not creative enough, not funny enough, not serious enough…

    It was when I started to see how draining and exhausting and unfulfilling it was to live in constant comparing mode that I promised myself to start doing my thing, at my pace, with my voice and my style.

    Does that mean that I don’t look at others, ever? Sure I do. But instead of using their achievements and unique style as a reason to bring myself down, I use it to get inspired, to ignite fresh ideas, to learn from their stories and wisdom.

    Instead of seeing them as a measure of my worth, I started to see them as an example of what is possible. And that is much more fun and helpful!

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    Looking at other people to complete you just depletes you and makes you less of you. You are complete and you don’t need anybody else to complete you, nor can you complete anybody else.

    Let more of your unique you out, so others can genuinely love you for you.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Sure! I was afraid that they might not like what they saw, that they would walk away and that I would end up alone.

    But the irony is that I when I don’t show my real self, but some manufactured version of myself, I still feel alone, even though I’m surrounded by other people. I just find myself working hard to get a conversation going on some topic that doesn’t really interest me, and I don’t feel that genuine sense of connection and belonging.

    Now the amazing thing is that when I talk about something that genuinely interests me, and they get me, that is where the magic of genuine connection happens.

    And yes, as I started sharing more of me, some people disappeared from my life or connections just faded out, because all of a sudden it showed that they were never the nurturing connections I pretended and hoped they were.

    But there are also old connections that have gotten deeper and better, because we now really see each other. And there are new ones that feel like “home.”

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Writing (I just love it!)
    • Resting (I often need to remind myself! though)
    • Hiking (I love soaking up the fresh air and the beauty of nature!)
    • And – sneaking in a 4th one 🙂 – taking pictures (I love Instagram!) 

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    Writing my weekly poetry-style blog posts. Sharing nurturing, self-loving, and empowering perspectives to inspire brilliant women (that forgot how brilliant they are) to do their thing in the world (because they are so much more than they give themselves credit for!).

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Alison Hummel

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Alison Hummel

    alison-hummel

    Today marks day two of the pre-order promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of the book’s contributors through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Alison Hummel of the thedreamadventure.com. Formerly an alcoholic who felt like an outsider looking in, Alison now works offers “Dream Catchers Sessions” to help people live their own “Dream Adventures.”

    Her contribution for the book focuses on accepting ourselves and finding gifts in our struggles.

    A little more about Alison…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I have come a very long way, but I’m definitely still on my way.

    One of the ways I have learned to accept and love myself is through being in service to others. When I see another person struggling with a similar problem—low self-esteem, anger, anxiety, or some other form of negativity—I find it easier to love them through it than I would if I were just trying to love myself through the same thing.

    By developing compassion for others, I have learned to apply that to myself.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    Yes, absolutely. I believe that is one of my greatest lessons to learn: I am completely fine just the way I am. I think this feeling that there is something wrong with me stemmed from looking outside of myself for validation and acceptance.

    When I look to others to validate and accept me and I see other people with different, perhaps better “stuff” or a better body or job, I subconsciously believe I need to have that in order to feel loved.

    Acknowledging that this is happening helps me defuse it.

    Also, being in nature has been a great tool to accept myself because in nature there is beauty in all things, not just the perfect flower or tree, or perfect sunny day. The best trees for climbing don’t stand straight up and the coziest days happen when it rains.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    Probably my ability to speak up for myself and others. At times I fear that I am saying “too much” by speaking up, but I know that other people appreciate it because they have thanked me for my honesty and energy. They have said that it gave them the courage to speak up for themselves, too.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistake was definitely hurting the people I love the most throughout my active addiction to alcohol. I am still working through completely forgiving myself. I have heard people say that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. And I can really agree with that.

    I have begun to forgive myself by being there for my family now. By staying sober. By accepting other people’s flaws. By talking to myself in a kinder way about my past.

    If I have a memory of something that brings up shame, instead of running away from it through shopping, eating junk, or lashing out at someone else, I do my best to just sit with the uncomfortable emotion and practice present moment awareness.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    Must be getting better at being myself, because we are all unique and some people might not like me. I can’t please everyone.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    Oh goodness—every area of my life. I have actually been able to let go of those comparisons through actively trying to be someone I am not. That is very painful. And through that pain, I have had to look for other answers. Being myself is the only show in town these days.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    You will learn your greatest lessons through experience, so if you need to look outside of yourself for completion, do it with complete fervor. This way, you will always have your own experiences to draw upon to make better choices in the future.

