Tiny Buddha

Tag: spirituality

  • 4 Ways to Get Better Sleep for Increased Spiritual Wellness

    4 Ways to Get Better Sleep for Increased Spiritual Wellness

    “Happiness in simplicity can be achieved with a flexible mindset and nine hours sleep each night.” ~Dalai Lama

    It happened again. I got up after being awake all night, wondering where I’d gone for the past nine hours. I remember laying my head on the pillow, exhausted, happy to finally close my burning eyes. My body settled sweetly into the mattress, and I thanked the universe for our heavenly bed.

    Just moments away from slumbering bliss, I said my prayers and did my usual practice of releasing energy from the day and honoring my blessings. For the moment, my mind was still and peaceful.

    I fell into a space between the dream state and wakefulness. A place I know well. It’s not necessarily a bad place to be, but when I’m in it, I’m fully aware of the fact I’m not sleeping; my brain isn’t in REM. I tried breathing exercises and meditation only to feel like I was ready to run a marathon. After a few hours of this, sleep anxiety crept in, bearing gifts of thoughts and frustration.

    The countdown of the hours until it would be time to get up began. The list of things I needed to do the following day danced in my mind like a marching band tooting its horn and ringing bells—because if I couldn’t sleep, somehow running through my to-do list felt productive. When the morning came, I was not the calm presence I aspire to be. The Tiny Buddha inside was napping.

    When I was a kid, I had no problem falling asleep on the bus, in class, watching TV… pretty much anywhere I could lay my head down and close my eyes. But as I’ve grown older, sleep hasn’t always been as accessible. In fact, with everything going on in the world over the past few years, sleep has become a modern-day luxury.

    As a spiritual seeker, I find that when I don’t get a good night of sleep, it’s harder to drop in for meditation. I’m more irritable. Less sharp. My intuition feels clouded. And my ability to focus on my goals and manifest my visions can be hindered.

    I wondered if I’d spend the rest of my life chasing sleep to catch up to my dreams.

    Then, I started talking to friends. They’re struggling too. Whether the problem is falling asleep or staying asleep, almost every person I talked to is suffering from some form of sleep deprivation. Is this a natural part of aging or an unspoken epidemic? Even my daughters in their early twenties wrestle with insomnia.

    These types of problems always make me ask, “What is the lesson here?” But as I started to look for answers, what became more interesting was the link between sleep and spirituality.

    As it turns out, there is a parallel between sleep quality and spiritual connection, which means prioritizing sleep hygiene is not only important for biological processes but for spiritual wellness.

    During sleep, the body repairs muscles, organs, and tissues. It also regulates hormones, detoxifies, and boosts the immune system. Sleep also bridges the conscious and subconscious mind. This allows us to process the experiences of our day, the emotions that may have arisen, and the spiritual insights that help us create meaning in our lives. Therefore, prioritizing sleep hygiene can be an act of spiritual self-care that nurtures the mind’s capacity for deeper spiritual insights and greater overall wellness.

    It’s clear that sleep hygiene is extremely important both to our biological and spiritual processes, but let’s take a closer look into the sleep-spirituality connection.

    If we are sleep deprived, we are not thinking clearly, and, therefore, we are less connected to our intuition, which is directly linked to our imagination. Studies have shown that a lack of sleep can have a major impact on our ability to access creativity and problem-solving skills, so it makes sense that struggling in these areas has a negative influence on our spiritual well-being. So, what can we do to ease this struggle that many of us share?

    4 Ways to Improve Your Sleep Hygiene for Increased Spiritual Wellness

    Nighttime routine

    Set a consistent time to go to sleep and wake up every day, even on weekends. A more structured sleep routine helps to align your circadian rhythm, resulting in more consistent sleep. 

    Sleep sanctuary

    Design your environment to support your sleep goals by reducing screen time, turning lights on low an hour before bed, mitigating noise pollution with healing frequency music or a white noise machine, and turning the thermostat to sixty-five degrees.

    Preparation practices

    Create a spiritual bedtime ritual that you devote yourself to every night in honor of sleep. My ritual includes taking a bath or shower, gratitude journaling, prayer, and yoga nidra. I spray the sheets with a lavender water and essential oil blend before I lay my head on the pillow and rub magnesium oil on the soles of my feet as a final good night. The key is to create a simple process that feels nurturing and peaceful.

    Track your sleep and spiritual practices for a month.

    Journal every morning with just a few words about the quality of your sleep and every evening about your meditation results for the day. By tracking how your sleep and spiritual wellness connect, you will be more motivated to stick to best practices for a good night’s sleep. Ultimately this will benefit your mind, body, and spirit.

    The biggest lesson I’ve learned in this exploration is that we’re not alone in our quest for a nourishing night of sleep. We need to have compassion for ourselves on the nights where we find it challenging to drift off into dreamland.

    If you realize you’re in the pit of sleep anxiety, cut yourself some slack. You are not failing. Accept and surrender to the moment, and trust that simply resting will be enough to get you through the next day.

    Sleep restores a sense of peace and divinity within, but rest is just as important. By making sleep a priority, your mind will feel calmer, quieter, and more focused during meditation, allowing you to feel more spiritually connected to your life mission, every day.

  • 4 Tips for Failing Better in Your Spiritual Practice

    4 Tips for Failing Better in Your Spiritual Practice

    “Ever tried, ever failed, no matter. Try again, fail again, fail better.” ~Samuel Beckett

    I felt an enormous sense of relief when I discovered that he was a total mess! I’m talking about one of the most revered Buddhist monks of our time. I learned this from a short autobiography, A Mountain in Tibet: A Monk’s Journey. It was written by the current abbot of the Kagyu Samye Ling Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Scotland (UK), Yeshe Losal Riponche.

    Having escaped from his war-torn home country (Tibet) and after much other trauma, he found himself in the West, entirely immersed in the sex-drugs-rock’n’roll culture of the 1960s. “Selfish and full of pride,” “surly and miserable,” is how Yeshe Losal Riponche describes his younger self in the book. He didn’t part with this way of being until his late thirties despite having grown up in, and having been surrounded by, the Buddhist culture his whole life.

    I too have had an intense period of being “selfish and full of pride,” “surly and miserable” recently.  I was overworked, stressed, snappy, judgmental, critical, disappointed with myself, and constantly blaming others. With zero daily practice to carry me through the inner and outer chaos.

    Why is it still happening to me? After years’ worth of pursuing a different way of being. After years’ worth of seeking a life free from craving, aversion, and the usual human insanity. Why do I have to go through this never-ending cycle of feeling more mature and more at peace, and then hitting a low point when my mind is as unruly as that of any random person who’s never been exposed to any dharma whatsoever?

    The autobiography was a timely gift. It reminded me that I was not in it alone.

    We all, every single one of us, travel the same path. With its “ups and downs.” And this whole thing is called life. Ram Dass says that aiming to stay on a spiritual “high” all the time is not just unrealistic. It is a form of spiritual materialism. I become a consumer who wants this one thing (being high and holy) and has a tantrum every time she doesn’t get the goods. The more you fight it, the worse it becomes.

    Ram Dass shares the most hilarious and uplifting stories of enjoying (?!) seven hours’ worth of sexual fantasies while pretending to be in deep meditation. Or spending the first nine days of his thirty-day silent retreat watching tv for twelve hours a day. While it’s fun listening to his confessions, one can feel how utterly painful it would have been for Ram Dass to observe himself engage in such behavior.

    His advice? Simply keep watching but do it with compassion. This too shall pass.

    Even if I’ve failed to learn much else on the path, I think I have managed to figure out this one thing. It is not about getting holier each day moving in a neat trajectory. I’m not sure what it’s all about. But it’s not about that.

    Now, when I catch myself sleep-walking through life, I no longer feel deflated, discouraged, or dismayed. I am much more at peace with it. And that weakens the power of the monkey mind. Non-resistance is a great source of strength. I could never really understand Mooji’s call to “be at peace with a chaotic mind.” I now know that it is definitely possible.

    You can watch yourself do mental acrobatics with self-righteous guilt and blame, and think, “There there…this too shall pass.” Once the child has exhausted itself and collapsed after the tantrum, it’ll naturally calm down. And the Buddha is waiting on the other side. There is nowhere else to go. There is no escape from our Buddha nature.

    This is not to say that discipline doesn’t matter, that sustained whole-hearted commitment is not necessary, or that “anything goes.” But I strongly believe that neither lack of discipline nor commitment, nor any other force under the sun, as Christians put it, “not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” (Romans 8:38, NLT) The Buddha’s heart overflows with compassion for me; his faith in me and commitment to me is unshakeable. Nothing can ever change that.

    All of the above is just to say do not be discouraged. Ever. If you are reading this, rest assured, you’ve been trapped! You are secure on the path. You may get off track, do a U-turn or whatever, but you simply cannot choose another path. The path has chosen you. You are safe.

    What follows are a few simple tools and suggestions to create an environment and a lifestyle that continue to remind you that you are a student, a disciple, a pilgrim. Always. Even when your life is filled with anything but peace, contentment, and equanimity.

    The Environment

    I like to draw living water from out of the well that is fed by the rivers of every tradition. I am quite eclectic in my spirituality and my home reflects that. Among my precious possessions are

    • a small statue of Ganesh, the Elephant God, from an ashram near NYC,
    • a beautiful Orthodox icon Mary and the baby Jesus (that reflects my cultural heritage),
    • incense sticks from London Buddhist Centre that I pop in for puja now and then,
    • a string of beads from the London Self-Realisation Society,
    • an audio-Bible on my phone,
    • an e-version of Ekchart Tolle’s The Power of Now on my laptop,
    • a magazine on spiritual accompaniment on the bedside table…

    The list goes on. The point is, my flat and my environment in general are flooded with reminders of where I’ve been, what I’ve heard, who I’ve met, and what matters most to me.

    Sometimes some of these reminders become like fridge magnets and I stop noticing them. Then I may introduce something new. But most of the time, these things are not wallpaper. I’ve given them a function. They are meaningful. They keep reminding me of who I am.

    What does my weird collection represent to me? It reminds me that my past has been filled with spirituality, and so is my present and my future. No area of my life is free from meaning and purpose, as every moment in time and every place in space are part of my practice. I am never alone.

    I am surrounded by fellow pilgrims even when I don’t have anyone physically present next to me. Behind the awe-inspiring diversity of beliefs and practices, there is unity and oneness underneath it all. Every one of us is part of the lineage. May we continue practicing in gratitude to those who came before us and in guarding the tradition for those who are yet to come.

    Does your environment reflect your path, your identity, your truth? How can you make small changes to your bedroom or workplace to introduce a few things that would remind you of who and where you belong?

    The People

    Life is forever dragging me into some human drama where people and situations trigger me, and my behavior acts as a trigger for others. There’s no sense of perspective or wisdom or equanimity in my life. No one models any of that to me, and I fail to model it to others.

    Without spiritually significant others in my life, I’d be entirely lost, thinking that the grown-up world really is just about bills and “commitments.” In the more balanced periods of my life, I may have a more stable relationship with such people (e.g., taking part in a meditation group regularly). At other times, I still try to make sure that these people are still in my life even if I’m not in regular contact with anyone in particular.

    The longer you stay on the path, the more fellow pilgrims enter your life. Then there’s other people who are just naturally joyful, or naturally perceptive or compassionate. Talking to them reminds me to seek after what’s true and beautiful, and to not just stay a passive participant in the rat-race of life.

    It’s important that I get an occasional email or message from those people. It’s vital that they get to hear from me once in a while. This infrequent contact isn’t too heavy to maintain, yet it punctuates one’s life with tiny reminders of who one really is, or rather who one isn’t.

    If you are able to, just pop into any spiritually meaningful place that’s local to you. Even a five-minute chat with someone there would help you to feel like you’re on the right path again.

    Send a quick “hi, how are you” to someone you met on a retreat or someone that you’ve connected with in another way, watch a YouTube video with someone who has been a long-term teacher or source of inspiration for you, or attend a live talk, online or in person.

    Even a random one-off visit and a very occasional catch-up with someone who is after the same thing as yourself does miracles. This is especially so because you get to see how other people fluctuate between the states of being spiritually awake and asleep. They too occasionally fall asleep without falling off the path.

    The Doing

    It’s good if you are able to do things “properly” (e.g., you meditate once a day every day; you are part of a community where people deepen and grow in their practice together, etc.) But chances are, you want to do these things, but half the time you can’t get yourself to do much or anything at all. That’s fine. Just do something.

    Pretty much anything goes. Watching inspirational videos, listening to thought-provoking podcasts, journaling, walking, doing mindful coloring, listening to relaxing music or sacred chanting, meditating, or sleeping. Anything that adds color to your life counts (e.g., a heart-warming film or a powerful theater performance, or enjoying a nice meal or learning the basics of self-massage).

    You are in a classroom, so every life experience is part of the path, part of your practice. Just try and have a brief moment of mindful appreciation for whatever it is that you are doing. Give thanks. And just relax, enjoy it, have fun.

    Remember also that rest is resistance in a world where we’re expected to do more, better, faster. So, be rebellious. Do nothing.

    The Timing  

    Yes, that is the most annoying and painful question. Just when do I get the time to stop and do anything vaguely spiritual?! I’d say this is about being creative and generous in your interpretation of what counts as spiritual practice. If your daily routine allows you to have a five-minute cup of tea or coffee first thing in the morning, that’s an awesome start to the day. That’s your practice.

    When I can’t do it (most days), I make myself a cup of coffee at work and try to not turn my work laptop on until I’m done with my cup of coffee. At the end of the day, when I’m too tired to meditate, pray, read, or do anything else, I just turn on the pretty fairy lights and curl up on the little sofa for ten minutes. Just staring into space.

    My other mindful pause is while air-drying my hands at work. It takes a little longer than doing it with a paper towel and gives me a couple more seconds of peace and quiet in the bathroom. Occasionally, I’d stand up and stare outside the window in my office. Two- to three-minute-long micro-breaks are powerful tools for grounding yourself in the moment.

    Naturally, some days are so full-on, I don’t even have the luxury of taking the time to dry my hands properly. I just do it when I can. When I remember. Bringing attention back to the breathing is something that I find relatively easy and very helpful as this is how I meditate anyway.

    Little but often is certainly best. In my books, “occasionally” and even “very occasionally” are still better than “not at all.” If you can take one mindful breath a day—even once a week—this is still a precious moment of mindfulness. It counts; it does make a difference.

    No matter how much or how little “spiritual stuff” you manage to do on any given day, it’s the intention that counts, as the old saying goes. It really does. While the intention is there, the flame is burning. So, just keep it burning by taking those micro-breaks and filling your life with mini reminders to ground and strengthen you. In conclusion, let me remind you of my precious mantra:

    Ever tried, ever failed, no matter. Try again, fail again, fail better. (Samuel Beckett)

  • 9 Self-Guided Meditation Courses to Deepen Your Practice and Supercharge Your Spiritual Growth

    9 Self-Guided Meditation Courses to Deepen Your Practice and Supercharge Your Spiritual Growth

    In a culture that teaches us we need to prove our worth through achievements, it can be challenging to prioritize peace, well-being, and spiritual growth.

    We’re bombarded by marketing messages that tell us we’ll be enough, if only we “buy this—do this—look like this,” making it difficult to simply relax in who we are and feel a sense of contentment in our lives. But there is a way out of this cycle of discontent, anxiety, and constant striving.

    If you’re yearning to connect with life more deeply and feel a sense of greater peace and acceptance, I highly recommend developing a regular meditation practice.

    Before I began meditating, I was constantly agitated, anxious, and self-conscious, trapped in a mind that always found fault with myself—and everyone and everything around me.

    Meditation is the closest thing I’ve found to a magic bullet in life. It can replace stress with calm, confusion with clarity, ignorance with self-awareness, and bitterness with grace.

    There’s a lot we can’t control in life, including our thoughts and feelings—but we can control how we engage with them. And that’s how we can find a little sliver of peace in this complex, chaotic world. It all starts with mindfulness.

    Not sure where to start, or how to take your practice to the next level? Tiny Buddha sponsor Shambhala Online has you covered!

    The nine courses I’ve shared below will allow you to learn from anywhere, on any schedule, and to revisit the content whenever you’d like to be refreshed or re-inspired. They’re also great for when you feel your anxiety ramping up and need a de-stress tune-up, and something that reminds you that you are enough just as you are.

