Tiny Buddha

Tag: resent

  • How to Forgive That Earlier Version of You

    How to Forgive That Earlier Version of You

    “Forgiveness is an action, which your mind can never understand. Your mind’s sole intent is to balance the books. In issues of morality, it only wants to get even. Therefore, practice forgiveness every day if only in trivial matters. This is an excellent way of tempering the mind and empowering the heart.” ~Glenda Green

    Recently, seemingly out of nowhere, I had thoughts about a relationship that ended many years ago. I started to remember some things I had said, emotions I had felt, and things I had done. I cringed.

    What could suddenly make me think of those things now? I pondered it for a few minutes, then put it out of my mind. But when I had those same thoughts a few weeks later, I decided to take a deeper look.

    That deeper look took me back even further to another relationship now decades gone by. And I cringed some more. This time not just because of things I had said or done. This time I winced at the painful experiences I’d endured and the hurtful words others had said.

    Why this unexpected trip down memory lane?

    After much reflection, I concluded that those memories were surfacing now because I was still holding onto that energy somewhere in my body and energetic field. They were coming up now because they were ready to be released.

    For that, forgiveness for myself was required.

    I cringed at those memories because the person I am now, in this present moment, would not have said or done those things. Forgiveness was possible when I realized that the person I was then could not have done any differently.

    Here’s why: Our thoughts and actions are a function not only of our level of awareness but also the sum total of every assumption, belief, and experience we have had up until that moment. That past version of me was at a different level of awareness—one shaped by years of unprocessed abuse, anger, and trauma.

    The years of personal inner work I have done since that time, and the greater awareness that resulted, brought me to this current moment of forgiveness as the next step in my own evolution.

    It’s easy to beat ourselves up when we realize we haven’t completely let something go. I am certainly guilty of this. Many of us have done years of inner work, only to discover that a single issue could have multiple layers yet to clear.

    If we still have an emotional charge around an event or person from our past, we can start by forgiving the fact that we are still emotionally triggered by it.

    We can forgive ourselves for the role we played in that unhealthy dynamic. Then we can forgive that partner for the hurtful and destructive thoughts, words, and actions that occurred.

    Forgiveness does not mean condoning the actions of another. It also doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or putting a superficial coat of positivity on that person or situation.

    Instead, forgiveness is about accepting whatever happened and reclaiming peace for ourselves.

    Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. We can forgive ourselves for not knowing better at the time. We can forgive ourselves for having carried the mental and emotional burden for so long.

    Those things, however unpleasant, happened for a reason. We gained valuable wisdom by having had those experiences. They shaped us as the people we are now.

    So, how do we forgive?

    Simply telling ourselves, “I forgive you” as a thought is often not enough. We need to believe that we deserve forgiveness and then feel that forgiveness, anchoring it in our body. The more senses we involve in this process, the better.

    Here’s a six-step process to release the stuck energy around forgiveness. For best results, go to a peaceful place in nature where you can take a walk.

    Step #1: Visualize the person or event as an energy you’ve been holding in the pit of your stomach. It is a hard, dense energy.

    Step #2: Begin your leisurely walk. As you walk, tune into this dense energy in your gut that represents that person or event that is calling for forgiveness. Feel it.

    Step #3: Now visualize the peaceful, vibrant, and loving energy coming from the natural world all around you—the sun, the wind, the trees, plants, and flowers. Breathe that energy into your body and feel it fill your lungs and nourish every cell. With a few more deep breaths, imagine that the healing energy from nature has filled your heart space as well.

    Step #4: Next, direct that loving, peaceful energy from your heart down into your belly. You can place a hand on your stomach to assist with this process. Visualize the loving energy from your heart and hand softening and breaking up those hard energies housed in your belly.

    Step #5: After a few minutes, as you continue walking, imagine that each step you take loosens the dense energy even more, allowing it to slowly move down from your belly and into your legs with each step. Continue walking until you sense that those particles of dense energy are completely out of your belly and are now at the bottom of your feet, ready to be released.