    I’ve seen a lot of people flounder in just crummy situations because they were trying to make their life decisions through other people’s mistakes. It’s okay to make your own mistakes.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Yes, absolutely. I talk about this in my article in the book. The therapy I had for my OCD helped me deal with anxiety and general discomfort. In reality, I don’t fear what others think of me; I fear being uncomfortable. Because that is really the worst that could happen. Learning tools to deal with feeling uncomfortable has helped me the most.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Stay connected to my sober brothers and sisters.
    • Meditate.
    • Work out.

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    I would have to say staying sober. I don’t necessarily feel “proud,” because I believe sobriety is truly a gift, but I will say without it, I would have nothing. My family is so important to me. With it, I can accomplish anything I set my mind on.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself (and the Self-Love Bonus Pack)

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself (and the Self-Love Bonus Pack)

    Tiny Buddhas Guide Cover 3D

    10/9/13: The pre-order promotion is now over. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here!

    Two years ago I surveyed the Tiny Buddha community to crowdsource wisdom for my second book, which was going to break apart the idea of success.

    Around the same time, I experienced a series of life-altering events, including a major surgery, financial hardship, a break-in, and the death of my grandmother.

    Within the following months, I dramatically decreased the amount of time I devoted to blogging. After almost three years of regularly sharing my feelings, I wanted space to explore my conflicting emotions without having to put them into words.

    Despite having chosen to do this, I felt immense guilt in seemingly “abandoning” the community. I also felt embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

    After not only announcing my book but also soliciting insight from others, I realized I wasn’t in the right headspace to work on the project. Even though I knew I’d had a tough few months, this inability to deliver deeply distressed the perfectionist in me.

    I planned to work on this later in the year, but when the time came I wanted to work on something different—a book that felt more personally relevant in light of my recent challenges, and extended naturally from the philosophy of this site.

    I wanted to create a collaborative book about self-love, for a few reasons.

    For one thing, it’s something that many of us struggle with, which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to fully love others and life.

    Secondly, my former lack of self-love was the foundation of all my greatest struggles. I once thought my life was a mess because I struggled with depression and an eating disorder, and didn’t have purpose, money, or a relationship, but at the heart of all those troubles was my unwavering self-loathing.

    Lastly, it tied into an unexpected consequence of making, what seemed like, a massive public mistake: announcing a plan and then not following through reinforced that I need my empathy the most when I feel most resistant to giving it.

    It also reminded that sometimes mistakes are opportunities to do something good—and I believe I have with this book.

    Including 40 blog posts from tinybuddha.com, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself offers more than just advice; it offers in a window into our shared human experience, and universal lessons we can all apply to feel happier with ourselves and our lives.

    These posts have reminded more than 1.5 million monthly readers that we are never alone, and we don’t have to live life controlled by our inner critic. They touch upon ideas that will help you:

      • Release shame about your past and the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck
      • See yourself as beautiful and valuable, with all your flaws and weaknesses
      • Accept yourself more and judge yourself less
      • Forgive yourself for your mistakes and stop being hard on yourself
      • Minimize the need for approval to feel more confident
      • Let go of the comparisons that keep you feeling inferior
      • Feel complete so that you no longer look to others to fill a void within yourself
      • Find the courage to share your authentic self for deeper connections with others
      • Learn to take care of yourself instead of putting everyone else’s needs first
      • Believe that you’re valuable so you can start creating a life you love

    The stories are categorized into 10 chapters, connected to each of these themes.

    At the end of each chapter you’ll find four tips—one from each of the four posts in that section. They’re ideas you can turn to whenever you need help changing your thoughts, and consequently, your feelings and experience of the world.

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself launches on October 8th. Over the next month, I’m going to run a pre-order promotion that will involve daily self-love interviews with some of the book’s contributors.

    During the month of September, anyone who pre-orders the book will receive instant access to the “Self-Love Bonus Pack,” which includes 8 digital resources, valued at more than $150.

    Those items include:

      • From Coping to Thriving: How to Turn Self-Care into a Way of Life, by Hannah Braime
      • Flowing Through the Void: Creating Miracles Out of Struggles by Activating Presence, Power, and Passion, by Amyra Mah
      • Complete Confidence eCourse, by Emma Brooke
      • An Awakened Life: A Journey of Transformation, by Julie Hoyle
      • Create a Brilliant Vision for Your Life and Business, by Margie Beiswanger
      • 5 Days of Self-Compassion, by Joanna Weston
      • Be You, Unapologetically by An Bourmanne
      • Tiny Wisdom: On Self-Love, by Lori Deschene (me)

    You can pre-order a copy of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

    Please note that you will not receive your copy of the book in the mail until October. You will, however, will receive instant access to the bonus items once you forward your sales confirmation email to the address listed on the sales page.