    All of the courses feature authentic and deeply experienced teachers from Shambhala’s global community, and offer teachings from their Tibetan Buddhist heritage in forms that are direct and relevant for Western students.

    As a special gift to Tiny Buddha readers, the Shambhala team has included a unique 10% off code for each course.

    I hope you find something below that speaks to you!

    To Start or Resume a Regular Meditation Practice

    Mindfulness meditation can change your life. It’s a transformative practice that offers relief from anxiety and stress, a more grounded life, better general health and wellness, stronger relationships and connections (with others, the world around us—and ourselves!), a more spacious and accommodating mind, and innumerable other benefits.

    If you’re looking to begin, or resume, a regular meditation practice, the course Learn to Meditate can help.

    Led by senior teacher, movement artist, and pioneer Arawana Hayashi, Learn to Meditate covers both sitting and walking meditation, equipping you with the tools necessary to integrate meditation into your daily life—bringing you greater well-being and connection with yourself and others.

    Use the code TBLEARN10 to receive 10% off Learn to Meditate.

    To Develop Self-Love

    Learn to Love Yourself with Sabine Rolf will help you discover warmth and kindness for yourself—a beautiful quality known as loving-kindness in Buddhism (maitri in Sanskrit).

    Through meditation, experiential exercises, and talks, you’ll learn to embrace and accept your authentic self; manage stress, anxiety, and difficult emotions, leading to a more balanced and resilient state of being; and develop self-confidence and trust in yourself.

    By investing in your own self-love and self-compassion, you’ll pave the way for personal growth, increased happiness, a more harmonious life, and stronger and healthier connections with others and the world around you.

    Use the code TBLOVE10 to receive 10% off Learn to Love Yourself.

    To Cultivate Compassion and Love

    If you want to explore the Mahayana Buddhist path of universal compassion, Melting the Ice and Getting Unstuck: Talks On The 37 Practices of a Bodhisattva is the perfect jumping-off point.

    This course uses as a reference a classic 14th-century Tibetan Buddhist text called The Thirty-Seven Practices of a Bodhisattva. A “bodhisattva” is any ordinary person who makes a commitment to live like the Buddha: to help others discover their fundamental goodness and be free from suffering. This course explores what it means to live on the bodhisattva’s path, and offers invaluable guidance for cultivating a strong heart and a compassionate approach to life’s challenges.

    Use the code TBUNSTUCK10 to receive 10% off The 37 Practices of a Bodhisattva.

    To Explore Buddhism and the Buddhist Path

    Shambhala’s yearlong Foundations for Freedom: The Hinayana offers an in-depth exploration of foundational Buddhist teachings, providing you with a clear understanding of the core principles and practices.

    Foundations for Freedom has five parts, each led by experienced teachers, and covers core Buddhist teachings, such as:

    • The nature of suffering,
    • The origin of suffering,
    • That freedom from suffering is possible, and
    • The path of Shila (discipline), Samadhi (meditation), and Prajna (wisdom).

    By engaging with these teachings, you’ll develop mindfulness, compassion, wisdom, a deeper connection to your spiritual journey, and a true understanding of foundational Buddhist teachings and the Buddhist path.

    Use the code TBFREEDOM10 to receive 10% off all Foundations of Freedom courses.

    To Discover a Spiritual Path in Everyday Life

    If you’d like to bring mindfulness into your daily life and discover the “ordinary magic” in your everyday- experiences, check out Meditation in Everyday Life and Contentment in Everyday Life.

    Meditation in Everyday Life

    Led by Janet Solyntjes, Meditation in Everyday Life is a five-week introduction to mindfulness meditation.

    You’ll learn about peaceful abiding meditation, receive guidance on establishing a meditation practice, and explore ways to improve your daily life through meditation. The course also offers meditation posture instruction, shamatha yoga instruction, and downloadable guided meditations.

    Through simple instructions and support, you’ll discover your mind’s innate stability, strength, and clarity.

    Use the code TBMEDITATION10 to receive 10% off Meditation in Everyday Life.

     

    Contentment in Everyday Life

    Contentment in Everyday Life invites us to explore the art of finding happiness within ourselves, regardless of our external circumstances. It helps us understand that even in the most difficult of circumstances in life, we are enough—just as we are.

    In this five-week course led by Eve Rosenthal, you will learn how to cultivate contentment through meditation and contemplation practices. You’ll also learn how to relax with yourself, appreciate simple human experiences, and face life’s challenges with gentleness and mindfulness.

    Use the code TBCONTENT10 to receive 10% off Contentment in Everyday Life.

    To Explore Human Goodness and How to Build a Good Society

    If you’re looking to connect with your own worthiness and contribute to a more compassionate, enlightened society, explore the Basic Goodness series. Together, these three courses delve into the principle of basic goodness as it applies at the level of the individual, society, and reality itself, offering a roadmap for personal and social transformation.

    Who Am I? The Basic Goodness of Being Human

    In Who Am I? The Basic Goodness of Being Human, you’ll embark on a journey of contemplative inquiry, exploring the timeless question “Who am I?”

    Through Buddhist teachings and meditation practice, you’ll learn how our sense of self arises moment by moment, and how to use meditation to contact and express the basic goodness that lies within you.

    Use the code TBHUMAN10 to receive 10% off Who Am I? The Basic Goodness of Being Human.

    How Can I Help? The Basic Goodness of Society

    In How Can I Help? The Basic Goodness of Society, you’ll explore your relationships with others, your aspirations to help the world, and specific aspects of social transformation.

    This six-session course delves into what an “enlightened society”—a society that is based on and nurtures the goodness of all—might look like. The teachings focus on transforming four aspects of society: family, professional life, entertainment, and economy.

    Use the code TBSOCIETY10 to receive 10% off How Can I Help? The Basic Goodness of Society.

    What is Real? The Basic Goodness of Reality

    In What is Real? The Basic Goodness of Reality, led by acclaimed teacher John Rockwell, you’ll delve into the magical nature of reality, learning the progressive stages of discovering non-dual perception of the elements and, consequently, the nature of the mind.

    This experiential course encourages you to engage with sense perceptions and the elements as your teachers, enabling you to see, hear, touch, taste, and smell reality anew. You will awaken your innate capacity to directly experience the basic goodness that is the essence of reality.

    Use the code TBREALITY10 to receive 10% off What is Real? The Basic Goodness of Reality.

    —

    No matter what aspect of meditation and spirituality you wish to explore, Shambhala Online offers courses that cater to your unique needs and interests. As you engage with these teachings, you’ll not only deepen your personal practice, but you’ll also contribute to the creation of a more compassionate, enlightened society.

    Shambhala Online also offers a regular calendar of live online courses with personal interaction, from monthly and quarterly mini-retreats to programs with revered teachers from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. To see their upcoming courses, view their course calendar.

    If you have any questions or requests, you can contact the Shambhala team at registrar@shambhalaonline.org.

  • One Missing Ingredient in My Recovery and Why I Relapsed

    One Missing Ingredient in My Recovery and Why I Relapsed

    “The Phoenix must burn to emerge.” ~Janet Fitch

    Many people were shocked when I relapsed after twenty-three years of recovery. After all, I was the model of doing it right. I did everything I was told: went to treatment, followed instructions, prayed for help, and completed the assignments.

    After returning home from treatment, I joined a recovery program and went to therapy. Once again, I followed all the suggestions, which worked when it came to staying sober. I had no desire to drink or do drugs—well, at least for a long while.

    When I went to treatment, I was an emotional wreck. I would have done anything to get rid of the pain. But substances only intensified the pain and prevented healing.

    The worse I felt, the more I needed to medicate those emotions, but it was only causing the ache in my heart to be prolonged, driving me to suicidal thoughts. The moment I stopped using substances, the pain immediately subsided. I’d gone from struggling to get out of bed to engaging in my life fully.

    But going to treatment was only the tip of the iceberg. There was something much deeper underneath my addiction that I wrongly thought a relationship could fix. There was an underlying malaise and sense of shame I couldn’t identify. I knew something was wrong, so I kept searching for answers but couldn’t find the magic formula.

    Without the solution, relapse was inevitable.

    Most recovery programs address a single addiction, but I had many. After two years of sobriety, I stopped smoking but then started compulsive exercising. I didn’t eat right, spent too much, was codependent with needy people, and went from one addictive relationship to the next, never healthy enough to attract someone who could problem solve with me.

    I didn’t realize I was still substituting addictions for love.

    I wanted to make up for my troubled childhood, and I thought getting married and having kids would fix the problem, but after several attempts, it only made me feel more inadequate. Worse, I was a therapist and felt like a hypocrite. It wasn’t like I didn’t work at getting better; self-help was like a part-time job

    I spent decades in different kinds of therapy, not only as a patient but expanding my education in other modalities. I attended dozens of workshops and seminars doing inner-child work. I fully immersed myself in over twenty years of therapy, including psychoanalysis. My toolbox was overflowing, but I still felt disconnected for some reason.

    I didn’t realize those tools weren’t teaching me how to love myself.

    My journey took me on a lifelong spiritual quest. I found a higher power in recovery. I attended various churches and did some mission work in Haiti. I went to Brazil to be healed by John of God (later convicted of multiple cases of sexual abuse), on to a spiritual quest in Peru, on a visit to the Holy Land in Israel, and to Fiji to find my destiny but still felt something was missing.

    I read every spirituality book I could get my hands on and studied A Course in Miracles, but I was still disconnected from myself and others.

    Discouraged, I began to drift further away from all sources of help. I resigned myself to being an unhealed healer.

    I didn’t realize that all the therapy and spirituality were simply another form of addiction for me.

    Relapse began when I got breast cancer and was prescribed opiates after surgery. I got a taste of that forgotten high and made sure I took all the pills, whether I needed them or not. I also forgot how mood-altering substances affected my judgment.

    Instead of facing my fears about being ill and moving forward with my life, I reconciled with my ex-husband. I had little to no regard for how this affected my children. Like a piece of dust suctioned into a vacuum, despite feeling uncomfortable, I allowed my thoughts to suck me back into unhealthy choices—all the while in therapy.

    The next seven years were dark. Another divorce was followed by my former husband’s death, though I was grateful to bring him to our home and care for him until he passed. Then, a fire turned our newly renovated home into a mass of black and burnt-out walls, forcing another relocation for myself and youngest. Soon after, one of my businesses suffered severe damage from another fire resulting in six months of work and restoration.

    Three devastating hurricanes over two years damaged our home and business. One caused the foyer ceiling to cave in, another landed a large tree on our roof, and the third made our yard look like it had been run through a giant blender. One of my businesses was twice flooded and everything had to be thrown away.

    Soon after, our home was ransacked and burglarized. The stress of managing repairs, insurance claims, child-rearing, and working full-time felt like I was repeatedly set on fire and drowned.

    I kept trying to get better but felt emotionally shredded from the struggle. Desperate for support, poor decisions kept me in a whirlwind of insanity—more bad relationships. I was tired of trying, sick of hurting, and anger brewed within me.

    I stopped therapy, recovery meetings, and my spiritual quest, and decided to throw it all away. I went on a rebellious rampage. I’d been married at age sixteen and had a child, and now I was entirely alone. I decided to return to my pre-recovery lifestyle and live it up.

    Looking back, I lived a dual life of selfishness and a thirty-year career of helping others. I was self-will run riot but couldn’t see myself. I’d lived a life of making things happen and simultaneously wondered why my higher power didn’t deliver everything I wanted.

    Spirituality is a tricky thing. It’s so easy to think that God or some higher power is in control, but I believe, with free will, it’s a collaborative effort. Do the footwork and wait… if only I’d waited; impatience was my Achilles heel.

    My party life added a new heap of problems: disappointed children, bad judgment, and wrecked relationships. It didn’t take long to wind up in the same place that took me to treatment twenty-three years earlier, an emotional bottom. But this time, I was ready for the miracle of change.

    I finally found the missing ingredient to a happy life.

    The night was pitch black as I drove around emotionally deranged from grief and substances. After a near accident, I pulled into a parking lot and sobbed uncontrollably. I railed, “Whatever you are out there, why did you abandon me? Why haven’t you helped me? Why don’t you love me?”

    Immediately, a thought shot through my brain like an arrow through a cloud. “It’s not me that doesn’t love you. You don’t love yourself.” And for the first time in my life, I realized two things: I didn’t love myself and didn’t know what loving myself even meant.

    How would I learn to love myself? It never occurred to me that I didn’t. But now, I was armed with the missing ingredient to my happiness, and I intended to figure it out.

    Psychoanalysts are taught the importance of an infant’s basic needs for nurturing and bonding, but I’d never applied any of those concepts to myself. There were some missing parts in my childhood, so I had to learn how to provide for my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs,  as well as get proper nutrition, rest, and activity, in addition to responsibilities, play time, creative and quiet time, gratitude and appreciation, and loss of tolerance for unkind behavior (to and from others), all of which places I started the journey to self-love.

    I let go of what I wanted and focused on doing the next right thing for myself and others. The results were miraculous; peace engulfed me for the first time. By being the love I’d always wanted, I felt loved.

    I was always a doer and thought that spirituality was like getting a degree. Follow the steps, and everything will be okay. Whether or not that’s true, there’s a lot more to staying sober than following a set of directions. It’s important to find a higher power, clean up our act, apologize to those we’ve hurt, and stop using, but that won’t keep us sober if we don’t know how to love ourselves. My higher power became love.

    Correct behavior and self-love are not the same. Loving oneself starts with giving thanks to the sunrise and the sunset, cuddling with your pillow and those you love, acknowledging a universal intelligence and trusting guidance from your conscience, discovering and loving your mission, and nourishing your body, mind, and soul.

    Feed your body with nontoxic food; feed your mind with positive, stimulating information; and feed your soul with nature, good friends, healthy partners, and a higher power (of your own understanding) that inspires and uplifts you.

    If you’ve struggled with staying sober, you probably haven’t learned to love yourself. It’s never too late to start. When I started loving myself like a small child, I lost all substitutes for that godly love, and I finally began to blossom and grow.

    It took decades of failure to discover the missing ingredient to staying sober. I had to learn that love isn’t something I get. Love is an action I give to myself and others.

    Through being the love that I want, I then receive love. There’s a difference between staying sober and recovering. For all like me, who failed to stay sober, learn how to love yourself and then you will recover from the lack of self-love at the root of this tragic disease.

    It’s not enough to just stay sober, and life without happiness makes no sense. You were meant to have a life of love and joy. If you’ve tried everything and something’s still missing, try learning how to love.

  • How I Found Forgiveness and Compassion When I Felt Hurt and Betrayed

    How I Found Forgiveness and Compassion When I Felt Hurt and Betrayed

    “I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.” ~Haruki Murakami

    I’ve always felt like someone on the outside. Despite having these feelings I’ve been relatively successful at playing the game of life, and have survived through school, university, and the workplace—although, at times, working so hard to ’survive’ has impacted my emotional well-being.

    I have been lucky enough to have healthy and supportive relationships with a few loved ones who have accepted me as I am (quirks and all). To anyone else I’ve come across, I suspect I’ve been perceived as inexplicably normal and inoffensive.

    Like many of us who have suffered with our mental health, I’ve always been curious to learn more about who I am beyond the surface level experiences of life. Spirituality is a big umbrella, and in my quest for truth I explored various modalities. I eventually found a home within a small yoga community.

    I find many of us seekers feel deeply and have a tendency to overcomplicate things that just are. In my mind this style of yoga worked; quite simply, I followed the practices and life felt a little bit easier, I felt more acceptable as I was, and I believe it made me a better human being to people around me.

    The deeper I went into the practice, the more I began to observe its pitfalls. As is common in many spiritual lineages, it’s quite often not the methods and the teachings that are fallible, but how humans interpret and relate to them.

    In my particular lineage, the leader was found to have physically and sexually assaulted students over a period spanning decades. Those who were brave enough to come forward were silenced, and it took many years before the evidence became so undeniable that the community (by and large) finally acknowledged the truth.

    The revelation and realization that the leader was fallible caused significant pain to many during this time, and is sadly an experience not unique in spiritual sanghas.

    At this time some conversations were had regarding the student-teacher dynamic, and the propensity for abuse in our lineage, but no cohesive and collective safeguards were established or defined. Small fringe communities developed during this time in an apparent greater commitment to change; however, it was by no means the status quo.