    Step #6: Find a place in nature to stop and remove your shoes. Place your bare feet on grass, soil, or sand. With your feet on the earth, visualize sending that energy from the bottom of your feet down into the earth, where it is instantly neutralized and composted. Give gratitude to the earth and to your body for assisting in this forgiveness and release process.

    This forgiveness practice is equally powerful—and important—when it is directed at yourself. Rather than bringing to mind a specific event or person from your past, you can visualize the person you once were, starting with ten years ago.

    Recall how you lived your life back then, including how you thought about yourself, about the people around you, and about the world at large. Notice what has changed from who you were then to who you are now.

    Forgive that earlier version of you. You did the best you could given your circumstances and level of awareness at the time.

    Visualize the energy of that former you moving down your body and out the bottom of your feet. Let nature take it for composting.

    Now breathe in more peaceful, healing energy from nature. Let it fill your lungs, your heart, and your belly.

    To conclude the practice, look around you with fresh eyes. Take in your surroundings as if for the first time. Feel appreciation for the stronger, wiser person you are now.

  • Breaking Free from Resentment: My Journey to Finding Peace

    Breaking Free from Resentment: My Journey to Finding Peace

    “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~Saint Augustine

    For years, I was unknowingly poisoning myself in nearly every relationship—whether romantic, work-related, or friendships. It always followed the same pattern: I’d form a deep attachment, throw myself into the relationship, and give endlessly, hoping that if I gave enough, they’d appreciate and value me.

    But instead, it felt like they just took and took, leaving me secretly seething with anger and frustration while I smiled on the outside.

    I was doing all the running—couldn’t they see that? Couldn’t they see how hard I was trying? Over time, the exhaustion would set in. Eventually, I’d burn out from the one-sided effort and just give up, walking away hurt and angry, convinced they had wronged me.

    Each time, I added another person to my mental list of people I couldn’t trust. With each disappointment, I trusted fewer and fewer people.

    To protect myself, I started putting up walls, convincing myself I didn’t need anyone. I told myself I was fine on my own. I’d always be the first to step in and help family or friends, but I wouldn’t allow them to help me. I refused to be vulnerable because, to me, vulnerability meant risking rejection. I believed I could do it all on my own—or at least that’s what I told myself.

    When COVID hit, isolation wasn’t a choice anymore—it was forced upon me. Suddenly, I was alone, with no one to turn to because I had pushed everyone away. That’s when I realized just how much resentment had poisoned my life.

    Fed up with the weight it placed on my life, I decided to confront it head-on. I let myself fully feel the resentment, allowing it to wash over me like a wave. It wasn’t easy—leaning into those emotions was painful, raw, and uncomfortable.

    But in that moment, I realized I wasn’t just angry with a few people—I was carrying resentment for almost everyone in my life, even my own mother! The bitterness had been poisoning me for years, and it became clear that it wasn’t just affecting my relationships—it was poisoning my peace.

    That’s when I made the decision to stop drinking the poison. I realized that I had been giving so much power to other people—power over my emotions, my happiness, and even my health. But I didn’t have to. I didn’t need to wait for anyone to apologize or change; I was responsible for my own healing, and I wasn’t going to let others’ actions control my life anymore.

    Self-Realization: The First Step to Letting Go

    Self-realization was the first, and perhaps most difficult, step in battling my resentment. For the first time in my life, I stopped running from the pain and leaned into it instead.

    I started using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to peel back the layers of emotions I had been burying for years. Through tapping on specific points, I was able to release trapped feelings and bring clarity to the surface. Each tapping session was like lifting a weight off my chest, but it was also incredibly uncomfortable.

    I had to confront memories I had long avoided and acknowledge the emotions I had hidden from for so long.

    What shocked me the most was realizing that I had never given anyone a chance to correct the wrongs I thought they had done. I assumed people knew I was upset, and when they didn’t magically pick up on it, I silently resented them.

