Tag: simple
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The Pressure to Dream Big and the Beauty of Wanting Less
“What if I accept that all I really want is a small, slow, simple life? A beautiful, quiet, gentle life. I think it is enough.” ~Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui
Why do we feel such pressure to dream big? I think it starts in childhood when parents, teachers, and other adults start asking the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
One of the many problems with this question is its premise. In the classroom, at church, at youth camp, at home, you are not alone, and you’re able to hear, understand, and internalize how others might answer this question. If you pay close attention, you’ll notice changes in responses from one age group to the next.
For young children, the answer is very simple and correlates with their immediate environment. A little girl may answer that she wants to be a mother when she grows up. A little boy may answer that he wants to be a police officer. A pre-teen girl might say she wants to be a teacher, while a pre-teen boy might say he wants to be a detective. A teenage girl might want to be a singer when she grows up, or a teenage boy might want to be a football player.
By the time most of these children reach young adulthood, the answers will not be as varied and light-hearted as they used to be. The answers will start to have a certain pattern. The most common answers will be doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, pilots, engineers, etc.
There are certainly many reasons for this, but the one I want to highlight is financial freedom and all that comes with it.
At some point in our lives, we become aware of the power that money wields, and our dreams, aspirations, desires, and lifestyles begin to shape around it.
Where I come from, it’s not uncommon for teachers to advise students not to become teachers, but to try to become doctors or pilots because those professions usually make more money. Everything else is less urgent.
There is a strange story that we tell ourselves that states that, as long as there is money, everything else will fall into place. If you’re already well into your adulthood, you’ve probably made the unpleasant discovery of how untrue this story is. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve changed your goals.
Whether you become a doctor, a teacher, a creative, a small business owner, or something else, our dreams and aspirations usually take on very similar shapes.
Our dreams are no longer just about having a comfortable roof to call home, but about having an enviable location, income-generating properties, and vacation homes as well.
Our desire is no longer just to own a car for convenience but to own two or more cars, preferably expensive and good-looking ones.
Our goal is no longer just to be healthy, to have a perfectly functioning body in terms of strength, balance, flexibility, and proportions; it now has to be defined, toned, provocative, and basically a work of art to see, admire, and discuss.
Even a simple walk is no longer just a walk. You need to count your steps, calculate calories burned, and share your results.
Financial freedom is no longer about meeting everyday needs or putting a bit aside for a rainy season or emergency, but it is now a full-time job on top of your full-time job and side hustle.
With the advent of happiness gurus, vision boards, affirmations, and feel-good culture, our dreams and desires are becoming unbearable. There is now a formula to dreaming and desiring and an expected, standard result to match.
I always find it curious how almost all vision boards across the globe tend to look the same. It is even more curious when you account for the fact that we are all raised in different homes and different cultural and religious backgrounds, we physically look different, our educational background is varied, yet our desires, dreams, visions, and aspirations seem to have morphed into one.
Most common on the vision board are all the material possessions. The unique home, the expensive car, the enviable vacation destinations, the perfect partner, and despite our different genes, bone density, height, etc., the body goals are very similar if not identical.
We are all reciting the same morning and evening affirmations of prosperity and abundance.
You will be hard pressed to find a vision board that is filled with desires related to patience, kindness, apologizing, picking up trash, checking on your neighbor, calling family members more, feeding stray animals, finding contentment in your finances as opposed to making more money, being thankful that the bus stops next to your dwelling and that in that season you have no desire for a car, or making peace with the changes that come with: an aging body, a pregnant body, a sick body, a body that has carried and birthed other humans, a differently abled body, etc. There could be vision boards like this, but it’s not the norm.
We are all free to dream, desire, and visualize the kind of lifestyle we want; we all know this. What needs to be said is that you can also desire little and dream simply, and that your dreams and desires are still worthy.
You are not lazy, you do not possess little or no faith at all because your dream life, the one you visualize and create in your mind, those deep desires and longings, look something like this:
Walking or cycling to all the places you need to get to, buying second hand clothes, living in a simple home, eating what you grow and keep, creating your own entertainment with what you have and having a good time while at it, working and earning less, napping in the afternoon, reading on the balcony guilt-free, wailing away your evenings or weekends chatting with people, be they family, neighbors, friends, or just strangers, and showing up in your life make-up free, or without having to spend many hours and dollars on your appearance.
If you have never desired to wear expensive perfume and you are happy with a basic body spray or nothing at all, your desire is of value.
If you have crooked teeth but don’t have an overwhelming desire to get braces, you are not settling for less; you, my friend, have been touched by contentment.
Maybe you prefer to take walks, practice yin yoga or mat Pilates, or dance to your favorite music as opposed to doing HIIT and sweating at the gym. Yes, you have wide hips, a good dose of cellulite, stretch marks, perhaps a tiny stomach pooch, and the workouts you enjoy will not sculpt that body, but maybe you couldn’t care less.
No, you are not lazy for not wanting to put yourself through military-like training on a daily basis for a lifetime just to be an art form for others to enjoy. If you are at peace and see the value in the kind of body movements you enjoy, that is all there is to it.
If you don’t plan expensive vacations but instead choose to take small breaks in your everyday life—be it going to the seaside on the weekends, going to the beach in the afternoons, or just going for a hike once a week or treating yourself to lunch at a nice restaurant—these are all ways to relax and experience new things. You are not settling for a mediocre life just because you are doing life differently or cheaply.
Being financially poor by today’s standards should not equate, nor does it, to being mentally poor, physically poor, emotionally poor, friendship poor, relationship poor, happiness poor, joy poor.
You are not less of a person because you do not drive a fancy car (or any car), you live in a small apartment instead of a house you own, you do not own any luxury brands or items, you do not vacation in Greece, and you attended a small vocational college (or none at all).
Define what’s important and meaningful to you, and do not cast it in stone. Always allow yourself, your definitions, your ethos, your values, your dreams, your desires, your visions, your affirmations, your emotions, your body, and your belief systems to change, to evolve with time and the changing seasons of life.
Life doesn’t always have to expand, ascend, and increase. It also descends, decreases, and compresses. This is okay. All stages of life are worthwhile and hold value, and you are allowed to enjoy them, be in them, and be at peace while at it.
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How to Be a Lot Happier: A Simple Solution
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” ~Leonardo da Vinci
There’s a funny thing with us humans.
We spend our lives trying desperately to find happiness, and yet we don’t even know what it is. We can’t explain, describe, or define it. We just know that we want it because it’ll make everything peachy. Time and time again, though, studies have shown that our never-ending quest for happiness is quite often the very thing that makes us miserable.
Trying to find happiness is an exercise in futility. This is a truth I did not easily come to realize. It took a succession of major depressive episodes, the sudden death of my father, a cross-country move, a broken heart, and countless hours reading airy-fairy, self-help nonsense for me to understand that instead of trying to find happiness, I should consciously take steps that let happiness find me.
Suffice it to say, you will no longer find me spinning my wheels, dejectedly searching for answers and chasing the abstract. You will no longer find me on a never-ending quest for happiness.
But given my endless fascination with the subject, my work as a coach, and my ever-present desire for more street cred, I recently found myself immersed in a year-long Psychology of Happiness certification program created by best-selling author and former Harvard professor Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar.
During the program, we were asked:
What was one of the happiest periods of your life?
What did you do during that period that made it so good?