    Thank you to everyone who’s involved with this book—which is all of you. You make this community what it is. You make a difference, and you’re appreciated.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Alesha Chilton

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Alesha Chilton

    alesha-chilton

    Today is an exciting day here at Tiny Buddha! It’s the pre-order launch day for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors.

    Throughout the September, I plan to publish 21 “self-love profiles,” introducing you to some of the book’s contributors.

    I’m excited to start with an interview with Tiny Buddha member Alesha Chilton, a mother and MBA graduate whose contribution for the book focuses on believing that we’re good enough.

    A little more about Alesha…

    The Interview

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    It has taken a while to dig down deep and love myself just as I am. And it didn’t happen magically, miraculously, or suddenly. It happened a little at a time, slower than a snail it seemed, over the course of many years.

    I battled bulimia, bullying, and self-belittling. My eyes are still being opened every day—and that’s the joy of life. We get to have revelations and light bulb moments in the midst of enshrouding darkness, just when we have almost given up hope.

    Through the bad and good, realize that this too shall pass.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    Of course I have felt—and sometimes still feel—like there is something wrong with me. Being a perfectionist doesn’t lend or cut you any slack. However, I’ve learned to lower my expectations about my body, my time, and my abilities.

    So what if I don’t look like a supermodel in a bikini? What’s important is that I am healthy, which I am. And I’m not supermom by any means, but my child is happy and healthy. That’s all that really matters at the end of the day.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    I used to think that being short was a flaw because I couldn’t reach the dishes on the top shelf or play the hitter position in volleyball. But I practiced a lot and did a lot of conditioning, becoming the fastest player. Soon my coaches appreciated my hard work ethic and my quickness, and so did I.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistake was getting into and being involved in an abusive relationship. I felt so ashamed, hurt, confused, and guilty.

    I forgave myself in many different ways as I learned more about why people get into abusive relationships. I realized that I was young and insecure. I thought that I could “fix” or change him if I was loving and caring enough. I didn’t know what red flags to look for when dating. I didn’t truly believe that I could find a “soul mate.”

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …do some self reflection to see if the problem lies in my attitude, tone, words, or actions. Sometimes other people can shed light on our not so attractive qualities, and thus help us become a better person.

    I try to be understanding and compassionate with others, even though I fail sometimes. I don’t let someone not liking me ruin my day. Often the problem lies within themselves.

    Whenever I’m annoyed or don’t like someone, I try to do some self-reflection as to why. Once you understand why you dislike someone, you can learn and grow into a better, less judgmental person.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    I’ve compared myself to the strong, independent woman traveling around the world. I’ve compared myself to the mom with perfect abs, who still finds time to make organic meals. And I’ve compared myself to the summa cum laude Harvard lawyer graduate earning six figures.

    I’ve learned to let go and not compare myself to these people in varying ways. They are on a different journey than I am. That doesn’t make my journey less valuable, less successful, or less meaningful.

    I judge my success on happiness and being able to provide the basics for my family. Recently, I have become enlightened enough to take more risks. Taking risks is scary, but taking healthy risks—like applying for jobs and calling potential employers—is good for the soul.

    If we doubt our capabilities, we doubt ourselves. Although you may encounter many failures, you can also encounter great success! Idleness will keep you on the same boring road.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    I would tell myself that it’s nice to have someone by your side, but it’s more important to learn to be happy on your own. You have to be with yourself every single day. There is no escaping yourself.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    I was bullied for being “weird” when I was younger and I let that define me. I was afraid of revealing my whole true self for fear of rejection. But I’ve learned that the world has a place for everyone and that people appreciate confidence, even if you are a little strange compared to others. You just have to accept yourself first. There are lots of people like you, but it’s up to you to see the similarities, not only the differences.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    I need sleep, intellectual stimulation, and reflection.

    Getting a good night’s sleep allows for clearer thinking and deeper reflection. I need intellectual stimulation so that my mind doesn’t focus on trivial worries and negative things. I need reflection in order to become a more mentally stable and happy individual.

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    Lately I have been making and putting anonymous love letters in random public places (see www.moreloveletters.com). It helps me feel good knowing that my letter can help inspire someone, give them hope in humanity, and help them have a better day.