    Saying that now, it sounds so ridiculous—how could I have expected people to read my mind? Yet for years, that’s exactly what I did.

    So, I began reframing the narrative. Instead of focusing on how others had let me down, I asked myself: What could I have done differently in those situations? How could I have influenced a different outcome?

    The more I reflected, the more I realized that I had the power to change the dynamics of my relationships. It was a breakthrough—I didn’t need to wait for someone to change or apologize. I had the power to heal myself.

    Testing My New Mindset

    Soon after this realization, I had an opportunity to test my new mindset. I had invited my mum and sister on a weekend getaway, something that meant a lot to me.

    A few weeks before the trip, they both backed out. The old me would have smiled and said, “No problem, that’s fine,” while secretly adding their names to my mental list of people who had wronged me.

    But this time, I did something different. I spoke up. I calmly explained how much it hurt that they were canceling on something so important to me.

    To my surprise, neither my mum nor my sister had any idea their actions would hurt me. They explained that, because I had always been so independent, they didn’t realize how much this trip meant to me.

    For the first time, we had a genuine, open conversation about our feelings, and it actually brought us closer.

    Instead of silently seething and letting resentment build, I communicated honestly, and the outcome was liberating.

    I realized that so much of the pain I had carried in the past could have been avoided if I had just voiced my feelings. That conversation was a powerful reminder that I have the power to shape my relationships, and that sometimes people just don’t know how we feel unless we tell them.

    Moving Forward: Letting Go and Staying Free

    After learning to let go of years of resentment, I realized that staying free required new habits. I needed to guard against falling back into old patterns, so I came up with a few strategies to help.

    First, I ask myself three key questions:

    1. Is this really worth my peace?

    2. Did they intend to hurt me, or could there be another explanation?

    3. What can I do differently in this situation?

    These questions help me pause, reflect, and reframe my thoughts before resentment has a chance to take root. I no longer jump to conclusions or internalize every slight.

    And then there’s my secret weapon—whenever I feel those old feelings of resentment bubbling up, I silently sing the Disney song “Let It Go” to myself!

    I know it sounds silly, but it’s incredibly effective. The moment I start humming that tune, it interrupts my spiraling thoughts and stops me from obsessing over whatever hurt I’m feeling.

    By the time I’ve finished the song in my head, the urge to hold onto those negative feelings has usually passed, and I can move forward with a clearer mind.

    It’s a lighthearted strategy, but for me, it’s a reminder that I have a choice. I can cling to the bitterness, or I can, quite literally, let it go.

    Letting go isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. The next time you feel resentment creeping in, remember, forgiveness isn’t for them; it’s for you. It’s time to free yourself from the weight of carrying that poison.

  • How Resentment Affects Your Health and How to Forgive

    How Resentment Affects Your Health and How to Forgive

    “If one by one we counted people out for the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long to get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.” ~Robert Frost 

    There are two things that may come to mind when you think about forgiveness.

    The many spiritual healers and gurus that talk about its importance, including but not limited to Buddha quotes.

    And the person you think you will never forgive.

    Forgiveness has a largely religious or spiritual connotation.

    In Buddhist teachings, grudges are likened to holding onto hot coal, in that it only ends up burning you. In Hinduism, the Vedas associate holding grudges with carrying a bag of negative memories and feelings, leading to anger and unresolved emotions that affect the present and the future. In Christianity, mercy is only shown to those who practice forgiveness when others have sinned against them.

    What’s least likely to come to mind, ironically, is the condition of your actual brain when faced with the conundrum of forgiving.

    Only recently has the scientific community begun studying the effects of forgiveness from a neurological standpoint.

    A plethora of studies have found links between the daily practice of forgiveness and improved psychological and physical health.

    Apart from lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and overall stress, the act of forgiveness has also been scientifically proven to improve sleep and reduce fatigue.