How can you generate more happiness in your life?I had a profoundly difficult time answering these questions, particularly the first two. But the more I scanned through my mental scrapbook, the more I kept thinking about the months between ninth and tenth grade—my last romp as a camper at the sleepaway camp I’d been going to for six consecutive summers.
It wasn’t so much what I did—or what we did—that made it so good. I think, perhaps, it was what we didn’t do.
There were no smartphones. So, there were no screens to stare at, no calls to make, no messages to check, no constant dinging notifications.
There was no social media. There were no Facebook rants, no Twitter trolls, no outlandishly phony Instagram influencers to drum up our insecurities.
We weren’t constantly comparing ourselves to others while looking at the carefully curated highlight reels from their lives.
No, we were making our own highlight reels in the middle of nowhere—or, more accurately, in the middle of northern Wisconsin. We hadn’t the slightest idea what anyone else was doing, and we didn’t care.
There were no dating apps, no heads to swipe on for hours at a time. There was no ghosting, no haunting, no orbiting, no zombieing, no submarining, no breadcrumbing, no roaching. These hyper-specific subtypes of appalling human behavior simply didn’t exist.
And despite our raging hormones, there was no palpable desperation. You either “hooked up” with someone the night before or you didn’t. Then, you moved on with your life.
Nobody gave a damn who was president, either. We just knew it was some old, white guy just like it was the year before, and the year before that, and the year before that. He sat in his office, and signed some papers, and maybe spoke to the country every few months and that was it.
There was nobody on the far left trying to ruin the life of anyone who’s ever made a mildly offensive quip. There was nobody on the far right trying to accelerate conflict and build some kind of white ethnostate. There were no conspiracy theorists trying to convince the world that celebrities run pedophile rings out of pizza parlors or that Jewish folks crisscross the country to start wildfires with space lasers.
Oh, but Tony, you might be saying to yourself. There were definitely people like that back then! And you get no argument from me.
But we never heard from them. They didn’t have public platforms. There were no 24/7/365 news channels, there were no online news magazines, and there was no YouTube; so, they just kind of kept their crazy crap to themselves.
It’s no wonder that one of the happiest periods of my life was the summer of 1997, in the middle of nowhere in northern Wisconsin. We spent all of our time in nature, laughing and singing and bonding and playing frisbee.
One could theorize that we were happier purely because we were kids, but I’m not so sure. From what I can tell, kids today are lost, distracted, and isolated. They spend most of their time indoors, glued to their devices. They are overstimulated, oversensitive, and overprotected. They are riddled with anxiety and depression as they deal with the psychological trappings of growing up in a technological world.
Twenty-five years ago, during the summer of 1997, life was just…simpler.
That’s what made it so good.
And I don’t think that life in general will ever be that simple again.
But every time I simplify my own life, even just a little bit, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I de-clutter, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I delete a dating app, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I forgo watching the news or sign off social media, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I turn my phone on Do Not Disturb, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I have a real conversation in real life with a real person I really care about, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I go outside and walk around and do nothing but look at the sky, and the trees, and the architecture, I’m a little bit happier.
Every time I sit in silence and meditate and let my thoughts pass by like the weather, I’m a little bit happier.
So, how can you generate more happiness in your life?
Well, I don’t have a whole lot of street cred. But if I had to take a stab at it: Stop doing the things that cause you unhappiness. Simplify, simplify, simplify. And maybe find a summer camp for adults.
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The Paradox of Less is More (And How It Will Improve Your Life)
“Don’t use a lot where a little will do.” ~Proverb
One of the most common paradoxical statements we hear is “less is more.”
I, like many others, understand what that means in the context of personal style, where it is commonly used.
I can appreciate, for example, that when we overdress, we are often taking away from the beauty of the outfit or the look and detracting attention from each valuable detail or accessory.
But recently I discovered that the paradox of “less is more” has many other applications.
When I started questioning whether I could apply this simple philosophy to my life, more generally—to be more effective, to be more at peace, to have higher levels of self-esteem—I found that it became the single most effective guiding principle of my life.
The first time I noticed the amazing power of “less is more” was when I accepted that I could not physically do the brutal corporate hours that I used to work, and neither could I compete with the hyper-alpha entrepreneurs and business owners that worked fourteen hours a day.
I tried to do the 5am starts that seem to be the trend in the world of business but found that is not how my body works. Every time I tried to push myself beyond my natural rhythm, I was so tired during the day, I could achieve nothing of value.
That is when I made a new rule, that I would do just one thing every day, and as long as I achieved that one thing, my most important, value-added thing, I would appreciate myself as having achieved something significant.
I appreciate that this is not always possible when you are not in charge of your own workload, but the essence of this lesson is to concentrate your focus on what is essential and of highest priority and value, rather than becoming overwhelmed with trying to do every task.
I found that when you apply “less is more” to your work and daily to-do list, you become the epitome of productivity and focus. And although there is a certain tribe of people that glamorize the hustle culture and the grind ethic, we also now acknowledge that our mental health and self-care are just as important. Thankfully, we have started to realize that burn-out is counterproductive to success in the long term.
I found that by trying to do less, I actually achieved more in all the important ways. I was more creative, I was more productive, and I was able to sustain my energy throughout the week instead of constantly going through peaks and crashes.
I have now made this my routine and my ultimate measure of productivity. By focusing on the most important task, instead of aiming to complete every task, we can all achieve more by seemingly doing less. This is one way powerful we can utilize this paradox to streamline our everyday life.
After my success with applying this approach to my working life, I then started to consider whether “less is more” might help me in other parts of my life.
One arena in which I have reflected on “less is more” is when I have found myself critiquing my natural tendency to not want to speak about my accomplishments in a boastful way or try to push myself to the front to be ‘seen.’
Often, I have wondered whether my natural modesty was holding me back. Should I be pushier? Is it a failing within myself to not be more self-promoting? But then I reflected on “less is more” and realized that one of the ways we can be guided by this philosophy is in how we present ourselves to the world.
We do not need to necessarily boast about our accomplishments or clamor desperately for attention.
Sometimes we get greater appreciation and respect by allowing people to learn for themselves our true value. In allowing people to discover us, we are attracting only those who appreciate us without having to work so hard at being liked or selling to them in the manner of a pushy salesperson. And there is so much flow and peace in approaching life like this.
Think of the greats in history who changed the world and never talked about themselves, instead choosing to keep the focus on their mission and the people they served. Therein lay their greatness.
The concept of servant leadership (another seeming paradox!) speaks to the way great leaders are ones that serve, and this necessitates keeping your ego aside. This is my go-to now when I feel I should be more of a pushy salesperson or chase after people that have no interest in reciprocating my efforts. Less is more!
“Less is more” has also changed the way I communicate. I, like many other people in our modern society, have been conditioned that we should communicate, communicate, communicate! That we should talk about everything all the time and express everything we feel and think.
But I found, when reflecting on “less is more,” that in relationships, we sometimes over-communicate.
We can all do with holding our tongue and learning when not to speak, what not to say, and when to listen.
This self-control and self-restraint can often pave the way for a better quality of communication and more peace and harmony in a culture where we overemphasize the power of words spoken—words that are often unnecessary and destructive, words that cannot be taken back.
By saying less, these days I find that my relationships are more harmonious, and greater peace and ease have found their way into my interactions. It also reminded me that there are many ways we say so much when we say nothing. When we let ourselves just hold space, just be, or spend time listening, we are communicating in powerful ways.
In my family and the way I love and care for them, “less is more” has helped me realize that sometimes the best way to love and care is by taking a step back and doing nothing rather than helping out every time.