    The smallest differences are sometimes the biggest in the end. I try to smile and be friendly with people, even if I’m feeling grouchy myself. People need to know that others care about and appreciate them.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • The Piece You’ve Been Looking For

    The Piece You’ve Been Looking For

    The-Piece-You've-Been-Looking-For

  • New Year’s Tiny Wisdom Buy One Give One eBook Sale

    New Year’s Tiny Wisdom Buy One Give One eBook Sale

     

    To celebrate the New Year, I decided to run a second Tiny Wisdom eBook sale (as I previously did on my birthday in August).

    For today only, if you purchase the Tiny Wisdom eBook series (5 eBooks for $19.97), I will send a free set to a friend of your choice. (Weekly email subscribers, this offer is good for you today, Friday January 4th.)

    All you need to do is:

    • Order your set (by scrolling all the way down and clicking on “buy now” for the full set)
    • Forward your confirmation email to me at email(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com
    • Include your friend’s name, email address, and any note you would like to include

    If you’ve already purchased the series and would like to take advantage of this offer, you can purchase another set today and I will send sets to two of your friends. Just follow the instructions above for both friends and note in the email that this is your second purchase.

    I will be away until tomorrow, so please note you will not receive a response from me, and your friend will not receive his or her set, until late afternoon on Tuesday, January 1st.

    The Tiny Wisdom eBook Series

    Earlier this year, I created 5 short eBooks with posts on the following topics:

    • Self-Love
    • Happiness
    • Mindfulness
    • Love
    • Pain

    They aren’t lengthy how-to posts with overwhelming lists of action steps. They’re short reflections on the little things that make a huge difference in our daily lives. They’re reminders of what matters and how to embrace it, right now, instead of focusing on all the things that only bring us down.

    They’re concise. They’re focused. Most importantly, they’re relevant to the challenges we all face every day.

    These eBooks are available individually or as a complete package. On it’s own, each eBook costs $4.97. The full package of five costs $19.97—which essentially means you get one free if you buy the whole series (and for today only, you receive a second set to send to a friend).

    Buy the Tiny Wisdom eBooks 

    Note: You can purchase the eBooks individually for $4.97 each, or scroll down to buy the whole series for $19.97. Today’s promotion is only for the full set. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom Buy One Give One eBook Sale

    Tiny Wisdom Buy One Give One eBook Sale

     

    In case you didn’t just read my post 33 Things to Accept and Embrace, today (August 28th) is my 33rd birthday, so I decided to run a fun promotion as a way to celebrate.

    For today only, if you purchase the Tiny Wisdom eBook series (5 eBooks for $19.97), I will send a free set to a friend of your choice. Weekly email subscribers, this offer is valid for you on August 31st.

    All you need to do is order your set, forward your confirmation email to me at emailATtinybuddhaDOTcom, and include your friend’s name, email address, and any note you would like to include.

    If you’ve already purchased the series and would like to take advantage of this offer, you can purchase another set today and I will send sets to two of your friends. Just follow the instructions above for both friends and note in the email that this is your second purchase.

    I will be away until late tonight, so please note you will not receive a response from me (and your friend will not receive his or her set) until Wednesday.

    The Tiny Wisdom eBook Series

    Earlier this year, I created 5 short eBooks with posts on the following topics:

    • Self-Love
    • Happiness
    • Mindfulness
    • Love
    • Pain

    They aren’t lengthy how-to posts with overwhelming lists of action steps. They’re short reflections on the little things that make a huge difference in our daily lives. They’re reminders of what matters and how to embrace it, right now, instead of focusing on all the things that only bring us down.

    They’re concise. They’re focused. Most importantly, they’re relevant to the challenges we all face every day.

    These eBooks are available individually or as a complete package. On it’s own, each eBook costs $4.97. The full package of five costs $19.97—which essentially means you get one free if you buy the whole series (and for today only, you receive a second set to send to a friend).

    Buy the Tiny Wisdom eBooks 

    Note: You can purchase the eBooks individually for $4.97 each, or scroll down to buy the whole series for $19.97. Today’s promotion is only for the full set. (more…)

  • 8 Reasons to Buy the Tiny Wisdom eBook Series (Available Now!)

    8 Reasons to Buy the Tiny Wisdom eBook Series (Available Now!)

    Since Tiny Buddha launched in 2009, I’ve written hundreds of “Tiny Wisdom” blog posts. In the beginning, I kept these short and peripheral.