    The leader, at this point, had left his body, and it appeared as if many felt it was this man alone who was the problem, and therefore the problem was no more.

    I loved the practice, and I felt my knowledge of the history of the lineage equipped me with an awareness of the propensity for harmful power dynamics to occur. I was fortunate in the early years of my journey to have teachers whose only objective appeared to be to support students by sharing what they knew.

    For the first time ever, I didn’t feel like I was an outsider—I felt acceptable as I was. Sadly, however, due to a teacher relocating, I joined a new community with a new teacher, and this is where my story of pain begins.

    My new teacher must have been suffering. The specifics around my experience are not relevant for this article, but I understand now I was bullied, belittled, and manipulated. Maybe it was a misunderstanding? Maybe I asked too many questions? Maybe I was too direct? Maybe I wasn’t obsequious enough? I went over and over in my head to try to understand, why me?

    I still loved the practice and wanted to be welcomed like everyone else. Throughout my experience I remained respectful to the teacher, but it was a confusing time. Eventually, I can only assume, the teacher got bored with playing with me and played her final card, banning and ostracizing me from the group. I was also labelled to the community as abusive and an aggressor.

    And, oh boy, did that bring up a cycle of emotions. Written down on paper like this they are just words, but I can promise you they felt intense and consuming and relentless. I felt…

    -Humiliation: I have been misrepresented. I can’t show my face ever again. People don’t believe me that I did nothing wrong.
    -Shame: Why am I the person who has been ostracized? There really must be something really wrong with me.
    -Rage: How dare someone cause me this much hurt? How dare they claim to be a spiritual leader?
    -Resentment: No one else in the community has stood up for me; none of them can be good people to let this happen.
    -Grief: I have lost a practice I really loved. My heart is broken.
    -Depression: My path gave me purpose, now what?

    Subsequently, my life unraveled, and I can honestly say the period following was the darkest of my life. Family, friends, and my therapist allowed me space to explore and accept my pain.

    We all experience the world through our own lens, and I appreciate I may have personal defects that clouded my experience of the situation. However, I do see now that I was wronged. No teacher will perfectly match my personal disposition, and that’s okay. However, they should offer a safe and inclusive space for spiritual discovery. I wasn’t given that, and that wasn’t good enough. 

    So many times, well-being supporters would tell me, “You need to move on, forgive, forget, find another yoga space.” I understood but I didn’t know how to go about that.

    At the time, a good friend was going through recovery from alcoholism and working the twelve steps. She told me that she was praying every day for people who had harmed her.

    “How can you do that?” I remember asking her. “I couldn’t wish well for those who have harmed me.” My friend told me that, to begin with, she didn’t believe what she was saying, but that over time she began to feel compassion and forgiveness toward those people.

    So that’s what I did. I made a commitment to myself to start practicing daily forgiveness meditations.

    To begin with, I worked on forgiving the teacher. I learned more about this teacher’s past and learned about a significant life event that I believe may have caused great pain. We all have shadow sides, and I spent time reflecting on the occasions where I may have hurt people to project my own suffering. With time, I was able to see and accept that her actions towards me came from a place of hurt.

    I also spent time reflecting on the positive things the teacher gave me. I acknowledged how she’d held virtual space for our community through covid lockdowns, which undoubtedly helped many of us during those isolating times. I appreciated how she had introduced me to several authors whose words I continue to find great richness in, and whose books I have since recommended to others. The teacher also helped me to advance my physical asana practice, through encouraging me to find possibility in movement which felt impossible.

    It didn’t happen overnight, but I was gradually able to find space in my heart for compassion toward this teacher. However, I wasn’t fully healed.

    I began to understand that there lay deeper hurt and anger directed at other community members, some of whom were aware of this abuse and either denied it or chose to do nothing, believing it had nothing to do with them.

    It was through those interactions that I began to understand the pain of victim denial and gaslighting. I felt angered by the lack of collective action by the community to hold harmful teachers accountable, and to enforce better safeguards to ensure greater student safety. I knew there were others who, like me, had been hurt, and that broke my heart.

    So that’s what my current practice is focused on—healing and forgiving institutional betrayal.

    I am lucky to have joined a new community that feels much kinder. It has taken time, but I am now able to separate my feelings toward yoga from the hurt I felt from individuals in the yoga community.

    I recognize now that many of those who silenced me when I tried to speak up about my teacher were just ignorant; they weren’t cruel. There is still pain, but with time I can see how this experience is a gift; it has taught me how to find forgiveness and reminded me of the importance of compassion toward all beings.

  • How Yoga Helped Heal My Anxiety and Quiet My Overactive Mind

    How Yoga Helped Heal My Anxiety and Quiet My Overactive Mind

    “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are” ~Carl Jung

    Yoga is often celebrated for its physical benefits: greater flexibility, increased strength, improved circulation, and so on. But nothing could have prepared me for the transformational effect that yoga has had on my mental health and well-being.

    I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was fourteen, and I have struggled with both for most of my life. My mind was my worst enemy, constantly worrying and criticizing to the point where it became hard to do anything. Even the things I really wanted to do became too overwhelming.

    I knew about the positive impact of exercise and healthy living on mental health, and I had dabbled in yoga classes at the gym for years in an attempt to drag myself out of this hole I was in.

    I did notice some small changes in my mood and energy levels. I couldn’t explain it, but I would always feel a certain buzz after a great yoga class.

    So, in 2022, I decided to take this yoga thing seriously. I began practicing daily and even studied for a yoga teacher training qualification.

    Since then, I have noticed significant changes in not only my physical body and well-being but in my mental health too. Most notably, my anxiety levels have significantly decreased. Of course, I still have moments of anxiety, but I feel better equipped to cope with them and less likely to allow them to pull me into a downward spiral.

    Disclaimer: This is not medical health advice; it is simply my own experience. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek a medical health professional.

    How Yoga Can Help with Anxiety

    Yoga helps you recognize your emotions and triggers.

    The first thing to know about yoga is that it is not a series of complicated poses used to make you look a certain way or increase your flexibility.

    Instead, it is an inner practice where we unite our body, mind, and spirit and become one with the universal life force energy that sustains all of life.

    Meditation and breathwork are just as important parts of yoga as the poses (known as asana).

    With this knowledge, yoga has the power to transform your mental state from a place of stress and anxiety to complete peace with yourself and the world around you.

    It allows you to notice how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking without judging yourself. It allows you to understand your body, how it works, and what messages it’s trying to communicate to you about your health and your needs.

    By learning to recognize when I felt anxious and why, yoga provided a safe space to release those triggers and emotions that I would ordinarily suppress.

    Yoga regulates your nervous system.

    When we experience high levels of anxiety, we are constantly living in fight-or-flight mode. The fight-or-flight response is designed to switch on in moments of danger and stress to protect you and then return to homeostasis once the threat has gone.

    However, in this day and age, many people are experiencing an overactive fight-or-flight response due to an increasingly stressful lifestyle. And many live in a constant state of hypervigilance as a result of trauma or abuse.

    Living in fight-or-flight mode takes up an enormous amount of energy, and our bodies cannot keep up with the demands long term. Over time, the body and mind begin to shut down and we get illness and disease as a result.

    This is what happened to me. My body could not cope with the pressure I was putting it under daily, so my mental health suffered.

    Practicing yoga allows you to calm your nervous system and creates a space where the mind and body feel safe to exit fight-or-flight mode and actually relax.

    One way to do this is through practicing breathwork, also known as pranayama.

    Yogic philosophy believes that the breath is how we can harness our energy and the energy of the universe. We can alter our emotions, energy levels, and even physiological responses, such as the fight-or-flight response, with just the breath.

    When I notice I am starting to feel anxious, I breathe deeply into my stomach for the count of four, hold it for four, and then slowly exhale for the count of four, also known as belly breathing.

    While this may sound trivial, it really helps me to feel calm in moments of stress and anxiety.

    Breathing slowly and deeply activates our parasympathetic nervous system. This sends signals to the brain that there is no danger here and the fight-or-flight response does not need to be activated.

    Yoga teaches you new coping mechanisms.

    Yoga taught me different techniques to cope with my anxiety and panic attacks.

    Firstly, yoga teaches that you are not your mind. You are not your thoughts, your beliefs, or even your body.

    When we study the five koshas (layers of the self) we can see our physical being is just a vehicle to navigate this world in; it is not who we are as a whole. For example, the koshas teach us that our essence cannot be entirely in our physical body because physical bodies are subject to change, yet who we are remains.

    This mindset applies to our thoughts too. Once I started acknowledging that my thoughts did not always come from me, they began to hold less weight. Most of our thoughts are just ‘re-runs’ of things we are told as a child or things we repeatedly hear from society that get internalized. They are not necessarily representative of who we truly are.

    This knowledge allowed me to distance myself from my anxious thoughts instead of letting them consume me.

    Secondly, through pranayama and meditation, both essential aspects of yoga, I learned to recognize how I was feeling and allow those feelings to exist within me, without trying to change them or distract myself from them.

    When we don’t allow our emotions space to be there, we are instead rejecting that aspect of ourselves. We push these feelings deeper and deeper down as a way to avoid dealing with them, without realizing we are actually ingraining them deeper into our psyche.

    By giving our emotions space to be felt, we can release them from our mind and body so we don’t have to carry them with us through our life.

    Yoga helps you be more present.

    To practice yoga, you need to be focused and in the present moment. To hold balance poses like tree pose or to get into the correct alignment of warrior 1, you need to be paying attention to what is happening around you right now.

    If your mind drifts while you’re holding a balance pose, you can bet your body will lose all balance too.

    Yoga forces you to be in the present moment, to be fully engaged in what you are doing, and doesn’t allow room to think about anything else.

    For me, this is exactly what I needed to get out of my anxiety-ridden head. One of my main struggles with anxiety was that I could not stop myself from thinking. The incessant noise of my own mind was exhausting to live with.

    However, when I am in a yoga flow, the noise stops. The mind chatter about future scenarios that will probably never happen is no longer there, as I am using all my focus to get into the proper alignment of the pose.

    The more you practice focusing, the easier it is to apply this in your daily life. I can now notice when my mind is overactive and instead re-direct it to the task at hand. By giving our full attention to the thing we are doing, we can quieten that anxious voice within and begin to enjoy the present moment.

    —

    Yoga has so many incredible benefits physically, mentally, and spiritually. Since sticking to a consistent yoga practice, I have noticed my anxiety decrease dramatically and I am able to live a full and happy life without my mind controlling me.

  • How I Stopped Feeling Sorry for Myself and Shifted from Victim to Survivor

    How I Stopped Feeling Sorry for Myself and Shifted from Victim to Survivor

    “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.” ~Brené Brown

    There was a time when I felt really sorry for myself. I had good reason to be. My life had been grim. There had been so much tragedy in my life from a young age. I had lost all my grandparents young, lived in a home with alcoholism and domestic abuse, and to top it all off, my dad killed himself.

    I could write you a long list of how life did me wrong. I threw myself a pity party daily in my thirties, with a load of food and wine. The story I was telling myself was that all this bad stuff had happened and I was unlucky in life and love. I told myself my life was doomed.

    I believed if there was a God, he must have hated me because everybody around me had a perfect-looking life compared to me.

    I felt like I was the only person who felt like this and couldn’t see any goodness in my life. I kept telling myself I was destined to be lonely and unfulfilled in my work life because I was just not good enough.

    I took care of others in my family to give myself purpose, but inside I loathed it. It made me bitter and resentful. I didn’t do these things because I wanted to. I did them because I felt like I had to.

    I thought this was who I was meant to be—the side act in everyone else’s story.

    My peers were moving on with their lives, getting married, having babies, and buying houses. I was stuck in my pity party, in the sadness of the past, unable to move on. I felt like I did as a child—powerless, out of control of my life, and sad.

    For as long as I could remember I felt anxiety and sadness. I would distract myself from these uncomfortable feelings with other people, TV, busyness, food, and later in life, alcohol.

    I was a victim in childhood and then I continued to live as a victim into my thirties, blaming everyone else and God for my poor start in life. I blamed myself as well. If only I was enough, then my life would better.

    There came a time when I couldn’t carry on the way I had been and had to take responsibility for my own life. My own story. It was time to get out of my own way. I was hitting rock bottom, and the time had come to either fight for my own happiness or follow the road my dad had taken.

    My life felt pointless, but I finally listened to a voice within me that told me there was a way forward and got out of my own way.

    This was the start of my spiritual and healing journey.

    It all started with a simple internet search on how to feel better—mind, body, and soul.

    Amongst the tips I found was the suggestion to practice daily gratitude. I started by writing down everything I had in that moment.

    For a long time, I focused on all I didn’t have rather than what I did. But I had so much—great friendships, travel, love, a well-paid job, a nice home, and so much more. I ignored all the good stuff and it robbed me of what I did have. The present moment. But now my eyes were opening to all the light in my life.

    I began to see and appreciate sunsets and sunrises. I looked for the good everywhere. Even in the darkness. I was searching for the light in every day. The more I looked the more I found.

    I practiced gratitude when I found new information and practices. Podcasts, books, teachers, healers, therapy, and so much more. The more I said thank you, the more good things I found.

    The story I was telling myself was changing.

    Then I added meditation and mindfulness to my daily routine and began hearing my intuition more.

    Before all I could hear was my fear, but this inner whisper was getting louder. Ideas would pop into my head like “I just don’t love myself,” and then I would see a quote from Louise Hay that resonated on social media. One led me to her book You Can Heal Your Life. I implemented the strategies in her book and then more tiny steps occurred to me in the quiet.

    I said thank you every single time. I felt more supported by myself and the universe and less like a victim in my story.

    The better I felt on the inside, the more opportunities I noticed.  I saw a job I liked advertised and rather than letting fear stop me, I listened to my intuition, which guided me “to just try.”

    In the past I would have ignored it and thought “I wish.” This time I just went for it. Just like that I left a toxic work environment for a job more aligned with my values, offering more money.

    I attracted better relationships and in time found love. After searching for more ways to feel good on the inside and change the way I saw my life and my world, I incorporated daily affirmations and walks in nature.

    My reality kept changing as I changed within.  

    Have you ever noticed how your body feels when you say, “My life is crap”? Your body contracts and you can almost feel the fear rising. But when you tell yourself, “There’s a lot of good in my life,” your body almost expands, and you can breathe.

    Our words have a profound impact on us. Changing that narrative we tell ourselves changes everything.

    The new information that I discovered through my personal quest helped me to understand my past. I found people like Gabor Maté who explained concepts such as intergenerational trauma and addiction. This information helped me change the story I told myself around my childhood. It helped me understand my trauma.

    I remember knowing from my intuition that my relationship with my dad needed my attention. Then I saw an advertisement for a new book, Father Therapy, by Doreen Virtue, which led me to inner child work. This helped me heal my younger self.

    As I continued my quest to heal and feel better, I found new healing modalities like breathwork, EFT (emotional freedom tapping technique), and eye movement techniques.

    I said thank you again and again and again.

    All those years I spent as a victim to my story kept me stuck and unable to move forward. But now I was ready to change and expressing gratitude for the process. More was always finding its way to me. I now had so many tools that I never knew existed in the depths of my pity party.

    It was not easy. I cried. Fear took over some days and I couldn’t access my intuition. But I would just start my quest again the next day, journaling to connect with myself and see what had happened the day before. What my feelings were and what I needed.

    I showed myself love and compassion for my bad days and celebrated the good ones. No longer was I a victim of childhood abuse but a powerful survivor.

    Yes, bad things happened to me. But they are not who I am; they are just part of my story. That story is what led me here, to this place where I’m now writing to you. I hope to inspire you and show you that it is possible to change your story, whatever it is; that there is so much guidance and support available to you when you are ready to find it. You really will see it everywhere when you start paying attention.

    You too will see you also have an inner voice guiding you and access to everything you need to heal. When you start recognizing all the tools available to you, you’ll feel less alone and supported on your journey.

    I no longer feel bitter about my experiences in my childhood, but proud. They made me who I am and have allowed me to help many others on their journey to heal from their past.

    I have found forgiveness, love, and compassion for the people that hurt me, like my dad, which helps me feel happier. I didn’t have to forgive him. He did awful things, but I understand now they came from his trauma. This has given me great inner peace.