    Rarely has a subject garnered nods of agreement from both the scientific and religious community together. The results of these studies, along with several others, dovetail perfectly into what many spiritual leaders and religious teachings have concluded about forgiveness.

    Psychologist Charlotte Witvliet conducted one such study, asking her patients to recall an old grudge.

    She found that when they did so, it not only affected them mentally, but the bitterness manifested physically as well. Their blood pressure and heart rate increased, leading to increase in anxiety. Ruminating about over a past betrayal was stressful, uncomfortable, and anxiety-inducing.

    The only way out, says says Dr. Frederic Luskin, cofounder of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, is through forgiveness.

    Your brain has a happiness gauge called the nucleus accumbens. Throughout your life, your happiness meter might bounce back and forth on a scale of one to ten—ten being most happy.

    As you go about your daily routine (breakfast, work, social activities), the nucleus accumbens sends messages to the amygdala—the pleasure center of the brain—to stimulate it when something pleasant happens (e.g.: a good meal) or negatively stimulate it when something unpleasant happens (from minor infractions and small disagreements to larger fights and nasty altercations).

    As humans, we have two options in how we choose to respond to negative interactions and experiences.

    We can either ruminate in our misery over the boss that fired us or the roommate that betrayed our trust or choose to let it go.

    It’s natural for us to ruminate. It’s what comes most easily to us. What we don’t realize is that when we choose to ruminate, the mere name or any hint of the offence can cause a reaction in our nervous system. The amygdala gets activated in 27th of a second, releasing cortisol, the stress hormone. The same reaction that you would have if you were being chased by a wild animal.

    Those hormones stay in your system for a few hours, until they are metabolized out. Frequent activation of these pain sensors reduces serotonin levels and can even cause depression.

    On the other hand, letting go of the emotion, or forgiving, deflates the power of the situation and releases dopamine in the brain.

    For a while, I was one of the few who couldn’t experience a positive impact from practicing forgiveness.

    Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t able to let go of a deep betrayal by a close friend and roommate who had caused traumatic events in my life through derogatory rumors, lies, and homophobic comments.

    When faced with the past, I practiced what Dr. Luskin describes as “decisional forgiveness.” I consciously forgave my offender without releasing the emotion attached the event.

    For years, I told myself that I had let go of those memories, but I never let go of the sting attached to them. This led to a temporary reduction in hostility. It was only much later that I realized I was living my present life through the lens of the past, filling in reality with incidents from my betrayal.

    If left unchecked, those frequent recollections of our betrayal/past pain can cause the incident to form a part of our identity.

    Instead, what Dr Luskin suggests is to “emotionally forgive.” This would require one to release the bitterness, shedding their perception of the offence and leaving it in the past.

    In most cases, it is only emotional forgiveness that creates long lasting change in one’s personal life and mental health.

    Emotional forgiveness, for many, is laborious, mainly due to the unrelenting desire to hold the offender accountable for what they’ve done. We’re hardwired to seek vengeance, or justice, misunderstanding it to be the only thing to bring us peace.

    Forgiving garners the narrative that the person “got away with the crime.”

    The real crime, however, is the fact that the resentment lives on in you, for months or years, festering in your psyche. The proverbial poison that you drink and expect your offender to die.

    Assessing your damage and releasing your long-held grudges has nothing to do with your offender, and therefore doesn’t require you to reconcile with them. Real forgiveness doesn’t require two people. It only requires you to take your attention off your offender, quite simply because energy flows where attention goes.

    Emotional forgiveness requires three steps.

    Grieve

    This happens when we openly recognize the hurt that we’re feeling. Reflect instead of reacting. Learn from the experience instead of writing it off through blame. It sometimes takes months to simply bring one’s attention to the ‘grief elephant’ in the room.

    Empathize

    An integral part of emotional forgiveness, as hard as it might be, is to cultivate empathy or compassion for the offender. I am reminded, most often, of the phrase, “hurt people, hurt people” It’s almost circular in nature, it denotes a balance. It brings me comfort to know we’re all in this eternal cycle of passing down our personal pains to another.