    Over time, I started putting more of myself into them and giving them a lot more love and attention. Suddenly, these posts became far more popular than I ever thought they’d be.

    They aren’t lengthy how-to posts with lists of action steps. They’re short reflections on the little things that make a huge difference in our daily lives. They’re reminders of what matters and how to embrace it, right now, instead of focusing on all the things that only bring us down.

    They’re concise. They’re focused. Most importantly, they’re relevant to the challenges we all face every day.

    In recent months, I’ve received countless emails from readers asking me to compile some of these posts into an eBook—so I decided to do something even better.

    I created 5 short eBooks with posts on the following topics:

    • Self-Love
    • Happiness
    • Mindfulness
    • Love
    • Pain

    These eBooks are all available today, individually or as a complete package. On it’s own, each eBook costs $4.97. The full package of five costs $19.97—which essentially means you get one free if you buy the whole series.

    (more…)

  • Winners for Tiny Buddha Book Giveaways

    Winners for Tiny Buddha Book Giveaways

    As you may have noticed, this was the first week I did not publish a blog post featuring two poll questions for my next book.

    Previously, I published 10 of these posts, each with a giveaway for an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

    I’m pleased to announce I’ve chosen 10 winners:

    I emailed the winners last night. If you are on this list and did not receive that email, please contact me at email(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com.

    Although the giveaways have ended, you can still share your thoughts for my next book!

    In short, it’s going to be a book about what it means to win and lose in life—a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success.

    There is no official deadline to share your thoughts (though I will likely choose the insights I’ll include in my book some time at the end of June).

    If you’d like to offer your insights, please leave them on the appropriate blog posts below. *Please note: each post contains two questions; however, each title contains only one of them.

    Thank you for being part of Tiny Buddha!

  • The Possibility of Today Video Interview with Lori Deschene

    I have done everything in my power to avoid video interviews. When I did my blog tour for my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, I did mostly written interviews, after pushing for that. As a writer, I enjoy taking time to gather my thoughts and communicate precisely what I want to say.

    But I’m far less enthused when it comes to being on camera—especially when that camera is a webcam that’s two feet away from my face.

    Still, when my new friend Sibyl of The Possibility of Today suggested a video interview, I decided to oblige; after all, comfort zones are meant for stretching.

    After we spoke, I felt confident I spoke straight my heart, and I was excited to see the interview once it was edited. Then I saw it. And I seriously considered not sharing it.

    Because I was a little nervous on that day, I found myself feeling distracted by my own face in the tiny box on Skype. So instead of looking directly at Sibyl while I spoke, I darted my eyes back and forth in an attempt to keep my focus.

    When I first watched this video, I felt insecure and self-conscious. As a perfectionist, I sometimes find it tempting to scrutinize things I do in ways I doubt other people would. Then I watched the video again and listened to my words—particularly this one part about learning not to be hard on myself.

    There I was, doing just that.

    I realized then that this is a perfect result for this video interview I was nervous to give, because it provides an opportunity to reflect my own words back to myself and really walk my walk.

    So here it is: a tiny video, straight from my heart.

    (more…)

  • The Tiny Buddha Book, Bonus Gifts, and Win a Kindle or DSLR Camera

    The Tiny Buddha Book, Bonus Gifts, and Win a Kindle or DSLR Camera

    UPDATE: Please note that the pre-order bonus promotion described in this blog post ended on December 8, 2011.

    This is a post that’s been a year and a half in the making, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to finally write these words!

    Today is the official pre-order launch day for my first print book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, and I have some exciting promotions to share with you!

    In this post you’ll find:

    -Information about Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions

    -A description of the pre-order bonuses (totaling more than $150 in value) that you will receive if you purchase between now and December 8, 2011

    -Instructions to enter the “Life’s Hard Questions” contest for a chance to win:

    • A Canon DSLR Camera
    • 1 of 2 Kindles, each with a free digital version of my book
    • 1 of 10 free hard copies of my book

    About Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions

    You may have previously seen information about my eBook, Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace and Happiness. This is a compilation of my most popular posts from the first year of the site, and it’s only available as a digital product.

    Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions is entirely original, available both in print and as an eBook, distributed through Conari Press. And it started as a collaborative project.

    Last year, I asked @tinybuddha Twitter followers a number of challenging questions, including “What’s the meaning of life?” “What does it take to be happy?” and “How can you make each day count?

    I received more than 1,000 tweeted responses, and narrowed them down to 200 that form the backbone of this book. Tiny Buddha is a combination of their insightful answers, stories from my life, and lessons from wise teachers around the world and throughout time.