    It takes courage and time to transform on the inside and become a trauma cycle breaker in your family. This means that your children will have a different experience. How amazing is that? What a great gift to give them.

    The information, tips, guidance, and light are waiting for you to discover them. You just need to take the first step and decide to become the hero of your story and find your own heart’s happiness.

  • How I Overcame My Psychic Addiction and Stopped Giving My Power Away

    How I Overcame My Psychic Addiction and Stopped Giving My Power Away

    “If you’re looking for a sign from the universe, and you don’t see one, consider it a sign that what you really need is to look inside yourself.” ~Lori Deschene

    I used to have no idea what I should do. About anything. I would go from friend to friend running polls:

    Should I be a solo singer or in a group?

    Is this guy the one?

    Should I do this job or that job?

    Should I stay in LA or move to Vancouver?

    Should I get bangs?

    On and on it went. It wasn’t that I wanted validation. It was that I had no clue what I should do. Or, if I did know, I would quickly override it with endless doubt. I’d loop:

    “Maybe that isn’t the right decision. What if you’re wrong. Maybe it’s better if you do this.”

    It didn’t stop, and I couldn’t get it right. If only someone would just help a girl out. Surely, they’d know what’s best for me.

    There was a period of time (okay, years) when I had a serious psychic addiction. I would go from tarot reader to intuitive to tea reader to whatever else held the key to my life and purpose. Numerology, astrology, palm reader, random aliens, or angels—you name it, I doled out cash for it. It was my favorite hobby.

    Years back, I went through a breakup, and I had very important questions like, “When is he coming back?”

    I made some serious rounds through the LA tarot circuit. I found one reader that I bonded with at the now-closed Bodhi Tree (still grieving the loss…way longer than that ex). I liked her a lot, and because her readings gave me the kernel of hope I needed, she was the one, and I was hooked. It was like her cards magically tapped into my ex! In the first reading. She said, “Looks like you will be seeing him very soon.”

    Then I saw him on Melrose.

    What?

    Ding, ding, ding. She was the direct line, and I needed more. She just did it so well, tuning into my future.

    Every time I saw her, I knew I would get exactly what I needed. A hit, a bump—I could relax, knowing all was well with my existence. My future was all figured out. The love would return, fame was destined, and money would soon pour in. So I started going more and more. She only worked a few times a week, but I often made sure my name was on that appointment list.

    Then one day, it happened. It was the wake-up call that I needed but hadn’t prepared for.

    I got to the Bodhi Tree before her shift (I knew her schedule, of course), and since they weren’t yet open, I hung out on the sidewalk waiting. I needed to get to her first.

    My heart sped up with excitement when I saw her gliding down the sidewalk. The Tarot Queen, the one who held my future in her hands, walked toward me, obviously flanked with fairies and magic dust.

    Though we were the only two people on the sidewalk, she took a few moments to see me. I smiled, waved with enthusiasm, and walked toward her.

    Her gaze met mine, and we locked eyes. And for just a quick moment, she held my gaze. And then it happened. Her face kind of contorted, and she jumped back a bit. She was surprised or worse, scared when she saw me.

    She was scared to see me.

    Not the “OMG, I didn’t see you, and you startled me” kind but an “Oh no, this person is stalking me” look. She had panicked eyes. She was one thousand percent making a judgment call, and it was that I had gone way too far with the readings, and she was worried, perhaps for herself.

    She had become my drug, and I had come for my fix—she was doling out oracles for a reality that did not currently exist. The future. She played it off that day (oh yes, I got my reading), but it was a sight I couldn’t unsee.

    You know when someone you’re paying rejects you that something is off. It’s like those stories about drug dealers cutting their clients off in the hopes they go to rehab. You almost can’t believe it and assume it’s a myth until you get a first-hand account of one of these unicorn scenarios.

    Of course, an addiction to the need to know isn’t going to land me a DUI, but it wasn’t leading me to self-confidence and rock-solid intuition. Besides, wake-up calls come in all different “hello, notice me” alerts.

    Sometimes you just need a giant slap in the face with a deck of goddess cards to get you back on track.

    Now just to be fully transparent, that was not the end of my psychic run. It was the end of my time with her because I hate to look bad, but it didn’t stop me from getting advice from wherever I could. However, it did make an impression.

    And just to further drive the transparency home, when I was over that guy, there was another. And another that I sought advice for “out there,” whether it was with a Love Tarot deck or a friend that I thought somehow knew something I didn’t. Here’s what I didn’t know…

    No one outside of yourself knows what your answers are.

    No one.

    Not a one.

    Things just take the time they need to take, and we need to learn what we’re meant to learn. It’s the healing and completion that matter, not the time required.

    My overthinking, obsessive mind and love of all things spiritual led me to an amazing teacher that helped me shift to my inner knowing instead of needing constant outside approval.

    She was strongly opposed to psychics. She had spent many years as one but quit when she had the realization that people stopped living when they were told something about their potential future.

    If someone hears “Your soulmate is a blond man with an accent,” they then cease giving anyone else the time of day and might miss an amazing dark-haired guy in the process. That blond could be coming, but he may not. Psychics are sometimes accurate, but they are not perfect. No one is.

    Aren’t we all just swinging in the dark?

    And things change. A clairvoyant might have seen a glimmer of something that you might quickly grow out of or change course from. Nothing is permanent, and we can change our current path in a moment.

    My spiritual teacher used the term “corner store drug dealers” when describing psychics. They provide an easy-to-find, quick fix of the most addictive and popular drug (the who, what, where, when, and why) that comes in the form of your juicy future. One hit at a time.

    After many busy years in that business, she didn’t want to co-sign it anymore. So she walked away because it removed people from their present moment. She wanted to encourage people to tap into their own intuition—something she believed only came from life experience in the “now.” She rarely ever told me something I couldn’t feel for myself, and she did her best to guide me toward my true instinct.

    It was a gift I could never repay. Something I could never have gotten from a reading.

    Does this mean I’m psychic-free? No, I’m not, but I get them for entertainment now. I like to get a reading on my birthday most years. I got one in New Orleans (isn’t that rite of passage?), and I’ll never turn down a tarot party. I’ll get one, but I don’t shift my life to fit the prediction.

    Readings are also helpful when used as a real-life pendulum. Like, “Did I like what she just said? Do I want it to be true”? Great, then move in that direction regardless of any outcome. It’s just a clue to what feels right and good.

    However, despite all this “look at how I’ve changed” wisdom, I recently fell prey to my old ways. This past August I went to a sought-after channeler to celebrate my birthday. As much as I wanted to just toss her expensive words into the fun psychic basket with the rest, I found myself in that all too familiar feeling of my past.

    Maybe it was because it was hard to score an appointment, or because she has a high accuracy rate, or perhaps because I was feeling directionless in general. Regardless of why, when she told me that Nashville was where I’d be by Christmas, I just couldn’t shake her prediction.

    Here’s the catch, my husband didn’t want to go, and he wasn’t budging. But, but, but…I needed to get there. After months of Zillow shopping and spinning out of any intuition I had left, I came up with a genius idea.

    Go back for another reading. Say nothing and see if she still sees Nashville. She was, after all, in a trance, so she would never remember. When a spot opened on her waiting list, I jumped at the chance.

    Drumroll. This session did not include Nashville in the near future.

    I was so relieved. Not because I will or will not eventually live in Nashville. Or Milan or London or anywhere else in the world. But because the choice was mine again. It always was, but I had given my power away to someone else. She’s a lovely person too, by the way—this was all on me. We create our own destiny. We create our futures. No one else.

    Only we truly know our own answers. And we can change our minds whenever we want.

    Even my psychic relapse bestowed a gift. I am even clearer about what feels right for me now. I just needed a reminder that I am the only one making decisions for my life. So any future readings will be a fun check-point for my intuition. And believe me, I’d be thrilled if something came true, but no prediction ever has…

    Well, I did see that ex on Melrose that one time. But other than that, nothing. Not a thing.

  • Mindfulness, Creativity, and Nature: A Healing Trifecta for Lasting Peace

    Mindfulness, Creativity, and Nature: A Healing Trifecta for Lasting Peace

    “It is the marriage of the soul with nature that gives birth to imagination.” ~Henry David Thoreau

    Before my accident, before we had kids, after we divorced, after my father died from Covid, before the pandemic…

    We tend to divide our lives into the before and afters that define our world, whether personally or on a grand scale. These divisions offer context, providing a kind of roadmap that supports us in reflecting on the beauty and darkness, the decisions we made, and who we might be if certain things had never occurred.

    I have always believed that the only reason to look back is to learn. Still, I can’t help but wonder: What if, when my marriage ended, I already had mindfulness skills in place? What if I had known the infinite ways nature could soothe my soul? Would my life have been different if I had consciously known that creativity was the safest place to process my emotions?

    Perhaps I would not have been paralyzed in grief and sorrow. Maybe my children would have been spared a terrible custody battle. I suppose there is a chance I would not have gone bankrupt. I wonder if I would have ever gotten divorced at all.

    Here’s the biggest question: Would I change any of it now?

    Not a chance.

    As difficult as it all was, I learned that every tool I needed to survive and thrive was right in front of me, and always will be.

    My journey led me to a path of sharing what I am most passionate about: helping others find their way, through what I called a “spiritual toolbox”—a personal supply of healthy actions and practices to choose from or combine when things become difficult.

    Your spiritual toolbox can hold things like creativity and gratitude practices, exercise, meditation, time in nature, and journaling; a hug, the love of a pet, a hot bath, and even an occasional glass of wine. It’s wonderful to open in the moment, and it’s even better to use as preventative medicine (the toolbox, not the wine).

    My “aha” spiritual-toolbox moment came when I accidently discovered the transformative power of combining three tools specifically, as a trifecta. These were: creativity, meditation, and time in nature. 

    This trifecta insight divided my life into two parts: asleep and awakened.

    The first part is quite literal: at age nineteen, I fell asleep while driving and didn’t walk for nearly a year afterward. My accident was the synopsis and ending of a carefree childhood and adolescence, where I suffered no hardship that would have “awakened” me to anything beyond plans for the next evening.

    However, while I physically woke up pinned under the tire of my car, I also woke up spiritually: I was alive, and my two best friends who were with me, were uninjured. I was officially “awake” on infinite levels, primarily to the deepest sense of gratitude. And, while I metaphorically “went to sleep” later in other areas of my life, the trifecta was always there to support my awakenings.

    From the time I could crawl, my preference was to do it outside. My imagination was my best friend, and my mother could more easily find me digging mud from the creek behind our house rather than playing next door. I made togas from my curtains, spoke in my own language, and told everyone I was “Elizabeth from another land.”

    Obviously, I had no way of knowing about the robust and ever-growing body of research indicating that artmaking and creativity have been shown to increase positive emotions, decrease depression and anxiety, reduce stress, and even boost the immune system. That art therapy could boost the memory of Alzheimer’s patients, or reduce the side-effects of chemotherapy.

    I didn’t know that indulging creatively literally creates a “cascade of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine, the brain chemicals that affect our well-being,” increasing feelings of joy and contentment.

    I hadn’t yet wrapped my head around the fact that everyone is creative, and the benefits have nothing to do with artistic skill. I simply knew that I was happiest when I was being creative, and that artmaking could pull me out of almost any funk.

    I was intuitively awakened to creativity.

    Then, at age forty, my marriage collapsed. I collapsed with it, down a slippery and medicated slope, into what was later diagnosed as “brief psychosis disorder.” I struggled with insomnia, bankruptcy, a custody battle, losing my home, and losing my business, all at once. 

    And, while I am a believer in whatever prescribed medications are necessary and helpful, mine were not properly prescribed, so my body and mind simply gave up.

    Thankfully, I had recently awakened to meditation.

    You can quote me that meditation and mindfulness are the most powerful tools you will ever discover on your path to well-being, in every single aspect of your life. The research on this topic goes back thousands of years.

    But here’s where it gets interesting: The brain responds to meditation and mindfulness in a similar way to how it responds to creativity—in both cases, external stimuli is blocked out, and the front of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, quiets down. The pre-frontal cortex, AKA the “gatekeeper,” is like a control center, and is very much involved in emotional regulation, decision making, planning and attention, and self-monitoring.

    In other words, dialing back the “gatekeeper” can free us up from planning, worry, projecting, and ruminating. Who wouldn’t feel happier as a result? 

    Armed with the foundations for my spiritual toolbox, I soldiered on, raising two boys on my own, supporting myself in various marketing and PR endeavors, discovering my inner advocate through non-profit work, writing two books, and facilitating creativity retreats. My love for the outdoors had evolved, and my first choice of exercise was hiking.

    I did not know that studies had linked time outside to reduced anxiety and depression, or even that nature inspired creativity. I had no context for nature therapy, where nature is literally characterized as a therapeutic environment.

    I hadn’t read the Time Magazine research about how spending time in nature can lower levels of cortisol, improve heart health, promote cancer-fighting cells, help with depression and anxiety, inspire awe, and increase overall well-being. All I knew was that for me, outside was better than inside.

    I had awakened to the healing powers of nature.

    I began meditating outside, tuning into the natural world. I practiced walking meditation and was awestruck by the beauty and felt sense of connectedness. I was present in a way I had never experienced.

    Before long, I began gathering materials from nature and making art with them. I realized that I was more at peace than I had ever been—and there was a definite “carry-over” of calm, peace, and joy into my overall functioning. 

    I can’t recall if I was on top of a rock in Nevada or in a California canyon, but then came the moment: It was the trifecta of nature, creativity, and mindfulness that was changing my life. When I used these tools together, my depression lifted and my fears dissolved. For the first time in a long time, I experienced hope.

    Slowly but surely, my spirit began to heal. I had a safe, accessible, and powerful way to safely process my experience, build resilience, and move forward, joyfully.

    Since that time, I have awakened to many other tools that go inside my spiritual toolbox. For now, as an emerging art therapist, meditation junkie, and nature lover, it is my honor to awaken you to simple practices that support you in the most powerful trifecta I know.

    Creating Peace on Earth

    The peace sign is a powerful symbol that is universally recognized. It connects us, consciously and unconsciously, in something positive. It’s also simple to make, right outside, on the earth, implementing the spiritual toolbox trifecta of creativity, mindfulness, and nature. Here’s how:

    Head outside alone or with a friend or loved one. Kids will also enjoy this practice!

    Breathe deeply and move more slowly than you normally would, taking in the sights, sounds, and sensations of nature. Pause and let this experience sink in.

    Let objects in nature call you: Begin gathering stones, branches, leaves, or wildflowers. Observe how each object looks, feels, and smells as you touch it with your hands. If you are with someone, share your observations with them.

    Find the right spot and create your peace symbol. This could be in your own yard or in a public place, like a park or beach, where other people can see and enjoy it.

    Have fun, indulge, and witness. No one is looking! Sink into your experiences and senses for this brief time. Take a few long, deep breaths, feeling and smelling the earth.

    Reflect on the peace symbol. What does it mean to you? What memories or sensations arise in your body as you reflect on this powerful symbol?

    Set an intention to bring forward any feelings of peace and wellness that you have experienced in this practice.

    Be patient and honor your journey. Wellness and healing are lifelong endeavors. Stepping into intentional self-care is an act of compassion, for yourself and the world.

    Be grateful. By creating “peace on earth,” you are implementing the healing trifecta while sharing a powerful message that others might see and experience on their own nature walk. You are also awakening to peace, within yourself.

  • 9 New Spirituality & Wellness Books You Won’t Want to Miss

    9 New Spirituality & Wellness Books You Won’t Want to Miss

    Hi friends! I’m sure many of you are already familiar with Sounds True. They offer books and programs to help us all live more genuine, loving, meaningful lives.

    Through the years I’ve found some fantastic resources for personal growth and healing through their site, so I was happy to oblige when they asked me to introduce you all to nine new Sounds True authors in the spirituality and wellness space.

    Justin Michael Williams, Sah D’Simone, Faith Hunter, and LaRayia Gaston bring meditation, music, dancing, and yoga to a broad audience, with a shared mission to reach underserved BIPOC and LGBTIQIA+ communities.

    Ashley River Brant, Briana Saussy, and Becca Piastrelli invite us to integrate the sacred arts, earth wisdom, and ancestral medicine into everyday life.