    The only way to break that cycle is something that our ego strongly resists. Empathy. Putting yourself in the perpetrator’s shoes, asking why they could have done what they did can help. This doesn’t justify their actions; instead ,it satisfies the mind’s need to understand. As Neale Donald Walsh writes, “In the mind of the master, understanding replaces forgiveness.”

    When you understand, you realize everyone, despite their best efforts, is a slave to their conditioned past.

    When you understand, you realize a person’s actions are hardly their own and they reacted the best way their ego knew how.

    When you understand, you realize the number of times you might have reacted the best way your ego knows how.

    Let go

    The final act requires you to release the attachment from your story, keeping the memory and the lessons of the incident without the negative emotion that comes with the memory.

    This can be hard because memories are always better conjured up when you remember how they felt.

    In letting the negative emotion go, you might be able to see the incident from an outside perspective; a picture without the fogginess of emotion provides more clarity. You might find that viewing a memory without the bitter emotions attached to it leads you to insight and wisdom.

    Letting go enables one to bow to the past without being bound to it. Next time you’re faced with forgiveness, you don’t think of the person that hurt you; instead, you think about yourself.

    When neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had a stroke at thirty-seven, she was tasked with rewiring her entire brain from scratch, including re-learning how to read and write. Despite this, she felt happier after the stroke because she says, “I couldn’t remember who I was supposed to be mad at.”

  • How Empaths Can Stop Sacrificing Their Needs for Other People

    How Empaths Can Stop Sacrificing Their Needs for Other People

    “Sometimes you don’t realize you’re actually drowning when you’re trying to be everyone else’s anchor.” ~Unknown

    Have you ever felt trapped?

    No, actually, have you ever felt absolutely paralyzed? Like you’re fearful of making any choices at all? It feels like any step you take could end in utter catastrophe.

    Five years ago, that was me.

    I was living in a small, run-down house in Peru, in a city that I didn’t want to be in, far away from family and friends, and I was in a relationship that wasn’t working.

    At the time I worried that any decision I made would determine not only my fate, but also my ex-partner’s fate, and that of our housemates, who happened to be family members.

    My monkey mind was telling me that if I left, it would mean everyone would have to go back to their respective cities and it would be the end of the house, a business, and the world (they did and it wasn’t).

    As an empath, I lived on the assumption that it was important for me to make sure everyone else was okay. I let myself get trapped in a thick forest of stories about other people’s emotions and well-being.

    It was torture, and ultimately, at the end of the day, I was wrong. There was no way I could know the future. I needed to do what I believed was best for me. My obsessive man-management was not my job to take on. On some level, I was simply trying to be the hero.

    My intentions, for the most part, came from the right place. But I had taken on a role that wasn’t mine in the first place, and truthfully the perceived burden made me frustrated, resentful, and all in all, a less enjoyable person to be around.

    If you are an empath and you’ve found yourself stuck in a situation where you are sacrificing your needs and mental health for other people, then it’s time to stop doing so. When you are free from the weight of trying to save others from potential pain and discomfort you will have the energy to be present for them.

    Here are five ways that you can stop sacrificing your needs for other people.

    1. Recognize that you don’t know what’s going on in their head.

    A lot of the time when we try to help others, we paint detailed images in our mind about the past, present, and future. This may include what they’re thinking, what they once thought, what they’re feeling, how they once felt, how they acted in the past, and how they will act in the future. The problem with all of these mental images is, we can never truly know!

    I thought, for example, that if I left the situation, my roommate was going to be mad at me. When I finally left so did he, and in reality he was very happy to move on. My imaginary story about how he would act was completely off the mark.

    2. See where it’s making you secretly resent people.

    Try and notice when you are starting to resent people because of your obsession with helping them. If you feel agitated, frustrated, or annoyed by the burden of managing their feelings and needs, this is usually a clear indication that you, as an empath, need to take a step back.