It allowed me to recognize where I was not being caring but, in fact, was being overbearing and enabling. And as many of us have discovered, the tendency to overextend yourself does no one any good; not the person you are trying to help, nor yourself.
One of the ways I used to step from caring into being overbearing was by offering ‘helpful’ but unsolicited advice to my loved ones. Now I have realized that, when it comes to offering advice, less is definitely more!
I discovered that “less is more” is about creating space. In your relationships, this is where you are not always reaching out to connect and create intimacy and you are allowing air to circulate and bring new life and perspectives to your interactions.
And this also applies to physical space. By decluttering and letting go of things I no longer use or need, I now have less but better quality items, which I really treasure. I am able to value them, (because I can actually see them!), and this results in a feeling of luxury and abundance from the sensual act of taking time to fully enjoy them, rather than being on to the next purchase after the initial thrill wears off.
And when we apply this philosophy to our schedule, by creating fewer obligations that drain us, we allow space and time to spend on what is truly important, while also creating space for new activities, that are more aligned to us, to come into our lives and take their place.
“Less is more” seems contradictory and confusing.
But the reality is, beauty lies in simplicity, truth lives in simplicity, and greatness lies in stripping yourself and your life down to what is truly important.
Here are a few questions you might ask yourself to start the process of applying this motto to your life.
- In what ways can you do, be, and have less and magnify your overall happiness, peace, and success?
- Can you find ways to reprioritize and focus on what is truly important?
- What do you do, with relative ease and effortlessness, that is adding value to your life?
- In what ways, and in which areas, are you trying too hard?
We can all reflect and apply the teachings of this paradox in any and every part of our life to live a life of greater meaning, focus, simplicity, and peace.
I encourage you to deeply reflect on how less might actually be more in your life and then take small daily actions to align to that reality. Take small daily actions to remove things, to do less, to be less, to try less, and thereby create more flow and ease and less stress.
Take small steps to create pockets of nothingness and space in order to expand into more of what is truly important and, most importantly, to expand into a greater version of yourself.
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The Simple Path to a More Fulfilling, Far Richer Life
“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” ~Seneca
Many of us say we want a simpler life, but we don’t make any changes because that would require us to make hard choices that go against the flow. We say we want to be less busy and enjoy more of our days, but it feels easier to do what everyone else is doing, even if it’s actually harder.
The path of least resistance is a well-paved six-lane highway that barrels forward in one direction. The constant hum of traffic tricks you into thinking it’s the best way to get where you want to go. If you’re interested in a simpler life, take the next exit because I’d like to share a new route with you.
But first, a few important questions…
Why do we accept rules, expectations, or beliefs forced on us as adults? If this comes at a cost that consumes our soul and leaves us questioning life, why do we view this as a fair trade-off?
Why do we subject ourselves to the torture of leading chaotic lives? Do we think our sacrifices are worthy and just because they’ll enable our kids to live better lives? Does our reality really reflect the life we want to pass on to our kids? Or are we passing the torch to a relay they don’t actually want to be a part of?
At some point, we forgot why we work. And the forty-hour work week is something no one questions. It is what it is. How is it that every job needs the same length of time to complete its tasks in a week?
You need to have a source of income to put a roof over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back. I won’t debate you on that. After we fulfill these necessities of life, we start to get lost with everything we think we need to be happy.
We live in a consumerist culture. As a result, we’ve come to believe that our wants and needs are the same thing. This requires us to make far more money than we really need for a happy life. It traps us in jobs we don’t want. And it forces us to spend our most precious resource (our time) on things that don’t make us happier.
I know, I’ve been there myself. In my mid-twenties, I was in a job I hated, living with someone who deserved better, in a city I didn’t want to be in. Rather than address the root of my unhappiness, I bought a brand-new shiny sports car. I was depressed and I wanted a car to fulfill an emotional need. Spoiler alert: All I got in return was more depression and a bank-draining monthly payment to remind me you can’t buy happiness.
I don’t want to spend my life endlessly consuming in an attempt to avoid my feelings and needs. I want to be present in every moment and enjoy as much as I can, like my niece, who’s coming up to her third birthday. She’s already the world’s greatest mindfulness teacher.
Like a penguin marching through the Antarctic, she waddles forward with purpose. She stops to let that grass tickle her toes. She laughs as the feeling of a breeze kisses her cheeks. She is present with every ounce of her being. I’m with her, but a moment before I’m whisked away by the thought of upcoming projects and emails I “need” to respond to.
Modern society squashes the whimsical out of you like a fat June bug under a careless foot. The decades of school and meaningless work are like buckets of water drowning a campfire. Only the embers remain. The fire that burned within your soul waits for oxygen to stoke it back to life.
To reach the simple life you have to make the hard choice to carve your own path. It’s that voice that says don’t settle and points you in the opposite direction of everyone else. It’s the words of Dr. Seuss who urges, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”
Getting started with a simpler life doesn’t require anything you don’t already have. It only requires you to focus on everything worth appreciating in your life as it is right now.
The purí tribe lived along the northern coast of South America and in Brazil. Philosopher Henry David Thoreau modeled his life after their ability to live simply, present, and fulfilled. Their way of living was in the presence they gave each moment: “For yesterday, today, and tomorrow they have only one word, and they express the variety of meaning by pointing backward for yesterday, forward for tomorrow, and overhead for the passing day.”
While we can’t all uproot our lives and live in the woods like Thoreau, and modern life is decidedly more complicated than life in the time of the purí, their commitment to presence offers a simple solution to the chaos of an ever-connected life.
By doing less and being more engaged in everything we do, we’re able to enjoy our lives now instead of waiting and hoping we’ll find happiness and fulfillment sometime in the future, when we’ve accomplished or earned enough.
But this requires us to tune out the noise of the world, an ever-present buzzing that drowns out the voice of our soul as the years add up.
As a kid, that voice whispered to us about exploration and adventure. We were driven by curiosity and refused to be idle.
Everything was exciting.
Everything was magical.
Everything was a gift.
Living this kind of life comes back to our ability to be present like the purí tribe.
It’s in these moments of presence that we get a chance to listen and hear what our soul is saying. We know deep down that material things will not make us happier. We know deep down that all the promotions in the world will not fill the void of missing out on life. We know deep down that the rat race is a game we don’t need to be a part of.
Being present with these uncomfortable feelings is the beginning of a new and rich life.
Left unchecked the rat race crushes your soul like the grass beneath an elephant stampede. This way of living is toxic for the mind, body, and soul. It’s a disease that fills you with stress, destroys your family, and gives you little to hope for.
This is the reality I was facing when I was forty pounds heavier and had hit rock bottom with my mental health. I often found myself drinking with the hope that I wouldn’t wake up.
It wasn’t until I was present with this pain that I could see that I needed help. And it wasn’t until I faced my feelings that I was able to strip away the things that didn’t fulfill me so I could make space to enjoy the now.
If you’re living like I once did—distracting yourself from your discontent and missing out on your life as a result—know that things don’t have to continue this way.
At any time, you can choose to be honest with yourself, let go of the things that drain your spirit, and allow yourself to find joy in the simplicity of the now.
At any time, you can tune into life’s simple pleasures—the excitement of your dog’s wagging tail, the unexpected smile of a passing stranger, or the way your son’s eyes light up when he smiles—and recognize that this is happiness. And It’s available at any time if you’re not too busy or caught up in your head to appreciate it.