    Light Watkins and Sarah Blondin offer unique and engaging ways to integrate mindfulness into our spiritual practice.

    Enjoy these short excerpts from nine books that will uplift and inspire!

    —

    Always remember: even small gestures can have big impacts.

    When you see someone who looks like she’s having a bad day, you can give her a smile or a kind word. When you see someone being mistreated or bullied, you can step in and redirect the conversation. When you see someone being ignored, you can acknowledge him and help him feel seen. When you see someone who could use a little help, you can offer your hand.

    These are micro-gestures: simple, easy things that anyone can do. All you need is to be mindful of the people around you and set an intention to make a positive impact when and where you can. In many cases, you’ll see the difference you’ve made immediately. You’ll be able to tell by the look on someone’s face or the words of thanks they offer in return.

    But even when that doesn’t happen, it’s important to keep in mind that the effort is worth it. It’s worth it for other people’s sake and it’s worth it for your own. You will always be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, “At least I tried.” Besides, we don’t always know in the moment the impact we’re having on people when we choose to give a f❤ck about them.

    Excerpted from LOVE WITHOUT REASON: The Lost Art of Giving a F*ck, by LaRayia Gaston. Sounds True, March 2021. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    We practice rituals in our everyday life without even knowing that we’re doing so. Shaking a hand or hugging in greeting, sitting down for dinner with loved ones, washing our hands, taking our dogs for walks, making coffee in the morning, and even saying good night to a family member each night. But the loss of the Sacred and disconnect from our hearts has turned ritual into a mindless routine.

    Making our coffee in the morning turns into a moment to worry about all our daily to dos. Weddings—a sacred rite and celebration of loving union between two beings—become stressful events. Meals become grab-and-gos from one place to the next, or are eaten while multitasking or on our phones.

    In contrast, mindful ritual offers the structure we crave in a sacred and healing way that allows inner security, stability, and peace to flow effortlessly in grace as the world turns and life changes before our eyes with each passing season.

    It’s important to remember that our bodies are not machines designed to move throughout our lives in a linear way. We are multidimensional, organic energy here to empower ourselves to cocreate with the universe and embody the love that we all are.

    With noisy and often chaotic modern lives filled with stressors that take us away from this essence of truth, rituals can remind us of the trust and sacred agreement between ourselves, the Earth, and Spirit.

    You can think of ritual as spiritual nourishment for the soul. Ritual helps us find inner harmony and perspective, it connects us back to what is true, and it brings us to a sacred space of peace within, beyond the stresses and worries of everyday reality. It enriches our lives, fosters our own inner healer and authority, and ignites an ancient fire within: a spiritual fire that has always been there, carried forward generation after generation and lifetime after lifetime as a desire to connect to something greater—something sacred.

    Excerpted from TENDING TO THE SACRED: Rituals to Connect with Earth, Spirit, and Self, by Ashley River Brant. Sounds True, June 2021. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    Children raised in recognition of their goodness grow into good adults. I have been blessed to meet them from every conceivable walk of life, of every skin color and culture. I stand strong in the knowledge that we who recognize and foster the good in ourselves and others far outnumber the unkind, the cruel, and the heartless.

    What can we do to nurture and call out that goodness in our children? There are so many ways, but among them I see a theme, a red lifeline leading out of the labyrinth: to see our children, to really see them, not as we would have them be nor expect nor desire them to be, but as they, in and of themselves, are. To see their natures, likes, dislikes, passions, and preferences and to know that between the hair-pulling and tattle-telling and driving us to drop into bed dead with exhaustion at the end of the day, they will grow and change and reveal marvel after marvel.

    This is why I love looking to the birth chart, that one-of-a-kind heavenly star map, when I seek to understand and better relate to a child. The stars and Planets and the stories they tell are each unique. They are decidedly not my story, but the story line of the child, their path, a celebration of their particular gifts and knowings.

    Stars, Moon, Sun, Planets: they are all luminous bodies, all shining light that reveals what needs to be seen, revealing a whole child with many stories and many adventures awaiting. When we see that child clearly, then possibility opens and we have done something truly good.

    Excerpted from STAR CHILD: Joyful Parenting Through Astrology, by Briana Saussy. Sounds True, July 2021. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    In order to be heart minded, we need to bring the heart and mind into harmony and partnership with one another. For this to happen, we have to train the mind not to fear and close off from the heart, and instead, serve our heart and implement its wishes.

    In order to do this, we have to undo our mind’s association of feelings of the heart with hurt and harm. In situations that would ordinarily have us retreat or retaliate, we need to remain conscious of what’s happening and choose to soften and lean into our heart’s center.

    Each time we practice this softening, we send a new message to the mind that signals that we are safe, willing, and wanting to live in this more open, more sensitive way.

    Over time, if we are resolute in our intention to step into our heart, our mind will become less rigid in its defenses against feelings and tenderness, and gradually we will become more heart centered.

    Remember, we are not trying to pit the heart and mind against one another; we are trying to marry their aptitudes.

    Perhaps it would help to spell out how I see their differences:

    The mind attaches; the heart lets go.

    The mind operates out of fear and distrust; the heart operates on faith and ease.

    The mind is frantic in its functioning; the heart is slow, deliberate, and peaceful.

    The mind thrives on and enjoys problem seeking and solving; the heart thrives on acceptance of all things and labels nothing as “wrong” or “right.”

    Excerpted from HEART MINDED: How to Hold Yourself and Others in Love, by Sarah Blondin. Sounds True, June 2020. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    We’re not built for the way things are today. While technology and modern life have evolved at a breakneck pace, from a genetic perspective, humans are largely the same creatures we were thousands of years ago.

    Our bodies are still seduced by the rhythms of the land. Our hearts quietly plea for the village to support us through life’s rites of passage. Our spirits dance at the thought of circling around the hearth fires and telling our stories. Everything within us longs to know our place in the world. And yet, most of us are getting none of that. We are deprived.

    Like our ancestors, we wither without a tangible sense of intimate connection. In this time, where we supposedly have every option for connection and growth at our fingertips, we are still seeking that intangible something that is clearly missing in our lives.

    Like our ancestors, we wither without a tangible sense of intimate connection.

    We feel unrooted and disconnected from the land that is our home.

    We feel untethered from our long line of ancestors and our deep human history.

    We lack strong, healthy communities that support us and hold us accountable. And we find ourselves grasping and searching for our deepest sense of ourselves.

    When we unsubscribe from this restless and individualist approach to life that we’ve been steeped in and instead learn to infuse our days with ancestral wisdom, we gain a truer sense of who we are and, more important, a powerful sense of belonging.

    Excerpted from ROOT AND RITUAL: Timeless Ways to Connect to Land, Lineage, Community, and the Self, by Becca Piastrelli. Sounds True, November 2021. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    Before You Feel Ready

    I can’t remember doing anything in life that I’ve felt fully prepared to do before I attempted it—
    not writing books, not teaching meditation classes, not running retreats, not asking someone out on a date, nothing.

    The confidence doesn’t usually come until much later—after trying the thing a few times, and
    maybe falling down once or twice. Then you get some experience under your belt, learn from your mistakes, and eventually start to feel more prepared.

    I know I’m not the only one who’s been afraid to start. And in case you’re feeling that way now, I’ll share my little “secret” with you: the final step for getting ready is to leap into action before you feel 100% ready. In other words, stop thinking about it and just go for it.

    The most useful lessons won’t happen until after you leap and begin fumbling your way through the initial stages. And since you have no idea which mistakes you’ll make, you may as well get on with it so you can start learning from them and building your confidence in the process . . . BEFORE YOU FEEL READY

    Excerpted from KNOWING WHERE TO LOOK: 108 Daily Doses of Inspiration, by Light Watkins. Sounds True, May 2021. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    FORGIVENESS IS MY TEACHER, LOVE IS MY GURU

    After trauma, we naturally shield ourselves from future harm, and our fight-or-flight response kicks in when we’re triggered. When the wall goes up, the emotional poison seeps deep into the subconscious, and this makes it challenging to fully love yourself.

    Forgiveness doesn’t mean you will forget. It only means you have the power to release the anger, resentment, and frustration associated with a traumatic situation.

    There’s an interesting intersection between stress, psychological health, and forgiveness. When you forgive, you naturally feel less stress when you recall a difficult situation, and overall your symptoms of depression and anxiety are greatly reduced. Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself. By acknowledging what happened and letting go of shame, you open a doorway to self-compassion and kindness.

    The struggle we have with forgiveness is heavily saturated with the push-and-pull dynamics of disappointment. We hate ourselves for missteps and beat ourselves up even in moments of innocence. We are also plagued with the artificial safety of playing the victim or viewing ourselves as weak.

    Real talk: it’s extremely challenging to forgive in the middle of pain, but when you’ve transitioned past the situation, free yourself and extend the hand of empathy. To shift, we have to fully commit to forgiving the person who caused harm and forgive ourselves. Once committed to the process, you can direct your focus on cleansing the energy surrounding the trauma, take responsibility for your part in the mess, and speak honestly to your spirit.

    Excerpted from SPIRITUALLY FLY: Wisdom, Meditations, and Yoga to Elevate Your Soul, by Faith Hunter. Sounds True, August 2021. Reprinted with permission. 

    — 

    As you start to make progress and recognize your innate amazingness, the next step to uncovering more of your true essence is to let go of unintentionally running around like a thirsty animal that is never satisfied.

    Catch yourself when you start to believe your happiness is dependent on your senses constantly being fed with only pleasant experiences. “I need to hear nice things!” “I need to taste nice things!” “I need to touch nice things!” “I need to smell nice things!” “I need to see nice things!” “I need to feel nice!”

    If you are constantly craving and chasing the quick pleasure that comes from the senses you will never be satisfied. This is a classic form of suffering. When we constantly chase good feeling after good feeling, we never build a muscle for coping with the unpleasantness of life. But unpleasantness is a natural part of life—grief, pain, despair, sadness—that requires us to meet it with awareness, not by running away.

    You will experience unpleasant sensations, and that is OK, in fact it is necessary. As a spiritually sassy warrior, you become empowered by your hardships. Your genuine happiness and your amazingness shines from your awakened heart and is not dependent on external factors.

    When you catch yourself chasing sense gratification, remind yourself that genuine happiness does not come from the outside, a quick way to exercise your amazingness is by wishing that all people be free of insatiable cravings.

    Excerpted from SPIRITUALLY SASSY: 8 Radical Steps to Activate Your Innate Superpowers, by Sah D’Simone. Sounds True, September 2020. Reprinted with permission.

    —

    Many self-help gurus will tell you to get rid of your toxic thoughts by drowning them out with positive affirmations. I don’t know about you, but that sh*t never works for me. I can only repeat “I am beautiful” so many times in the mirror before I get bored.

    I believe we must turn toward our toxic thoughts instead of trying to drown them out. I know that might sound crazy, but follow me on this one. When a toxic voice comes up, you have a choice. You can let it berate you and become paralyzed in fear, or you can learn why you’ve held on to this voice in the first place. You don’t get rid of your toxic thoughts by sweeping them under the rug.

    You get rid of them by healing them at the root and then taking brave action to prove them wrong. This gives us a chance to take responsibility instead of being defined by the story our minds have invented. Your toxic thoughts are here to teach you something. They are a marker. An indicator. A flag in the ground pointing toward your growth and healing. I know it’s not easy, but you must turn toward your toxic thoughts and listen to them with fierce self-compassion. That’s the only way they will ever stop running your life from the background.

    Whenever you catch a toxic thought running wild in your mind, pause and ask this question: In what area of my life do I need additional healing, support, or growth? The answer to that question will give you a clue about where you need to invest additional time and energy to evolve beyond this toxic thought.

    Excerpted from STAY WOKE: A Meditation Guide for the Rest of Us, by Justin Michael Williams. Sounds True, February 2020. Reprinted with permission.

  • How I Reclaimed My Life When I Felt Numb and Unhappy

    How I Reclaimed My Life When I Felt Numb and Unhappy

    “All appears to change when we change.” ~Henri-Frédéric Amiel

    The biggest life-changing moment in my life would have looked unremarkable to an outsider looking in.

    I was at a point in my life (my late twenties) where everything seemed to look good on paper. I had a great job, I was living in downtown Seattle, and I enjoyed the live music scene. Aside from not being in a relationship, I thought I had “arrived.”

    The only problem was, I was miserable, and I barely acknowledged it. A part of me knew that I wasn’t happy, but I tried to run away from that feeling by playing guitar, writing, or watching live music as much as I could.

    My other avoidance tactics were working long hours at my day job or socially drinking at “hip” bars in the city.

    But every time I came home, there I was. Still grappling with my feelings and trying to understand why happiness was so fleeting.

    I had also recently broken up with someone that I cared about but knew was not healthy for me. She was a heavy drinker, and because I tended to just blend in with my partners, my drinking had increased substantially when I was with her, and I felt horrible (physically and emotionally).

    It was a messy ending, and it left me even more confused. I should be so happy. “Why aren’t I?” This nagging thought haunted me for several months.

    Moment of Awareness and Choice

    One afternoon, I came home from work and mindlessly went through my routine. Dropped my bag off by the door. Changed into comfort clothes. Went to the refrigerator and opened a beer.

    I then plopped on the sofa and turned on the television. This was my routine for several mind-numbing months.

    When I reflect back on this moment, I can see that I was absently flipping through every channel available through the cable box. Interested in absolutely nothing. I would take a tug on the beer in one hand without even tasting it while changing channels with the remote in another hand.

    I was literally in a trance and not really processing anything. I was running on autopilot, without any conscious awareness, as channel after channel flipped by.

    And that’s when it happened. It was like the background noise in one part of my mind suddenly became amplified. I could hear thought after thought running through my mind like a CNN news crawl.

    The shocking part, for me, was how negative these thoughts were. “You’re no good. Nobody loves you. You’re a failure. You’ll never find someone who loves you. You’re not worth it.”

    I also had the realization that I’d heard these thoughts before but had chosen to stuff them down or mute the volume through distraction.

    But here they were. Loud and blaring. I was forced to face them once again.

    I was in a state of disbelief for several minutes while some choice expletives escaped my lips.

    Once the shock wore off, there was an overwhelming sense that I had reached a huge fork in the road.

    One choice led to stuffing these thoughts back down to wherever they came from and going back to sucking down a beer mindlessly watching television.

    And then, magically, a second choice came out of nowhere. Stop everything and just sit with these thoughts.

    I remember simply saying, “Huh!” out loud. I never realized that I had choices. I was programmed to run and hide.

    I became aware that this was a prodigious moment for me. I could feel chills run through my entire body.

    The choice was: Go to sleep again or just be present and experience these thoughts.

    Something deep within me knew which path to choose. It was the strongest sense of knowing I had ever experienced. I also knew that if I didn’t get on this train right now, I may be lost forever. It almost felt like a life-or-death decision.

    It was in that moment of choice that I finally gave in. I stopped resisting and avoiding. I chose to sit in the discomfort and not run away and hide anymore.

    The Choice to Pursue “Better”

    As soon as I made the choice to stay and be with these negative thoughts, my body jumped into action. As if someone else was not at the controls.

    In one long, swooping motion, I turned off the television, went over to the kitchen sink, and dumped out the rest of my beer. I then took a deep breath, walked to my living room, and sat cross-legged on the floor.

    I’d never meditated before but had heard of it. I was strongly interested in Buddhism when I was in college but never took the steps to explore what it was all about. I figured there was no better time than now to just try it.

    All I know was, in that moment, I made the firm decision that I was just going to sit and be with my thoughts. No matter how intense of a ride it would be or how crazy just sitting in silence seemed to be.

    I still remember those first moments of being in silence. It was a bittersweet experience. The bitter side was experiencing all of the mean and nasty thoughts running through my mind at full volume. There didn’t seem to be an end to it.

    But there was also a sweetness in the silence that was bathing my experience. There was a peace here that I had never experienced before. It was like being cuddled in a warm bosom, and I soon felt the negative words less scary to be with.

    I can’t remember how long I sat in silence on that first day, but it was at least a couple of hours. I remember opening and closing my eyes several times. I was checking to make sure I was still in my living room.

    It was like figuring out if you can trust wading into a lake you’ve never been to. Slowly, step by step. And certain moments I needed to take open my eyes and just allow myself to feel comfortable before going further.