    I wrote this book because I lived much of my life feeling paralyzed by pain and uncertainty. While there is much that may always be unknown, we can still empower ourselves to live peaceful, purposeful lives based on what we do know.

    The Pre-Order Bonuses

    Tiny Buddha, Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, will ship from Amazon on December 8, 2011 (and will be available in stores by January 1, 2012). (more…)

  • Giveaway and Review: the 2-Year Anniversary of Tinybuddha.com!

    Giveaway and Review: the 2-Year Anniversary of Tinybuddha.com!

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

    It seems like just yesterday I wrote, “It’s a pretty exciting week in Tiny Buddha world,” before crafting a massive year-in-review post for the site’s first anniversary.

    Yet here we are again, a full year later.

    So much has happened in this year, but instead of creating a lengthy year-in-review list, I’m just going to recap the five biggest highlights, for the site and me personally. I’ll also provide a selection of posts from the year that you may enjoy reading if you’ve missed them. But first I’d like to thank you—every last one of you.

    This site is what it is because of you. I am continually inspired, humbled, and flat-out blown away by the vulnerable, generous, insightful blog posts many of you submit. You really put yourself out there, and it changes people’s lives—more than you may realize.

    For those readers who haven’t written for the site, you also make the site what it is. For your heartfelt comments, here and on Facebook; for your willingness to learn and grow; for being exactly who you are and bringing that light here, thank you.

    Lastly, thank you all for your help in keeping Tiny Buddha up and running. Earlier this year when the site crashed, signaling it was time to get a dedicated server, many of you sent thoughtful emails and generous donations. I saved all of those emails, and I refer to them whenever I need a reminder that what I do makes a difference. There are no words to describe my gratitude for your kindness and support (well, except those ones).

    The Giveaway

    To celebrate the site’s 2-year anniversary, I’d like to offer 5 readers a free copy of my eBook, Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace and Happiness.

    This is a compilation of some of my most popular posts, including a few posts that you won’t find on the site. If you’ve already purchased a copy, you can enter to win a copy for a friend. I’ll be happy to send it to them instead! To enter:

    1. Leave a comment on this post, including something you’re proud of from 2011 so far.
    2. Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Giveaway and Review: the 2-Year Anniversary of Tinybuddha.com http://bit.ly/oQKkxU

    Please note this is an electronic book, meaning you will receive a PDF file through email. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step.

    You can enter until midnight, PST on Monday, September 12th. I will choose the winners using randomizer.org, and contact them on Tuesday, September 13th. (more…)

  • Available Today: Ebook, Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace & Happiness

    Available Today: Ebook, Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace & Happiness

    Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace and Happiness is the ultimate guide of Tiny Buddha wisdom, based on some of the most popular posts and quotes from the site. You’ll also find 4 posts not previously published on tinybuddha.com.

    Through this eBook, I’ve shared myself authentically and vulnerably, and have also offered countless action-oriented suggestions to improve your state of mind, enhance your relationships, identify what makes you feel passionate and purposeful, and find the courage to overcome obstacles and seize your dreams.

    These are my most popular, value-packed posts, as viewed by over 1.2 million readers in the last year and a half, hand-picked and edited into one easy-to-access PDF file. (more…)

  • Introducing: The Tiny Buddha Quote Widget

    Introducing: The Tiny Buddha Quote Widget

    The first Tiny Buddha quote appeared on Twitter in 2008. Since then, the archives have grown to include over 1000 wisdom quotes, with new quotes added every weekday.

    You can now embed a daily wisdom quote right on your site with the Tiny Buddha Quote Widget for WordPress.

    This plugin will display the quote of the day from Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday, the plugin will deliver a random quote from the Tiny Buddha archives.

    12/21/11 UPDATE: The quote widget has been changed so that it now delivers a random quote from the Tiny Buddha archives each day.

    CLICK TO DOWNLOAD

    Installation

    1. Upload the file ‘tiny-buddha-quotes.zip’ via Plugins > Add New > Upload’ OR Upload the ‘tiny-buddha-quotes’ folder to the ‘/wp-content/plugins/’ directory via FTP.
    2. Activate the plugin through the ‘Plugins’ menu in WordPress.
    3. Enable the widget via Appearance > Widgets in your dashboard.
    4. Enjoy!

    Alternatively, you can place the template tag manually in your theme:

    <?php if (function_exists('tb_wisdom_view')) { tb_wisdom_view(); } ?> (more…)