The purí tribe would point overhead to the passing day as a reminder that this is the only day we have. There’s no sense looking backwards unless that’s the direction you want to go. Each and every day carries a new opportunity to be present and live a rich life.
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A Life Full of Favorites: The True Essence of Minimalism
“Happiness can only be found if you free yourself from all other distractions.” ~Saul Bellow
What was your favorite toy as a child? Mine was a Spider-Man action figure. The limbs were adjustable, and there was a switch on his back that made his eyes light up.
I played with that toy for years, even after his fingers broke off and his switch got stuck. While I had plenty of toys as a child, this is the one I remember best.
Maybe you notice a similar trend in your own children. According to a study conducted by British researchers, the average 10-year-old has 238 toys but plays with 12 daily.
Even if you don’t have children of your own, maybe you are inundated with your own toys. Outdated electronics that sit on the shelf, trinkets that sit in the closet, or old sweaters that you haven’t touched in the last decade. How many toys do you play with daily, and how many get in your way and cause havoc?
What if I told you these things are getting in your way of living a happier and more meaningful life? What if you didn’t have to spend time paying off old junk that always needs to be fixed, maintained, cleaned, and repaired? What if you had more time to enjoy friendships, hobbies, and passions?As I started to ask myself these questions I noticed others, who called themselves minimalists, asking similar questions. After this discovery, I began my own minimalist journey and never looked back.
People become intimidated when they discover minimalism because they think they have to sacrifice all their possessions and live like a monk.
If you think like this, I can’t blame you. I wouldn’t like that either. My five-year-old self would’ve been devastated to get rid of that Spider-Man action figure.
Fortunately, minimalism doesn’t require such sacrifices. In fact, minimalism doesn’t require anything. There are no rules, judgments, or requirements.
If the term minimalism is intimidating, think of it as focusing on all your favorite things, every day. This may sound enticing, but what does it look like in practice? Let’s explore together.
1. Visiting our wardrobe
If I were to walk with you to your closet, there would be a few different types of clothes.
Clothes for work.
Clothes for a formal event.
Clothes for a night out.
Clothes for the gym.
Clothes for lounging and watching Netflix.
Within each of those categories, which outfits do you usually wear? Which outfits give you the most joy? Which outfits do you gravitate toward, and which outfits sit in the back and collect dust?
What would your closet look like if you donated the clothes that took up space and hid your favorite apparel? If donating is too daunting, pack them in a box and stash it away for a couple months.
Giving ourselves space and time helps us realize we never enjoyed, or used, any of that clothing anyways. This gives us the courage to donate the clothes with a sense of pride. If this sounds interesting, but you aren’t sure where to start, look up “Project 333” for some additional tips and support.
2. Reconsidering our relationships
In the 1990’s, British anthropologist Robin Dunbar discovered that people can only maintain an upper limit of 150 social relationships.
Thirty years later, this number sounds like an underestimate. Many people have hundreds of Facebook friends and thousands of Instagram followers. In our everyday lives, this translates into the notion that having more friends leads to more popularity, likeability, and a happier life.
But the quality of our friendships also matters. Out of hundreds of digital connections, how many people do you spend time with in real life? How many people can you depend on to lend a hand, listen to a problem, or provide feedback to help you improve and grow?
When I thought about my own friend circles, I realized they were often dictated by proximity rather than by shared values or interests.
As an avid reader, I like to surround myself with people who are passionate about reading. Using modern technology, I created a book club with members from my local community. What started off as monthly conversations around books turned into regular social gatherings.
Through discussing our similar values and mindsets, we became close friends who have been a great source of support and joy for each other over the years. Instead of relying on surface level connections that were simply birthed out of proximity, I can now count on these rich and satisfying relationships to help me thrive.
What would your life be like if you surrounded yourself with people who shared similar values or mindsets? How would your life be different if you spent time with people who enjoyed the same hobbies as you?
Explore different options, like Facebook groups or Meetup activities, that match your interest. It takes time to foster deep and satisfying social connections, but they can last a lifetime.
3. Evaluating our time
I had one of my biggest revelations when I took a hard look at how I was spending my time. I spent all of my time checking my emails and looking productive, while sacrificing the chance to read, write, and spend my time in ways that help me feel happier. I did a lot on any given day, yet none of it was meaningful or fulfilling.
Does this resonate with you? Look at the commitments and activities taking up your time. Can you delegate anything to someone else, or completely let go of it?
Are there activities you’re doing because you think you should do them? Ask yourself these questions to pare down your to-do list:
1) Does this task bring value to my life?
2) What would happen if I didn’t do this task?
3) Does this task align with my values?Shining light on our habits uncovers fascinating insights. If someone were to ask me why I was engaging in habits like yoga or meditation, it was because it’s what I thought successful people did, not because I enjoyed those habits.
Instead of yoga, I now go on walks. Instead of meditating, I express my thoughts through writing.
Everyone has their own recipes to live a meaningful life, and it will look different for each individual in each season of their life. Consider what you need, what you enjoy, and what habits will be the best tools to help you get there.
By questioning ourselves, we get better answers that best suit our own needs and desires. Start off with those three questions and add others you see fit.
What’re your favorites?
Imagine a life where you only wear your favorite clothing. A life where you surround yourself with people who lift you up and bring joy to your days. A life where you have the time to do the activities that you enjoy most.
You already have your favorite clothes, friends, and activities. Minimalism isn’t about getting rid of everything, it’s about rediscovering our favorite things—some which aren’t even “things” at all.
Being surrounded by our favorites can lead us to a happier and more fulfilling life. This switch may even cause our eyes to light up, like my favorite Spider-Man action figure from so many years ago.
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A Small Good Thing: A Documentary on Simple Sources of Happiness
We live in a world that encourages the pursuit of happiness, which it seems we’ve collectively defined as “more.” We chase more money, more recognition, more stuff, more connections (and often, more followers and “likes”). If it’s quantifiable, and sometimes even when it isn’t, there’s no such thing as enough.
Given that you’re here, visiting a website that promotes simplicity and appreciation for the little things, it’s possible you haven’t fallen into this trap. Or perhaps, like me, you have, and that’s why you now recognize that less is often more.
Given my own experience chasing things that inevitably led to emptiness and disappointment, I was intrigued to learn about Pamela Tanner Boll’s new documentary A Small Good Thing.
A Small Good Thing follows six people who’ve “recast their lives so they can find a sense of meaning.” If you’re disillusioned by the American Dream and fascinated by people who’ve found their own unique path to happiness, I highly recommend you check it out.
I’ve never shared a documentary here before, but as you may remember, I’ve spent the better part of this year working on my first short film (which I’m excited to share here soon!) And I’m also planning to work on my first documentary, on a similar topic, next year.
Given the synchronicity, I was thrilled to speak to Pamela about the motivation behind A Small Good Thing and what she learned in the process of making it.
The Interview
How did you choose the cast for A Small Good Thing? What’s the common thread?
We were looking for individuals who were living in this new century in a better way. We wanted to find people who had made positive changes in their lives through mindful practices, through a closer connection to the natural world, and through a stronger connection to the greater good.
Stephen Cope from Kripalu’s Institute for Extraordinary Living in Lenox, Massachusetts introduced us to Tim Durrin, who was working at Kripalu at the time, and through mindful practices (yoga, meditation, cycling) had been able to deal with his struggles with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and addiction.
I met Yoga and Breathing Instructor Mark Gerow at Canyon Ranch in Lenox and was very impressed with his story of how he used his yoga practice to overcome the personal struggles in his life and to learn how to share his story with others.