    There were also moments where I felt “myself” leave my body, which honestly scared the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks out of me. It was such a foreign experience. Even though I could feel some sort of a chord holding me to my body, I had never experienced being able to pop out and look down at my cross-legged self below. I was both intrigued and a bit freaked out at the same time.

    But I then started to hear a different voice coming in. A gentler voice.  One assuring me that everything was okay.

    I was guided to just be with the process and that I would eventually get comfortable and not need to pop out of my body. And for the first time in a long time, I started to relax.

    Eventually, I noticed that by letting my thoughts just float through, they would start to fade away until there was just sweet silence, and then more thoughts would come back at a lower volume. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I was feeling better and that was all that mattered.

    I didn’t realize it, but just sitting with my thoughts was making a statement. I was now broadcasting, “I want to learn how to be happy and more loving. I am not going to run away anymore.”

    From that moment on, I came home from work every day and just meditated. I got rid of my cable box and allowed myself to be open to new opportunities. I was guided by a friend to hire a life coach and started to address things in my life that prevented me from experiencing happiness.

    For example, I realized that I’d deadened my ability to tap into emotions because I worked in the aerospace industry, where it was all about facts and data.

    By using my new friend, awareness, I started to identify emotions that I had never really processed, examined, or tried to heal. One particular healing moment was visiting the anger I held from going to an all-boys Catholic high school. I was one of the smallest kids and got picked on from time to time.

    I didn’t even realize how much anger was simmering below the surface. It wasn’t until I was aware of it and then had permission to express my feelings, that I was finally free of my long-held anger about being teased and bullied.

    I also faced the fear I’d developed after being in an airplane crash at nineteen and had a beautiful moment of release with tears flowing like the Nile. It never occurred to me that I held onto to so much trauma and that it was begging to be released.

    The more I became aware of my past and released it, the lighter and happier I naturally became. I caught myself whistling to work one day, something that I hadn’t done in years!

    I also got into Buddhism and energy healing and soaked in all forms of spirituality that interested me. It was a joyous time of learning and trying.

    But ultimately, I knew that just learning was not enough. I needed to practice the ideas of love, healing, and forgiveness in the world.

    “Leveling Up” with Awareness and Choice

    When I look back on that moment where I finally stopped and chose a different way to be in the world, I recognize that was the most defining moment in my life.

    Sure, I have attended many spiritual workshops, retreats, and trainings and have had “mountaintop” experiences. But they never would have happened if I hadn’t made the choice stop and be completely present with my thoughts.

    Our minds are constantly in and out of awareness (awake) and unawareness (asleep). It takes diligence and practice to stay awake and to make loving choices.

    Think about how much of your day you’re actually aware of your thoughts or habits vs. when you are on “automatic pilot” doing tasks or zoning out over social media.

    Here are some ways to remain aware and at choice throughout your day:

    1. Set a goal for the day. Something like: “I want to be aware of my thoughts at work and think lovingly.” Set an hourly reminder on your phone to check in throughout the day.
    2. Put a post-it note with the words “Awareness and Choice” next to your work space or area where you spend most of your time to remind yourself to be present with your internal experience. Place it where you will see it often.
    3. Schedule meditation “dates” throughout your day. See if you can sneak in five five-minute meditations throughout the day. Set reminders if you need to.
    4. Pick someone in your life that you have a hard time being with (especially at work). Have a conversation with that person and watch your thoughts. Choose to see them differently in the moment (as best as you can).
    5. At the end of the day, review the thoughts you had about yourself or others. Go back to times in the day where you were hard on yourself or someone else. Replace those thoughts with ones you would rather have said to yourself.

    Awareness and choice are a powerful duo that can change your life for the better. Both are needed. Awareness is taking in what’s present. Choice is taking steps to move your awareness in your intended direction.

    Look to see where you can benefit from awareness and choice in your life. Then set your compass toward happiness and enjoy the journey!

  • Conscious Escapism: The Benefits of a Spiritual Cheat Day

    Conscious Escapism: The Benefits of a Spiritual Cheat Day

    “The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom… You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.” ~William Blake

    Many people discover spirituality through suffering. I found the path due to years of depression, anxiety, and psychosis. Part of the awakening process is identifying behaviors, traits, habits, or thoughts that don’t serve you. As your behavior changes, so does your diet. Not just what you eat, but everything you consume, including what you listen to, watch, read, and pay attention to.

    Orthorexia is the term given to an unhealthy focus on eating in a healthy way. This sounds like a paradox, as a healthy diet improves overall health. However, there’s a tipping point—eating well can become an obsession. You might develop anxiety around eating junk food, and your desire to eat well influences your social life, or you feel guilty for the times you indulge.

    Your spiritual diet isn’t free from its own form of orthorexia. A healthy spiritual diet—such as a practice of meditation, reading spiritual texts, spending time in nature, serving others—boosts your spiritual health. But there is a tipping point.

    What if you guilt yourself for wanting to spend an evening watching Netflix? Or eating without being mindful? Or being distracted and unfocused? Or not having the energy to serve? Or not catching yourself before reacting in anger?

    What if when you feel anxiety, you don’t want to journal or meditate or unpick and dissect its root cause? What if you don’t want to spend the energy to “raise your vibration” or reframe your thoughts? What if all you want is to eat ice cream or go out with friends or have a glass of wine or watch the Champions League?

    The time will come where you no longer crave junk food, for the nourishment of the path itself satiates you more than anything. Until this point, rather than trying too hard to resist, it’s much more beneficial to allow yourself to indulge, and give yourself the occasional treat, without guilt or shame.

    Unconscious Escapism vs. Conscious Escapism

    In psychology, escapism is defined as a behavior or desire to avoid confronting reality. I place escapism into two categories: unconscious and conscious. This is an important distinction, because most people who practice meditation and mindfulness are, to some degree, aware of when they are engaging in unhelpful behavior.

    Unconscious escapism lacks self-awareness. It is a default, auto-pilot reaction to certain uncomfortable feelings. It’s not wrong, or bad, it’s just a way we learn how to cope. But in the context of spiritual growth and healing, unconscious escapism perpetuates suffering. It distracts us from discomfort and ultimately distracts us from ourselves.

    However, conscious escapism explores and acknowledges underlying emotions with compassion, before choosing to indulge. Maybe you’re just tired or require a feeling of comfort, or simply want to enjoy a movie. All of these options are okay, and don’t make you any less “spiritual.” Quite the opposite: choosing to do a mindless activity can be a great act of self-compassion.

    Conscious Escapism Is the Cheat Meal

    Conscious escapism is choosing conventional distractions, knowing the occasional cheat meal doesn’t reflect your overall diet. It’s acknowledging where you’re at and allowing yourself to lean on mechanisms behaviors that provide temporary solace, fully aware this isn’t the ideal solution.

    To get physically fit, a manageable and balanced routine and diet are better than an extreme, high-intensity routine and crash diet. Start off with high intensity, you’ll likely burn out and return to old habits. Instead, as you progress and form new habits, you might increase the intensity, or find that eating well becomes easier.

    There’s no reason the spiritual path has to be any different. Over the years, I’ve experienced the extremes of depriving myself due to the belief around a spiritual person wouldn’t… (get angry, eat nachos or other unhealthy food, binge watch Netflix when feeling down, argue with their partner, enjoy buying new clothes, curse, procrastinate on tackling their finances…)

    It’s only when I allowed conscious escapism that I’ve discovered what really benefits me.

    Mostly, I was encouraged to try this route by supportive friends and family who could tell I needed time off. I’ve always pushed myself, I’ve always placed high standards on myself, and these traits of perfectionism were absorbed into my spiritual practice.

    Over time my need for conventional escape has reduced. But that doesn’t mean I won’t skip a meditation session or watch a few episodes of Community to lighten my mood if it feels right to do so. Going too far in the other direction creates a feeling of stress or even resentment towards my practice, a result of spiritual orthorexia.

    The Spiritual Diet and Discernment

    A word of warning: Conscious escapism isn’t an excuse to choose the path of least resistance. The ego can hijack this concept, too, weaving a narrative of deceit that finds excuses and reasons as to why you deserve to not meditate, or why your unique spiritual path is finding enlightenment through Game of Thrones.

    Be cautious of this and apply the principle of a standard diet. Understand which foods are good and which aren’t. I know that a healthy diet requires me to eat well most of the time. I know that if I always indulge in high-fat, high-sugar junk food, it’ll lead to reduced health. But I know the occasional treat is fine.

    Knowing when to indulge and when to do the work is a matter of trial and error. It takes time, practice, and self-honesty. It requires self-compassion for the moments you over-indulge, knowing sometimes the road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

    When you find momentum with your practice, you might experience a tendency to go all-in. The joy and inspiration that comes from meditation, or spiritual discussions, or insights, or noticing areas of growth or healing, create a sense of wanting more. You might feel the spiritual path is your life’s calling, and you’ll do all you can to honor it.

    This is beautiful, and it’s worth appreciating the innocence of this intrinsic motivation. However, I’m here to tell you—you can take the day off. You can breathe, pause, and take time away from growth or development.

    You can, unashamedly, give yourself permission to indulge in conscious escapism.

  • How to Access Your Intuition by Listening to Your Favorite Music

    How to Access Your Intuition by Listening to Your Favorite Music

    “Sometimes music is the only thing that takes your mind off everything else.” ~Unknown

    All major art forms can be a way to experience a deeper part of ourselves, but there is something unique about music. Perhaps it’s because music is a frequency with no physical form, so it can easily become a pathway to the formless realms of intuition and our higher selves or soul. We may never know for sure, but it is clear that music has a powerful effect.

    I have had experiences of feeling whole, connected, and complete when listening to music. However, I was not consciously aware of these experiences for a long time.

    I can remember driving my car, listening to my favorite songs, and being “transported” someplace. It was an experience of complete euphoria and wholeness. At the time, these were mainly subconscious experiences, and all I was aware of while listening was that I felt good.

    As I started to develop and use my intuitive abilities, I began to have many conscious experiences of my higher self. Only with this reference point did I become aware of how many times I connected with my higher self while listening to music. It was the same experience!

    Not all music will feel like a spiritual experience, and the pieces that do will be specific to the person listening, as we’re all unique. You may have said, without thinking much about it, that a particular song “speaks to your soul.” It does, and you will want to listen for its helpful guidance.

    Have you ever heard a song and then put it on repeat for the whole day or even a week? I sure have, many times. It seems like each time I play a favorite tune, it opens my heart a bit more to reveal hidden emotions and desires. These are the types of moments and songs you will want to observe to see what your inner wisdom is showing you.

    Over the past four months, I have been atypically listening to some of my favorite music from the 1980s; “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper, “Hazy Shade of Winter” by The Bangles, “Cherish” by Madonna, to name a few. Even current songs with an ’80’s feel find themselves first on my playlists.

    I began to internally investigate why the sudden ’80s music craze in my life when I received a knowing from my higher self that I was homesick and needed to talk more with family. I then started to recall childhood scenes of me playing with the family and neighborhood friends.

    I was in my formative years during this decade, and my siblings were still living at home. The ’80s was the only decade my entire family lived in the house before my older siblings moved away. It was a fun and joyful time in my life.

    My whole family now lives all over the country, and I live in Hawaii. We usually travel several times a year to see each other, but not this year because of the pandemic. I have been suppressing sadness about not being able to travel easily and safely to see my loved ones for many months without realizing it.

    The ’80s binge I’ve been experiencing these past few months was a way for me to emote this sadness and experience the childhood nostalgia associated with this music genre. Once my higher self revealed the deeper feelings around my recent propensity towards ’80 music, I began to reach out to my family more, which has helped with my feelings of isolation.

    Next time while listening to this music, take some time to reflect internally on what is happening and if any high levels of intuitive information are coming through. What I mean by high levels is direct guidance coming from your higher self or soul.

    There are ways to tell if you are getting intuitive guidance from your higher self while listening to music. You can observe specific characteristics right away that indicate you are receiving soul-level information.

    For example, intuitive information from your higher self is always accepting and loving. This loving feeling is inclusive and leaves none of you feeling left out or unworthy. Soul-level guidance will not come with harsh judgments and guilt trips.

    Another characteristic of soul-level information is that it will often come in very quietly. You may have heard phrases like “whispers of the soul” or “the still inner voice.” This is often the case when your soul is speaking. Music naturally stills your mind, which creates a quieter internal environment for higher guidance to come through.

    Guidance from your higher self is enveloped in peace. I notice that this peace is often present when listening to music I love. Even if a song’s message is heartbreaking, it still rides on a wave of peace if it’s speaking to my soul.

    Being in motion while listening to music, like on a bike ride or dancing, can heighten this experience of connecting to soul-level intuitive information. Movement helps “loosen” your spiritual body so you can become more open and receptive. Intuitive information will often become conscious when the physical body moves, especially if you are relaxed.

    If you’ve ever had an epiphany with your earbuds in, on a jog or an elliptical—with your mind clear, blood pumping, and heart open—you know what I mean.

    A relaxed nervous system is vital for hearing high levels of intuitive information. If the nervous system is on high alert, your internal environment will be very noisy. Information coming from the higher self is gentle and quiet, so having a relaxed nervous system will foster a space within you to hear your soul’s guidance.

    Listening to music while exercising outdoors is a great combo for hearing your intuition. We are intimately connected to the natural environment, and exercising outside in beautiful areas will naturally quiet and relax your body’s nervous system.

    I’m guessing you may have already experienced this as well. You’re at the beach, or in a park, your earbuds creating a perfect soundtrack to the beautiful, peaceful scenery, and suddenly life becomes clearer.

    If you don’t live in a place with a lot of natural outdoor beauty, put on some relaxing or heart-opening music in headphones and go for a walk. Do what you can to create a peaceful inner environment as you move around.

    Additionally, if moving around is something you can’t do, try taking a long bath or sit next to a body of water. Make the environment pleasant by lighting a candle or putting on your favorite soothing music. Water is a strong current for intuitive information. You may be surprised how much intuitive guidance will come through in these therapeutic settings.

    I have had many revelations in the tub or after a dip in the ocean. I often will get into a body of water when I’m feeling scattered, anxious, or confused. After soaking for a while, my nerves and mind will relax, and the next step I am looking for will appear.

    Whether you listen to music while exercising, at a concert, or just lounging around the house, I encourage you to think about the kinds of intuitive messages you get while listening. Is your higher self calling you to hold a different perspective, forgive, or acknowledge your true feelings about something?

    If you love lyrics, pay attention to words you’re drawn to and note what is happening in your life at that moment. Do the two relate? I tend to gravitate toward listening to instrumental songs. I feel they give me a blank canvas to interpret soul-level guidance more clearly. You may find that too.

    You will want to write down the soul-level information you receive while listening to music, apply it to your life, and then see if it has value for you. You can measure value by whether something is uplifting, useful, and helps you grow in character.

    Remember that if you closely observe your internal environment while listening to your favorite songs, you can intuitively reveal what your soul is saying to you. And then you can act on it and change your life.

  • Why They Wanted to Deny She Was Buddhist in Her Eulogy

    Why They Wanted to Deny She Was Buddhist in Her Eulogy

    “Live and let live.” ~Unknown

    So there I was, sitting in front of the Zoom meeting, when it happened. The overwhelming grief just hit me like a freight train. And no matter how much emotional training I tried to dig into, or self-help tricks I tried to muster up, nothing could stop the train in that moment.

    The emotions flooded over me and forced me to stop and break down with the simple, plain, beautiful, and powerful truth: I miss my friend.

    I had been so busy in this new Covid world, gathering up pictures of her for her obituary, corresponding with her family about who was going to speak and what was going to be said. Emailing back and forth with the person who was graciously designing the obituary, overseeing whether the eldest members of her family even knew what a Zoom meeting was, let alone had the equipment and technological know-how to participate.

    Everything was done via email and text, and sometimes phone. I guess I didn’t realize how much this allowed me to stay disconnected and busy.

    A brief tug of war occurred when one of my friend’s other good friends mentioned how an elderly aunt, a reverend at a local community church, decided that it would be in bad taste to mention that my friend was a Buddhist.

    Even though she had grown up in a Christian home and family, she practiced Buddhism for the last thirty years.

    “Just don’t mention that part,” she said.

    I was almost insulted.

    “But she was a Buddhist,” I blurted into the phone.