    When we build these ideas and storylines about the way things are, they inevitably clash with reality. Why? Because the map is not the territory.

    If we can be mature enough to drop our attachment to stories about ourselves and others, then our frustrations over how a situation is playing out can be seen for what they are—just ideas.

    My feeling of being trapped was entirely self-imposed, but when I was smack bang in the middle of it, the story was that it was everyone else’s fault—as if they were reaching inside my mind and making me prioritize (what I perceived to be) their best interests over my own.

    3. In the case of an emergency, put on your own safety mask first.

    You can’t help anyone if you can’t help yourself. When you notice that your health is starting to suffer as a result of your attempt to help other people, you need to take some guilt-free time for yourself. When your batteries are recharged, then maybe you can try and lend a helping hand again, but until then, focus on self-care. You have a limited amount of energy; use it wisely.

    4. Realize that it’s not your job.

    Empathetic people tend to look around at the difficulties in the world and think, “If I don’t help them, who will?” I know I’ve done this, time and time again.

    We do this because we project our feelings onto someone else’s situation, making it seem worse than it is. We think, “If I were in their shoes, I’d feel…” But they’re not us, and we can’t possibly know what they feel and what they need unless they tell us. And even then, we’re not responsible for managing their feelings or meeting their needs.

    It’s hard to realize, but it’s not your job to save the world, and oftentimes people don’t actually need saving.

    I thought that my leaving the relationship would ruin everyone’s life, but truthfully I was only fearful that it would ruin mine. My ideas about the world made me see everyone else as vulnerable, but they were going to be just fine.

    5. Trust other people to solve their own problems.

    At times throughout my life, I have had an unnecessary need to control situations. When I was in a fearful mind-state, this habit tended to amplify.

    We don’t realize that we can control a lot less than we think, and that’s okay. You can never control what another person does, or thinks, or how their life ends up. To do so will only make you tired, and them frustrated. Give them some space to breathe and let them take the wheel. Trust that they can handle themselves. Things will work themselves out.

    Since I left that situation I’ve learned that it’s not my job to be the hero. Most of my attempts at controlling other people, and trying to make sure they don’t suffer, have stemmed from my fears. People tend to be stronger than we think, and our mental projections about the world are always less reliable than we take them to be.

    Remember, in the case of an emergency, put your own safety mask on first.

    Have you ever felt that as an empath your mental health has suffered?

  • 40 Ways to Let Go of Anger Right Now

    40 Ways to Let Go of Anger Right Now

    “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

    Anger is merciless.

    It leaves you feeling torn up inside.

    Your head pounds. Your jaw locks. And your muscles scream. Every inch reels in pain with the electric shock that shoots through you.

    You can’t eat, or sleep, or function like a rational human being.

    You’ve good reason to be afraid of unleashing that screaming monster of rage lurking inside you. You’ll likely lose control, lash out, and retaliate.

    Even though you have been wronged, you’ll end up feeling guilty, ashamed, even horrified by your reaction. That’s one more regret your peace of mind wouldn’t stand.

    But sometimes the person you’re enraged with is yourself. That’s a doubly painful blow of anger and self-disgust.

    Being angry is exhausting . . . and yet you’ve found the energy to keep it alive for months, even years.

    I have too. Oh sure.

    I devoted the first half of my life to being angry, silently seething, and ever resentful. I’d periodically explode in rage and then be consumed with shame for losing control and screaming words I could never retract.

    I lived on nerves that felt like they were constantly fried with 40,000 volts. That was a hideous way to be.

    And for the longest time, that burning fury that raged inside me seemed totally justified. All that bitter resentment, well, “what else should I feel?” my thoughts screamed. No chance to be a kid, no carefree years, blissfully unaware of some of the bad things that could happen in life. They were right there, every day. They stole my childhood.