We were introduced to Jen and Pete Salinetti from Woven Roots Farm and were fascinated with the fact that they were able to harvest twelve months out of the year in Western Massachusetts, as well as with the amount of food they were producing on a one and a half acre farm.
Also, we learned about Sean Stanton who worked on both his family farm, North Plain Farm, as well as managed Blue Hill Farm for the Barber family. He was also giving back to his community as the Chair of the Selectman Board for the Town of Great Barrington.
Finally, I heard about a woman in Pittsfield MA who was doing amazing community work with young adults who performed all over the state with the Youth Alive Step Team. I met Shirley Edgerton for coffee and found out that she was really guiding young people to a life of purpose.
Why did you choose the Berkshires for the location of this film?
The Berkshires has long been a place that attracted artists, visionaries, and change-seekers who value their creative expression and want to live closer to nature. It’s also one of those communities in the world that supports and encourages people who want to live in a different way. There seems to be less importance put on “keeping up with the Joneses” and more importance on “checking in with the Joneses.”
While we focus on the Berkshires in the film, people who are practicing mindfulness, connecting to the natural world, and engaging in their communities can be found all around the world. Yoga studios, farmers markets, and community gardens and centers can be found all over New York and other urban settings.
We also filmed in the Berkshires because it was closer to home for us. Our production company is located in Winchester, Massachusetts, right outside of Boston.
How long did it take to make this film? And how did making this film influence the happiness in your life?
We begin in 2011 researching the film for over a year focusing on the recent happiness studies and the science behind yoga and meditation. We also did a lot of research on how living in closer connection to the natural world also positively impacted our well-being.
We began shooting in the Berkshires in 2012, and continued for over a year. The first edit, which took another year, was flat and disjointed. In December 2013, I made a decision to close down the production. I did not feel that the edit expressed my original vision.
After four months, I found a new energy to complete the film in a new location with a new editor, T.C. Johnstone.
In the making of this film, we all learned that living an authentic life is not easy. It’s hard to be vulnerable and to make mistakes. But this is the path to living a life that is meaningful and full of purpose. Like Shirley says in the film, “…the true success in life is you finding your purpose and your passion and you living it out.”
How does watching these small stories about individuals transforming their lives help us to transform the world?
Our culture is more invested in comfort than in truth. Our planet is suffering from our consumer-driven way of life. Although we have more connections through the Internet and social networking, we as a society have become more isolated and lonely. We have more material wealth, but we are not happy.
These stories show individuals who are making small changes in their lives that have a big impact in the world. Jen and Pete Salinetti use only environmentally sustainable practices at Woven Roots Farm. Also, Sean Stanton feeds his livestock a natural diet; his cows are grass fed and his pigs and chickens are raised on pasture and eat all certified organic grain.
Farms that use these types of regenerative agricultural practices can turn back the carbon clock, reducing atmospheric CO2 while also boosting soil productivity and increasing resilience to floods and drought. Also, the agronomists tell us now that you can produce more calories per acre on a small farm than a big one.
Studies show that mindful practices such as yoga and meditation relieve our stress: blood pressure goes down, heart rates drop, negative emotions decrease, and positive ones increase. Tim Durrin and Mark Gerow have overcome the struggles in their lives by applying these mindful practices every day. And in doing so, have learned that by exposing their struggles to their community, they feel less isolated and more blessed.
And finally, Shirley Edgerton is guiding her young adults to live a life of purpose. She is teaching them at a young age, “that if you leave yourself open that you move with the universe [and] that’s where you blessings coming in.” This is how we can live in a more engaged way, a way that helps us to develop empathy and compassion.
Why did you make this film? What resources influenced your research?
A few years back, everyone I talked to had the same complaints: People were running so hard to keep up with the pressures of life that they felt overwhelmed, isolated, exhausted, and unhappy. Even though our country had more material wealth, people were depressed.
Given the additional worries about the growing income disparities, climate change, and the vanishing natural world, the question of what makes a good life became important to me. So, I did what I usually do—I read lots of books. These are just some of the books that informed the film:
Earth and Deep Economy by Bill McKibben
Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life by Dacher Keltner
The Empathic Civilization and The Third Industrial Revolution by Jeremy Rifkin
The Wisdom of Yoga and Yoga and the Quest for the True Self by Stephen Cope
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky
Being Happy by Tal Ben-Shahar
Loving Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzburg
Flow and Finding Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
The Art of Happiness by His Holiness the Dalai Lama
The Wisdom of Tuscany by Ferenc Mate
You can learn more about A Small Good Thing here.
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Simplify These Things and You’ll Enjoy Life a Lot More
“I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” ~Lao-Tze
So said Lao-Tze, perhaps one of the greatest teachers humankind has ever had.
When I committed myself to the most important journey of my life (of course I’m talking about the spiritual one), I was focused on gaining patience. I worked hard to free my mind and soul from all clutter and emotional charge.
There was one aspect I kept ignoring: getting rid of the clutter. When one of my closest friends was in my room, she didn’t wait too long before noticing, “You have too much stuff all around.”
What stuff? I had no idea I was living in a mess. I even had a name for it: creative chaos.
You know how everything seems to fall into place at certain periods of time? It was that very same day when I encountered Lao-Tze’s quote. It just popped up on my Facebook feed.
At that moment, I realized I was focusing on gaining patience and compassion, but I was forgetting about a really important part of the journey: simplicity. And I knew my friend was right: you can’t declutter your mind if you don’t simplify your life.
I didn’t limit that change to material possessions; I expanded it beyond that aspect of living. This was part of my journey, and I can’t find the right words to express the relief I felt as soon as I started making my life simpler. Hopefully, my experience will help you make that change, so I decided to share a few steps that will lead you to the bliss of living simply.
Understand what possessions are. Get rid of them!
Do you own too many things? That’s not a real problem if you need them. If, however, you’re collecting a pile of stuff you never use, then you have a real problem.
This was the mindset I adopted: “I own these things. But they also own me!” You’ve probably heard the same advice many times before: don’t allow stuff to possess you.
You need a car? I understand that. But would you go completely crazy over a scratch?
Our material possessions drain our energy because we have to take care of them. As soon as you get rid of the attachment, you’ll discover some true values.
Simplify your work.
If you have too many tasks on your daily schedule and you try hard to achieve them all, you’ll end up in complete chaos by the end of the day. I know. I’ve been there.
Start your day by making a list of five important tasks you have to do. Which one of them has priority? Do it first!
Then, continue working through your list of priorities. If you have space for any minor tasks, you’ll cover them. With time, you’ll realize you’re becoming much more effective in your work, but you’ve also simplified the way you cover daily obligations.
Oh, here’s another thing that complicates your life: multitasking. You can’t check what’s trending on Twitter when you’re in the middle of writing a report. Go through your list of tasks in a really simple way: step by step.
Make your relations more positive and sincere.
If you really want to change your life, you need to think about the people you’re surrounded by. Do they drain your energy?
There’s a friend I really love, but I started getting headaches every time we met. She was going on and on talking about a boyfriend she broke up with years ago. She wasn’t sharing her burden because she needed advice; she was just living in her own past, and she felt the need to go through the same memories every time we talked.
Let’s make it clear: We should never have a problem with people who want to express their emotional pain. When our closest friends need advice, we should listen and try to help them in any possible way.