    “Yes… but… her family isn’t. And her aunt doesn’t think it’s a good idea to bring it up.”

    I felt my face getting hot. I had spent quite some time calling around to see if I could get a Buddhist monk to agree to say some prayers for my friend as we celebrated her journey in her next life. Then it took some more time to find one who knew how to work Zoom.

    A kindly monk in Brooklyn had agreed to do so. He also mentioned that, for the next month or so, they were doing daily prayers for the deceased, and that he could include my friend.

    “No, just the service will be fine,” I answered, mentally checking this off of my to-do list and not wanting to create the altar that was required to participate.

    Not that this was something I really wanted to do—all this planning—but her family was so overwhelmed with my friend’s sudden passing that they asked me and her other food friend to do it.

    I’d never done anything like this before, but of course, I simply felt I had to. That’s what my friend would do—roll up her sleeves and get it done. She was extremely strong-willed, and this was a trait I admired.

    I remember us taking a trip overseas to Indonesia. They had just had a volcano erupt right before it was our time to come. I was concerned about my friend’s ability to navigate in such circumstances (as her health condition was beginning to affect her walking ability,) and halfheartedly suggested we look into the company’s flight insurance to reschedule. But she just laughed it off.

    “We are still going. I’m so excited, I’ve never been! We have to have faith, T,” she said. “Believe everything will be alright, and it will be so. No matter what.”

    Ah, I smiled to myself. Of course.

    Even as one so dedicated to the spiritual path, and believing in what we cannot yet see, I suppose in the face of terminal illnesses and natural disasters, sometimes the “We create our own reality” spiel can seem like the furthest thing away from the truth. And yet, she proclaimed it, in the face of both.

    I was reassured that day, and promptly watched The Secret, to solidify that reassurance.

    And that’s what I loved about my friend. At one point in my spiritual journey, I thought there were only us two that talked like this, believed like this. Of course, as I journeyed into spiritual Facebook groups, I happily learned that to be untrue. But I could talk to me friend about anything.

    She was older than me and had experienced so much in life. At the time I met her eight years ago, I felt like I had hit the spiritual jackpot! She had so much wisdom, and I was ever so willing to soak it all up.

    For example, she was one of the first people in the world to go to an Abraham Hicks meeting before they were well known, and she would recount in detail the power she felt in the room that day as we discussed whether Abraham’s teachings were “real” or not.

    She taught me about meditating and chanting. She taught me that you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. She taught me that it was important to actually “walk the walk,” every day. Even as that walk became more and more of a struggle for her.

    All of this came rushing back to me as I spoke to her friend on the phone. Really, I was talking to that super religious aunt. Who did she think she was anyway? It wasn’t about her, or me, or any of us! Don’t these people know what a Celebration of Life is!

    “Well, she (the aunt,) doesn’t want anything to take away from God,” her friend sighed.

    “But this isn’t taking away from God,” I shot back. “It’s all God. It’s just a different point of view! And it was very important to her! She got up every day for thirty years at 4:30 in the morning to chant! That’s who she was!”

    My friend’s friend gathered her words carefully and deliberately. “Well… she asked me to minister her service for her, and she didn’t leave me any specific instructions for me on what to do.”

    In that moment, I snapped out of it. I muted the phone and took a deep breath, and then unmuted. “You’re right,” I said. “She did ask you. I’ll ask the monk not to come. You should do whatever you feel is best.”

    The feeling of relief from the other side of the phone was palpable, and my friend’s friend instantly became more chipper. “Great! Okay then, I’ll get to work on the program and I’ll get back to you!” she said.

    After we hung up, I sat in silence. I thought I was fighting for my friend doing an impromptu religious showdown. And I was prepared to roll up my sleeves and go to town. But why? Would it even matter to press this point now?  Especially with people who were completely set in their ways. Especially with such an intricate topic as religion.

    What was I trying to prove? My friend wasn’t like that. She lived and let live. Perhaps some part of me was still fighting for myself to be seen. Our journeys were so parallel, but I thought I had long stopped caring what religious people thought.

    It became clear to me why the universe had the monk mention the month of prayers for the departed; I knew then I’d graciously add my friend to that list.

    For the ceremony, I ended up doing a sweet video tribute of our time in Indonesia, which alluded to the spiritual, culture-loving, and exploring person that my friend was. This was the moment that choked me up during the service (as well as several others). I miss my friend.

    I missed being seen and heard and understood. I miss having an ally and someone I didn’t have to explain my spiritual journey to. I felt it was important for me to stand up to that aunt because that’s who I was too.

    I always said it didn’t matter to me what people practiced, if it’s done in love, if you invite me, I’ll come. It really is all God, so now I get to “walk the walk” in real time. Live and let live.

    Perhaps in letting go, and letting others remember my friend in the way that they chose to, I honored my friend, and what we both learned on our physical journey together, the most.

  • How to Audit Your Life by Asking the Right Questions

    How to Audit Your Life by Asking the Right Questions

    “Don’t let your fear paralyze you. The scariest paths often lead to the most exciting places.” ~Lori Deschene

    I first learned about the concept of focus creating reality in 2004 when I was given William Whitecloud’s book The Magician’s Way.

    The first chapter is about the main character having a magic golf lesson. He learns that when people play golf, most of them think about how to hold the golf club, how to stand, and how to move the club. He calls this the “swing circle” and recounts how golfers often get caught there, rather than just focusing on where they want the ball to go. By shifting their focus, they could shift their results.

    What’s wonderful is that the process is entirely replicable for us all in any situation.

    At the time, I was two years into being an investment property consultant and part of a team of fifteen consultants throughout Australia. I was driving all over the place seeing clients in their homes—mostly evenings—earning just enough to get by, but I certainly wasn’t thriving.

    In fact, I was considered one of the poorest performers. I was working long hours and working hard, and while I believed in what we were doing, I wasn’t really enjoying it that much. So, having read The Magician’s Way, I started to use the ideas to improve my work life.

    I visualized having better meetings with my clients; I imagined my clients going ahead with property solutions I proposed; and my results started to improve.

    But I thought, there has to be more to this. I felt a very strong pull to study these ideas further. So, I decided to attend a course facilitated by The Magicians Way graduates where they taught clients to realize their dreams by connecting with their authentic selves and innate creative spirit.

    One of the things I learned was that we are all intuitive beings. When we tune into our intuitive selves, we become powerful and expansive.

    I discovered that when we give ourselves space to tap into our intuition about what we want, it comes through us from our higher selves. By shifting our focus to what would improve our lives and by using our intuition, we are infinitely more powerful and can create a life we love.

    For the first time, I was truly creating space to see what I wanted in my life from my unlimited self. I realized that I could choose the direction of my future. That I was the creator of my life.

    With this knowledge in hand, for the first time ever, I looked critically at all the different areas of my life to see where I was limiting myself and where I could change the story I had running through my head. I categorized my life into the following areas:

    • Career & Business
    • Finances
    • Relationships
    • Health & Well-being
    • Home
    • Possessions
    • Travel & Adventures
    • Social life
    • Spirituality
    • Giving Back

    To create change, we first need to be aware of our starting point. In order to move forward we must be honest with ourselves about where we are and face into our current situation.

    When I assessed my life I found that, other than my social life, none of the areas were in the shape I wanted them to be.

    Usually, we don’t create change without a reason. Change typically takes place when dissatisfaction arises or when we become aware of wanting a solution to our current problem. Being really clear about what we want to change and understanding where we are in relation to that is crucial.

    So how do we do that? How can we be objective about our current circumstances?

    Most people don’t regularly evaluate all areas of their life and give themselves a reality check. It can be hard to own up to the mediocrity or negativity. But this kind of ‘life audit’ is vital to understanding your current situation so you can then assess how far you are from what it is you desire.

    By creating space to see where each area of your life is, you are creating a starting point for change, for expansion and growth. You are allowing yourself to see what’s working, what isn’t working, and what could be improved.

    This may be confronting to begin with, but the more you allow yourself to go through this process, the more you will create reason and momentum to move forward in creating the life you love.

    A really powerful way to work through this process is to section off the different areas of your life and give yourself a rating out of ten for each—ten being amazing, you couldn’t get any better, and zero meaning that it is nonexistent or lacking.

    Here is an opportunity to go deeper with each area of your life and give those areas an honest rating so you will have a starting point for change.

    Relationships

    Let’s use an example. You might have given your romantic relationship a low rating. Start with what you feel is lacking from your relationship and partner.

    Some examples could be:

    • We fight too much
    • The passion is gone
    • We don’t spend enough time together
    • They don’t respect me
    • I feel like I am being controlled
    • We don’t have fun together

    Then flip it around. What are you, or aren’t you, contributing to the relationship?

    • I lose my patience with them
    • I don’t give them respect
    • I get angry with them
    • I feel like I want to control them
    • I don’t instigate quality time together

    The more you can analyze how and if you value your relationship, the more you can take responsibility. So, the more you own up to where you are, the more you are able to create change. Focus on yourself first: How am I behaving? How am I responding? Then ask yourself: What can I do differently to help create the kind of relationship I want?

    And since there are two people in your relationship, you’ll also need to ask yourself: What would I like my partner to do differently? How can I communicate that without attacking?

    Finances

    How do you rate your finances? Most of us have blocks around money and money flow, usually because of the beliefs our parents have instilled in us. Unless we are clear on where our finances currently are, how can we change it?

    Ask yourself why you rated your finances as you did:

    • Do I have enough money?
    • Do I just make ends meet?
    • I am in debt?
    • Do I fight about money with my partner?

    Knowing your numbers is crucial. Most people don’t have any idea what their financial position is. Remember, it’s impossible to move forward without knowing where you are right now. I review my full financial position three times a year—at the beginning of the calendar year, the end of financial year, and when I do my taxes.

    After you get clear on your numbers, ask yourself the following questions to ascertain how you can improve your financial situation:

    • Am I living beyond my means?
    • Am I trying to fill an emotional void through buying things?
    • What can I scale back on in order to save more money?
    • How can I increase my earning potential, if not immediately, in the future?

    Health & Well-Being

    List out the reasons you rated your health and well-being as you did.

    Maybe you are telling yourself:

    • I’m unfit
    • I feel overweight
    • I am not exercising enough
    • I eat junk food
    • I drink too much

    You might bring awareness to what you’re consuming each day. Are you conscious of what’s going into your body or are you unconsciously consuming food and drink? Now it’s time to consider your movement. Do you take regular walks? Are you going to the gym or participating in sports?

    Career or Business

    How do you rate this area of your life?

    Consider these questions:

    • Do you love what you do? If so, why? If not, why not?
    • If you do love what you do, what areas are there for improvement?
    • Are you clear on why you do what you do?
    • What is the why?
    • Do you feel energized by what you do, or does it deplete you of energy?
    • Does your work align with your values?
    • Do you enjoy working with your colleagues?
    • Are you happy with your marketing and reach?
    • How is your time management?

    Most of our waking hours are at work, regardless of whether we work for someone else or ourselves. So, if you are not enjoying what you do, that means you are spending most of your waking hours doing what you don’t want to do.

    Of course, it isn’t easy to change careers, but the first step is acknowledging your dissatisfaction and getting clear on what might be more fulfilling, and why.

    Knowledge & Learning

    Are you expanding? Are you learning new things and trying out new experiences?

    Ask yourself:

    • Am I closed off to new ideas?
    • Do I have an open mind, or am I relying on what I already know?
    • Do I proactively seek new knowledge for my career or business, or do I only seek new knowledge for fun?
    • When was the last time I actively sought out a situation where I could learn something new and expand my horizons?

    Travel & Adventures

    Ask yourself:

    • Am I giving myself space to travel, to see new things, and to have adventures?
    • Do I even know what’s out there?
    • When did I last go somewhere on a whim?
    • If I can’t afford to travel, how could I be more adventurous in my daily live?
    • How can I be a “tourist” in my own area—what could I see, do, and explore?

    Home

    Ask yourself:

    • Do I love where I live?
    • Is my house a home?
    • Do I feel comfortable, safe, and happy in my home?
    • Is my home a sanctuary?
    • Do I love the city, the suburb, or even the country I live in?
    • Do I enjoy inviting people to my home, or am I embarrassed by it?
    • Do my friends and family feel comfortable in my home?

    If you don’t love where you live, you may be able to change that easily, or you may need to work toward the long-term goal of moving somewhere new. But it might just be a matter of making changes in your environment—decluttering, infusing your home with your personality, or keeping work out of certain areas to make your home more relaxing.

    Spirituality

    How do you rate this part of your life? Did you even give it a rating? It’s an area that is often neglected. I know when I started my personal growth journey, I considered my spirituality non-existent.

    Spirituality doesn’t necessarily mean organized religion—it’s whatever it means for you. Simply take time to consider how your spirituality is being nurtured—or not—and what it could mean for you if you positively changed this aspect of your life. Ask yourself:

    • Am I part of a spiritual community, and if not, would I like to be?
    • Do I allow myself time to connect with nature?
    • Do I make time for spiritual practices that renew my spirit?
    • What does spiritual self-care mean to me?

    Giving Back

    Giving back isn’t just giving gifts or donating money or time, it’s also about how much you give yourself; how much you give in service to others, your community, or the environment. It’s also about how well you think of others, your community, or the environment as well as our actions.

    Ask yourself:

    • Do I give as much to myself as I give to others?
    • Is there a balance of giving and receiving in my life?
    • How am I serving my loved ones, my community, and the planet?
    • How do I want to give back, and why?

    Final Thoughts

    Now that you’ve reviewed your current reality you might feel a little uncomfortable. This is a good thing and should be embraced. As I said, facing into where you are is so important, as it represents the starting point from which you can grow. It’s this truth that will set you free. Well done for going there.

    You may also feel a little overwhelmed if you’ve recognized you’re dissatisfied with multiple areas of your life. That’s okay. You don’t need to change everything all at once, or even any time soon. You can start with the one area that feels most pressing and identify one tiny step to create positive change. Then from there, you can take another step. And another until you feel more satisfied in that area of your life and ready to focus on another.

    When I first did this exercise, I realized I didn’t want to continue the way I was living and I wanted things to look different. I knew then that I had a choice. We are at choice all the time.

    By owning up to where you are, you’re already moving forward into your vision. You can now begin to really shift your focus on what you want to change—and then start taking action.

  • When You Focus on Yourself, Don’t Forget Everyone Else

    When You Focus on Yourself, Don’t Forget Everyone Else

    “Time and good friends are two things that get more valuable the older you get.” ~Unknown

    In recent years, we’ve collectively been talking a lot about creating boundaries and letting go of things that no longer serve us. Many of us have gotten better at permitting ourselves to say no and to escape old habits and routines. We’re also more open about our choices to reject people and places that exude bad vibrations or bad energy.

    I love that we’re becoming more conscious of the universe that’s always changing all around us. Together, we’re acknowledging the power we have to make mindful decisions that resonate with our higher selves. That’s what it’s all been about, right?

    Maybe not quite.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about how this evolution on the focus of “self” is affecting everyone and everything else.

    While we’re busy setting boundaries against the world, are we forgetting to establish boundaries with ourselves? And when we are actively avoiding places with bad vibes, are we considering the energy we bring into spaces?

    While we’re working on finding inner balance, are we leaving behind the people that depend on us for stability? And while we’re off becoming who we’re meant to be, are we selectively excluding parts of our reality?

    Think about it.

    You can love the vibes of your favorite studio, but if you show up five minutes late, after frantically running in from the subway, you shift the energy of the entire room.

    Or, in another example, you may feel empowered by a boundary you set with someone, but what if the person on the other end doesn’t understand why?

    You can be in the process of becoming your best self, but are you also still honoring your relationships and responsibilities? Are you still honoring the world that gives you the space to breathe?

    What we need to avoid, quite frankly, is becoming spiritually selfish.

    True, when we show up for ourselves, we’re better at showing up for others, but we can’t forget to notice how we show up in the meantime.

    Of course, we must have an understanding of how we feel through developing self-awareness. It’s also vital we retain an awareness of how we make others feel.

    Yes, we must focus on what’s happening in our inner world with more compassion, but that doesn’t mean dismissing what’s happening in the world around us. We must learn how to find stillness in our chaos, but it’s just as imperative that we are not causing any chaos ourselves.

    I’ve loved my spiritual journey, and I’ve found a lot of value in exploring the confines of what I didn’t think was possible while keeping an open mind to what more there could be.