    Growing up in an unpredictable, unhappy environment was the pits. I hated it, hated not being able to escape, and hated everyone involved because they were old enough to know better. They denied me my childhood.

    My anger was borne out of having had no control of those events; my resentment grew out of a sense of loss. Oh boy, bitterness is so corrosive.

    All that anger, all that resentment had to go for me to have any chance of happiness.

    So with a newfound rationality, I learned to listen to my angry thoughts. I heard the pain and sadness wrapped in every one. I recognized the self-harm my anger was inflicting. I realized I’d been the one keeping alive those events and people that had hurt me, and I alone had the power to decide their time was over.

    And that feels incredible.

    I very much want that for you too. To be free. To let go of all that resentment, anger, and rage.

    How? With one small anger-conquering action at a time.

    40 Ways to Let Go of Anger

    1. Look at your rulebook.

    If you never explained your rules to the person who angered you, how can you be upset that they broke them? Maybe their rules are different.

    2. Use aromatherapy to create a calm environment.

    Candles and diffusers alleviate stress and anxiety. Or try a couple of calming drops of essential lavender oil on your pillow.

    3. Buy a recordable alarm clock.

    Wake up to a soothing self-recorded message. Alternatively, use an app.

    4. Recognize that others say and do harsh things out of jealousy.

    Change your anger to compassion because they are obviously struggling with their own negative emotions.

    5. Personalize a keep-calm mug.

    Choose some anger-defeating text for your mug. Use it at work or home.

    6. Let your anger fizzle out with a bath-bomb.

    Relax in a warm bath as you watch the bath-bomb and your anger fizzle away.

    7. Quiet your anger.

    If you’re likely to fall into a rage when speaking up, say nothing at all. “Silence is sometimes the best answer.” ~Dalai Lama

    8. Visualize your anger as a drop of water.

    Close your eyes and see your mind as a crystal-blue ocean of calm. See your anger as a single drop of water falling into your calm ocean, barely causing a ripple before being absorbed.

    9. Create a universe of peace in your bedroom.

    Make a night sky with luminous stars and planets. Lie on your bed with the lights off, and pick a star to project your anger onto. Now re-focus to see the whole galaxy with your anger as a tiny dot among a universe of peace.

    10. Put your anger to bed.

    Anxiety and irritability are instigated by lack of sleep. More sleep can be as effective as conscious meditation. “Sleep is the best meditation.” ~Dalai Lama

    11. Take responsibility for your anger.

    Someone can influence your anger response, but only you control it.

    12. See your anger as a boiling kettle.

    Flick the switch to off as if you were turning off your anger. Let your temper cool down like the kettle.

    13. Look at who you’ve become.

    See how letting go will allow you to be true to yourself and finally at peace.

    14. Paint an angry mouth on an hourglass egg timer.

    Now paint a happy mouth on the other half. Turn your angry mouth upside down and watch the happy mouth fill.

    15. Understand that you are only hurting yourself.

    “Holding onto anger is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ~Unknown

    16. Recognize their inner angst.

    This is the real reason they acted like they did. Heal your anger by setting out to help them feel better about themselves.

    17. Blow up a dozen balloons.

    Write an angry thought on each one and step on them until they pop, leaving only the shredded remnants of your deflated anger.

    18. See your anger as a runaway horse.

    Imagine it trying to break out of your “mind paddock.” Rein it in.

    19. Use wise words to halt angry words.

    In confrontational situations, remember: “Speak in anger and you will have made the best speech you will regret.” ~Dr. Laurence J. Peter

    20. Wear a calming color.

    Avoid confrontational colors like red and black. Instead wear calming blue or soothing green.

    21. Have a calming message engraved on a ring.

    Avoid anger by playing with your ring and thinking of those soothing words.

    22. Use a mirror for self-reflection.

    Look in the mirror and let your anger out. “The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown

    23. Shred a physical representation of your anger.

    Take those hurtful letters, print off those emails, or write out your angry thoughts. Push the pages through a shredder, and reduce your anger to tatters.