If, however, it turns into constant complaints about superficial things and unwillingness to accept any help, it won’t work. I realized that instead of transferring my positive energy to her, she was sucking my enthusiasm away, and we both ended up being miserable afterward.
So, I decided to change the course of our relations. Instead of talking to her over the phone, I started inviting her to walks and lunches. I introduced her to a large circle of friends, and I did my best to make our friendship more positive. It worked.
You should definitely offer your shoulder to people who need it. If you have a friend in trouble and you feel really bad about the stuff they are going through, listen to them. Then, try to make things a bit more optimistic. You know, get them out of bed, eat tons of ice cream, watch movies and meet new people.
Declutter your mind.
In other words, learn to meditate. That was the most important lesson I learned in my life. When I started, I had some doubts about the effects meditation can have. But I can’t even describe the difference my teacher made in my life. Within a couple of weeks, after I learned the basics and started to practice daily, I felt a profound sense of calmness and relief.
Meditation can also help you release resentment, hate, jealousy, and other emotions that drain you and complicate your life and your relationships. Negativity is completely natural, but the key is to not let it control you. Meditation helps with this, since it enables you to create space between your thoughts and emotions and your reaction to them.
When you notice negative thoughts emerging while meditating, observe them without attaching to them. Don’t try to suppress them, and don’t allow yourself to get carried away. It’s like watching your thoughts on a TV screen. You don’t influence them in any way, and they eventually pass.
When you declutter the negative thoughts in your mind, you’ll leave space for greatness.
You don’t need to complicate communication.
I’m a writer, so I’m used to communicating in the simplest way possible: through words. However, people somehow find a way to make communication more complex than necessary. We write emails, we follow each other on social media, and we send snaps of our daily existence. Instead of having real conversations, we express ourselves through GIFs and memes.
Here’s what I decided to do: I started calling my friends and meeting them in person more often. I almost forgot how that felt.
The old-school methods are usually simpler but more effective, too. Try not to rely on your Messenger when you have a really important conversation to make, and you’ll see what I mean. Social networking is great, but your social life shouldn’t be limited to it.
Simplify your RSS feeds.
Have you seen the list of pages you currently follow on Facebook? You realize you’re not even interested in what most of them have to offer, right? Why don’t you try getting rid of most of them?
You’ll come back to a cleaner, more interesting feed that doesn’t encourage you to scroll down without paying attention to the posts.
Make sure to get rid of all “news” pages that don’t deliver reliable information. Stick to relevant, reputable sources of information you can trust.
Don’t be a spendthrift.
Before buying something new, ask yourself, “Do I need this? I want it, but do I need it?”
Shopaholism leads to attachment to material possessions. The sole act of buying things we don’t need defies one of the main purposes of the journey to self-awareness: detachment.
Eat simply.
“What should I make for dinner? What dessert should I treat myself with? I like cheesecake, but I ate that yesterday.”
Why do we allow food to bring so much thinking, problem-solving, and questions into our lives? Why can’t we just eat something for the sake of filling our tummies? Actually, we can.
For me, simplifying my eating habits meant eating as much raw food as I could. I started spending less time in the kitchen, and I finally found the time to take swimming lessons. See? I decluttered, and then I filled that space with something meaningful.
Declutter your surroundings.
I always liked Japanese minimalism, but my room was the complete opposite: paper and manuscripts, pens and notebooks all over the place.
After that important visit and advice from my friend, I did a spring cleaning. I bought a nice cabinet, and I organized the papers I needed there. I organized them by color so I can easily find whatever I need.
I can’t even tell you how much stuff I threw away that week (yes, I needed a week to clean that space up). The feeling of accomplishment was priceless.
Simplify your goals.
Is everything on your to-do list achievable? If that’s not the case, you’ll have to get rid of some goals, no matter how hard that is for you.
When you simplify your goals, you’ll find more joy in work because you’ll have greater confidence in yourself. You’ll know that you can complete every task you start.
Limit the consumption of resources.
Our materialistic nature makes us buy more things that consume valuable resources, such as gas, water, and electricity. All those laptops, tablets, smartphones, TVs, dryers, deodorants, diamonds, and cosmetics cost us our planet.
Getting things you don’t need, which you certainly think you need, has a name: consumerism. Such an attitude gets you attached to the things you buy, and you’re constantly finding new gaps to fill and more things to gain. Free your mind from come-and-go desires, always take time before you make your final decision, and be mindful of the planet you are living on!
A Simple Future for Everyone!
We don’t need all the stuff we have. We don’t need to buy more. We don’t need the mess in our heads.
Try making simplicity part of every aspect of your life, and you’ll reach new heights of self-accomplishment.
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Why I’m Broke, Single, and Happier Than Ever (and How You Can Be Happier Too)
“You must make your dream a priority in order for it to become your life.” ~Bob Proctor.
I am sitting in the courtyard of the little place I’ve just moved into, an old washhouse separate from a beautiful big Victorian house, by the coast in Cornwall.
The washhouse is no bigger than a shed; it consists of a living space and a wet room.
I sleep on a day bed, which doubles as my sofa. My neat, compact kitchen is approximately two steps from my bed/sofa, and the wet room houses a shower, toilet, and sink.
I’m thirty-two, and I can’t afford to buy new clothes, I can only sporadically eat out and buy coffee (my two favorite vices), I have to be mindful of how often I fill up my gas tank, and I can’t afford to rent anywhere bigger than a shoebox.
I’m single and I have no money to spare, but I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have been in a long time.
This is far from bragging or undermining the struggle of being broke.
Don’t get me wrong, I hope these things aren’t forever—that one day I can live a life that’s aligned with what makes me happy and make money from it, meet the man of my dreams, and afford to live in a big, beautiful house.
But right now, despite being on my own and poor, being true to myself is making me happier than being with the wrong guy (just so I’m not on my own) or working in the wrong job (just so I can buy things I don’t really need).
To reach this point, it’s taken a fair bit of faffing about the last couple of years—getting into relationships with the wrong guys, taking jobs that I didn’t really want, moving around and trying things out—and I’ve got plenty more to learn. But I have finally committed to not compromising on what feels 100% right.
If you too have decided to commit to a life that is utterly authentic, here are a few suggestions that may help you stay happy and open to possibilities.
Be thankful for what you do have—and actively work toward more.
Being poor isn’t easy, nor is worrying about how you’re going to pay the rent, especially if you have others to look out for. There is no denying this, but focusing on how tough the hard things are isn’t going to help you get out of your situation. In fact, this will only keep you stuck.
What helps us move forward is appreciating what we have and then leveraging that positive energy to actively work toward more.
I remember someone introducing me to the idea of the law of attraction a few years ago, and I thought, Great! That’s easy. Think about something I want and it will show up. Awesome. Then I wondered why, weeks later, Bradley Cooper hadn’t shown up at my door.
How naive (and kind of arrogant) to think that, through magical mind power alone, the law of attraction would deliver what I wanted. There is a real danger in thinking you deserve something and wishing for things to be different, but not actively working for it.
Sitting in a room, fantasizing about something awesome happening, wishing things were different, but not leaving that room to actively pursue those changes is as productive as staring at a spoon, wishing for it to bend.
At the beginning of this year I started to keep a gratitude list for each month. It started with vague list items—the sun shining, a kind word someone said.
But the more I learned how to pay attention—the more I practiced looking for things, inviting in opportunities and connections—the more my lists grew, and the things to be thankful for became more and more significant.
Because I was creating positive energy through my gratitude practice, and putting that positive energy into the world, I was able to get some of my articles and reviews published, I connected with inspirational public figures, and I received invitations to run workshops at festivals.