    I’ve become more grounded by taking the time to get to know the edges of myself. And I’ve learned to alchemize my vulnerability to help me move toward my potential. Even still, I’ll admit I’ve probably been selfish in the process of my enlightenment.

    While I’ve been working on self-care, self-love, and self-awareness, I’ve probably ignored a few calls I should’ve made, plans I shouldn’t have changed, and relationships I should’ve maintained better.

    I’ve heard from many spiritually minded folks that the journey toward becoming your highest self does often get lonely. Relationships dwindle. Priorities change.

    The idea is that, once you become more aware of yourself, you’ll attract more of what truly resonates with you into your life. Be it friends, jobs, romantic partners—the more connected you are with yourself, the more connected you’ll be to the magnetic pull of destiny.

    And yet there’s something to be said of living too deeply in our heads.

    Yes, we should prioritize our well-being and align our actions with the truth inside of us. Yes, we should take the time to get to know ourselves and extract barriers. Yes, we should commit to our purpose and reject experiences that hinder us.

    But there’s a balance to be found between awakening spiritually and living in reality. We can’t use spirituality as an excuse to avoid things that we can’t face. We can’t use spirituality as a reason to dismiss people without compassion.

    We can’t use spirituality to justify falling off the face of the earth because we’re discovering our inner world. We can’t use spirituality to rationalize ignoring everything that helped us arrive at this turning point.

    I am all about balancing our chakras, but I am also all for balancing our lives. And all I mean by this is, we can’t become so absorbed as seekers that we forget to see what and who has been there for us before our search began.

    I’ve been told this road gets lonely, but I refuse to believe that’s the only truth.

    If this resonates with you, then I ask you: bring others with you. Show others your way while listening to theirs. Build a community around what people believe. Honor those who don’t see the way you do, but still see them as who they are to you. Share, engage, and let the world in while you try to figure out what world you want to live in.

    Start to notice how you show up. Become aware of how your presence impacts the spaces you enter. Be mindful of the connection outside of the one you have with the universe. There’s no reason that our spiritual awakening should be a one-lane road. Let’s build bridges so others can follow or at least visit if they want to.

    Above all else, remember that while we focus on the self, we can’t just forget about everyone else.

  • Become a Certified Meditation Teacher – Train with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach

    Become a Certified Meditation Teacher – Train with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach

    Hi friends!

    Since I know many of you are passionate about mindfulness and meditation and creating a more peaceful world, I’m excited to share that Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach are accepting applications for their next two-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certificate Program.

    Though it’s primarily an online learning experience—which means you can participate from anywhere in the world—you’ll have the option to attend two in-person, three-day workshops in the Washington, DC area. And for those who can’t attend, they’ll be livestreaming the sessions and will also make a replay available.

    Space is limited due to mentorship availability and the live events, and the last certification program sold out quickly, so if you’re interested, you may want to get your application in soon.

    In addition to sessions with special guest teachers including Eckart Tolle, Kristin Neff, Dan Siegel, and many others, the upcoming program brings you a complete curriculum that covers the transformational principles underlying meditation and an exploration of the interface of meditation with Western psychology and cutting-edge science.

    Through this in-depth, groundbreaking program, you will:

    • Learn how to teach meditation with tools for body, heart, mind, and community
    • Receive guidelines on how to establish classes and workshops
    • Gain skills that apply mindfulness and self-compassion to relationships, conflict, trauma, organizational wisdom, and societal change
    • Join a vibrant international community of mindfulness teachers around the world

    With successful completion of this teacher training program, you will receive a certificate from the Awareness Training Institute, and their partner, the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. This credential will support you in establishing meditation classes, workshops, and trainings in communities, organizations, and institutions throughout the world.

    If you’re excited by the idea of making a living supporting others in their healing and personal growth, click here to learn more. Early admissions applications (for discounted tuition) are due March 23rd, and the program starts on February 18th, 2021.

  • Introducing Backpack Buddha: Meditation Tools and Spiritual Gifts

    Introducing Backpack Buddha: Meditation Tools and Spiritual Gifts

    Hi friends! Since we’re well into December now, I imagine many of you may be either starting or rounding out your holiday shopping. If you’re not yet familiar with Backpack Buddha, I highly recommend checking them out!

    What I love about Backpack Buddha is that they not only offer beautiful fair-trade, eco-friendly products, supporting craftsmen and women in Nepal, they also donate 10% of their profits to a number of worthy causes.

    Started in 2015, they base their entire business model on good karma, and it shows in how they operate.

    Below I’ve shared a number of their products, starting with my personal favorite (which I’m currently using daily):

    Buddha Packs

    These come in four sizes, ranging from $27 to $57. I own the Himalayan Hemp #1, pictured here. Handcrafted from 100% Himalayan hemp and cotton from the foothills of the Himalayas, this practical day bag can carry up to two full mala strands in a dedicated Mala pouch, a laptop up to 15 inches, a standard sized yoga mat, and a reusable water bottle.

    The Chakra Collection

    This unique collection of chakra crystals, jewelry, and tools includes a number of beautiful options including a 7-chakra dream catcher that’s currently hanging right next to my front door and the 108-bead chakra mala pictured above ($37).

    As you’ll see if you click through to the site, each of the seven crystals corresponds with a different mantra, which can be a nice addition to your daily meditation practice.

    Each mala comes with a 7-page eGuide to help you use your beads as a medium for mindfulness, tranquility, and contentment.

    Buddha Bear’s Enlightenment Coloring Book

    As a huge coloring fan, I’ve seen some pretty cool coloring books in recent years, but none by Jim Hensen’s cartoonist. World-renowned illustrator Guy Gilchrist had a hand in Fraggle Rock, Looney Tunes, Muppet Babies, Tom & Jerry, and more, and has illustrated over sixty children’s books.

    His latest offering, recommended for kids age five to twelve, is intended to foster positive emotional growth through concepts of compassion, gratitude, and love.

    Kids will love following the adventures of Buddha Bear, whose goals are to be kind to everyone he meets, to breathe and stay calm when he’s frustrated, and to appreciate all his blessings.

    For every copy of Buddha Bear’s Enlightenment Coloring Book sold, Backpack Buddha will provide a school grade notebook and pencil for an underprivileged student, grades 2-8, in the Kathmandu valley.

    Enlightenment Journals

    While the Everyday Enlightenment Journal is designed to help you calm anxiety, find purpose, and love your life in twenty-one days, the Everynight Enlightenment Journal can help you relax your body and mind and get better sleep—and it may also inspire positive dreams.

    Above you’ll find the Prayer Flag Journal ($14), which I recently gave to my boyfriend as a gift. Made from Lokta bark paper—by hand, in a village with a 2,000-year history of making this special paper—this journal is covered in the five elements of traditional Buddhist prayer flags: sky, air, water, fire, and earth.

    Monk-Blessed Malas and Jewelry

    Blessed by monks from the Woechen Thuk-Je Choeling Monastary, Swayambhu Temple, in Kathmandu, Nepal, these unique mala offerings include the conch shell mala above ($97).

    These beautiful malas come with 108 om-engraved shell beads.

    —

    I’m a huge fan of Backpack Buddha, and their founder Leif Harum, who’s been a pleasure to connect with. I hope you, or your loved ones, will enjoy their offerings as much as I have!

    **Though this is a sponsored post, you can trust I only promote products and services I personally love!

  • Why I’m No Longer Hiding Behind My Privilege and My Spirituality

    Why I’m No Longer Hiding Behind My Privilege and My Spirituality

    “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” ~Anne Frank

    We’re all just spiritual beings, bumbling along in human bodies, trying to make our way.

    Trying to find the delicate balance between living in a physical world and embracing our higher selves.

    In my quest for spiritual enlightenment, I learned how to narrow my focus. I learned to tune out the noisy Facebook newsfeed, I don’t watch the news, and I avoid saying things just for the sake of controversy.

    For a while, this worked. As my vibe rose, I started living a life more fulfilled and happy. Whenever people around me got hung up on the latest news story, I was content to basically plug my ears and say “nanananana not listening” and go back to my abundance-minded podcasts and books.

    I meant well, I really did; my feeling was that if I were to just focus on the problem, then I was only adding to the noise and not helping the world find a solution.

    I didn’t want to just shout at what I’m against, so I didn’t shout at all.

    But then, Charlottesville happened.

    Full disclosure, I’m a white, English-speaking, thirty-something woman living in Canada. I was tempted to do what I’d been doing when it came to the news—avoid googling it and getting the full story. I didn’t want to “add to the bad vibes.”

    But for some reason, I felt a pull to understand this one and I could barely stop myself from typing “what happened in Charlottesville” into Google.

    I was horrified at what I saw, needless to say.

    Let me back up a bit.

    As a white woman, I’ve been somewhat self-conscious in spreading an abundance-mindset message. For a long time, I thought, “Who am I to even talk about this, when life has clearly been much easier for me than for some others?”

    I was very aware of my white privilege, and it made me self-conscious. I was scared of the backlash I might (rightfully?) receive if I were to spout things like, “You can create your own reality!” on social media.

    “What do you know about real life, middle-class white girl?” I was afraid they’d say. “Must be easy for you to say!”

    Because, although I’ve certainly had hardships, my life has been pretty charmed compared to others who grew up homeless, or in abusive situations.

    So back to Charlottesville. I felt an uncontrollable pull to understand more thoroughly what happened here. Why, all of a sudden, a group of white supremacists felt it was okay to gather and spread their hate. The KKK marched with no masks—just let that sink in for a second.

    The things I was feeling went against everything I’d been practicing in my effort to achieve a higher state of enlightenment.

    I was angry. I was ashamed. I hurt for my fellow humans, particularly Heather Heyer and her family.

    This time, I couldn’t just “not have an opinion on it.” I couldn’t just bury my head and act like ignorance is bliss. I couldn’t choose not to participate in the human experience.

    I realized that I could use my white privilege one of two ways: to contribute to the problem, or to the solution.

    To say nothing and ignore it would be to invoke my white privilege in favor of the problem.

    Because let’s face it, I am privileged in that I could just bury my head in the sand, and it probably wouldn’t affect my daily life. Nobody would shout hurtful racial slurs at me, simply because they feel empowered to. I don’t ever worry that I got turned away for a job because of my ethnicity.

    Spirituality is a beautiful thing, but not when it causes us to turn a blind eye to the experience of our fellow humans, under the guise that they somehow “attracted” it.

    Because even if that’s true, does that make them any less deserving of our support and compassion? Of course not.

    The problem is, fighting against something just makes it bigger and gives it more power. So how can we affect real change?

    I don’t have all the answers, but here’s the beauty I see coming from all this:

    The victims of these hate crimes died for a reason bigger than themselves, and not in vain.

    The world is at a crucial boiling point that would never have been reached if these people didn’t feel empowered to show their true colors.

    All the hatred is coming out, and while it would be better if it didn’t exist at all, this is actually a good thing, because you can’t have real equality when the problem is swept under the rug.

    It’s caused me (and countless others in privileged positions) to check themselves and question their beliefs and behavior.

    More people than ever are using their voices to make the world a safer, and more compassionate place.

    You don’t have to sit and stew in the problem with those affected in order to show your support. I’m not saying you have to put all your energy into fighting against the problem. You don’t have to feel guilty for being white (if you are too), and nobody’s accusing you of being a racist.

    But we can have each other’s backs.

    Simple things make a difference. Like actually listening and believing someone when they talk about their experiences, instead of shrugging them off because they’re “being dramatic” or “too sensitive.” Telling your family or friends when they make an insensitive (and so not funny) joke. Catching yourself when you make snap judgments about someone based on their ethnicity and shifting your behavior as needed.

    We’re all doing the best with what we have, and compassion goes a long way.

    Real equality (and not just on paper, while minorities continue to be treated like underlings) is on the way. Let’s continue to be the change.

  • 5 Common Mistakes People Make on Their Spiritual Journey

    5 Common Mistakes People Make on Their Spiritual Journey

    “I still have a long way to go, but I’m already so far from where I used to be, and I’m proud of that.” ~Unknown

    Just like any student, I’ve made mistakes throughout my spiritual journey. Although I prefer to see mistakes as learning opportunities, below are a few things I’ve learned not to do through my years of meditation and detox weekends and constant effort to stay on the divine side of life.

    1. Constantly looking for answers externally

    When I started meditating regularly, I experienced heightened intuition. Triggered by this, I constantly tried to find signs to guide every decision I made. While waiting for 11:11, feeling a butterfly landing on my shoulder, or simply finding a four-leafed clover, I was trying to find the answer outside.

    I went from one spiritual teacher to another, trying to find the one who would give me the “answer.” This “the universe owe me an explanation” mind-set paralyzed me from being self-sufficient in determining my own life direction.

    You know what finally works? The regular sit down, close your eyes, and focus on your breath method. Yes, that good ole technique. Apparently our heart always knows the answer, but our minds are often too clouded to listen.

    2. Thinking I am above those who are “unenlightened”

    When I first started on my spiritual path, I condemned those who didn’t meditate. I didn’t like hanging around those who could not keep up in conversations about positive energy and the law of attraction. I thought of them as unfortunate mortals who would never live the fulfilling life I was living.

    But then I met unspiritual people who are warmer and nicer than many spiritual people I know. Although they never keep a gratitude journal, they’re happy and contended with their life. They might not consciously choose to walk in the path of love, but they are demonstrating every aspect of having it in abundance.

    I figured out that spirituality is not about how much you know about chakras or how cruelty-free your diet is. It’s about how you have incorporated positivity in your life, sometimes even without realizing it.

    3. Being attached to your spiritual practice

    A year ago, I joined a walking meditation class. We were advised to practice it every day, but the lazy me often failed to do so. Then I would feel bad about myself, so I eventually stopped doing it altogether because I didn’t want to be reminded of my failure.

    Did you ever start a daily meditation ritual to reduce your anxiety, only to be even more anxious on days when you couldn’t find time to meditate? It was kind of like that.

    When we rely on rituals to feel better about ourselves, sometimes we become too attached to them. Next time you’re doing your daily meditation, ask yourself, are you doing it out of self-love or out of fear of not doing it?

    One easy way to answer this is to observe whether you’re meditating as an act of self-care or so you can feel good about checking it off your to-do list.

    The key to healthy spiritual practices is doing it to enhance your well-being, not for a sense of accomplishment or to build your self-worth.

    Do you remember the cliché but true saying “When you truly love someone, you love them in spite of their shortcomings, not only because of their good qualities”? Now I feel enough despite not doing my rituals, not because of my rituals.

    So what if I don’t have thirty minutes to spend in silence today? I realize I am still the functional, magnificent creature I am. It’s just that when I do spend the thirty minutes focusing on my breath, it even further boosts my already awesome self.

    4. Doing good things just to feel significant

    This is just another form of attachment, although from the outside it looks very positive. Yes, your surroundings would probably benefit from this. However, have you ever gotten angry because someone rejected your nice gesture? If yes, then that’s your issue.

    You felt that way because you weren’t doing it for them, you were doing it for you. Maybe you hoped they would pay you back, or maybe you were using them as a tool to rack up good karma.

    I too was guilty of this. A few months into my first job out of college, I really wanted to be liked and wanted to “spread love.” I would send long, overly nice emails to my colleagues—which turned out to be ineffective, since it took a lot of time to read them. Also, I would voluntarily help people without assessing whether my assistance would benefit or burden them.

    In my fourth month, I was wondering “Why am I not loved by everyone already?” In retrospect, I suspect they could smell my insincerity and felt uncomfortable about it.

    The key to doing good deeds is remembering you are doing it for others, thus your focus should be on them, not you.

    5. Thinking of spirituality as a destination, not a journey

    I have met many spiritually enlightened gurus, and none have claimed that they’re done with improving themselves. Spirituality is a long, ever-changing journey.

    I used to believe that if I were spiritually awakened, no bad things would ever happen to me again. I would never feel sad, only be surrounded by nice people, and from there on life would always feel positive.

    I could not be more wrong. Spirituality is not about suppressing or diminishing your dark side. Spirituality is about raising your mindfulness to a level where you can always make the conscious choice to do the right thing, in spite of what happens and what you’re feeling.

    Along the spiritual journey, you will finally accept that you always have options. And that, my friend, is the true meaning of freedom.