    24. Record yourself describing your anger.

    Capture your angry thoughts on your phone or computer. Listen back to this as if it were a good friend telling you theirs. Offer yourself the empathetic advice you would give a friend.

    25. Repeat a happy mantra.

    Regain control of your emotions by repeating, “I’m a happy person who does not see the benefit of staying angry.”

    26. Choose a positive, healthy outlet.

    Use feel-good endorphins to dispel anger by going for a run or singing loudly and dancing energetically.

    27. Express your anger to a friend.

    A supportive environment can be hugely beneficial in getting your emotions out safely.

    28. Use a self-hypnosis video.

    Hypnosis can help you get your anger under control. Alternatively, try a registered hypnotherapist.

    29. Shift your perspective.

    If you cannot change the events that have made you angry, change your perspective for the sake of your peace of mind.

    30. Take a soothing shower.

    Wash away your anger with calming ylang ylang or chamomile shower gel.

    31. Personify your anger.

    Imagine it as a fiery-tempered troll in your path. Push it away.

    32. Remind yourself that you have a choice.

    “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” ~Viktor E. Frankl. Decide that your response will not be anger.

    33. Keep this quote on you at all times:

    “He who angers you, conquers you.” ~Elizabeth Kenny. Repeat it to yourself when you feel anger rising, or pull it out and read if possible.

    34. Take a step back.

    In a confrontational situation, physically take a step back.

    35. Be honest with yourself.

    What are you achieving by holding on to anger? Is it a case of injured pride that you would really love to swap for forgiveness?

    36. Picture angry thoughts as bitter, poisonous seeds.

    Stop these from taking root in your mind. Instead, raise a happy, forgiving “mind garden” by populating your thoughts with anger-defeating quotes.

     37. Plant a garden of compassion.

    Take the idea above a step further with a flower border or window box. For your own well-being, plant a flower for anyone who has angered you to signify your wish to forgive them.

    38. Weed out your anger.

    When you tend your Garden of Compassion, picture each weed you root out as further uprooting your anger.

    39. Seek help to defeat your anger.

    If you feel stuck in a cycle of resentment and anger, consider taking a course.

    40. Laugh at your anger.

    “People are too serious. All the time, too serious.” ~Dalai Lama. Anger is sometimes just injured self-pride. It’s not easy, but try not taking yourself so seriously.

    Beat Your Inner Anger Monster for Good

    Being angry has stolen your happiness for too long.

    It’s eaten you up from the inside and shattered your peace of mind.

    It’s even affected your health.

    But worse still, it’s allowed the person or events that caused your anger to have power over you.

    Just imagine getting through a whole day without losing your temper.

    Imagine that seething resentment disappearing, leaving you feeling liberated of all those toxic thoughts.

    Imagine being able to react with forgiveness instead of rage and being able to respond by letting go rather than clinging on to old hurts and wrongs.

    By taking small, simple actions, you can take great leaps in beating your anger monster for good.

    Try to be open-minded in letting these ideas speak to you. Pick the ones that shout loudest.

    Put yourself back in charge of your emotions, your life, and your happiness.

    Happy woman image via Shutterstock

  • 4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier

    4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier

    “Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” ~Buddha

    Life is short. Time spent feeling angry or resentful about things that happened or didn’t happen is time squandered.

    What’s that? You think those feelings motivate you and help you get things done? Hogwash! If you’re honest with yourself, you realize getting things done isn’t the end goal. The goal is to feel fulfilled and happy.

    Accomplishments fueled by resentment and anger seldom contribute to serenity and fulfillment. More importantly, the moments you spent crossing things off your to-do list with a scowl slip away without giving you anything positive. They’re gone; never to return.

    Resentment is like a cancer that eats away at time—time which could have been filled with love and joy.

    Here are four powerful tips to reduce resentments and live a happier life. (more…)