By recognizing, actively looking for, and creating experiences and opportunities to be thankful, we undoubtedly attract more awesome things into our lives. It’s like a domino effect.
So, despite being poor and single, right now I feel extremely and genuinely lucky for so much, even though it may appear, on the outside, that I have very little.
Be aware of your excuses.
When I was in my last job, I felt like the work I was doing was made up. It had no significance; it made no difference to the world. As soon as that feeling set in, that was it; I couldn’t turn it off.
I could ignore it every now and again and focus on my excuses for why I needed to stay in that job—how would I pay the rent, what would I do, what would it look like on my CV, who would I be letting down if I quit.
But each time the feeling popped up, the strength of my excuses started to dilute, until I had no excuses left… and I quit.
Life really is short and precious. No fear-based excuse under the sun is worth losing a precious day over.
If you’re not happy, change something. If you’re unfulfilled in your job, do something different. If you’re with the wrong person, don’t settle for it. If you’ve always wanted to try, be, or do something else, but it might mean a pay cut or demotion, take the risk.
Your happiness is the most important thing. Being a happy, fulfilled human being means you can contribute so much more to those around you; you can be a better partner, parent, friend, and colleague.
No one can argue that a happy person is better than a stressed out, unhappy, unfulfilled person—in all situations and for all involved, including yourself.
If you’re a parent or have others to care for, this may seem overly simplified. I understand that there are more challenges for those with more responsibilities. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make some changes in your life.
Allowing yourself to be happy doesn’t have to mean being reckless, making drastic, life-altering changes, or living in a shoebox like me. For you, it might mean finally enrolling in a photography course, or asking a friend to babysit for an hour so you can take a dance class.
Whatever your unique situation, don’t let your excuses get in the way of your happiness.
Trust the process.
Right now I have to believe that if I keep moving forward on the path I am creating for myself and stay true to it, it will all work out for the best. It just feels right.
I am sure it won’t turn out as I’d planned or imagined, but I trust that if I keep going, keep letting things organically evolve, keep saying yes to the right things, keep making new connections and inviting in experiences and synchronicities, it will all work out.
No one can predict the future, but if we trust the process, we’ll be better able to stay present and focused, and to take the action steps that will help us create a favorable outcome.
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I decided to strip my life back to make it simple, cheap, and basic in order to create space to pursue my dream. For the first time in my life, sitting here in this pretty, little, simple space, it feels like I am living a life that is wholly authentic—and I can’t wait for what shows up next.
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Declutter & Destress: How to “Live Tiny” in Your Not-Tiny House
“Not what we have but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance.” ~John Petit-Senn
I love the tiny house movement because it embraces simple living and diminishes the spiritual and financial burdens of materialism. However, I don’t really want to trade in the 1,700 square foot house I love for something that’s 200 square feet!
If you’re like me, you may have felt the same pleasure watching shows like Tiny House Nation, but not known how to apply the ideas they present to life in your larger house.
Well, I’ve found you really can “live tiny” in a not-so-literal way, and reap some of those tiny-living benefits in your bigger home!
Step 1: The ruthless pare-down
First of all, no one transitions to tiny living without trimming down the stuff they possess. I decided I didn’t need a living space reduction to inspire me to undertake an extreme pare-down.
I commenced systematically sorting through everything in my seemingly uncluttered and organized home. (Those qualities were really only on the surface.) I didn’t give a pass to spaces that never got assessed because they seemed fine as-is. I went through my house thoroughly, basement, garage, and gardens included—no drawer, cardboard carton, or crawl space was exempt.
A tiny-living-style purge requires something stricter than the usual “have I used it in the last year?” rule applied with frequent exceptions. For example, of course I hadn’t used my high school prom dress in the last year, but it always got spared in pare-downs due to sentimental value. This time I put the dress on, took a picture, and said goodbye to it.
Here’s a tip regarding clothing reduction: You can easily see how often you use items in your closet by turning hangers to point to the front rather than the back when you wear something. If you find a long time goes by with many pieces on unturned hangers, you’ll see what a small sacrifice it would be to donate them to the needy.
Now don’t be fearful as you purge! This process isn’t nearly the challenge tiny living requires. You have the leeway to take into account how your belongings contribute to your individual quality of life.
Most people have glassware or coffee mugs gathering dust, making them perfect candidates for chucking. Me, I kept a few of every kind of bar glass imaginable—because mixology is one of my passions and I actually use them. But I gave away the eighteen duplicate tools we had between our upstairs tool drawer and our basement tool chest—because you don’t need two drills to be a home handywoman.
The key is simple: As you evaluate each item, ask yourself, Can I have an excellent quality of life without this?
Step 2: Don’t buy new when you can enjoy the old
So, you’ve completed your purge and feel a great weight lifted from your soul. Now the task is to keep things that way! Again, look to the example of the tiny house lifestyle.
I used to love finding a way to justify buying something new—don’t we all? Well, tiny house dwellers don’t have room to expand, so they think twice before making new purchases. And if you do that too, here’s what happens: First, you save a ton of money. Second, you keep your possessions level down. And third, you discover just how great the stuff is that you already have!
Do you even fully know what you already have? I thought I did, but no. I found clothes, décor items, hobby supplies, dishes, etc. that I had forgotten completely but saw had real value. So now I use them! Odds are you too have a ton of possessions that could be a joy to rediscover and use, and it costs nothing.
So, maybe the workhorse old mixer you own isn’t as exciting as a new Kitchenaid, but the money you save by living with it could pay for a month of groceries, a weekend getaway, or fifty eBooks. And why not revert yourself to the wise lifestyle of your grandparents? Mend and repair whenever you can!
In those moments when you used to think, “Oh goody, we could use a new one of these!” ask yourself, Can I have an excellent quality of life without replacing this?
Step 3: One in, one out
So maybe you really do need that new item. You can still adopt the “one in, one out” principle employed by tiny homeowners. They literally have no choice but to make room for new items by removing the old, and that’s the way they keep their belongings at a steady level.
You can discipline yourself to do the same, by finding an unnecessary item to “open a berth” for something new. This is something I’ve traditionally done right before the holidays, to make space for incoming gifts. Even better to apply the principle all the time; you’ll never have to do an extreme pare-down again!
When you bring in the new purchase ask yourself, What can I spare to open up the space for this—who might make far better use of that item than I?
Step 4: Maximize your space
Tiny house dwellers have to get absolutely everything they can out of every square foot of space. They find hidden storage under beds and on the ceiling, and they have brilliantly clever furniture that does double duty as couch/bed or dining table/desk, etc.
Take a good look around your house and make sure you are using all the space you own. (You may even find this inspires you to move to a smaller house!) Your purging could free up a closet that could become a modular home office space. A kitchen can double as a crafting room—I have my crafting materials in rolling storage that I can bring into the kitchen, and the table folds out into a larger size for claying or painting.
One excellent way to gain storage space is by reducing your inventory of books. Keep a small library of special volumes to cherish, of course. Then consider collecting eBooks instead, which take up no physical space at all. Love to read books on paper? They are free at your local library! Or take a tip from Tiny Buddha founder Lori: buy used books and sell them back to the store later (one in, one out).
If you’re short on closet space, look to the challenges met by tiny homeowners. Use an old trunk as a coffee table, under-bed boxes for clothing, and shelving added to vertical spaces. You don’t need to move to a larger home in order to have the space to meet your needs.
Ask yourself, in HGTV parlance, How can I Love It rather than List It?
Step 5: Discover the zen in being minimized and organized
Living tiny in your big house isn’t just about reducing expense and consumption. You’ll be amazed at how following tiny house principles enhances your relationship with your belongings.
Here’s a lesson from our cat toys. Previously we had cat toys in two drawers, two baskets, and four closets—they are now purged, mended, and organized. Now it’s easy to put away stray toys, I know where our stock of new ones is, and I’m not tempted to buy more. And better than that: I’m also more inspired to play with the cats!
In other words, I’m more in tune with my home and all who dwell within it. With distractions reduced, I am more mindful of my environment and how I interact with it. Meanwhile, I don’t miss out on what I already own, and get more enjoyment out of my belongings.
For example, I created a meditation corner with objects incorporating the feng shui elements. I found nearly everything I needed among my current stuff (I did treat myself to a Himalayan salt lamp). Not only do I now have this inspiring, Zen space, but things that were previously hidden away now have a purpose.
Every day or so, find something in your house you haven’t engaged with in a while. Ask yourself gratefully, What is it about this that I really love—and how can I enjoy it even more?
No pain, all gain
If you’re like me and find the tiny house movement really inspiring, the reasons why are clear. Tiny is a great way to live! And in a bigger home, applying these ideas to your lifestyle is all upside. You won’t sacrifice necessary items, space, or privacy. All you give up are things like this:
- Not knowing what you own or where it is
- The stress of clutter and crowding
- Not making full use of your stuff and your space
- Unnecessary consumption and expense
And you gain things like this:
- Sharing your abundance by giving away what you don’t need
- Gratitude for and appreciation of your possessions
- More complete utilization of what you already have
- Increased peace and serenity
So join me in discovering the wonderful aspects of tiny living that we bigger home-dwellers can enjoy. Think tiny…and live large and well!
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7 Simple Ways To Make Life Simpler (Even If Your Life Is a Little Crazy)
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius—and a lot of courage—to move in the opposite direction.” ~E.F. Schumacher
I used to live the most complicated life you could imagine.
I tried to be perfect at everything. All the time.
I was constantly proving myself. Trying to climb the corporate ladder while juggling work and family life. I would step into my boss’ shoes whenever she went on leave, no matter how little notice she gave.
I’d extend my hours to ensure I had her work covered, along with my own. That’s right, I’d happily do two jobs at once.
Was I insane?
Looking back, it certainly seemed that way. Whenever anyone would ask how I was, I would answer, “I’m crazy-busy. I can’t stop and talk right now.”
I kept thinking that I just had to work smarter and put in more effort to get over the “hump.” But I never got over the hump.
For a while, I was too busy and overwhelmed to determine how to get out of that mess. I even thought I was having a nervous breakdown, so I went to see my doctor, and she put me on stress leave.
That’s when it hit me—my job was costing my sanity, and my life was too precious for me to be stuck in that vortex.
I had to make some serious changes to make my life simpler, easier, and more enjoyable. Here’s what I figured out.
1. Don’t hide what’s inside.
You might invest a lot of time and energy trying to be the way you “should” be and conforming to all those things that you think people expect of you. If so, you don’t even do it consciously.
But in adhering to what you think other people expect of you, you’re adding a layer of complexity that you don’t need. It’s like you’re trying to be someone else.
Start getting to know who you are and what you value so you can shed the extra layers and live on your own terms.
Life is simpler when you satisfy yourself and meet your own expectations rather than try to satisfy everyone else.
2. Reframe bad situations.
We all have crappy stuff that happens to us. But when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, stop and reframe.
I don’t mean paste a smile on your face and try to convince yourself everything is rosy. That doesn’t work.
But looking for the silver lining, or finding the opportunities behind the challenges, really improves your outlook.
My workplace became a nightmare, and my doctor put me on stress leave because I was a mess. But that’s what gave me the necessary push to rebuild my life.
Even when I was in the middle of the mess and feeling like my life was falling apart, I kept thinking maybe this is an opportunity; maybe this is just what I need to make a change.
3. Use your understandascope.
One of the biggest complexities in life can come from misunderstanding someone else. It can lead to anger, frustration, and damaged relationships.
Instead, actively work on your ability to discover and view someone else’s perspective, or understandascope. Suspend judgment and get curious about the other person’s perspective.
I did this recently with my ten-year-old daughter who was being disagreeable and downright horrid to everyone. I wanted to pull her into line, but I stopped myself.
I got curious about her behavior, hugged her, and asked what was wrong. She explained that everyone loved her sister more than they loved her.
Once I understood her perspective, life became much simpler. Instead of telling her off and upsetting her, I could discuss her feelings and provide reassurance.
4. De-clutter your mind.
Don’t you just hate when your mind gets chaotic?
Like when it races around at 3:00AM going faster and faster and faster. Or when you try to remember all that stuff you’ve got to do, and you think your brain might just burst.
The way to prevent that is to actively practice being calm for a few minutes every day. It de-clutters and slows your mind for a few minutes.
Whether you meditate, practice mindfulness, daydream, or do yoga, the effect is to calm your mind and increase focus. Miraculously, the effects of practicing calm for a few minutes gives clarity and makes life easier all day.
5. Re-evaluate your relationships.
Consciously re-evaluate your relationships, one by one. Ask how the relationship enhances your life, how it serves you, and what you gain from it.
This sounds calculating and manipulative, but it’s not. The healthiest relationships are ones where both parties are giving and receiving what they need in terms of happiness, support, and development.
Whenever I realize that a relationship is not serving me well, I reduce contact with that person. Of course, I don’t do this just because a friend is going through a rough patch and needs support.
I look at the full life of the relationship and establish if it’s healthy and beneficial for both of us. If not, I reduce contact and let the relationship drop away.
6. Reconsider your corporate climb.
Someone once told me that they’d found themselves climbing the corporate ladder, and then he realized it was against the wrong building. In other words, he was moving in the wrong direction.
If you find yourself climbing the corporate ladder and wondering if it’s all worth it, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. Moving up isn’t necessarily bad; just be sure it’s what you truly want.
Will it give you the satisfaction, joy, and life balance you want? Will it fuel your passions and get you leaping out of bed each morning, eager to get to work?
If the answer is not a loud “Hell, yeah!” then it’s worth looking at your options and evaluating what you want from life and how you can get it.
7. Live your best life yet.
Life is limited, but we take the time we have for granted. We get complacent.
People who have a short time to live or have a serious health issue often find immense clarity and drive. They know what’s truly important to them.
Thinking yourself unwell is a fairly challenging mindset to adopt; instead, embrace the idea of making the next six months the best period of your life to date. Use this as a lens to review every decision and establish what’s included in this best period of your life.
What would make the next six months the best of your life? Work out what that would look like, and then set about ensuring those things happen.
It truly is as simple as that.
If It’s To Be, It’s Up To Me
It would be nice if your Fairy Godmother could appear, wave her magic wand, and make your life perfect.
She could wave away complexity, give you the perfect job, and rearrange your life so that it satisfies your every whim.
Want to know why you’ll never actually see your Fairy Godmother?
It’s because she’s inside you.
It’s true. Her wand and her fairy dust are your direction and determination.
They’re your ability to work out what you want and how to get it.
You want to live a simpler life? Then establish what’s important, and eliminate as much of the rest as possible.
It truly is that magically simple.
So, what things are important to you?
Simplify image via Shutterstock
